Ok, so this is something that I've been working on for a while and I'm SO glad that it's done (and that I'm moderately pleased with it). Anyway, I'm thinking of making it into a multi-chapter fic. What do yall think? It would be AU of course and just kinda deal with reincarnation and such. I already have a few ideas floating around in my head, but I want to know what you, the readers think. So review and tell me if you hate/love/don't care and if you think I should expand it. Thank you and enjoy!

I never thought I'd change my opinion again
But you moved me in a way that I've never known
You moved me in a way that I've never known

I was staring at him from the corner of my eyes again, even though I had told myself to stop. I couldn't help it though. Here was the most beautiful and ruthless person I had ever met sitting not three feet from me on the couch, how could I not be transfixed? This was the person I loved despite the violent consequences it often had for me.

Or maybe that was why I liked him, all those contradictions: his calm logic mixed with unrestrained emotion and feminine features mixed with black leather and steel. I would take any punishment he could dole out to stay and I know he understood my unspoken loyalty. I was his dog, his property, and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

Shutting off my PSP, I lay down with my head on his thigh so I could watch him through my goggles. He was deep in thought and I didn't think he noticed me. It was alright though; I only needed to be near him to be happy.

But straight away you just moved into position again
You abused me in a way that I've never known
You abused me in a way that I've never known

Just as my eyes were drifting closed I felt a rough tugging on my scalp as my head was pulled backwards. Mello's lips met my own and I immediately forgot the pain, just like I always did. The sting of my wounds was always worth it to have Mello's affection.

It's so hard for me to remember the time when I thought my blond angel could never love me back, that I was doomed to always follow him without knowing the touch of his skin against mine of the feel of his lips. The day he had kissed me for seemingly no reason and led me into the bedroom I had thought I was dreaming, at least until the pain had convinced my otherwise.

It always hurt, Mello made sure of that, but there was always something else there as well. Those wonderful contradictions again. Just like now, his rough treatment of my body while his kiss was tender and soft. There were always little signs, the things that said how he felt even if he wouldn't. The way his fingers would trail down my side instead of tearing at my skin or how his kiss would be slow and passionate even while he held a gun to my head. Or maybe that's just what I wanted to believe.

Crawling over me, Mello moved so he was on top and stripped me of my signature stripped shirt. So impatient, but I loved him for it. I did the same with his vest, tossing it across the room. Smooth arms wrapping around my neck as we kissed, pure heaven. It wasn't often he was this tender.

Sitting up, I broke the kiss and moved down the nip at the skin of his collar bone. He hesitated and I was sure a punch would come for assuming control, but instead he surprised me by giving a low moan and leaning his head back. I loved his unpredictability. I kissed up and down his neck, stopping to lick and nibble sensitive spots I knew would send shivers of pleasure through his body. Feeling him tremble against me took away all doubts of weather the abuse was worth it, though for me sometimes moments like this could be the worst abuse of all.

This tenderness only made me want more, but it didn't happen often. Like giving a starving man a small bite of food, it was never enough. Mello was done letting me have the reigns for now and he pushed me back onto the couch suck at my neck. I gasped as he bit me, licking away the blood as I squirmed underneath him. I moaned like I always did when I felt his tongue, the pleasure and pain mixing too much to tell apart.

Still so impatient, when Mello's hand slipped into my pants I wondered when he'd undone them. He pumped me as slowly as possible, making me arch into him for more and groan at the sensation. For someone always in such a rush how could he tease me so slowly? It was torture and ecstasy all at once.

So break me shake me hate me take me over
When the madness stops then you will be alone
So wont you break me shake me hate me take me over
When the madness stops then you will be alone.

Still on the couch we were both stripped of all clothing. His tip was posed at my entrance as he continued to tease me, making me moan for it, for him. As he pushed in I felt nails scratch down my sides, blood pooling along the marks. Such sweet opposites working together, I couldn't help crying out. New bite marks joined the first as he kissed my neck but to me the hurt was wonderful. His increasing pace inside me was making it impossible to think, impossible to separate the pain and love until it was a single feeling.

I could feel myself tightening around him and nearly lost all control when he moaned my name. I lasted until he finally came though, releasing with him as we collapsed in a heap on the couch.

So you're the kind who deals with the games in the mind
Well you confuse me in a way that I've never known.
You confuse me in a way that I've never known.

I awoke to the sounds of rustling coming from the bedroom. Mello certainly was up early, but then again we didn't have a very set perception of time. Yawning, I rolled off the couch and grabbed my jeans, pulling them on quickly.

"Mello?" I could hear him practically tossing his room. Odd, but then again with Mello's crazy mood swings, there was no predicting him. Sure enough, when I stepped into the room he was rifling through drawers and practically turning the entire room upside down. I strode over behind him as he leaned over the bed and slipped my arms around his waist.

"Good morning beautiful," I whispered softly in his ear. Not sure why, but I was feeling a bit lovey-dovey after last night. "What's going on?"

He froze, not answering me but not pushing me away either. Now I was a little worried. Were we in trouble again? Seeing as how last time had ended in Mello being blown up I was more than a little pensive now. "Mello?"

That's when I noticed it. He was leaning over a suitcase on the bed, throwing all his worldly possessions into it, but none of mine. There was only one bag on the bed, only one person leaving.

Something was telling me that this wasn't just a business trip; this was just like Whammy's all over again. This was the most important person in my life leaving me for the second time. I obviously wasn't supposed to be up so early. I turned him around in my arms and looked down in his eyes, being a couple inches taller.

"What's going on?"

So break me, shake me, hate me take me over
When the madness stops then you will be alone
So won't you break, me shake, me hate me, take me over
When the madness stops then you will be alone

He took a few minutes to gather his thoughts before he spoke, tone so cold and un-Mello-like that I could hardly believe it was him.

"It's over Matt… We've won and now it's all over. Everything that I was working for is gone." He had to pause here to take a deep breath, holding back the emotions threatening to break through.

"I… I don't have… I can't do this Matt. I'm getting more and more reckless and all it's going to do is kill us- kill you." The tears were threatening to spill over now. Realization of what he was saying slowly sunk in.

"You're leaving me again…" His only response was a slow nod.

"Again…" My mind was reeling, heart racing as I recalled all the years I spent searching everywhere for him after he disappeared from the orphanage. So much time… I couldn't do that again, let him go knowing that he might not come back. If he hadn't needed my help to catch Kira, I'm sure I never would have seen him again. This time though, it would be so much worse because now I loved him, and now I knew he loved me back. Even if we had strange ways of showing it.

She says, " I can help you, but what do you say?"
'Cause it's not free baby, you'll have to pay
You just keep me contemplating,

that your soul is slowly fading

He pushed away from me, continuing on his rampage of the room like he hadn't just upturned my entire life. Again. I couldn't believe he was going to leave, just like that. My thoughts were in a complete state of disarray.

Mello's leaving. Alone, I'll be alone again. Mello's going away. Mello. I'm by myself again. Mello… How could he do this to me? Why leave me behind? How could he? How could he disappear again? WHY?!

I grabbed him again by the arm, more roughly than I had intended, but I could feel my pulse pounding in my ears. Pushing him against the wall, I pinned his wrists above his head. He was obviously shocked, as I had never gone against him before. I'm not even sure if he knew I had it in me. Hell, I'm not sure I knew I had it in me. What I did know was that I couldn't live without him.

God, don't you know that I live with a ton of regret?
'Cause I used to move you in a way that you've never known
But then I accused you in a way that you've never known
But you've hurt me in a way that I've never known...

"Mello, if you leave right now I'll kill myself." No use in sugar coating it, I wasn't willing to live if he wasn't there. "I would rather you take me down with you than leave me to die alone, but either way, I just wanted you to know what was going to happen. I won't be here to come back to this time."

With that I stalked out of the room and into the kitchen for a smoke. I could here him slide down the wall as I left, but I didn't turn around. Now it was up to him what happened next, but my hand still trembled as I placed the cigarette between my lips.

When he walked into the kitchen, the scared look was gone from his blue eyes, replaced with a familiar predatory look. My Mello was back. I quickly stubbed out my cig and wrapped my arms around his waist as he cleared the distance between us in three quick steps and kissed me, hard.

So break me, shake me, hate me take me over
When the madness stops then you will be alone
So won't you break, me shake, me hate me, take me over
When the madness stops then you will be alone

Eyes closed, I kissed back with everything I had, telling him to stay. I could hear his hand pull out the drawer beside me but I didn't bother to see what he was getting until I felt the sting of a knife at my side. There was no need to check for the blade I knew he'd pulled out as I felt it drag between my ribs again. I hissed and then moaned as his other hand traced down my hip suggestively.

He pulled away far to soon, leading me into the bedroom. As he sauntered away, I made a mental note of how long the knife was, wondering why they even made knives that long. It was almost the length of my forearm and from what I'd felt, razor sharp. I couldn't deny that he looked incredibly sexy leading me with the tip caught under the hem of my shirt, pulling me forward. When he got to the bed, he paused, glancing at me over his shoulder.

"On the bed." I did as told, crawling atop the covers and laying back as he moved over me. Another kiss, better than the first, and suddenly I felt cold air on my chest. I hadn't even felt the tugging of the fabric as it was cut up the front… wow, some knife.

Before we went any further, I needed to hear something. Weaving my hand in his hair, I turned his head up to face me from where he had been kissing my chest.

"Promise me something?" He looked at me curiously but didn't object.

"Promise you won't ever leave me?"

His eyes darkened but he leaned up to kiss along my neck to my ear where he whispered, "I promise." His warm breath tickled as before he looked me in the eyes.

I could see so much uncertainty and I didn't want that there, in those blue eyes I loved. I didn't want him hurting so I kissed his face everywhere I could reach. Even on the scar, I made sure I was gentle as I murmured how sexy it was. He finally cracked a smile at that and I was rewarded with another passionate kiss.

Listen, baby
You'll be, you'll be alone

He pulled off my shirt, now impatient to have it off of me. Likewise, I returned the favor and rolled over on him to pull his vest's zipper down with my teeth. When it was off I kissed down his chest, feeling his hands tangle in my hair as he watched me. When I got to the laces of this pants, I undid them quickly and pulled the leather off his body. I was moving rather quickly but something I'd always loved was feeling him get hard because of me. Knowing I was having that effect on him was a satisfying feeling, one that I enjoyed whenever possible.

Licking up his haft, I could feel the vein underneath throb as he swelled at my touch. He was groaning now, watching my every move. I took his tip in my mouth and sucked, eliciting a particularly loud moan from him. Just a few minutes later and he was completely hard inside my mouth.

Satisfied, I let him roll me to my back again and climb over me. Feeling him hard against my groin made my already uncomfortable jeans much too tight. He set the knife I'd completely forgotten about down to take them off, finally rubbing his body against mine. Holding my wrists above me, he picked the blade up and drew it along my collarbone.

He made several cuts before licking along each one, occasionally nipping and enjoying my mixed reactions. When he kissed me it held a coppery taste but it went oddly well with his own sweet flavor. I didn't care about the cuts, wasn't worried about what could happen. That was part of who I was and why we worked so well together; I could give him complete control and I trusted him to use it well. Besides, it just felt to good to stop.

I didn't check but I was sure that the sheets would need to be thrown away. Reaching down, he slicked three fingers with his own pre-cum to prepare me a bit. I could tell he was aching as much as I was because he wasted no time in removing his fingers and pushing himself inside me.

I wrapped my legs around him to pull him in deeper, as far as possible. One of his arms slipped under the small of my back, arching me into him as he set a rapid pace. I wasted no time trying to be quiet, as I knew how much he liked to hear me moan. He bit at my neck without restraint, sucking and making marks that I knew wouldn't fade for weeks. His abandon worried me, but I had willingly handed over control and decided to simply enjoy it.

Break me, shake me, hate me, take me

Make me
Fake me, break me, shake me, hate me, take me
Break me

I came with a particularly deep thrust, arching my back more than before with the help of his arm. As he filled me, I felt a pressure at my back. His other arm was behind me as well and he pulled me close into a kind of hug. It was odd, out of the ordinary, and I worriedly wrapped my arms around him as well. I gasped in pain as a new cut appeared on my wrist. Suddenly the pressure at my back increased as I fell back down on the bed, Mello gasping against my neck.

Glancing at my arm, I wondered where the cut had sprung from so unexpectedly. I slowly let my eyes trail down Mello's back, stopping at the small glint of silver between his shoulder blades. It toke me a long moment to understand what I was seeing before I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Oh." I couldn't say anything else as my mind pieced together what had happened. The knife was going thought Mello's chest. My Mello! The only person I loved and now his blood was dripping down my sides.

That was all though, I knew that it was also going through me as well even if it seemed too surreal. The extra pressure had been the handle passing into me; it was the only way the knife was long enough for us both. I was scared, no terrified! But not for myself. I already accepted that I would die, but Mello? Was he already gone?

"M-mel?" I tried to keep my breathing normal, to not move around too much and hurt him further.

He glanced up at me, tears falling freely though I hadn't been able to feel them because of all the blood. I almost sighed in relief as I leaned in to kiss him. I wanted us to go together, neither having to mourn the other for even a minute.

"Matt… I'm s-sorry. Please… pl-please under-"

"Shhh…. I understand." And I did. He wouldn't leave, but he couldn't stay so what was left? I was just content that he was taking me with him this time. I kissed him again softly but quickly, not sure how much time I had left. I even tried slowing my breaths, waning to prolong my time a bit.

I ran my hand though his hair, feeling how silky it was for the last time.

"I love you."

His breath was already shallow as he answered me. "I love you to. I won't leave you Matt…" His head lowered back on my chest, the energy leaving him. He kept mumbling as I stroked his head, letting my eyes flutter closed as exhaustion overtook me.

"Always…. Right Matt…? Right…. Mmmm, I love you." His voice was fading with my thoughts. All I could do was comfort him until I felt him stop breathing, but I knew I wouldn't be far behind.

"Shh… Always Mello. Shhhh….. I love you to." I knew he couldn't hear or feel me but I kept on, if only for my sake. When my vision went dark I was to weak to even choke out a sob so I lay quietly and waited. Mello had promised me so I knew I would see him again. Soon we'd be together again… Soon.