A/N : It's my first fanfiction in English, I hesitated a lot before publishing it, I hope it's readable and the ~ possible ~ grammar mistakes won't hurt your eyes. The story takes place after House & Cuddy ~ stupid, OOC, I-am-so-bitter-I-could-scream ~ break up, let's say it takes place after Momma Cuddy's try to get them back together.

I do not own any HOUSE character, Shore does. If I did, they would be having sex like horny bunnies everywhere, all the time and I wouldn't regret anything. And Taub ~ also known as the hairy dawrf with a big nose ~ won't have this insane amount of screentime.

Enjoy & review if you feel like reviewing - Tell me if I should write another chapter xx

It was never enough

House was so freaking damn drunk, he didn't even know where he was or if he could even make his way to the bedroom. He used to drink from time to time but never that much, not even when one of his favorite soap operas had been canceled and God knows, he loved this damn show. If he was sober he would have laughed at himself - this pathetic jerk, smelling alcohol, fighting the need to throw up at every hiccup that made him slightly jump up... Although, he didn't pop any Vicodin that night, he would have overdosed, he knew he would and nothing nor nobody would have saved him. To be honest, he didn't quite remember why he started drinking in the first place, boredom wasn't an excuse and as much as he loved Scotch, getting wasted that way wasn't the most awesome feeling ever. Truth be told, he felt numb and almost painless. Truth be told, he still felt miserable and he didn't understand why. Why once the pain gone away didn't he feel better ?

He tried to sit up but failed, his head fell back on the couch and everything went dark. No light, no hope, nothing. He was asleep.

Look at you idiots, who else is going to put up with either of you ?

Arlene Cuddy had to torment him in his dreams, as if dealing with her in real wasn't enough. He mumbled. House did understand her not-so-evil plan from the beginning while her own daughter was clueless all along and he didn't know how to take it. Sure Cuddy and him needed to talk seriously about their issues, his ex not mother-in-law had a point but things weren't that easy. They were both extremely stubborn and extremely hurt by the break up. There wasn't any reconciliation ahead, Cuddy made it pretty clear. He didn't have to be forgiven for being who he was, did he ?

That night he dreamed about her, about them, about what they had been through and for the first time in such a long time, tears ran down his face and he cried himself to sleep.

xxx

House woke up insanely late this Tuesday morning, he felt dizzy, obviously dealing with a massive hangover and he wished he could bang his head against the wall to make this fucking headache go away. Slowly pulling himself together, he sat up massaging his leg absentmindedly and winced once he smelt the disagreeable scent of alcohol mixed up with vomit coming from his shirt. He was about to take some Vicodin when his phone rang, the ring tone almost painful to hear for someone with a Goddamn migraine. He reached out and picked up, clearing his throat before talking.

" I'm fine, I'm not suicidal, not drunk, not stoned, you can hang up and team up with Cuddy's mom – Wait, we're not getting back together. Get over it."

"You didn't show up to work, I was about to assume you overdosed" Wilson sighed. "I didn't know Arlene wanted to sue you on purpose, we didn't go to secret meetings together or whatever your crazy mind made up."

" Your call is purely useless, not to mention I was supposed to watch-

" House. You need to confront her."

" As much as I enjoy the idea of staring at Cuddy's perky breasts while she yells at me... Not gonna happen." He popped a pill and swallowed it dryly. " She doesn't want us to reconcile, I'm fine with that"

" Avoiding your issues won't fix anything, it will eventually make them get worse. You won't get over her."

"I'm so much better without her."

"Said the man who drank the whole night." His best friend replied ironically. " You're being an idiot and we both know you're smarter than that. You have been clean for two years !"

"I got bored so I told myself, why not popping Vicodin from time to time ?"

" If you're not at work this afternoon, I will come over and …. I will come over"

House could easily picture Wilson's expression at that exact moment and he let out a chuckle, standing up and slowly making his way to the bathroom.

" Alright Jimmy boy, I knew you couldn't live without me."

" House, behave..."

He rolled his eyes and hung up, throwing his phone on a pile of clothes before getting naked. He would never admit his best friend was right about his need to have a serious talk with Cuddy. Playing games wasn't as funny as it used to be. She made him happier than he had been so far, he tried to change, he did his best and it was never enough. House sighed and grabbed the soap. She never gave him a real chance. She was scared, he was scared, maybe they weren't ready yet, maybe she shouldn't have saved him that day...

He didn't even dare telling his best friend he wasn't in Princeton anymore, he wouldn't go to work today nor tomorrow. He booked a hotel the day before, got drunk and forgot where he was, not caring about the consequences of his behavior. Nobody would worry anyway, nobody would look after him, he was way better alone and miserable.

He finally stepped out of the shower after a while, pulled on his boxers, massaged his aching leg and reached for his phone again. Should he call a hooker ? He shook his head, he could deal with his sexual needs on his own, he didn't need anyone anymore. He painfully swallowed two pills and threw his phone away, wincing in pain. House was hurting like never before, the physical pain increasing along with the emotional one and he wondered how he was still alive. He would rather die than ask for help, his leg was his own issue and he was the only one that could understand how bad it hurt. He sat on the cold bathroom floor and closed his eyes. If he had to rank his pain, it would have been a 8. He barely heard his phone ringing somewhere in the room and tried to sit up, unsuccessfully.

"You have nothing House, nothing." These few words were the last ones he thought about before passing out. She wouldn't be his savior. He was alone.

TBC