"You're not dead." The words slipped out of his mouth. He didn't know where they came from. He didn't know anything anymore.

Cas wasn't dead. No way. They'd just found each other again.

Dean reached out a shaking hand and put it against Cas' face. It slipped down to his throat to find a pulse. There had to be a pulse.

Something deep in his chest shattered when he couldn't feel anything except the heat leaving Cas' body.

"You're not dead. You're not, Cas. Stop pretending, Lucifer's gone you can stop now." Because Cas had lit up for show, hadn't he? He was smart like that. Pretending. That's all this was, pretending to be still.

Dean shook Cas' shoulder. "C'mon, gigs up. I know you're just messing with me." His throat turned to a dry desert when Cas' head lolled into his lap with no response.

"Cas," He croaked out, fear rising in his chest. His clasped Cas' head in his hands again. "Stop it. You're scaring me."

Just wake up. Stop pretending.

He stared at Cas' face, waiting for those eyelids to flutter open so he could look Cas in the eyes again. So they could get going, start working together again. So he could tell him not to do this ever again.

Just wake up.

But Cas' eyelids were shut firmly. His skin cooler than the air around them. A thought was pushing at Dean's head, but even knowing it was there was making his brain sear in agony.

This might not be pretense.

Wake. Up.

Footsteps approached, and Dean shoved that thought way down.

"Oh God, Cas…" Sam said in this dumb voice like he'd lost something. They hadn't lost anything. Cas wasn't dead. Sam crouched down beside them, taking Cas' hand that had been lying against his stomach. "He's ice cold…"

"It's just the wind, Sammy. It's cold tonight that's all." Dean murmured, feeling Sam's eyes on him. He didn't want to meet that gaze, knew what he would see there. Instead he looked down at Cas' shirt, where there was a perfect rip in the shirt, red seeping out of it steadily.

Suddenly Dean felt immensely stupid. "Sam - He's still bleeding! Get bandages!" He might be yelling, he couldn't tell. He pushed at Sam's shoulder, but his brother didn't move. "What are you waiting for? Go get them!"

"Dean …" Sam looked lost for words, his mouth floundering. He knew that face. The 'I'm sorry for your loss' face.

"Don't you dare say it-"

"There's no point." Sam's voice cracked. "He's dead."

The world could've crashed down around Dean and he wouldn't have noticed. His had ended right then.

Whatever was left of his strength left him, and he collapsed sideways onto the ground next to Cas' body. The dark ground was cold, but warmer than Cas hand in his. Dark spots in his vision were blocking out the sight of Cas face next to his on the soil. Somewhere there was a worried sounding vibration. Sam? Maybe - it didn't matter.

Cas wasn't waking up.

Dean had collapsed next to Cas' body, and Sam hauled both their bodies into the Impala. He waited for Dean to come back to consciousness, gave him some water, then got into the drivers' seat.

Sam didn't know what to do, except drive. So that's what he did.

He drove, with Dean cradling Cas' paled face in the backseat along dark empty streets for miles, his mind blank.

What did they do now? What could they do? He took a glance into the rear view mirror. More accurately, what could he do. He doubted Dean would be able to function for a while.

"What happened to uh, Lucifer junior?" Dean asked steadily from the back seat, surprising Sam. He tried not to let the surprise show, and kept his eyes level with Dean's in the mirror. He didn't look like he'd been crying but … that would come later. After the drinking. He hadn't expected Dean to want to communicate with anyone. Not after … his eyes drifted to Cas' body again. Not after that.

"Ran upstairs to find Kelly dead and some foot prints leaving the room. There was a nursery or something, and 'Jack' was in there. Fully formed." Sam didn't mention the other stuff. The fact the footprint had been bloody. The yellow eyes.

Dean nodded, considering. "He pulled an Amara? Super-growth or whatever?" His hands still hadn't left Cas' face.

"Something like that." Sam agreed easily. His eyes flickered from the road back to the mirror. "You seem … calm. Considering." Sam spoke lowly. He didn't want to send Dean into a tailspin but this level of casualness over his best friends' dead body was … concerning.

"Yeah well," Dean shrugged gently, looking down and running a hand through Cas' hair fondly. "We gotta focus on something until this guy wakes up."

Ah. That's why. Dean 'denial' Winchester.

Sam bit his lip, debating whether to say anything. How deep in denial was Dean over this? "What do you think we should do with the body?" He tested gently.

"Put him in his room."

"Wouldn't … wouldn't it be better to put him outside. In nature?"

Dean let out a small laugh, frowning. "What, you don't want him to wake up in bed or something?"

The laugh scraped along Sam's brain and he felt sick. Dean was laughing about this, like it was certain Cas would wake up. But Sam saw Cas' grace leave him, they both had. Cas was gone - but Dean was acting like he was taking a nap. Swallowing back his sudden nausea, Sam didn't respond.

He reached for the tape player, wanting to drown out those thoughts. The Rain Song started playing by Led Zeppelin. It washed over Sam and took him out of the moment.

"Turn it off." Dean said gruffly from behind him.

"Wha-"

"Turn it off, Sammy."

Sam switched it off.

Arriving in silence, Sam parked the Impala in the garage.

They'd seen people die before, it came with the life. And of course it hurt them every time. But they understood that they were dead. When Charlie died, Dean had understood that. Had carried her body to the pyre, mourned, and moved on.

This was different. And Sam has an idea of why, not that he'd ever bring it up with Dean.

Seeing that Dean was trying to get Cas' body out of the backseat, Sam walked over to help.

"Here, let me -" A hand smacked down on his, and Sam backed off at the fierce look Dean gave him.

"No. Let me do this." Dean demanded firmly, then his stance softened. "He'd probably freak out to find you carrying him. Too much altitude." The smirk he gave Sam was thin, but enough for Sam to smile back, his heart breaking every second.

Dean gathered Cas gently in his arms, his dark head of hair resting on Dean's shoulder. Sam felt tears prick at his eyes with no warning. He looks like he's sleeping.

With blurry vision, he watches Dean carry Cas into the bunker bridal-style. That's when he decided.

Sure, this job meant deaths. But not this death.

Because Cas' death? Would be the death of Dean as well.

Sam wasn't going to let that happen.

Cas' body was stiffer now, less flexible. His hand didn't curl into Dean's anymore.

Slowly, he lowered Cas down onto his bed and smiled sadly at the sight.

"Sam wanted to put you outside, can you believe that?" He huffed, pushing some strands of hair from Cas' forehead where they had been flattened against his shoulder. "The nerve of that dude."

No response.

It was alright though, because sometimes Cas got quiet like that. He'd talk later.

Later. The word made Dean's knees weaken and he sat heavily down next to Cas body. He felt sick as the body rolled towards him. There had to be a 'later', there had to. Otherwise Dean didn't know what to do with himself.

He takes a deep breath.

"I know you're in there, Cas. I know you can hear me." His voice seemed loud in the silent room. A room that usually played a show on Cas' TV, or some music on the radio. Or the quiet conversations they shared sometimes. Cas read out loud a few nights, to himself or to the brothers when they were around.

I miss your voice.

"Just letting you know, I'll do what I can to get you to wake up. Sammy too." He poked Cas' shoulder with a small smirk. "Can't go napping on us just yet." The smirk faded into nothing when his finger met a stiff shoulder. Cas' eyelids didn't even flicker.

I miss your eyes.

"Hey listen - just for a bit of payback, I'm going to sit right over there," He gestured to the sofa in the room, a few feet from the bed. "And watch over you. Until you wake up. That cool, buddy?"

No response.

I miss you.

Wake up.

"Alright. Sleep well, Cas. See you in the mornin'." He hesitated. Gently, he left a small peck on Cas' forehead. He stayed there a moment with his eyes shut - and didn't see the light flickering around Cas as he did so.

The light had faded by the time Dean sat back up.

Dean fell asleep on the sofa staring at the dark outline of Cas until his eyes slammed shut, powering his body down for the night.

You're not dead.

In the veil.

Have faith, Dean.

I'm not dead.