Disclaimer: Me no money, you know kung foo. Me no own, so you no sue.

Review please. I'm bored and evacuating a hurricane. This story has been stewing in my mind long enough. Time to bust out my stuff. (Watch out people this could be a hurricane of its own.) I mean that in the worst way possible. Thanks if you're reading.

Goslin

P.S. I f you like it, check out Negaduck.

Chapter One: Carmen, Jeanitita, and Sandiego

Sandiego held onto the little girl's hand like it was the only thing he'd ever known. Then he heard his name over the loud speaker, and he walked over the desk at the far end of the room, pushing and shoving to get past.

"Sand –yee- egg-oh? Right? Like the place?" Said the fat, black lady behind the desk.

He knew what she meant, but to make the little girl laugh, he replied, "Never been. Heard it's foggy." It wasn't even true. He had been to San Diego.

She laughed. What a pretty laugh that girl had. 'Forget about it' he told himself. After all, pretty soon he would have a little girl of his own. The ultra – sound had come in today. It was a girl, just like this one now; just like Jeanithia.

That made him smile. "Is the little girl your daughter? Why's she goin'?" Asked the lady behind he desk; annoyingly.

"Oof!" Said Sandiego, bending to pick the impatient three year old up. "Not my kid. She's going home now." He looked directly at the toddler in his arms, "Right?"

The girl nodded, as if it were a chore, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She screwed up her face like the infant she was, and persisted, "When will I see you again?"

Sandiego paused, but he'd been ready for this. "Well," he started, "when you're older."

"How much older?" Asked the girl; so cute it hurt. It really did.

"I don't know." Said Sandiego softly. And he really didn't. He turned to the fat lady behind the desk. "Does she get one of those'unaccompanied minors' stickers? She does, right?"

"Yes, sir" Said the lady. She looked below the desk for a second, then fished out a pin that read 'UM'. Sandiego put the girl down on the desk and let the lady fasten it to her. Jeanithia squirmed under the touch of the imposter.

Everything had been arranged and now all they had to do was wait for their flight to be called. Her flight to be called, anyway.

He sighed. It had been a pretty damn rough weekend.

Carmen: P.h.D.on'ts

The short, thin woman wiped the sweat from her brow. She could feel the cold metal beneath her hands and she didn't like it. Not one little bit. The dark room was dark, and...dark. That was about all she could make out in this light. (Or, in direct succession, lack there of.) She was always being sent on the scary missions, she thought. Then again, she got to do what everybody else wanted to do.

What all the people with P.h.D.on'ts wanted to do. But she knew. You didn't need a goddamn degree or whatever to move quickly. And that's exactly what she had to do now. Wouldn't do her a lick of good to know physical science or archeology. Not a lick.

She heard something move in the back of the room, and a smile kissed the corners of her lips. This is what she loved. She turned around very, very slowly, and reached in her pocket for-

Oh, damn.

She barely heard the explosion before it found her.

Carmen scrambled around the room, feeling heat in her face, and suddenly, everything was blurry and confused. She couldn't see anything and she felt hot smoke on her clothes.

But she wouldn't give up. Not yet, anyway...

A huge fire blazed all around her, and she knew she wouldn't last in THIS room much longer. She tried to think; where did the next room lead to? Where, where, where?

Ugh! She coughed loudly, choking on smoke. Let's see... it leads to the game room. The 'pool room' they'd called it.

Oh, great, Carmen, leap into the room with wood tables and pray you stay away from FIRE. That would work. Yes, Carmen! Leap to your death! Well, as long as it was either die in here or die in there, might as well...

The glass window yielded under the force of her body weight slammed against it, and Carmen went flying into the next room. Only... she was falling down. Free falling in the air.

Of coarse! What other room has glass windows on the outsides of it?! Carmen, you dummy, it's a-

The excessively large mass of water hit her body like she'd hit glass. And the cold chlorination of the mass was like putting lemon on a paper cut. Her eyes were closed. She could hear the amplified roar of the fire from under the water. But at least she was safe...

She felt herself drowning and thought, 'if it's the last damn thing I do, I'm going to...complete...this mission!' With the literal last of her strength, she once again delved into her pocket.

The movement made her rise to the surface of the water, and she heard and felt, for the first time, the roaring flames and waves of heat they produced without distortion.

Dear god! I found it! She lifted the compact and heavy piece of metal in her hand, and streached all the way to the side of the pool to place it...

She sunk again. But she didn't care...until she couldn't breathe. She started a frantic scramble toward the surface-

A large wooden thing of some nature creaked above her. Though it was muffled by all the other noises in the room, somehow, she knew that wasn't good.

She felt a massive impact to the back of her head. Then she lay in the water, motionless.

Man. The P.h.D.on'ts were sure going to get a kick out of this one.

Partner

Carmen awoke to noise. Lots and lots of noise. She tried to sit up.

Oof! Not a good idea, judging by how her back felt. She was in a hospital bed. No doubt about it. She lay back down and listened to the sounds around her. She heard the chief's wife speaking with the man himself.

"Harry, damn it, you have too do something about that girl!" The short, fat woman screeched.

Who, me?

"Why, honey? She's our very best!"

"No, Harry, she's your most reckless. But the gray matter in that girl doesn't work. Besides...she's too young!"

"But-"

"She needs regulation, supervision, ... a partner!"

The chief must have been suppressing a laugh.

"Who?" He managed to say.

"A ladino, for one," Said his wife, counting off on her fingers. "Of good blood of coarse, not bad blood. But he should speak English like a first language-"

"He?"

"Just speaking general, dear. Third, he should be in college, to encourage the girl to get further education. Are you writing this down?" Asked the woman with the gold band on her left hand, jokingly.

"I'm sorry to say," said the chief, "That you lost me a long time ago."

"I'll say!" Snorted his wife. "About ten years ago! But, honestly, Harry, do consider it."

The man sighed. "I've been considering it. The girl will have none of it."

Damn tootin'!

Another long sigh came from the other room, and Carmen heard "I'll look. Maybe if we find the right person, she'll change her mind. By the way, why ladino?"

"Because," snapped the woman with a devious smile, "The mission demands it."

Uh-oh.

Sandiego

Sandiego heard the phone ring in his little apartment.

Damn. What time is it? It must be-

RIIIINNNGGG!

Sandiego scrambled out of bed to reach the phone. And with a voice so sleepy he barely knew it as his own, he answered.

"Hello? Why the 'ell a ya callin' at dis hour o' da ni"

"Mister Sandiego?"

"Er, yes?"

"This is chief inspector. I'd like to tell you about a job opening."

"Job? I already have a job I'd like to keep. Assuming I get enough sleep. Hey, that rhym-"

"I'm being serious."

"So am I."

"Good. I think...I think I can make you an offer you can't refuse."