the defective detective farm

by Insufferable git-face

Oh, GOD. Not ANOTHER Wammy one-shot collection! Because, really, in between over imaginative Mello, not so innocent bystander Matt, suicidal A, psycho B, indifferent L, artsy Linda, and a very sheepy Near, who knows the possibilities! rating for Mello

1. Not in that way

This first chapter is brought to you buy SPORKS! Yes, sporks never let you down...anyway, this contains in jokes, so you might not get it. just don't flame me because "i cant undrstan, so it mus b stoopd!"

Disclaimer: I do NOT own death note, or any of its characters. I do own the jokes, so no copying!

Birds chirping, the sun casting its warm ray's on the playroom of a certain genius orphanage. A perfect scenic picture, right? That's what Matt thought. That is, until he saw a certain number one genius sitting in the middle of the floor. Now, that in itself wasn't what was bothering Matt. What was though was the fact that near was sitting on the floor, BUTT NAKED, and playing with two Barbie dolls that mysteriously looked like him and near.

"What. The. FUCK, man." He said. Near looked his way, with a blank expression.

"Oh, hello Matt. Would you care to play too?" Near said, looking down again, and continuing his doll make-out session.

"Hell no. I just wanted to see if you knew where Mello was?" Matt asked, looking away from Near's very…Sheepy figure.

"Where whosa-whatsit?" Mello said, coming out of nowhere.

"JESUS CHRIST WITH A HEAD OF LICE, MELLO!" Matt freaked out.

"Matt, we talked about this. He's the son of God, so that means he has all of heaven and earth to care for his hair." Mello said, smiling at the epic ownage of his best friend.

"Riiight…let's just get out of here." Matt shuddered, heading for the door.

"Why the hell would I want to d- Oh." Mello said, looking to find that near had turned his doll playing into a threesome. "Ah, touché."

"Damn straight." And with that, they left, Near still continuing his Barbie threesome.

Later that night, Mello and Matt were sitting in their room, studying, when Mello suddenly snickered.

"What?" Matt asked, putting down advanced calculus for dummies! Volume 1.

"Oh nothing, nothing…" Mello replied, and they went back to studying. A few more minutes passed, and Mello chuckled again.

"Okay seriously dude, what the f-"Matt looked to Mello's spiral notebook, and saw a stick figure of him getting fucked by a stick figure of near.

"WHAT THE FUCK! I DON'T LIKE NEAR IN THAT WAY, MELLO!"

THE END.

Okay, so this was chapter one…umm, wish me luck on it, and don't be afraid to review! Seriously, I need you guys to tell me where I stand on how I write!

~Insufferable git-face.