"Jay?" Manny asked, a little too busy doing her makeup.
"Guess again!" I said, getting annoyed.
"Alex," she stated, sitting down to put her shoes on.
"Right. And guess who failed English last year, and is in my class?" I asked her.
"Alex," Manny answered, getting a little bored with the guessing game.
"I have to work with her! She's my partner on this stupid project. What is Kwan's problem? She knows we hate each other!"
"Calm down Emma. It's just a project, and it'll be over before you know it. Now, how do I look?" Manny asked, standing up and modeling her outfit.
"I am in a crisis here!" I complained. "And all you care about is how you look!"
"Stop being so dramatic Em. I gotta go or I'll be late." I rolled my eyes and sighed. Sometimes all she cared about was her dates with Craig. They finally got back together.
"Fine, I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Craig I said hi."
"No, that's not right," Alex complained, taking the paper out of my hands.
"What's wrong with it?" I asked. It was probably the fifth time she corrected something I wrote down. We had to write a story about either Romeo or Juliet, and what would have happened if one of them lived. It was supposed to be modern. We chose Juliet.
"It just doesn't sound right. She would never do that," she said.
"Why should I even take your advice?" I asked her. "You're the one who failed last year. I know what I'm doing here," I snatched the paper back and wrote a few more sentences that were in my head. Alex sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Why don't you just write your own version, and I write mine, and we see which one Kwan likes better?" she suggested with a smirk.
"Because that's not the assignment. Why can't you just leave my stuff alone?" I argued.
"Because it's a team effort Emma. But apparently you don't know how to work with anyone. Just let me know when you're done and then I'll fix it." She stood up, grabbed the bathroom pass, and walked away.
I can't stand her.
I focused my attention back to the story and sighed. I was surprised we'd gotten this far without clawing each other's eyes out. And the worst part was, we had a month to write it. A month. How can I work with her for that long?
A week after we started the project, Alex had some crazy idea that we should work on it outside of school. There was no way I'd go to her house, where she'd be familiar with her surroundings, and be able to kill me. So she came to my house.
I tried to stay in the kitchen with her. The lighting was good enough for me to see her every move, and we could get snacks if we needed to. The only problem with that was Jack. He ran around the table, screaming that he was gonna get me, and then started poking Alex. She laughed and thought he was so cute, but we couldn't get any work done.
"Let's go to my room," I sighed, finally giving up. I grabbed the papers and she scooped up her bag and followed me downstairs. We had to sit on my bed because there was nowhere else to sit.
"So, I have a new idea. I think it will work a lot better. Because, seriously, would you fall in love with another guy right after your boyfriend died?" Alex asked, rolling her eyes.
"I guess not." By then, I was trying to listen to her suggestions. It made everything easier for both of us, and we didn't fight as much. "But, what will happen then? We have to have a strong plot. And without the falling in love factor, we don't have anything."
"I'm not saying she can't fall in love. But, just, not with a guy…" she trailed off, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye.
"Then who's she supposed to fall in love with?" I asked. "Her horse?" I couldn't help but laugh, and Alex turned sour.
"A girl idiot," she snapped, sitting up.
"What? No way!" I argued, dropping my pen. "Juliet would never fall in love with a girl!"
"How do you know?" she asked me. "Seriously, her boyfriend just died, and that Paris guy was a dick. In her mind, guys pretty much suck. So she sees some gorgeous girl at one of those parties, or maybe even her nanny woman, and she feels something. It could definitely happen," she explained.
"She would never just automatically switch over to girls. And her nanny? Gross," I said, crossing my arms.
"Are you homophobic or something?" Alex asked, narrowing her eyes at me.
"No, I'm not. I'm just saying that it's not realistic," I told her. I really wasn't. I loved Marco and knew a few other guys who were gay, and they were great friends. I just didn't like the idea.
"You wouldn't know the first thing about it, so how can you say it's not realistic?" she argued further.
"And you would?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest again. She didn't say anything at first. She just sat there, avoiding my gaze, then stood up and grabbed her backpack.
"I have to go," she said, walking over to the stairs.
"Alex, wait!" I called after her. She turned around and glared at me. "Are you…gay?" I asked.
"That's none of your business Emma. Just write the story however you want, and leave me alone." She didn't yell it at me, and she didn't even look angry. She just looked hurt, and I instantly felt bad.
But I didn't try to stop her as she left.
"Can we talk?" I asked Alex the next day at her locker.
"Whoa, you're friends with Greenpeace now?" Jay asked. I glared at him. I wasn't even sure why he was standing there. "Even after what happened? I guess you just have common ground now, huh?" he asked.
"Just go away," Alex told him. "I told you a million times, I'm not getting back with you. Ever." She pushed him in his chest and he just smirked.
"Sure Lexi. You say that now…" he turned and walked right out of the school. Alex looked back over at me.
"Oh, you're still here?" she asked, shoving her backpack in the locker and closing the door.
"I wanted to apologize for last night. I didn't mean to sound so…"
"Disgusted?" she asked.
"It wasn't like that. I just didn't feel so confident about the idea. But I really don't want to write this story alone. So…will you still help?" I asked her.
"Are we going to use my idea?" she asked before answering me. I bit my bottom lip and looked down at the ground, thinking.
"Sure," I finally replied. Then something I hadn't expected to happen did. Alex actually smiled. She looked happy. "You can come over after school if you want," I suggested.
"It's a date," she said, grinning. I must have looked horrified, because she started to laugh. "And that was a joke Emma. You really need to lighten up."
"That's perfect!" I said. I was getting a little excited about the project. We were about halfway done, and so far, Alex and I managed to work together nicely.
"Wait…" she said, holding her hand up. She was scanning the paper for mistakes. "Nope. Right here," she pointed to a paragraph.
"What's wrong with it now?" I asked. She always seemed to have a problem with the parts I wrote.
"It just lacks emotion. She's not gonna jump on the girl and start kissing her. We need some explanation as to how she feels when she sees her, when she touches her…"
"We really don't need to get graphic here," I argued. "I doubt Ms. Kwan wants that many details." I tucked my hair behind my ears and looked down at her. She looked so comfortable on my bed. My bed. Not hers.
"Look Emma, you obviously have a problem with me, not my writing. I know that you know we need more substance than this. I'm just not so sure why you won't agree with me. I know you don't like me, but would it kill you to pretend just a little so we can get this assignment done?" she asked, sitting up. She wasn't comfortable anymore. I tried not to grin, but it didn't really work. "Is this all just a joke to you?"
"Wow Alex, who knew you actually had emotions. Sorry it's not so easy for me to warm up to someone who's teased and bullied me since we met. You've never given a crap about me, so why should I be nice to you?" I asked her, standing up. I wanted to put as much distance between us as I could. I didn't feel like getting into another fight with her like I had in the hall at school that day.
"Right. I'm sure that's it. You never liked me. It was obvious from the first day we met. You stuck your nose up like you were better than me. Guess what, you never were. And I don't know what is up with you. Because sometimes you'll get really nice when we're working on this. But it's usually when I bring up something about two girls getting together that you get upset. So is it the fact that I'm a lesbian? Is that what makes you so cold now?" she asked. She looked hurt again, like yesterday when I found out. She stood up and pulled her backpack off the floor, slinging it over her shoulder.
"You know that's not it," I said. "That has nothing to do with it!" I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as she walked around my bed and came towards me. I didn't back away anymore because I wouldn't let her think I was afraid of her. I'd fight her if I had to.
"Are you sure about that? You're not afraid that I'm just going to jump on you and start kissing you? Or maybe I'll hand around with you for too long and start to like you?" she asked. She was so close to me. She leaned in, and I really thought she was going to kiss me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't push her away because I didn't need her to prove her point. Her lips were so close to mine that I really thought it was going to happen. She kept her eyes open, staring at me. "You can stop being afraid. You're not my type."
I felt her breath on my lips and I waited for her to back away. She grinned and touched my cheek. I didn't flinch like she expected me to.
"Give it up Alex," I said confidently. I'd won the battle. She backed away from me, but was still close enough to punch me if she wanted to.
"Or maybe you're afraid I'll bring up Jay," she said. My heart suddenly started beating faster and my breath caught in my throat. I hated what happened with Jay, and I never wanted anyone to talk about it again. "I'm not an idiot Emma. I know that you sucked his dick, just like every other slut in the ravine."
"I'm not a slut," I said, reaching my arms out and pushing her back. She took another step away from me and smirked.
"Did you want a fight? Because I'll kick your ass right here," she said. I sighed and walked past her, sitting on my bed.
"I don't want to fight you Alex. This is really stupid. Why don't we take a break and work some more this weekend? I think three days apart would do us some good," I suggested.
"Sure, whatever. Saturday it is. But you can come to my house this time. My mom and her boyfriend will be gone, and we can get some real work done. And before you ask, this is not an attempt to get you alone in my bedroom," she joked. I laughed and started putting my notebook away.
I wasn't quite sure how we could go from at each other's throats to joking together. It was really weird, but I definitely liked happy Alex more than angry Alex. She was intimidating, though I would never admit that to her.
"Bye Alex," I said, rolling my eyes. Maybe we would possibly be…friends? No, probably not. It would be just like it is on TV. Two characters who hate each other come together for something important, but as soon as it's finished, they go right back to hating each other.
"Emma?" she asked. I looked up to see her halfway up the stairs.
"Yeah?"
"About Jay…I really don't care. That stuff's in the past. And I know how he can be. He tells you that you're important, that he thinks he cares for you, that he picked you out of every other girl that wanted him. He's just a self-righteous jerk," she said.
"Thanks," I replied, flashing a smile at her. She was probably the only person who made me feel better about that situation. I put my papers away, and then turned back to the stairs. She was already gone, and I hadn't even heard her leave.
When I went to bed that night, I couldn't help but think about my confrontation with Alex. She'd gotten so close to me, and I didn't even flinch. I wasn't afraid and I wasn't uneasy about it like I thought I would have been. I was actually kind of…comfortable.
Did I want her to be that close? Had I hoped she really would kiss me? Her lips were right there…
I pushed those thoughts away quickly. That was ridiculous. I'm completely straight. I've never had any kind of feelings for a girl before, so why would that start now, with Alex especially? My number one enemy. I don't think so.
It was probably just that feeling of 'keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.' I don't like Alex.
I laughed at the thought and closed my eyes, finally ready for sleep. But why was I so excited to go to her house? I found that I couldn't wait for the weekend to come.
I just want to get the project over with, I reasoned. That's all.
But was that really all?
After some boring classes and long homework assignments, Saturday finally came. I found myself sitting at a small table in Alex's kitchen, waiting for her to get out of the bathroom.
"Did you wash your hands?" I joked as she sat down at the table.
"Nope," she said with a grin, wiping her hand on my arm. I shivered when she touched me and felt goose bumps forming on my skin. I figured it was just cold in the apartment and ignored the fluttering feeling in my stomach.
"That's disgusting!" I shrieked in between peals of laughter.
"Just doing my part to dirty the world," Alex responded, laughing along with me.
"What's all this damn noise?"
I jumped as I heard a man yell. Alex's face went white and we both froze. She'd told me that her mom and her boyfriend wouldn't be home, but I guessed she was wrong. She acted like she didn't know he was there at all.
"Time to go," she whispered. I watched as she gathered all of our papers up and shoved them in her bag. She stood up just as the owner of the voice stormed into the room.
"Do you know what time it is?" the guy shouted, getting right in her face.
"Yeah, it's one o'clock in the afternoon!" Alex yelled at him.
"Lexi, honey, get out of his face," a woman, who I assumed was her mother, said from the doorway.
"He's the one that got in my face!" she yelled back at her mom.
"Don't yell at your mother!" the guy screamed, slapping Alex right across her cheek. She held a hand up to it and started to cry. I could feel tears welling up in my own eyes. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there and stared.
"Emma, go!" Alex yelled at me, suddenly remembering I was still in the room.
"Come with me Alex," I said calmly. I looked at the guy, then at Alex, and then at her mom.
"She's not going anywhere!" He turned around as he said it and scowled in my direction.
"Let her go Chad," Alex's mom said, putting a hand on his arm.
"No."
"Just go Emma! Please!" Alex yelled at me. I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and made my way to the door. I made eye contact with Alex on the way out. I didn't want to leave her there, but she gave me a small nod, letting me know she'd be okay.
I waited outside the door for a minute, but I couldn't stand it any longer. The yelling resumed as soon as the door clicked behind me. It took everything I had in me to not rush back inside and force Alex to come with me. But I couldn't get involved in her family problems. Besides, I reminded myself, we won't even be friends after this stupid project.
But that thought didn't stop me from crying the whole way home.
"About Saturday…"
"Yeah, sorry we didn't get anything done," Alex said as I stood at her locker on Monday morning.
"Don't worry about that! I just wanted to know if you were okay," I told her, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. I was never comfortable talking about things that made me upset. And what I'd seen made me very upset.
"I'm fine." She slung her bag over one shoulder and looked around the hallway at anything but my face.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Just drop it Emma!" she snapped, finally turning to look at me. I caught sight of the bruise on her cheek. It wasn't from when he slapped her—he hadn't done it that hard. He must have hit her again, after I left.
Without thinking about it, I lifted my hand up and touched it lightly. Alex flinched and pulled away from me.
"I gotta go or I'll be late to class," she said. Before I could get another word out, she rushed down the hall. I didn't stop watching her until she went into the classroom at the end of the hall. I had no idea why, but I just couldn't look away.
Alex and I made plans to work some more on the project on Wednesday night. At my house.
We still had until the Friday of the week after to get it finished, but we knew we'd be done early. For some reason unknown to me, I didn't want to finish early. I wanted the project to last up until next Thursday, but I knew it wouldn't. We were almost done.
"That's it!" Alex yelled happily, pointing to one of the many lines we'd come up with for the ending of the story.
"That's perfect," I agreed. "I'll type this up tonight," I told her. The whole story was twenty-five pages long—the maximum for the project.
"Take your time," she said. Then there was an awkward silence. We were just sitting on my bed, staring at each other. My stomach did that annoying fluttering again. To keep myself busy and avoid breaking the silence, I shuffled papers around and piled them up. I put them on my nightstand and put all of my other stuff in my backpack. Alex still hadn't moved. She just watched me.
"So…" I finally said.
"So."
"Does this mean we're friends…or something?" I asked her. I looked up and she shrugged.
"Only if you want…" she trailed off, never breaking eye contact. I shrugged right back. She was really close to me—maybe only a foot and a half away. Her legs were tucked under her and she just sat there with her arms in her lap.
"I'd like that," I said, smiling.
"Me too." She grinned right back at me and ran a hand through her hair. It was shiny and so dark. It fell just right around her shoulders. Why was I paying so much attention to it? My attention shifted to her eyes, and then her lips. I was just staring at them. I stared for so long that I almost didn't notice them moving closer.
I closed my eyes as she kissed me. My stomach immediately stopped jumping around and settled itself. My heart was beating faster than it ever had, and my entire body was tingling. Her lips were soft against mine. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before.
And that freaked me out.
We heard the door at the top of the stairs click, and jumped away from each other. I noticed that my palms were sweating, and I wiped them off on my jeans.
"Emma?" my mom called from up the stairs.
"Coming!" I yelled. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could. My heart was still pounding and I couldn't get the feeling of her lips on mine out of my head.
"Does your friend need a ride home?" she asked me, yawning.
"Oh. Um, no, I don't think so. I told her earlier that I'd walk her—if that's okay."
"Sure honey. But you better get going now, it's late. Goodnight, I love you." She kissed me on the cheek and I almost jumped away. I was still thinking about Alex kissing me.
"Love you too Mom. Night."
I made my way back downstairs as slowly as I could.
"We better leave now, it's getting…" I cut my sentence short as I walked into the room.
Alex was gone.
I turned to my right and saw that the window was wide open.
For the next week and a half, I completely avoided Alex at school. She got the hint after about five minutes and moved her seat away from me in class. I felt bad about it, but I needed to straighten out my thoughts. By Friday, I'd convinced myself that it was just an innocent kiss. I knew Alex was a lesbian, and I didn't want her to feel awkward that she kissed me. So I kissed her back.
But that weekend, I stayed home. I didn't want to go anywhere with any of my friends because I was afraid that I would blurt out what happened. I didn't need them thinking I was a lesbian, but I also didn't want anyone making fun of Alex either.
All weekend I went back and forth, thinking that I liked Alex more than a friend, and then that I didn't have any feelings for her at all. I couldn't explain the fluttering in my stomach so I just tried to ignore it.
On Wednesday, it was a week after the kiss. I gave Alex a copy of our story, but I didn't say anything to her at all. She smiled but I could tell it was forced, and I quickly walked away. That night, all I could remember was her smile. And I felt ashamed for the way I'd been acting.
Two days later, the project was officially over. Ms. Kwan announced that one or both of the people in each group had to go up to the front of the class and talk about the general subject of the story, and read a small excerpt. She asked for volunteers, and I slid down in my chair. Thankfully, Alex didn't volunteer either.
The end of class was nearing and we were the last people left.
"Alex and Emma," Ms. Kwan read off of her sheet. I couldn't look at Alex, only down at the floor, and I didn't move from my spot.
"I'll do it," Alex said, grabbing her paper off of her desk. She walked to the front of the class and cleared her throat. I stole a glance at her and she was looking right at me. I looked away as quickly as I could, but she'd obviously seen.
"Go ahead Alex," Ms. Kwan prompted her.
"Emma and I decided to take a completely different approach with our story. We chose to write about Juliet, and we didn't want to make her depressed, or fall in love with another guy right away. So, Juliet moved away to a quiet town where she could properly mourn the loss of her boyfriend. But while she was there, she did fall in love again. Only, she didn't fall in love with a guy. She fell in love with a girl."
She paused to wait for our classmates' reactions.
"That is so hot!" JT called out from the back of the room. Everyone laughed but me, and Ms. Kwan quieted them all with one look.
"That's gross," one of the girls muttered. But when everyone looked around to see who'd said it, we couldn't figure it out.
"Alex, Emma, your story has a very interesting turn of events. I like your idea; it is definitely original. Why don't you read an excerpt?" she suggested. I blushed as she praised us. I almost felt like it was my own life she was talking about. Alex cleared her throat again, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"I looked across the room and our eyes met. Her name was Victoria, and I'd briefly spoken with her a few days earlier. I couldn't explain the feeling I got every time I looked at her. I felt like I was looking at Romeo for the first time, but I knew that I wasn't. Looking at Victoria was different, yet also the same. It left me wondering if anything could ever happen between us…"
She stopped reading there and looked up at me. Our eyes met for a brief second, but I looked away again, blushing even more. If I kept it up, I knew people would start to suspect something, but I just couldn't help it.
No one in the class said a word. No one even made a sound. I'd expected snickering or laughter or another stupid comment from JT, but there was nothing. Alex had a dreamlike look on her face that wasn't too hard to interpret. Everyone probably knew that she was a lesbian and she didn't care. She smiled, placed our paper on Ms. Kwan's desk, and returned to her seat.
Ms. Kwan looked like she was about to say something, but the bell rang before she even opened her mouth. Students gathered their papers as quickly as they could and rushed from the room. I waited until almost everyone was gone to start getting my stuff together. Ms. Kwan left the room for a refill on her coffee, leaving Alex and I alone.
"Thanks," I said as I approached her. She was slinging her bag over her shoulder. "I'm sorry," I added when she didn't say anything. She wouldn't even look at me again. She started to walk away, towards the door. "Alex, I said sorry!" I called out desperately. She whirled around to face me, anger all over her face.
"Sorry? Emma, I think it's a little too late for that," she snapped. There were tears in her eyes.
"Can't you give me a chance to explain?" I asked as she started for the door again.
"You had your chance," she said quietly before walking out, leaving me staring at her back, tears growing in my own eyes.
Why do I have to feel this way? I screamed inside my head.
Another week passed and Alex kept ignoring me. I saw her in the halls and tried to say hi, but she rushed away as soon as I approached her. If she looked at me, I'd smile and wave, but she never acknowledged me at all. In class, she refused to sit near me. I quickly became very frustrated, and I didn't know why.
Every night before I went to bed, I tried to understand my feelings. When I wasn't with Alex, I wanted to be, and when I saw her I wanted her to look at me. If I ever got close enough to her, I sometimes wanted to reach out and touch her. I desperately wanted to explain all of this to her, but I couldn't. She wouldn't let me.
Even though I wanted to talk to Alex, at the same time, I wanted to put myself as far away from her as possible. I still mostly blamed her for the way I was feeling. It was like she put some kind of spell on me. I never felt this way before about anyone besides Sean. And Sean and Alex are obviously completely different people.
On Saturday afternoon, I decided to take a walk. Whenever I tried to do my homework, I became distracted by thoughts of Alex, so I wanted to get some fresh air and try to forget for at least a few minutes. But of course that couldn't happen. I decided to walk through the park and I saw her. She was sitting on a bench with headphones on, her face directed towards the sky, her eyes closed.
Part of me wanted to run up to her and join her, maybe hold her hand and let the sun pour down on us as we thought about each other. But the other part of me wanted to run as fast as I could, far, far away from her and never look back. The first part of me won. Before I knew it, I was sitting down at the opposite end of the bench, waiting for her to notice me.
It didn't take long at all. I let out a nervous cough and she nearly fell off the bench. She whipped her head around and looked at me. Once she realized that it was only me, and not some crazy pedophile or something, she just stared. I noticed the features on her face soften, but she didn't say a word to me. And suddenly her face was turned back towards the sky, her eyes closed again. She was ignoring me.
I felt a pain in the bottom of my stomach. I knew I shouldn't have tried to talk to her. She wasn't going to listen to me and she wasn't going to give me another chance. It felt horrible, to know that someone who you thought liked you didn't really want to have anything to do with you at all. I realized then that this was exactly how Alex must have felt when I ignored her at school after we kissed. That thought made me feel even worse.
I slid closer to her on the bench, but made sure I didn't get too close. I didn't want her to get up and leave. I wasn't going to give up. I knew that Alex needed someone. Her life at home wasn't exactly great, and she also had to struggle with being a lesbian when not many other people in our school were out. I wanted to be that someone for her. I wanted her to feel loved and appreciated.
I reached out and tapped her shoulder. She straightened up, putting her back against the park bench and slowly opened her eyes again. With a long sigh, she pulled the headphones out of her ears and faced me again.
"Why are you here Emma?" she asked, running a hand through her hair. I suddenly felt the need to run one of my own hands through that hair, but I resisted. I didn't need to freak her out and make her run when I finally gained enough courage to talk to her.
"Alex, I'm sorry. I know you said it was too late and I had my chance, but I'm giving myself another chance. I need to be able to explain myself. Then, if you still don't want to be friends at all, I'll know that I really did blow it. But I won't be able to stay away unless I get to explain."
I watched her face to see if those words had any affect on her. Apparently not. She didn't look like she was in a better mood at all. She was staring at me, but I felt like she was staring right through me.
"Well, I'm still sitting here, so talk," she finally said.
I pulled my legs up under me on the bench so I was completely facing her. She did the same, which somehow made me feel a little better.
"I know that I can't make excuses for myself, but I was scared. I am scared. I don't know why this is happening to me, or why I feel this way. I don't understand how I can look at someone who has hurt me in the past, and suddenly feel like I want to be with them," I explained.
"I know exactly how you feel Emma." That was all that she said, but it was enough.
"You have to add to the situation the fact that the person I'm having all of these feelings for is a girl. I know that you understand that, but I don't. I've never had feelings for a girl before. I'm not a lesbian. The only girl I've ever felt this way about is you."
A silence lingered between us as we both looked at each other. Alex's eyes were full of sympathy, and that made me feel worse. I felt a tear fall from one of my eyes. She reached up and wiped it away. When her hand touched my cheek, I felt better. I wanted her hand to stay there, but it eventually dropped back into her lap.
"Don't cry," she whispered. I nodded but we just kept staring, and didn't say anything else.
Then I leaned forward and closed my eyes, pressing my lips against hers. I felt that same feeling as before. I felt like I was flying, like everything would be fine. I felt as though I was doing the right thing.
When we broke apart, I was smiling, but Alex wasn't. She didn't look upset, she just looked nervous. For once I knew how she felt, and I reached out to grasp her hand in mine. I held it there for a minute, and looked back up at her. The expression on her face hadn't changed, and I started to worry.
I pulled my hand away and shifted my legs, letting them hit the ground again.
"I'm sorry," she said before standing up and running away. I watched her run until I couldn't see her any longer.
Why did she do that? The first time, she left my house because my mom interrupted us. She probably knew I'd be embarrassed and that everything would be awkward, so she spared us both that moment.
But this time? What did I do wrong? I thought that she wanted me to kiss her. But she just left. She didn't only leave, she ran away, like she had to get away as fast as she could. I felt that pain in my stomach again and slowly dragged myself home.
As hurt as I was, I couldn't wait for Monday. I still wanted to try to talk to Alex. I wasn't going to let her run away that easily. I needed to know why she didn't want me.
"Can we talk?" I asked her as I walked up to her. I'd gotten to school early to wait by her locker, but when I arrived, she was already there.
"No time," she said, her voice and expression void of all emotion.
"That's not true Alex. There's still a half hour before homeroom starts."
"Sorry Greenpeace. There are things in the world more important than talking about feelings," she said, using Jay's nickname for me.
"You've been hanging around him, haven't you? And you must have some feelings if you're mentioning them," I pointed out, keeping up with her as she walked faster.
"It's none of your business who I hang out with. You're not my girlfriend Emma." She stopped walking and spun around to look me in the eye. "I don't have any feelings for you."
I don't know how, but I could tell she was lying. Even so, it still hurt to hear her say that to me. I was still trying to figure myself out, but I knew that whenever that happened, I wanted Alex to be there. I couldn't deny my feelings any longer. And I had no idea why she was denying hers.
"Alex, I…" she cut me off before I could say anything.
"I have to go. Here's our paper. We got an A." She shoved our assignment into my hands.
I watched her walk away, making no attempt to follow. I knew she didn't want me around, and I wouldn't be able to change her mind.
I looked down at the paper. Next to the bright red A, Ms. Kwan had left a note. Great job! You two make a great team, keep up the good work.
I agreed with Ms. Kwan for once. We did make a great team. But apparently Alex didn't think so.
I spent the entire week trying to talk to Alex. I showed up at her locker a half hour early, and she was always there. She knew I would be there, and she still went, so it must have been some type of progress—or so I thought.
She ignored me in class, and we didn't have lunch together, so the only time I could get her alone was in between classes. But whenever she saw me coming her way, she ducked into the washroom or hid behind a group of people, and I always lost her.
By the time the weekend came, I had given up.
On Friday night, I lay on my bed, headphones stuck in my ears, listening to my favorite CD. I thought of the two kisses that I shared with Alex, and I knew I wanted more. The only problem was that it wouldn't happen.
I closed my eyes and pictured Alex in my mind. She was really beautiful. I didn't know if anyone had ever told her that before, but I suddenly wished that I had. I wondered if she was still having problems at home, and hoped that she wasn't. I wanted her to be there with me, kissing me or holding my hand. I just wanted to be near her.
I waited all weekend for her to call. I really thought that she would. But every time my cell phone rang, it was either Manny or JT, and I didn't answer it. They'd both asked me why I was so distant, but I knew I couldn't tell them. I wasn't even completely positive myself. I knew that only one person would understand. But she just didn't call.
Sunday night, I was getting ready to go to bed when I heard a noise outside my window. I figured it was Manny, since she was the only one who knew that the window was my way of sneaking out. I didn't really want to talk to her, but I reluctantly made my way across the room and opened the window.
Instead of Manny, I found a raven haired mess slumped over in the grass. Her makeup was trailing down her cheeks and I saw right away that she had a black eye. Her cheek under that eye had a thin scratch running along it, and one of her wrists was swollen.
"Alex, what happened?" I asked. I didn't care that she'd been ignoring me all week, I only cared that she was okay. She didn't answer me, but let me help her inside with her good arm.
As soon as our hands met, I felt that tingling again. It spread throughout my entire body and I didn't want to let go of her. I wrapped one arm around her waist and walked her over to my bed.
"I don't think it's broken," she said, motioning toward her wrist. Her cheeks were still wet but no more tears spilled from her eyes. She sat on the edge of my bed, staring into space. "I thought it would get better, but it didn't…"
"He did this to you, didn't he?" I asked, meaning her mom's boyfriend. She nodded, but didn't say a word. I wasn't going to make her give me any details; I knew it would be hard for her to talk about.
"Can I stay here tonight?" As she asked me, her lip started to quiver and fresh tears built up behind her eyes.
"Of course you can."
I hugged her tightly, making sure to avoid her hurt wrist, and let her cry into my shoulder for as long as she needed to. She pulled away after a few minutes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to go."
"Don't apologize. I'm glad you came, though I wish it was under better circumstances."
"Can we sleep?"
I nodded, and gave her something to sleep in. I turned my back for her to change, but she came over to me and asked for help. I tried not to look, and focused on not hurting her wrist further. Once she was dressed, I turned the light off and we climbed into my bed, facing each other.
Though the light was off, I could still see her face, framed by the moonlight that poured in through my window. She closed her eyes, but I watched her for a few minutes.
"Alex?"
"Yeah?" Her eyes fluttered open.
"I just wanted to tell you that…that you're…beautiful." I couldn't believe I'd said it, but I'd wanted to. As I waited for her reaction, my stomach jumped around. A smile slowly formed across her face, and I knew that she felt a little better than when she first showed up.
"Thanks," she said. "So are you."
I instantly felt my cheeks blushing, but allowed myself to smile back at her. I gently lifted up her hurt arm and placed it on my stomach so she had somewhere to rest it. I moved closer to her, our shoulders touching and our faces only inches apart. I waited for her to pull away from me, but she didn't.
"I'm still not sure what's going on with me, but I want to figure it out." After I said it, I expected her to get up and run again. She stayed put, so I slid my hand down under the blankets and laced my fingers through hers.
We both leaned in at the same time, and our lips barely touched, but I felt heat surge through me. I knew that I wanted it as much as she did. I wasn't planning on denying anything any longer.
We kissed for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few minutes. When we finally pulled apart, we both had huge smiles on our faces. I gently placed my forehead against hers, and looked straight into her eyes.
"I'm afraid to get hurt again," she told me.
"I won't hurt you Alex, I promise."
"I really like you Emma, and I want this to work out."
"Me too," I added, kissing her one last time before closing my eyes.
And I meant it.
A/N: I really enjoyed writing this. Please review and tell me what you think! Just to remind you, this is a oneshot, meaning there won't be any other chapters to it! I get frustrated when people tell me to post the next chapter soon after I've written a oneshot!
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters.