Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy IX
So, you may have seen me around by now. If not, then here's what I'm doing: a series of prompt-based oneshots for several different pairings. The reason for the numbering is that I took two sets of 75 prompts and I just didn't want to change the numbering on the prompts I picked for this pairing.
I've gone for an angsty take here... it's just the most fun? Gosh, that sounds awful! Well, anyway, please enjoy...? That sounds almost sadistic here.
010. Memory
It's been far too long since I saw him. An entire year, to be precise. I know that being Queen, I must act with a wise and serene aura, and speak as though I know no slang. Even though I used to love speaking so, I can't stand it now. I know that as the independent, 'Virgin Queen' I am, I shouldn't act as though my entire happiness depends on the existence of one man by my side; that it should waver with the fortunes of my country, of Alexandria. But I can't help but miss him. He opened a new world for me, one where I wasn't constantly keeping my head upturned to the sky. One where I could do whatever I want - be whatever I wanted. And now he's gone. At times, I see Steiner looking at me, sharing a sympathetic glance with Beatrix. I know what they're thinking, but it's never said. I often forget that he ever existed. Sometimes, I think he's just a false memory. It's difficult to tell what is just a dream anymore. Only Vivi will share stories about him with me, and I rarely see him. He's busy with his own family, and the Black Mage Village. I haven't seen him in a long time. Too long. Perhaps he's... No. I don't want to think like that, he won't, can't become just a memory too! I can barely remember my mother, and my father was never even an image true to my mind, just a distant man on the paintings that were so far above my head. I don't want another person to become just a memory! Too many people have left me, and sometimes, I feel as though I can't run a country, never mind live a life for myself alone! I just want those people back with me today, so that the nights aren't so cold and the days aren't so long. It pains me.
Perhaps for my approaching birthday I shall call them all back. But the biting voice at the back of my head crows at me - how long for? Would they even remember a stuck-up, spoiled, imposter of a princess turned queen? It plagues my mind, and haunts my dreams. There have been many nights, too many, where I wake up in a clamy, sticky sweat and the fading sound of that voice taunting my head. It sickens me to the pit of my stomach.
I have caught my reflection in passing in the many mirrors coating the luxurious, publicly viewed part of the castle, and every time my eyes are wide, doe-like, and sad. It hurts to admit how pained I look even to myself. I feel pity for Beatrix and Steiner having to loom upon every day, so long as this pain persists. This loneliness, this loss of memory - it not only causes me pain, but pain to those around me too.
Oh, how I miss them all. I miss him. But by now, he's just a faint blotch on my memory.
Oh Garnet, if only you knew! But there we are, I didn't really want a happy ending for this one - it's not all happy endings, after all!
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