Yzak's Revenge
Summary: Sequel to Yzak's Trials. It was a beautiful moment, Yzak thought. The sun was setting over the hills and Cagalli was screaming "Damn you Yzak! You get me down from here! Athrun? Athrun!"…. Yes, a beautiful moment.
Disclaimers: This is a (significantly longer) SEQUAL. Read (and review!) Yzak's Trials first! This story contains 1# Blatantly OOC Kira and multiple counts of swearing. It also contains animal cruelty. I do not own Gundam Seed. If I did, Natarle would have lived and gone on to rule the world and collect a harem, starting with Dullindal and Arnold.
Yzak's Revenge
Shiho Hahnenfuss, Yzak was forced to conclude, was not like most other girls. She had a temperament to match Yzak, formidable fighting skills and nature vicious enough to tear down baby birds and decapitate them with its teeth. Further more he gathered, from speaking to her secretary, that she detested shopping, detested fools, and had a 79.8 chance of firing the aforementioned air-head secretary within the next 3 days.
"Yzak Joule. To what do I owe this pleasure?" Shiho scowled from the door to her office. Her long brown hair was bound in an efficient pony tail.
Yzak stood. "I want to talk to you. Alone," He said, flicking his eyes to the secretary. However much Shiho disliked him, she seemed to dislike her current secretary more, and so invited him into her office… albeit with bad grace. The first thing Yzak noticed in her office, was a dartboard with a photo in the centre. The person in the photo had been so badly mutilated by darts, that he was only identifiable by the silver hair. Yzak ground his teeth.
"What do you want? I'm at least happy you've stopped proposing," Shiho's crisp voice didn't mince words.
"Dearka duped you," Yzak didn't mince words either.
"What?" Shiho demanded slowly.
"He was playing pranks. One part of them was to send you supposed love letters from me. I have sent you nothing since the midyear report," Yzak watched as the information sunk in, with Shiho's general "Back the fuck away" demeanor rising a notch to an impressive "I'm going to fucking murder someone, bitch" demeanor. To be honest, it was only Yzak's pride and Zaft training that kept him in his seat when she found her letter opener and started stabbing it into the table.
"Tell me," Shiho demanded.
70 x legal documents stating "Dearka is the Best"
1 x shattered window.
1 x application to become a male stripper.
3 x weeks of useless secretaries and a 3rd degree burn on his groin.
1 x guest lecture for female Zaft Pilots.
1 x (attempted) guest lecture for a pre-birth pregnancy class.
37 x faked love letters resulting in Shiho Hahnenfuss pinning a photograph of his face to a dart board, and trying to see how many bullseyes she could get.
(17 x Bullseyes)
Yzak Joule had never been a patient man at the best of times, and what ever patience and ability to laugh at himself he had; it had run out. Yzak wanted revenge. Bloody, painful, savage revenge. Dearka Elsmen was going down; down like the Titanic in that stupidly sappy Natural movie… if the Titanic had been stabbed a few times, dipped in acid, imploded, miraculously pieced itself back together and exploded, then had the remains set on fire. Yzak didn't consider himself dementedly sadistic, merely thorough and determined.
And so, in a thorough and determined manner, Yzak and Shiho began to come to some conclusions. Attha, Athrun's stupid Natural girlfriend was clearly to blame in this scenario, however Dearka Elsmen was 100,000 times more to blame and therefore became their first priority. While Zala was in no way to blame, Yzak hated him anyway.
"So what are we going to do about it?" Shiho growled, slamming her fist on the table.
"What do you want to do about it?" Yzak replied calmly, to buy himself more time. He did not want to explain the events of the past week…
4 days ago…
Yzak smirked, waiting for Dearka to realise what had happened to his most recent living acquisition. Dearka was the first one to notice its entrance.
"What the hell?" Dearka's jaw dropped.
Yzak's perfectly straight poker face flipped smoothly into "Oh Gosh!" mode.
"Yzak, I don't know why you're not laughing your ass off, I mean, you're the one that hates Athrun, right?" Dearka laughed.
"Athrun?" Yzak enquired with a sinking feeling.
"Yeah, that's Athrun's dog! I've just been minding him for a few days…" Dearka grinned upon seeing the shaved puppy, with "My name's Prancer and my owner wears heels!" tattooed on its side.
Attempt 1: Failed. Yzak mentally shrugged. If it hadn't been Dearka's, at least he'd gotten that damned Athrun.
2 days ago…
The classic 'bucket of water on head' trick was for beginners, yes, but Yzak was a lot better at "Kill now, regret later" than intricate revenge plans. And so, as he rubbed his hands together in evil glee, Yzak waited for Dearka's shout… and was disappointed yet again, as Kira instead came in dripping wet and looking like a drowned rat.
"Yzak…" Kira began, shaking his head, "- life is like a kitten. Sometimes it mewls a little, at night it gets lonely, and wants to cuddle with you, and you just can't resist it so you let it. And all through the night it moves around and paws you and wakes you up, but you think 'Hey, it's a kitten. Give it a break' so you just smile and roll over. And then you wake up in the morning, with a sleeping cat on your face and life has gone and clawed your cheek and vomited a little on your favourite pink pyjamas…"
By the time Kira had finished the 'Life is like a Kitten' speech and gone to find Athrun to tell him all about it, Yzak had a facial tic and a severe conviction to never, ever invest in any kind of living pet.
Present…
No, Shiho did not need to learn about that.
"We're going to plan," Shiho leaned forward, eyes flashing.
"…Ok." Yzak didn't quite understand where this was headed, considering he'd thought a step like that would have been obvious.
Standing, Shiho dragged him out past her secretary.
"We're going for the afternoon. I will see you on Monday," Shiho informed her, ignoring the secretary's blush as she picked up the phone. Yzak heard her whispering on it as they left, and wished he could fire her.
"You know your secretary thinks we're going to go have sex," Yzak mentioned dryly, imagining a swarm of killer bees to the secretary's face.
"Yes. And don't worry, I'm going to fire her," Shiho grated, a tiny blush appearing on her cheeks.
Yzak had to hand it to Hahnenfuss; she'd straight away identified a key player in the game- someone Yzak and Shiho needed on their side: Miriallia. The one natural who held the key to Elsman's heart, as well as his car, workplace and apartment.
Perfect.
They didn't bargain on the one request of Miriallia Haww, the determined and none too subtle natural.
"I want you two to kiss," Miriallia smiled smugly.
"WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO KISS THAT IDIOT?!" Shiho screamed.
"WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO KISS HAHNENFUSS?!" Yzak yelled.
Then they turned to each other, outraged. Miriallia smirked.
"That is what I want," Miriallia affirmed.
"What's in it for you?" Shiho turned suspicious eyes to the natural.
"Pure amusement," She answered truthfully.
"Fine," Shiho walked over and kissed Yzak's cheek so quickly that it might never have happened.
"Done," Shiho glowered.
"I don't think so. I'm talking tongue," Miriallia informed them gleefully.
"No way!"
"When Hell freezes over!" They cried simultaneously.
"Fine. I'll leave you two alone in the library to discuss whether you really want my help or not to get revenge on Dearka," Miriallia said confidently, ushering the pair into the library and leaving them there.
"Stupid natural," Yzak hissed, though without any real prejudice.
"She's being unreasonable! We don't need her help anyway!" Shiho growled.
Stung by her aversion to him, Yzak retorted "Nice to see you can't handle a kiss, Hahnenfuss," while blatantly ignoring his own previous horror.
"A kiss with YOU!" Shiho returned, and Yzak's eyes narrowed.
"You know what Hahnenfuss? I think you're scared." Yzak advanced with Shiho unconsciously retreating until her back hit a book shelf.
"Yzak?...Yzak?" Shiho began nervously as he moved into her personal space, face dark as he remembered her words. She had to crane her neck to meet his eyes.
"What are you so afraid of Shiho?" Yzak deliberately used her first name, unnerving her. Her eyes widened as he kissed her. It wasn't gentle, but it was passionate and Shiho found herself melting into him in bewilderment; burning up as he kissed her against the bookshelf of all places.
His tongue searched her mouth and she found that not only did she not mind, she was disappointed when he drew away with a hiss of pain. Shiho noticed him rubbing his head and bending down to pick up a book and even with that kiss as a distraction, was easily able to put two and two together.
She snickered as she realised the title of the book which had fallen on Yzak's head: "Revenge for Dummies". His attention was drawn back to Shiho; his gaze purely predatory as if he was considering a repeat of their kiss and Shiho quickly suggested that they read the book, ignoring the fact that her voice was at a higher pitch than usual.
Yzak smirked but sat, indicating the space next to him which she nervously took, cursing that he was so close to her but determinedly ignoring it. They flicked through the pages before Shiho slowly announced that she had a plan, grinning sadistically.
"Hahnenfuss… not many things scare me, but that look on your face has to be one of them," Yzak drawled. Miriallia chose then to make her entrance with a considering look at them.
"Well, you held up your end of the bargain so I'll hold up mine," Miriallia smiled.
"Wait… we…what?!" Shiho spluttered.
"How did you know?" Yzak asked suspiciously.
"Saw it," Miriallia replied, revealing a tiny camera hidden in one of the books.
"Your library's bugged?" he questioned incredulously.
"Of course! Why else would I leave people in it?" Sometimes Yzak thought that even if Miriallia hadn't had her genes scrambled, something upstairs had been.
"Golden Osprey to Silver Hawk: the drink is drugged," Miriallia hissed into the two way radio.
"I still don't get why we need dumb codenames," Yzak complained.
"Violet Eagle to Silver Hawk: Shut up. Golden Osprey: I'm on my way," Shiho replied.
In no time at all, a drugged up Kira was standing in front of all three smiling and waving at nothing. Yzak scowled.
"Kira! It's an emergency! We need you to save the world!" Mir shrieked.
Kira shrieked back at her and started flapping his arms. Mir sighed, Shiho gave Yzak a 'WTF?' look and Yzak shrugged.
"It is your duty to seduce Dearka, King of all Raincoats," Miriallia tried again.
"Raincoats?" Kira asked slowly.
"Raincoats," she nodded, "…if Dearka, King of all Raincoats is not stopped… the world as we know it will cease to exist," She cried dramatically.
"Cease to exist?" Kira gasped.
"Yes Kira," Shiho said impatiently and handed Kira a dress, fishnet stockings, high heels and a Tazer. "Now go and change."
Kira staggered back out dressed in a horrible sequined concoction and watched carefully by all three as he found Dearka… after some difficulty with a table.
"Where'd he get the lipstick?" Yzak asked curiously, as Kira's mouth was smeared red like a clown. Shiho and Miriallia had no idea.
Kira danced for a few minutes with Dearka, who disturbed, motioned that Kira stay put and found Athrun.
"Can you watch Kira? He's drunk off his face, dressed in really bad drag and mumbling about raincoats. Just watch him until I can find a steak." Dearka pushed Athrun into Kira who apparently didn't realise he'd changed dancing partners. Kira latched on and set about 'seducing', trying to kiss 'Dearka' and only managing to smear red lipstick down Athrun's cheek.
"Err, Kira?" Athrun asked, as Kira intertwined one of his legs with Athrun's.
"FOR OUR NON-RAINCOAT LOVING WORLD!" Kira yelled, before Tazering Athrun's left ass cheek.
Unfortunately for Kira, he'd forgotten he was touching Athrun and the end result took them both out.
"Well that was interesting," Mir commented.
"Do we have a backup plan?" Shiho sighed.
The next day, the final plan was to be set in motion.
"Dearka. Training. Now," Yzak grated, surprising Dearka because they hadn't done Officer training exercises in… well, ever.
"Oh, can I come?" Athrun asked curiously, not being an officer serving under Yzak's command.
"Athrun!" Cagalli ground out, holding a picnic basket in clenched hands and Athrun had the grace to look guilty. Yzak immediately cheered up.
"Sure thing… if you've recovered from your Tazer wound." Yzak smirked as Athrun coloured and Cagalli elbowed him in the ribs. When they arrived in the country base, Yzak made an excuse and went off to search for Miriallia and Shiho, who would be putting the finishing touches on their master plan.
"Well Hahnenfuss?" Yzak enquired as soon as he found them.
"Just as you said… a trail of Tacos right to the hot air balloon. Dearka climbs in, I press this button, he goes up and doesn't come down for a long time. It will work… as long as he likes Tacos." Shiho commented.
"I once saw Cagalli and Dearka wrestling over the last Taco on a plate and it was ugly. Dearka told her he'd punch her in the Ovaries and she smashed a plate over his head." Yzak reminisced, shuddering.
"Sounds like the two of them alright," Mir grinned.
"Well then, let's go and watch the fun," Shiho grinned back.
"Hey guys…" Miriallia paused, looking worried for a moment, considering an unforseen possibility.
"What?!" Yzak barked.
"…nothing," Miriallia said thoughtfully before walking ahead of the two and muttering about Tacos, balloons and fate as they settled to watch from an optimal vantage point.
"Yzak?" Shiho turned to Yzak and he thought that for a moment, with the sun behind her lending her a golden glow, she almost looked beautiful…
"YZAK JOULE!" Shiho screamed in his face.
"WHAT HAHNENFUSS?!" Yzak returned, taken aback, shaking his head and deciding that for the brief moment he'd been admiring Shiho, he could be declared officially insane. Even if kissing her was dangerously addictive...
"Dearka's not in the balloon..." Shiho informed him.
"WHAT?!" Yzak spat furiously.
"Cagalli is," Shiho added, as Yzak thought over the implications of this. How Dearka had once again escaped punishment, Yzak could not fathom.
"CAGALLI!" Athrun yelled, as the hot air balloon floated off, running below it as fast as he could in a futile attempt to reach her.
"ATHRUN?! WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Cagalli cried, gripping the sides, Taco sauce around her mouth. So that was what Miriallia had been wondering about. Perhaps Dearka had escaped punishment... But the important thing was, Yzak noted as he watched Cagalli continue to scream and Athrun continue to run around, that someone had gotten punished and he'd be damned if he wasn't pleased it was Athrun.
It was a beautiful moment, Yzak thought. The sun was setting over the hills, Athrun was chasing a hot air balloon over the countryside, Shiho had failed to contain her amusement and broke into laughter and Cagalli was screaming "Damn you Yzak! You get me down from here! Athrun? Athrun!"… Yes, a beautiful moment.
The End
A/N:
Well what did you think? Any queries, comments or suggestions are always welcomed! For the people who loved the first story, I tried to write something that would entertain you again! Please review and tell me what you thought!
xoxo Nara Occult