Chapter One: Who says Tenten is useless?
It had been raining on them for days but finally the sun came out and dried them off. Tenten was happier being warm and it had been a nuisance walking such a long distance home. Being with three other men was often a hassle too. Multiple times she had felt like an outcast with this group. Gai had often given her encouragement but she always took his comments with a grain of salt.
Lee and Gai often got into passionate arguments about the will of fire and the power of youth, but most of the time the arguments turned into passionate agreement. Like two people talking about their favorite movie.
But no one had passionate 'arguments' with Tenten. So many times she had been left out of the conversation. Her teammates understood what she was there for. She was a weapons expert. No more, and no less.
Lee and Gai were on a particular conversation that interested her. Lee brought up the topic of being useful to a team. Tenten wasn't about to speak up because she had known for a long time that she wasn't the most integral part of the group. All of them were masters of close combat. Tenten was supposed to be mastering the art of ranged combat. She knew, though, that she hadn't been able to help as much as she wanted to. She would be nothing without her teammates.
She wondered whether or not they were true friends as well.
They spent so much time together that they ought to be.
"Don't look so glum Tenten." Neji said.
Tenten tried to brighten up.
"They're just jabbering on again about nothing." Neji said.
"Oh, I know, it's okay. I just had some things on my mind." Tenten said.
"You always do Tenten." Neji said. "What is it this time?"
"About you guys." Tenten said. "I wish I could be of more use sometimes."
"Ah," Neji said. "We all understand. It isn't your time yet. You have a completely different training regiment than we have."
"I know, but…" Tenten said.
"Don't worry if you aren't useful right now. Just because you aren't as useful as me or Lee, doesn't mean we don't appreciate you backing us up."
"Okay." Tenten said, hiding her emotions. She couldn't tell Neji that she hated what her place was on the team. She wanted to be of use. She didn't want people to think she was useless. Gai Sensei heard the conversation between Neji and Tenten and listened in while they walked.
"Tenten, let's be out and done with it. I see you like this all the time, deep in thought. You're wondering something. Maybe you're wondering if you really matter to the team. Don't worry about that. Being useful in battle in your case has little to do with anything. You, someday, will have greater power than most any ninja – I'm sure of it." Neji said.
"And when that time comes," Neji said. "We will be proud."
But, she thought, until then they would look at her as a dead weight. Neji couldn't have known how much Tenten was affected by his words. She had grown up with him making sure that he didn't know precisely what she was feeling. Neji had been friendlier after his fight with Naruto in the exams, but no less of a snob. He was still a jerk.
"Neji, be careful of what you say. We already appreciate you as a teammate Tenten, you have your strengths just like the rest of us. You may not think of it this way, but you have saved us many times." Said Gai Sensei.
"Thank you Sensei." Tenten said.
"I don't agree." Neji said. "On a level of skill and power, she doesn't contend with either of us."
"Neji," Gai said. "I don't want to have to say this again. We are equal team members. That's all I want to hear about it."
"Yes sensei." Neji obeyed.
They were finally home. Tenten wanted so badly just to go to sleep. She wondered if there were any new books to read from the bookstore. Ramen sounded good to her.
Tenten walked to the ramen place that Naruto would frequent. She wasn't a fan of ramen like Naruto was, but she sure found his taste in ramen to be fabulous. It seemed like he had taken great pains to find the very best ramen place in the village. She thought it would even be like Naruto to inspire the chefs to make better ramen. Naruto was that type. Tenten often found herself wondering what it was like to be around him. What scared her was a matter of self esteem. She thought Naruto might not acknowledge her because of her low skill level. And, he was kind of into Sakura anyway, so she might not even be able to get a flirt out of him.
She sat down to eat and noticed Naruto was already there slurping away at Noodles.
"Hey Tenten!" Naruto said. Tenten was a little shocked. She hadn't assumed he even knew she existed. She blushed.
"Hi Naruto." She said.
She went over to another table across the way. When she sat down she looked around and no one else was there except Naruto. The chef came over to take her order. The chef smiled at her.
"Look over there at Naruto." The chef said quietly. "He was so happy eating by himself, and now you've come in and he's hunched over depressed – playing with his food."
"Oh…" Tenten said. "Should I?"
"Do whatever you want, but I'm sure he'd be glad that a pretty girl like you would sit and talk with him." The chef said.
"I didn't even… I wasn't even thinking about it." Tenten said.
"What'll ya have?" The chef said.
"I don't know yet." Tenten smiled.
She walked over to the bar seats where Naruto sat.
"Do you mind if I sit with you?" Tenten said. Naruto brightened up instantly.
"Sure! What are you having? I sure like this place. Do you?" Naruto said.
"I do like the ramen here. You sure picked out the best place for ramen." Tenten said. "I actually only know about this place because of you."
"Hmmm… I can't remember talking about it. But I know this is the best place around! They work very hard to make their recipe the best!" Naruto said.
Tenten thought Nartuo was cute the way he talked. But she thought he wouldn't know one way or another if she was flirting with him.
"Tenten, I've heard you haven't been feeling so well." Naruto said, with a more serious tone.
"What? Where have you heard that?" Tenten said.
"I know about what Neji has been saying. And I think no one should talk about another teammate like that." Naruto said.
"Why are people talking about this? I'm fine Naruto." Tenten said.
"I don't know about what's going on, but I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to cheer you up." Naruto said.
"No, really I'm fine." Tenten said.
"Okay." Naruto said. "Then, anyway, what are you having?"
"What do you think is good?" Tenten smiled.
"Ahh," Naruto said rubbing his hands together. "Get this!"
Tenten and Naruto ate together peacefully. They bowed to each other at the end and Naruto seemed to beam with confidence afterwards. Tenten was glad to finally get to talk to him.
"Naruto, I'm curious, where did you hear these things from?"
"I was sent… I mean… I'm… Not supposed to tell. Hmm…" Naruto said.
"Ah, Naruto, come on." Tenten said.
"No Shikamaru said not to… wait… no Shikamaru didn't tell me! I didn't say that!" Naruto said.
"Shikamaru told you to talk to me?" Tenten said.
"Ah… yes but please don't tell him I told you. I think he likes you, so I would get in trouble." Naruto said.
"Shikamaru likes me!?" Tenten said.
"Ahh dangit!" Naruto said.
Naruto sat defeated and worried he had said too much and Tenten left curious about Shikamaru. There wasn't a lot of chance that Shikamaru knew her at all either. Though, it was flattering in her mind that she had been on the minds of people that she had not expected.
It was getting dark and Tenten walked around to where Shikamaru lived a long time ago with his parents. His dad redirected her toward his new place more to the center of the village. She knocked on his door. She hoped she wasn't being rude by visiting an acquaintance so late in the day.
"Tenten?" Shikamaru said.
"Shikamaru, I wanted to know if there were some rumors going around about me. Naruto talked to me over at the ramen place and I guess… I don't want to be rude but I'm curious about why you would mention me to him."
Shikamaru let out a sigh. "Would you like to come in?"
"Oh, um… Yeah that would be fine. Is there a place to sit?" She said.
"Of course there is a place to sit." Shikamaru smiled. She was wondering if there was only a bed.
They sat across from each other at a table. They sat on pillows once Shikamaru made tea for them both.
"So… You want to know why I told Naruto to talk to you." Shikamaru said. "Well, if you are coming back to me after talking with Naruto, he must not have helped out very much. And that means you are a certain type of personality. It means you have some intelligence because you must have some subtle way of getting out of him that I sent him. And it means you don't take to Naruto's charms like other girls do. I was hoping you were more like Sakura."
"You sent him? Wait, Sakura likes Naruto now?" Tenten said.
"Yes and yes. Sakura is lying to herself if she's not already with him. She has the fantasy in her head already. She's smitten with whatever he does. She worries about him when he's in battle. All the signs are there." Shikamaru said.
"So… again, it seems a little strange to send someone to talk to me." Tenten said.
"Tenten, I've been hearing a lot of talk about you lately. Your training is coming to a focal point. And I know what it is you are learning about. You've done everything you've needed to do thus far, and it must have been painful for you to have to be so patient with yourself." Shikamaru said.
He knew about it. Her training was unique. She was in a stranger position than most ninja, she had to learn everything about weapons and scrolls before she could move on to different kinds of chakra manipulation. Her aim had to be infallible. She had to be confident in her abilities and she could never miss. But she so often had missed her target.
"You're slipping." Shikamaru said waiting for a response. He was right, she had been.
"I have been late on my training." She said.
"What is it that you want to happen?" Shikamaru said.
The more she thought about it, the more she thought she didn't know. Her training was always planned far ahead. Just a few months more training wouldn't matter would it? But there was a schedule to keep. And she had been slipping.
"What drives you?" Shikamaru said.
Nothing drove her. She thought her life was boring. The weapons that she trained to use and the jitsu she learned were all just towards the plan. Yes, she would be strong someday in battle, but that was someday, and this was now.
"I don't know." Tenten said.
"Is Neji right? Are you useless?" Shikamaru waited still for an answer. He pushed her to say something by staring and waiting attentively.
Tenten looked up into Shikamaru's eyes and the hurt that she felt throughout her life seemed to rattle right up into her throat. She had often been here in this position, wondering if she would make a squealing sound if she tried to speak. She held back forcing back the pain.
"I think I know what it is." Shikamaru said. "But I can't say it. You have to."
But he couldn't possibly know.
"I… I think…" She said trembling.
Shikamaru came over to her and knelt down with her. He put his hands on her shoulders and he felt the tension in her. She really was shaking but she had been holding back something. She looked as calm as can be, but was on the verge of breaking down.
Tenten dealt with strict parents growing up. She had always been part of a plan that they set out for her. This was a good thing, and she had always followed their direction. She dealt with a strict sensei and team members that set a high standard. This was a good thing, and the goal had always been to be a successful part of the team.
"What is it?" Shikamaru said softly.
"I… don't…" Tenten said. She could hardly mouth out words.
Neji had been realistic with her all these years. He had always put her down. Neji had a way of sounding like he was trying to compliment her without it being a compliment. Tenten had always cared for him and the rest of her team despite this. It had always been this way from the start. They said they understood that she was on a different schedule. Someday she may be Kohona's secret weapon. But that wasn't what was happening in the near future.
It had been this way for a long time, and she had been so very patient. She saw all of her friends getting more powerful day by day. Hinata, Sakura, Ino – they were all more popular than her now. They were getting so much attention. They were all able to let their hair down too. Tenten hated that. How would such long hair not get in the way when you were fighting a strong opponent?
She could take all of it in if she knew it would end. She was past due. She was supposed to be on to other things.
Shikamaru put his arms around her and put his cheek to one of her ears. Tenten was totally shocked. She froze for a moment. Shikamaru was not confident what he was doing was right. His head told him one thing, but his emotions were telling him to be afraid. He held the embrace, going with his wisdom instead of his gut.
She had seen kids in their parents arms. She had seen people touch each other intimately. But her parents had never hugged her. She had never bounced on her father's knee. She had never been cradled by her mom.
Tenten lurched forward and cried out violently. Shikamaru held her closer and her eyes drained of water. She sobbed loudly gasping for breath trying to speak but could not.
Once she could get a breath in between cries she spoke.
"No one loves me! No one loves me Shikamaru!" Tenten turned to Shikamaru.
She buried her face into his chest and cried her heart out. She could only do this once. She was worried that she had even done this with Shikamaru.
"Please don't tell anyone." Tenten said.
"Don't worry." Shikamaru said.
She pulled away for a moment and she untied the buns in her hair and shook it all out. Shikamaru had never seen her with her hair down before. He thought she looked positively amazing.
"Can I stay here?" She sniffed.
"Of course." Shikamaru said.