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A/N Hello all, I realise I havn't posted anything in a long time but I assure you I have my reason *cough* beta was procrastinating too much *cough cough*. Anyways, this is my second oneshot; I got the inspiration randomly one night and an hour later, this was on my screen. I basically started to think of Hinata as a character from the original series through to shippuden and created this thought process/rant.
Enjoy
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One of these days I'm just gonna lose it. It's hard to say what will happen when that day comes; maybe I'll just break down never to rise again. Maybe I'll just give up and retreat into a life of solitude. Or maybe I'll finally stand up and make something of myself… maybe.
I've always had to work tirelessly to achieve the smallest things and nobody seems to understand. I've always resented the way people assume that being next in line to be head of the Hyuuga family means that everything is just handed to me. That isn't how it works at all, in fact, so much more is expected of me because of my position in the family. My father is always ashamed of me because I could never compare to my cousin Neji, always attributing my lack of natural talent to laziness or lack of focus, but that isn't true! So much of time is consumed by training over and over again. Things just don't come to me so easily and for that I'm always being reduced to a mere object of ridicule: Hinata, the girl who can't do anything right. But with the support of a few close friends I somehow always manage to find the strength to get up and keep working. Sometimes it just takes something small to lift my spirits, like Kiba teasing about my feelings for Naruto, or Neji acknowledging my efforts. But the one thing that's always led me to pick myself up and try again is when Naruto praises my ability… Naruto, the boy I've loved since I was nothing but a child.
I always tell myself that if I work hard to better myself he might notice me more. It's sad really. After all that I've seen and been through, I still can't summon the courage to tell him how I feel. Strange how a person can push themselves to their physical and emotional limits and beyond but still be incapable of admitting their feelings for another person.
Sometimes I wish it could be different. Sometimes I wish it wasn't Naruto that I bear these feelings for. If only I could change my feelings and fall in love with someone else; maybe someone like Kiba. After all he's practically my best friend, he knows many of my secrets, talks to me and is always willing to go above and beyond to protect me whenever I need it. If I could fall in love with Kiba I'm sure he'd love me back, people have often told me he has a crush on me… But I'm not in love with Kiba and I don't think I ever will be as long as Naruto is around and for a long time after. Maybe on the day that I finally break I'll find some reckless confidence within myself and confess everything; but for now I still struggle to say more than two words to him without blushing and tripping over my tongue. Although, I do feel closer to him during missions. Sometimes when the situation gets dangerous he'll willingly defend me and praise me when I fight well. When we're on missions together I feel like he might care for me deep down, and that's what keeps me going. The sheer possibility that he may someday feel a fraction of what I feel for him is the reason why I put myself through gruelling training that reduces my own body to a limp pile of agony. Just hoping that one day I will join the ranks of great Konoha shinobi and prove to everyone that I am worthy of my position as head of the Hyuuga and I will earn the respect of my family and peers and should that day ever come nothing will stand in my way, and if I fail, nobody can ever say I didn't try.
One of these days I'm going to snap under the pressure. Maybe I'll lash out and awaken some deep slumbering power inside me. Maybe I'll turn reckless and destroy everything I've set out to accomplish. Maybe it'll even be enough to kill me. But before that day comes I have a dream that I must try to make a reality. I've endured more than I ever thought I could and though I may never achieve the same level as someone like Neji, I will continue to work my hardest, train until my body gives out and never go back on my word so that maybe, just maybe, one day I can be something else, something better, something great.
I am Hinata Hyuuga, and this is my 'way of the ninja'.
A/N: Soo, thoughts? Opinions? All of these things would be greatly appreciated int he form of reviews :)
And, of coarse, thanks for reading
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