Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other character in the series.
Note: This story was written for a competition on Hogsmeade Station.
Corruption.
He was pure, once.
Until she touched him, until she came to him, he was pure.
"Lily, please, you've got to understand!"
"What is there to understand, Sev? Let go!" With that, Lily Evans broke free from his grasp and ran away. Away to Potter, that bullying little piece of dung.
He stood in the hallway helplessly. He could cast spells and curses of frightening effect, but he had no power over a simple emotion. Regret.
It was her fault, her corruption.
"Please, my Lord, please spare her, spare Lily Evans!" Once he had spoken, he knew he had gone too far.
The Dark Lord's eyes stared coldly at him. He bowed his head to hide his tears. Death Eaters do not cry. They do not pity. They do not love. They only hate.
"Snape. What would a noble man like you want with a dirty Mudblood like Lily Evans?" His Lord's voice was like an icy snake, cold yet sinuous.
"My… my Lord, I…"
The Dark Lord turned away.
He clenched his fist tightly, until the knuckles turned white. He felt degraded. He felt possessed. He felt lost.
It was her fault, her corruption.
Lily was like her name, a flowery plant, bursting with life. He often watched her play, her emerald eyes lighting up with joy. He envied that joy, no, he coveted it. He coveted her.
Her sister, in comparison, was a dump. She was jealous of Lily, he could see that straightaway. She wanted to be a witch, to do magic.
He watched her gaze at Lily with a longing when Lily somehow bewitched the flower. He knew Lily didn't know what she was. He knew he could not tell her. Yet, he sprung out of his hiding place.
That dump of a sister screamed. He ignored her. "It's obvious, isn't it?"
"What's obvious?" Lily asked. He saw her eyes up close then, and fell in love with that sparkling green.
"I know what you are."
"What do you mean?"
"You're… you're a witch."
"That's not a nice thing to say to somebody!" She stalked off.
That simple act was the beginning of his downfall.
She began to eat away at his mind. He could never concentrate. He was young. He was disturbed. He was obsessed.
It was her fault, her corruption.
He hated James Potter and his gang of Marauders. He hated him for taking her away more than he hated their taunts. He hated the way he smiled around her, the way he looked at her. He hated that she smiled back at him, that she looked back at him. He felt sick.
He watched her, just like when they were young. He watched her laugh, he watched her cry. He watched her study, he watched her play.
He hated Gryffindor twofold. One, because he was not in the House and she was… and Potter was. Two, because the red of the House echoed the red of her hair. Every time there was a Quidditch match with Gryffindor playing, he'd make up some excuse to skip it. It was disconcerting to see Potter fly around with his Quidditch robes of red, of her red.
"I don't know you anymore." That was what she said to him. He had broken down. All for her. All for a red-haired girl with emerald eyes.
He turned to the Death Eaters for solace. They were so emotionless, and he? He was so full of emotion. His parents were ashamed of him. Lily hated him.
All he wanted was to be detached.
He now knew why he was named Severus. To sever something is to remove all contact. He was isolated, cut off, severed from everything.
He didn't want to be himself anymore. He just wanted to stop HER from invading his thoughts. He wanted to be alone.
How did it turn out this way?
It was her fault, her corruption.
He turned to Dumbledore for help. He needed to save her. Although she was married to that Potter, she would forever be that small girl he watched transform into a witch. Dumbledore was disgusted by him, he could see that. The Dark Lord as well, he knew. He was unwanted by everybody, he realized. He could want, but he would never be wanted.
He gave himself to Dumbledore that night. He went against everything he believed. He betrayed the evilest man in the world. He did it all for her.
It was her fault, her corruption.
Did you know, hidden by his clothes there are some scars?
Dumbledore knew. He knew of his affection for her. Dumbledore called it love. Severus called it a scar that would never heal. Just like his Dark Mark, it would haunt him and it would burn him…
Some are recent; some have been there for years.
"How do you explain this, Dumbledore?" The Ministry official barked, lifting the sleeve of Severus' robes.
"Severus Snape was a Death Eater. Nevertheless, he is now a reformed man. He was a spy in You-Know-Who's army. He risked his life." He was grateful for Dumbledore's defence; Azkaban was a horrible place. It reminded him of his painful memories, all those years ago…
Did you know it doesn't even hurt?
Whenever he looked at Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, he felt no pain, but a simple ache as well as anger. The boy looked so much like Potter, but only his eyes…
It never really hurts but there are tears.
His eyes reminded him of her. It was as if he could see through time and watch her play again. The thought of it made bitter tears rush into his eyes. He wiped them away. He was not allowed to cry…
Have you seen the way he acts sometimes?
Sometimes, he loathed his job. Lily had been a dab hand at Potions, he remembered. To teach the subject had been both a blessing and a curse.
A blessing, because he could see her eyes staring at him in the classroom.
A curse, because he knew that, like his mother's eyes, Potter's eyes were full of contempt and disgust…
And when you ask, he'll say that he's ok.
"Are you well, Severus?" Dumbledore asked when he'd stormed into the Headmaster's office after a Potter incident.
"Fine," he'd say, "fine, except for Potter, that arrogant toerag! He's just like his father…"
Have you seen how well he pretends?
He saved Potter, not once, but many times.
He saw Dumbledore's face when the deed had been done. Pity was in the Headmaster's eyes.
Why? Was he to be pitied?
He found out that he was wrong.
"Have you grown to care for the boy after all?" Dumbledore said.
He couldn't believe it.
"For him? Expecto patronum!" It took a mere memory of Lily's laughing figure to trigger the silver doe to burst out of the end of his wand.
"After all this time?" He saw that Dumbledore was crying.
"Always," he turned away, tears forming in his eyes as well…
Laughs out loud before he looks away?
Yaxley had poked fun of Bellatrix's loss of her prisoners and the circle of Death Eaters had laughed, Bellatrix's eyes glowering.
He himself laughed as well, but as soon as he turned away, he breathed a sigh of relief…
All his sufferings over the years... They were borne all because of her.
It was her fault, her corruption.
That night, the Battle of Hogwarts, the Dark Lord summoned him to the Shrieking Shack and set Nagini on him, to take full possession of the Elder Wand.
The Potter boy and his two friends were there. His memories flooded out of his damaged body.
"Take… it… Take… it…"
As he felt his strength leaving him and as he saw the black abyss welcoming him, he whispered three words.
"Look… at… me…"
He looked into eyes that were hers, yet not hers. This was his fate all along.
To see, but not to own.
To want but be unwanted.
To love, but be hated.
It was her fault, it was her corruption.
He was pure, until she came to him, until she touched him.
Once, he was pure.
Corruption.
"With this kind of living, I'd much rather face death." – Severus Snape, in his journal bequeathed to Harry James Potter upon his death.
The End. Song by Lene Marlin, called Never To Know from her album, Lost in a Moment.