I posted this drabble on Tumblr as a birthday gift for arollercoasterthatonlygoesup. Quoted lyrics are from my favorite song, Anna Begins by Counting Crows.

My friend assures me "it's all or nothing"
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me: "For one time only make an exception"
I am not worried

"Peeta… Dude… Bro…"

"Cut the crap, Finn. What do you want?"

Finnick flashes his famous pearly whites, his giant dimples caving in the sides of his face and chin. They're a big hit with the ladies, but I like to remind him that his chin just looks like a butt.

"You gotta come out with us tonight. Annie has this friend-"

"No." I interrupt before he can tell me how nice and pretty she is.

"Come on man. She's a nice girl. And really pretty-"

"NO."

I'm determined to stick to my guns this time. I gave up on his blind dates months ago. Every girl was so nice and so pretty for the first hour or so… Then the true person came out from underneath all that makeup. I've watched girls be rude to the waitresses – if they'd listened they'd know I work in food service and don't take that lightly – or complain incessantly about a family with children sitting nearby, even when the kids were perfectly behaved.

I'm done with these games. I'm not looking for pretty. I'm looking for inner beauty. And I'm reasonably sure it's not going to come into my life via a hookup from the ultimate pretty-boy himself.

"Peeta, man, please. I know you've given up on love and all, but you gotta help me out. This one is different, I swear. She's kind of … innocent. Annie knows her from work, and she really thinks you guys would hit it off."

He bats his lashes at me. Now he's giving me the puppy dog eyes. He's wearing down my resistance.

"Please, Peeta? Do it for me. No – do it for Annie." Damn him.

"Fine," I sigh. "What's her name?"

Suddenly the dimples are back in full effect. He whacks me hard on the back, eliciting a cough.

"I knew you'd come around."

I am not overly concerned
With the status of my emotions "Oh", she says, "You're changing."
But we're always changing

I don't understand what this girl does to me.

Our dinner with Finnick and Annie is a blur. I am completely and totally captivated by her. Annie's friend. Katniss.

God, even her name makes my knees weak.

Dinner leads to dessert. Dessert leads to drinks. Drinks lead to a walk down Main Street toward the waterfront. And talking. Hours and hours of talking.

She is wearing a long flowy dress with a cropped jean jacket over it. Her dark hair is loose and wavy, the slight breeze making it billow around her neck as she talks. She carries her sandals and walks barefoot, a silver polish on her toes the same shade as her eyes. She waves the shoes around as she speaks, her sentences careful and thoughtful. She uses the minimum amount of words needed to get her point across.

I am utterly captivated.

At the end of the evening, we sit on a park bench and watch the river quietly. Well – she watches the river. I watch her. I can't help but stare. She's radiant. I want to memorize everything about her.

She turns, giving me a small smile. "Are you okay?"

I nod. I'm more than okay. She looks back out at the water. "I don't know, you seem… different."

Now I'm intrigued. "Different? Different than what? Have we met before?"

She laughs, a musical sound that makes me want to take up stand-up comedy; anything to be able to hear that sound repeat.

"No, I just mean – different than I expected. Different than Finn, I guess."

"Never judge a book by his friends. Or something like that."

She laughs again. I can't wipe the smile from my face.

It does not bother me to say this isn't love
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that

"I'm over it. Really, I'm fine."

I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince – Finn or myself.

She took off a few days ago. We'd been inseparable for weeks now, getting closer every day and then – bam. She told me she wasn't looking for a commitment.

It's my own fault. I got comfortable and I brought up the dreaded F word… feelings. I had to go and tell her how much I'd been thinking about her and how much I cared about her. So stupid.

I could see it on her face the instant I brought it up. Her eyes were wide with terror at first, then they glazed over with something like indifference.

Finn passes me a fresh beer and sits beside me on the couch. "Peet, I'm worried about you."

I try to see the situation through his eyes. I've been in the same pair of basketball shorts for days now. My blond curls are matted and greasy; in fact, personal hygiene in general has fallen down my list of priorities. I've been marathoning episodes of Law and Order, trying to distract myself with hypothetical murder mysteries. Luckily there are plenty of seasons to go through.

"It was nothing, Finn. Honest."

Finn nods. "Of course. Yeah, definitely."

"I mean, I didn't really even like her that much."

"Mm-hmm."

"Besides, you guys were the ones that forced me to go out with her in the first place. I didn't even want to go."

"I remember."

I put the beer down and turn to face him. "Come on, I'm serious here. Katniss Everdeen was nothing to me."

Those damn dimples are teasing me, a sad smile playing on his lips. "You know she hasn't stopped crying for three days."

I frown, confused. "Who? Annie?"

He punches my bicep. "No. Katniss, you idiot." He shakes his head. "I didn't think it was real at first; she's so straight-laced and serious all the time. I couldn't tell if she was as into you as you obviously were into her."

I open my mouth to protest, but a cock of his head and quirked eyebrow tell me I was obviously much more transparent than I had tried to be.

"But I was over at Annie's yesterday, and I saw Katniss and… she's a wreck. Annie said she's been crying non-stop. She's never seen her like this."

I stare over his shoulder, trying to process this new information. Katniss is upset? About me? Then why did she leave?

My phone starts to vibrate on the table beside me. I pick it up, amazed that there's any battery life left, and see a new text.

Katniss (sent 4:27 PM) – Can we talk?

"Yes," I breathe.

"Shit. I need to get a shower."

"If it's love", she said, "then we're gonna have to think about the consequences"
She can't stop shaking and I can't stop touching her
And this time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days" she says
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing

She's pacing. She's nervous and panicked and absolutely beautiful.

"I mean, you can't just spring something like that on me. You can't just tell me you … care about me and expect me to accept it."

I shake my head.

"It's not fair. I wasn't ready for that. I need time. I need time to process things like this. You know?"

I nod. Whatever she needs. Whatever she wants from me, I will give it.

She comes closer. Hands on my cheeks, she brings our foreheads together. "I just, I tried. I can't stay away from you, Peeta." My hands reach to cover hers, her skin so soft and supple. "I need you."

I wrap my arms around her, hold her close, as her arms go around my neck. I can feel her body trembling beneath my fingers.

"It's okay, Katniss."

She clings to me, her breath warm on my throat. "It's not okay, Peeta. I never wanted this." She grabs me tighter. "Whatever we're doing, it scares the hell out of me," she whispers.

"It scares me, too. But we're in this together."

I hold her until her body calms.

This time when kindness falls like rain
It washes me away and Anna begins to change my mind
And every time she sneezes I believe it's love and oh lord... I'm not ready for this sort of thing

We pick up right where we left off, and suddenly I can't imagine my life without her in it.

Every day I need to see her; every day I need to be near her. I can't go to sleep without hearing her voice one last time. More than once, we fall asleep on the phone, both of us drifting but stopping ourselves, neither wanting to be the first to say goodbye.

She takes me to her favorite hiking trail, and we picnic at the mountain summit. I sketch and she takes some photos. We rest in the midafternoon sun before starting the descent. She lays her head on my lap and closes her eyes as she soaks in the sun. I play with her hair and her face slowly relaxes, a peaceful calm removing all but the smallest wrinkles on her face. When we leave, I give her a small bunch of dandelions I gathered. She kisses me breathless.

I introduce her to my family, and surprisingly, she enjoys them. She suffers through embarrassing baby pictures, shots of me playing the piano, and my goofy high school portrait with my thick glasses and frizzy hair. My brothers regale her with stories of me trying to nurse a squirrel back to health when our father hit it with the car, and tales of our weekend campouts with the Boy Scouts.

I meet her mother, and her sister. I see pictures of her father. I learn more about her fears as she cries herself to sleep in my arms later that night. Her nose is red and swollen, her eyes puffy, her skin a blotchy mess.

I have never seen a more lovely sight.

My chest aches and something swells inside of me.

I'm a goner.

She's talking in her sleep
It's keeping me awake and Anna begins to toss and turn
And every word is nonsense but I understand and
Oh lord... I'm not ready for this sort of thing

She's mumbling again, but I can tell this time it's not a nightmare. In any case, I pull her closer, wrap my arms around her and smooth the covers. She snuggles into my chest and settles down again.

I look to the nightstand, the drawer open just a crack. I can see the box inside, waiting.

I know I won't get any more sleep. I can't wait until the morning, can't wait to see her face. Prim helped me pick it out, so I'm hopeful she'll like it. Tiny emeralds are wrapped around the band - her birthstones; her favorite color. A modest diamond sits in the center, not too flashy, not too plain. Just right. I hope.

She mumbles again, something unintelligible. I kiss her forehead and stroke her back.

"I love you, Katniss," I whisper to the quiet room.

"I love you, too," she returns, her voice hoarse with sleep.

I should be nervous, but I'm not. I'm excited. I'm eager. I'm so incredibly happy. The woman lying in my arms is the most incredible creature I've ever known. I can't wait to spend every minute of the rest of my life with her.

I'm ready.

I turn and look out the open window. The sun is just beginning to rise, bathing the sky in a warm glow of pinks and oranges. I quietly watch as the first day of the rest of our lives begins.

Thank you for reading. :) I'm on Tumblr: sothereff