Don t look at me Your eyes speak loud enough You ve won before But will not now
You know Yet couldn t be farther from the truth To you, I am forever stained I am not some sick dog for you to put down
I see that jagged blade you hide Beneath smiles and robes It does too much more than protect For who can argue with such an edge?
The utter pompous indignation The grossly swelling ego If I m not one of YOU I m one of THEM
You damn me, denounce me Tell me you won t love me Tell me I m nothing, go ahead!
You seem to think it s Him or me
You would wound me for your beliefs Pat yourself on the back and tell yourself, It s a pity E But it is I who is tossed aside Such violence where I am so tender!
You speak nonsense so blindly You cannot bear what you don t even understand
But worry not!
For I will always love you With all of my black little heart E
There was nothing; only the world we visit from time to time to experience our darkest and most joyous moments. Unfortunately, the void was beginning to thin, revealing lush scenery. This place... a garden. A fountain stood in the center a few paces away. Upon closer inspection, strange symbols, reminiscent of ancient runes, covered the simple ornament and gave the impression that they were not there to simply be decorative. Imposing pillars and stairways, crafted from the purest alabaster marble, rose from the soft emerald grass and led to several entrances to what looked to be a lavish palace, laid out in an eliptical shape. Upon one of the spires, high above, was the image of a waning moon. Or could it have been waxing?
I gazed finally at the array of flowers and botanicals meant to be the centerpiece. The garden was filled with every color imaginable: violets littered the ground, daisies around the fountain, tulips lined the castle walls, and wisteria, in it's lavender splendor, draped over the arbors and wrapped themselves around the marble rails. As I surveyed the delicate plants and their fragrances, a strange feeling compelled me to take another look. "There's no red..." I whispered inaudibly. An obvious thought occured to me. "No roses." I felt there was some sort of significance to this, but could not place it. The garden seemed suddenly lacking. A rustling noise brought me from my reverie, and I spied a flash of pearly silk up in the balcony that overlooked this vision of mother nature's art. Without hesitation, I sprinted up the nearest stairway to the subject of my curiosity. She stood, staring listlessly into the night sky. I couldn't help but notice that her hair was done up in elaborate pigtails. The tendrils that protruded fell in helpless waves of cornsilk upon the ground, even though they had been bound into two buns high on the back of her head. My cheeks grew warm as my eyes travelled down her slender neck and bare shoulders, but came to rest upon the bodice that cinched her flowing gown at the chest. It was wonderfully beaded with milky white beads, precious gems, and thread spun from gold. Cheeks once again ablaze, I looked lower, only to stifle a chuckle at the the girlish bow that rested above her... at the lowest portion of her waist on an otherwise mature dress. Surprisingly, she held in one beautiful, delicate hand a rose as deep as blood. She sighed sadly, once more gaining my attention. "Please..." she breathed. I dared not move. After a time, she turned to face me. A haze of glittering light seemed to spread across her features. Something flashed on her forehead, and the shimmering tears upon her cheeks were the last things I saw. I stretched forth my hand to her as the void returned.
"Such an empty little child..."
The words resounded harshly in my mind, my body reeling as if from physical pain. I found myself gasping for breath and touched my fingers to my throat. The pressure allowed me to regain my composure, and I reached for my alarm clock. The crimson, digital numbers burned my eyes at first, but when they adjusted, I read three in the morning.
"Spectacular," I grumbled.
Running a careful hand through my sleek, midnight black locks,
I was overcome by the absolute hopeless feeling that had plagued me the entire day. My auto-pilot was leading me somewhere. Somewhere I hoped to find solace from my own grim mood. I looked up at last to see where my feet had led me. "Thank god it's Friday..." I muttered crossly. Utterly drained, I lumbered into the Krowne Karaoke Bar, not meeting the gaze of its owner.
"Mamoru-kun!" Motoki shouted cheerfully. I slid into my usual spot at the counter with a groan. Apparently, this reaction confused the poor turtle-loving clerk. "What's eating you?" I simply glared at him blankly. However, that smile of his never ceased to smash my defenses.
"Ever feel like something is just missing?" I mumbled through my arm, which my face was now resting on. I sensed his evil grin immediately and snapped my eyes up to his. Sure enough, a broad, evil smile was plastered to lips.
"SomeTHING or someONE?" he giggled girlishly. I sighed inwardly. 'Not another match-maker Motoki attempt...' I thought sourly.
"Motoki... I've told you," I intoned, as always. "I'm not interested. In anyone." He frowned in concentration. I could almost imagine the girls he was pairing me up with in his mind. "What did I say? No girl we know could make me happy." With those words, the little bell above the door tinkled merrily, announcing the arrival of a Krowne regular. Before me, Motoki yelled, "Welcome!" to his customer, but there was extra enthusiasm that he reserved for only two people. 'Please let it be that Makoto girl...' I prayed silently. Fighting the urge to check, I remained still, forehead resting on my hands.
"Hi, Motoki-san!" she cried energetically. 'That voice...' I trembled. 'It's her...'
"Hey, Usagi-chan," Motoki ventured. "Mamoru is feeling a little down today. Mind trying to cheer him up?" For some reason, the thought enraged me. As I attempted to harness my fury, I felt a small hand on my shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut in a final attempt to calm myself, but to no avail. I whirled around and struck her arm away, causing her to flinch back noticeably in fear.
"Don't touch me!" I screamed. The two fell silent, as the faint sound of people singing and insanely loud music drifted from the sound-proof booths behind us. Usagi stood with her ebony hair up in pigtails, her deep eyes unsure. I smirked at her uniform, which consisted of a long blue pleated skirt and sailor top. In one hand, she carried her school satchel, several charms and keychains adorning it; the other was clutched to her chest as if to protect it from further injury. Why did she always have to be so happy?
"Mamoru, I was just trying to-" she began forcefully.
"Don't!" I interrupted vehemently. Motoki blanched. "What would some stupid kid know about it?" Shoving past her, I stormed out of the Krowne. Happy to finally be rid of her, I didn't hear the automatic doors hiss as she came out after me. "What is your problem?" she yelled angrily. Instead of answering, I continued walking, not once slowing. "Mamoru!" she cried,
beginning to sound concerned. All doubt drained from her, she thundered past me and stood in my path. "What do you want?" I asked through gritted teeth. She smiled with such innocence that I couldn't help but look her straight in the eyes. They were so dark, so clean. Nothing tumultuous churning in them. It was simply serene... I could only wonder what she saw when she looked into my eyes. Hate? Fear? Lonliness? "Are you alright? It can't be that bad..." she replied unknowingly. My eyes narrowed dangerously. "Leave me alone."
After having stripped myself down to my boxers, I tossed my rather snug khakis and black t-shirt over the arm of my office chair. The chill of my apartment sank in, forcing me to pull on a pair of dark grey lounge pants. I proceeded to collapse onto the king-size bed that I insisted upon having, though I haven't shared it with anyone in a very long time. My body settled comfortably in the heavy down comfortor and thick cotton sheets, but my mind would not follow suit. The worst of it was that I was still upset. 'How dare she console me like that? Like I was some kid...' It's amazing how those who have so much to be happy about in their lives seem to think that no one else has the right to be angry, depressed, or afraid. She, who has everything: a caring family, countless friends, good looks... A beauty within that is unparalleled.
'God! Why does she have to be such a child? Evil exists, my dear Usagi,' I thought dryly. 'It resides right here!' I touched my chest gingerly, not wanting to believe myself. Unfortunately, there was nothing more to become.
My thoughts were interrupted by a voiceless screaming in my head. The sound tore through my temples and stopped at the ears, where an eerie ringing was left. For a moment, I was disoriented, but as I collected myself, I realized that I knew this pain.
I dragged my gaze, emotionless and empty, to my balcony double doors. Standing abruptly, I shuffled purposefully to stand before them. My hand ran down the cool glass to the wrought iron handles. With a flick of the wrist, the door was thrown open and the gauzy curtains flew to and fro in the wind. I clenched my eyelids closed and felt the warmth in my belly spread to the rest of my body. A pristine tuxedo was willed into form, and when I eased my eyes open again, I was clad in a starched dress shirt, tux, top hat, and cloak. The white masquerade mask clutched in my right hand found its way immediately to my face. 'As soon as it goes on,' I thought wistfully, 'I can be someone else, even if only for a night at a time.' Just as I reached for the balcony handrail, the wind caught the hat, and it tumbled to the floor. Growling, I decided to do without it for the time being. After a second thought, I removed the cape from my shoulders and threw it childishly at the bed. I returned my attention to the night air beyond the apartment, and deftly leapt from the balcony to the next building. For the second time this day, I was following whatever part of me decided to lead.
"Sailor Moon..."