A/N: Hello everyone. I know I haven't posted anything in a long time, but I was practically computer-less for a pretty long time. About Methods of a Mother, I am sorry if I am going to disappoint someone, but I don't intend on continuing it. I still haven't marked it as complete, but I kinda like the way I left it. Who knows, maybe, sometime in the future, I will add something to it, maybe do a sequel. For now, enjoy this little fic that came to my mind at 2am… I am not going to say it is a one-shot ( we know how that worked out the last time.) but I don't intend to continue it as well. Only if you really liked it. And now, finally, on with the story.

Summary: During Kate's break down in Kill shot, Castle follows her. Things are going AU from there.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own anything associated with Castle.

Our shattered hearts

-chapter 1

"Why me? What did I do? Why is somebody trying to kill me?"

"Emily have you seen anybody watching you lately?" she was proud that her voice wasn't shaking. Much.

"No.. I.. I don't know…" only more incoherent sounds of fear and confusion came out of Emily's mouth. Kate was only vaguely aware of the EMT saying something about hospital. Oh god, hospital. With so many instruments to pierce your skin, to save your life, to leave a reminder of what happened in it's wake.

It was all too much. Her vision was blurring, hands shaking, vivid images of her stay in that white room, shattered by the searing pain erupting within the confines of her whole body, her chest, her lungs. Her heart. The whole world started to spin uncontrollably, her head pounding, Come on, Kate. Get a grip. All of sudden, Emily's hand was gripping her arm, holding on for a dear life.

"No, he's still outside." The woman's cries of fear penetrated Kate's thoughts. He's still outside. He's still outside. Those words echoed in her mind, filling her with gut-clenching fear, her spine stiffening with the ravenous emotion. He's still outside, because she let him. Because she was incapable of catching him. "Emily, you are going to be fine." As if that was even possible. It was all too much, too much for her heart and mind to take it. Oh God, she needs to get out of here.

She ran to the first door she could find, her flight instinct winning over the fight, Castle's voice calling her name only a whisper at the back of her mind. Fear consumed her thoughts, confusion, hurt, and every other emotion she had been holding in since the funeral lacing through every cell and fiber of her being. The words from a few months ago sprung to her mind.

Kate, I love you. I love you Kate. Oh, Castle. How much she must've hurt him.

Her thoughts now running completely free, something she didn't let herself do from the day her captain died, either. Everything was too much. Her jacket, her badge, her gun. Suffocating her. Slowly killing her from the inside. Reminding her of all the things she couldn't do and say and now it's too late. As she said to Castle the other night, everybody was gone. Oh God, Castle. Even in her delirious state, her mind always wandered back to Castle.

Always. Always. But how could he possibly love her, this weak form of her, when he saw her at her best? How could he admire this weak Kate, when Beckett was all he saw at the precinct? He couldn't, and he shouldn't have to. Anguish filled her head, her heart, her whole being. He couldn't. Castle couldn't love her anymore.

She could feel her knees buckle at the realization. Her back hit the wall, slowly sliding down onto the floor, her weak knees finding their way to her chest, holding the last pieces of her body together as her heart fell apart.

Castle had been helplessly watching her disappear behind the thick door, the thing creating another barrier, another wall between them. He came closer, his mind in the middle of a raging war. He knew he should respect her privacy, but his protective instinct was kicking in, wanting to help her, to hold her, his whisper a soothing presence in her ear. He wanted his body to engulf her. Protect her from the world. But that is not what they do.

He didn't even realize when his body became pressed against the wooden door, his ear straining to hear something, to let him know that she was okay.

A muffled thud could be heard from the other side of the door. His hand was ready at the handle, his body fighting against his own mind. But all his restraint went to hell when he heard an unmistakable sound of sniffling. Oh my God, Kate Beckett was crying. Every sound, every cry, filled with anguish, pushed his hand lower on the handle. He didn't even realize it. By the time his hand finally pushed the handle all the way down, gasps were filling his ears.

"Castle…" his name came out of her mouth on a shaky whisper. It was the last thing he needed, that invisible power breaking what was left of his resolve, to hear Kate calling, consciously or not, for his help made something tick inside him. Kate needed him, and screw privacy, screw everything, he needed to help her. His last thought before he crossed the threshold (metaphorical and literall) was that he had to help her.

"Beckett?...Kate?" he tried when she didn't react. Her head turned towards him, so she obviously registered the sound of his voice. That made him hope that maybe she wasn't completely gone, but when her head turned to fully face him, her eyes were glaced over, unseeing.

"I am so sorry." He almost didn't understand what she was saying because her breath kept hitching and her whole body was shaking from the force of her cries.

"What?"

"I am so sorry, Castle."

"What are you sorry for, Kate?" but instead of an answer, all he got was more hiccupping and crying and a few more I am sorry-s.

Rick was at loss as what to do now. He knew that Kate wanted privacy, but she was clearly in no condition to even register him being there, much less to take care of this, of whatever this is, by herself. And there was no universe in which he would leave her crying on the floor all alone. He noticed that her hand kept returning to her chest every few seconds, landing on her heaving chest. And then it hit him.

The bullet wound.

The case.

The sniper.

He took out his phone.

"Yo, bro!" Rick heard after a few seconds.

"Hey, Espo. I need your help."

"Is everything ok, man?" Esposito immediately latched onto the concern in his voice.

"I don't…no. Everything is not ok. It´s Kate… I think she´s-" it was hard to explain what he was seeing right now. He had never seen Kate look this vulnerable. "I think she is having a panic attack."

"What makes you say that? What is she doing?" Castle could hear the same concern he felt coming from the other side of the line.

"Well… she is whimpering, thrashing around and clutching her chest. And she isn't responding to me. At all. Espo, I can see the terror in her eyes, what am I supposed to do?" he was getting frantic now. He had to help her.

"Okay, man. First of all, you need to calm down." When he didn't hear anything from the other side, Espo continued. "Take a deep breath."

"Don't tell me to tak-" Castle was starting to get angry. Espo was supposed to help him and Kate just kept thrashing and crying.

"I mean it, bro." when he didn't get a response to that, he added: "She needs you." After a few moments of silence, he could hear puffing, indicating that Castle followed through. "Okay. Now you need to calm her down a bit because she could hurt herself. I know she still isn't one hundred percent from the shooting. Talk to her… you know just be your usual self. Try to get her home or something."

"Okay, thanks Espo." And with that he ended the call. He felt somewhat calmer now that he has a goal. Take care of Kate. Lessen her pain. Help her.

Kate was thrashing around when he knelt next to her, his knees just barely touching her hip. He pulled his head away in the last second, Kate´s fisted hand just barely missing his nose.

"Hey, hey Kate…easy. It´s me, Castle." He said, trying to make his voice come out as soothing, when internally he was freaking out. He caught her hand with his.

"Castle?" Kate asked, utterly confused.

"Yeah." That seemed to break through. She threw her arms around his neck and the flow of tears that had finally stopped just a few moments ago started with much bigger intensity. Kate´s head landed on his shoulder, safely tucked under his chin. He could feel her hot pants on his neck, her tears drenching his dress shirt. His arms instinctively wrapped around her waist. He straightened his legs, his back hitting the white wall in the process, and pulled Kate into his lap, her head never moving from his shoulder.

"I am so sorry Castle. So, so sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" now he was the one who was completely confused.

"I am sorry…for… lying. Castle I am so sorry." He knew that it was selfish, but he still tried to get more out of her. But he realized really soon that, at the moment, she wasn't capable of saying anything other than I am sorry. So he just sat there with her in his arms and waited until her hiccups and cries were reduced to occasional whimper or sniffle. After what felt like hours, but in reality was more like half an hour, he realized that this is the best that she would get at the moment and Rick knew that he had to get her out of here.

Rick suspected that she was still miles away from here, and his suspicion was only confirmed when she didn't protest when he tried to stand up with her still in his arms. With a little struggle caused by his knees (no, he definitely wasn't getting old) he managed to stand up and get his hand under Kate´s knees to hold her up in his arms. He somehow managed to open the door and sneak around all the officers at the scene. He knew that Kate wouldn't want anyone, even him, to see her like this, much less a half of the 12th that was currently present.

He was suddenly very relieved when he remembered that they all went to the crime scene in Espan´s cruiser because he didn´t think he was capable of letting Kate go for even a second. He sat at the nearest bench that he could find, making one of his hands let go of Kate´s back to pull out his phone and call his car service. Not even ten minutes later, a black car appeared.

With a little help from driver, which consisted of opening the door for Castle and then closing it afterwards, Castle managed to get into his seat, not letting go of Beckett in the process. When they arrived to his building, Eduardo opened the door for them, looking quite concerned. But one look on Castle´s face told him not to ask. So he just called the elevator and returned to his post, but not before wishing Castle a good night.

Castle tried half-heartedly to send the man a smile. His focus was solely on Kate. She seemed to calm down during their ride and she was almost asleep on his shoulder by the time Martha opened the door to the loft.

"Oh my, Richard, What happened? Is she ok?"

"I hope so." He said, concern once again taking over his voice. "Where´s Alexis?"

"She´s upstairs, she had been studying all afternoon and called it a night about a half an hour ago."

"Okay." Castle answered, already heading for his bedroom.

"But Richard, What happened to Katherine?"

"I am not sure." Castle stopped in his tracks, a desperate look in his eyes. "I´m going to put her down in the bedroom."

"Oh, Kiddo!" Martha realized that now wasn't the time to ask questions and demand answers, so she let her son go with last: "Take care of her." Castle didn´t reply to that, just crossed the short distance from his office to the bedroom. He heard footsteps on the stairway, indicating that his mother called it a night as well.

Kate woke up from her light slumber when he put her on the bed. He started to get her jacket off.

"Castle?...What? What are you doing?" her voice was barely audible from the crying.

"Don't worry, Kate. I just want you to be comfortable." He was a bit surprised when she was okay with that, guessing that she still wasn't one hundred per cent back. He got her shoes and socks off. He hoped that, in the morning when she woke up, she wouldn't kill him for taking her pants off too. He got her under the covers, watching her face for a few minutes. Her face started to look more and more relaxed and after a while, she was sleeping like a rock.

Rick considered sliding under the covers with her, but decided that he liked his face the way it was, so he did the second best thing that he could at the moment. He pulled a chair from the corner of the room as close to her bed as he could, got as comfortable as possible and started his watch. If Beckett was awake now, she´d probably call him creepy again.

When Martha woke up in the middle of the night due to the storm outside and went to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water, she decided to check on her son. What she found in the bedroom shouldn't have surprised her at all. Rick was still sitting in the chair, but his arms were thrown around Kate´s waist, his head pillowed at her stomach, even unconsciously trying to protect her from the world.

"Oh, Darling." Martha sighed, knowing that even if she woke him up, he wouldn't leave Kate´s side. So she just threw one blanket from the bed over his back, ran her hand through his hair and left.

A/N: *All mistakes are mine*

Okay, so this is it. I hope you liked it. If you did, please leave me a review, it will totally make my day. If you have any ideas or have something

you´d like me to write, don´t hesitate to PM me or leave a review. Also, constructive critism is welcome :)

Xx Monica