Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Burning Men
"You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level even I don't understand. You are part of her, and she is part of you." -Edward Cullen; Breaking Dawn pg. 180
How...
How could I...
To even mention...
I can barely even start to begin. The words become lodged in my throat and they refuse to come out, as if they are actual beings with claws hanging onto my trachea. I cannot bear to speak them, no matter how I wish to get them out, for saying them and hearing their true meanings would be like opening a box while knowing I couldn't contain the contents.
Because there is another reason I tried so hard to leave, another reason why I left as easily as I did, with a secret knowledge Alice and I kept to ourselves. The knowledge of her happiness.
She would have been happy with him, this I know and have said so many times. Alice saw it before the change happened in Jacob; she could see entire images of her future with him, before her choice. Before she chose me.
They were perfect in Alice's ever-changing visions. Witty and sarcastic and volatile but still easy, like friends and, well...like Jacob had once said himself, breathing.
And then the imprinting started and I knew when it was already too late, for him, her and even myself. I knew this simple truth like Alice did, though she tried her hardest to staunch those thoughts for my sake. She knew, could see the fire in my eyes, knew it was burning me like guilt does humans.
The fact that my Bella was supposed to be his Bella.
In a world without the supernatural, that was her natural path and I could not deny it. And I knew, knew with everything I had left in myself after this mess I've made that I did a terrible thing. Far greater than even risking Bella's soul.
I had taken away Jacob Black's soul mate.
And the thought tears me apart every time I look his way and see that familiar fire in his eyes.
Except it is not guilt burning him alive, but me.
I was re-reading Breaking Dawn before the movie came out and this, Edward's quote, struck a really deep cord in me. For some reason I have this innate feeling that Bella and Jacob were meant to be, like truly, like Stephanie Meyer said. So, if they really were, Alice and Edward would have known. Blargh! Pure genius. Hope you guys think so too.
Stay Golden. -Delta