I am always worried.
I mean, I was.
Every moment I wake up, the first thing that comes to my mind is him. Have he eaten already? Is he already awake? Is he at the gym working out with Ruka? Then a suspicious question enters my mind:
What is he doing right now?
Yep. You may think that I, the plain Mikan Sakura, A. 'don't have trust in my famous hot, athletic boyfriend, Natsume Hyuuga'. Are you thinking that? Are you? Or are you thinking that B. 'I'm just waay thoughtful for him'?
If your answer is B., then you, my friend, must've been mistaken. Because the right answer is the first one, letter A.
Yeah, it's true. I don't have trust in him at all. Wait, not 'at all', just most of the time. Yeah. You could say that! now let me guess, you're rolling your eyes sarcastically and saying: 'you're his girlfriend. You don't have anything to worry about! Have trust in him girl!' 'cuz that's what hotaru did.
But she has no idea!
I mean, she has a boyfriend! A perfect one as a matter of fact! Ruka is a loyal, honest, kind, sweet, handsome gentleman! And you know what?
He waited patiently for Hotaru. Not having any romantic relationships before her.
*sigh* Ruka kun…. Hotaru's soo lucky.
While my boyfriend, God, my boyfriend, is more popular than Ruka, with the same athletic build and all- to sum it up, he and ruka are in the same level in some things- sports and body. That's it.- but Natsume's better in academics, charms and looks. And Ruka is way princelier than Natsume, I admit. But the latter could be princely at times, and nobody would've known. He said that 'you're the only one who made me like this. Ever.'
I should've been flattered, right?
Well, I was.
Until a thought came: 'did he also say that to his exs? Am I really the only one?'
Yep. That's how paranoid I am. Every time we're not together, let's say, weekends, I always think of that possibility, that possibility that one day, I would catch him cheating on me with a hotter, more beautiful girl. I think of it to the point I'd cry and say 'I give up.'. But there's also the best of times, like when we're on a date or when we have our times just for ourselves, and soon, I forget what I am even worrying about! I'm so weird right?
I can't help it! You may say that maybe I just feel insecure.
And maybe, that's the reason why.
Maybe I'm just soo insecure of his past girlfriends and how plain I look! I tried 'unplaining' myself one time, with the help of my girl friends. They tried curling my hair, changing my clothes and adding some makeup to me for my date with Natsume. And when I met him, he rolled his eyes at me and sighed.
"You're such an idiot." He commented. I was about to cry when he took out his hanky and wiped it on my face, removing my tears and my makeup. But I still continued on crying. 'does he hate me that much?'. He sighed once again and kneeled to my height. He showed one of his rare smiles to me and placed my face between his two hands.
"You don't have to wear that kind of stupid artificial cover ups. I like the simple, innocent you. You're more beautiful that way."
And then he kissed me.
Gosh, I was soo happy that day!
Now I know what you're thinking, maybe she forgot all about her insecurities? Maybe she learned to let go and just continue on forward?
Nah. It didn't happen.
So, your guess that it's just insecurity is wrong.
It's waay deeper than that.
Until one time he finally noticed it.
He was walking me home. While he was carrying my hand bag, I looked at a distance and sighed. I didn't know that he would notice and felt nostalgia. I remembered the times when Ruka was with me on the same route, laughing and joking around. But it's not just the two of us, Hotaru was with us.
"-lka. Polka? POLKA!" my companion shouted.
"N-NANI?" I shouted with embarrassment, how long am I daydreaming here?
He stopped walking and grabbed my shoulders, facing me to him, and then he stared in my eyes, trying to figure out what's wrong.
"Why are you crying?" he asked me softly. I was surprised, I'm crying? No way. I touched my own face and felt hot tears streaming down endlessly. Then I began sobbing silently and I fell into his arms. It was kinda peaceful that way, just the two of us on the sidewalk, me in his arms while he's trying to comfort me, although he doesn't have a clue on why I'm acting like this for three weeks already.
Or does he?
"Now," he started. "I probably know why you're crying, but I want you to tell me the reason yourself." He coached gently as he kissed my hair.
"W-what if *sniff* I don't want *sniff* to?" I stayed with my head on his chest. God, we're already seniors and I'm acting like a kid!
"Well then, I'll just leave you here by yourself." He threatened me jokingly as he started to stand up. Yeah, that's the side he can't show to anyone, only to me.
"W-wait! I-I'll tell *sniff* you…" I trailed off as I grabbed his polo and looked up at him with my teary eyes. It must've been easy for him because he started to chuckle. He went back to his position awhile ago and caressed my head comfortingly.
"Now, tell me. I'm all ears." He said as he took out his hanky and started wiping my tears away. It's like the only thing he does for me now is to wipe my tears when I'm crying.
What a pathetic girlfriend I am.
"Do you really love me?" I asked him seriously with my head still on his chest, hiding the blush on my face.
He just chuckled. 'I knew it.' I said to myself as tears started to fall again.
Then his hands lifted my face to his serious expression. He looked at me in the eyes and said,
"What kind of a question is that?" he looked kinda angry right now. I'm dead.
"Of course I do! I really really love you. No matter what happens, I'm always at your side.." he smiled gently as he kissed my forehead and hugged me. "Now I get it." He released me from his embrace and looked at me as I tried to escape his gaze.
"Let me guess, you don't have trust in me." He stated rather than asking as he stared at me, waiting for any expression on my face.
I just blushed. 'strike one.'
"Is it because you're insecure?"
I looked away. 'strike two.'
"And it's also because you don't want to have your heart broken and betrayed again..?" He sighed.
I stared at him and soon, I collapsed into his arms, crying out the pain I felt last time. 'strike three… and I'm out.'
"I knew what happened between you three." He stated as he embraced me. "Ruka, you and Hotaru were the best of friends since freshmen. You guys do everything together, right? And each of your parents knew you, right?" he asked me and I nodded.
"But soon, you realized you liked him. And you felt betrayed when he started going out for my cousin, Hotaru, whom you told that you like Ruka. Yes?" I could feel his stare at me and I nodded vigorously. All those happy memories, just the three of us hanging out at the beach in summer and having snowball fights with Ruka in winter… all those times, he likes Hotaru, not me.
"Now, it's my turn to ask a question." He said.
"Do you really love me?" I stared up to him with my blushing face and replied,
"Yes. I really do."
"Then, if you really love me, you have to trust me with your heart." He said, pointing to my chest. "Because whatever happens, I promise that I'll keep it safe. Even if it takes my life, I'll treasure it." He smiled.
"And about you being insecure…." I stared at him. Here it comes!
BONK
"Itaii…" I murmured. He just knocked on my forehead! "What was that for?" I cried out.
"Baka. Don't get insecure. So what if I had many exs? They should be jealous of you." he smirked. Great, cocky Hyuuga is back.
"Because you are my last and forever love." He kissed my forehead and looked away from me. He's blushing!
Who knew Natsume could be this cute? i giggled at his reaction.
"H-hey! What're you giggling at?" He faced me with his face still blushing.
"N-n-nothing!" I stifled a laugh. I didn't notice his annoyed expression until he started pinching my cheeks. "Heymf! Stof if! If hufts!" I cried out.
"What're you giggling at? Huh?" he pinched my cheeks harder.
"itaaiiiiii!" I squealed and he let go. "I just thought you looked cute when you blushed." I murmured as I rub my sore cheeks. Now it's my turn to blush.
Now we're just sitting there in our own world. Not minding the people passing by. We're enjoying every minute of it.
"Mikan." He whispered to my ear and sent chills down to my back.
"Hmm?" I faced him as he got a hold of my hand. He held my gaze as he slipped something on my ring finger.
Before I could even look at my hand, he gave me a gentle kiss on the lips.
"Happy anniversary, Mikan." He greeted me with a small smile on his face as he showed me our intertwined hands with identical rings on each of it.
"I love you." He whispered once again as I enveloped him with a hug and kissed him on the cheek.
"I love you too, Natsume."
Yes, we're already on our first year that time. And let me tell you, the years continue on counting endlessly.
From that moment on, I am never afraid to trust him, my current husband, again.