DISCLAIMER: No copyright infringement is intended with any reference to Glee, Starkid, The Ellen Show, How To Succeed, etc. I do not own Darren Criss, but all other characters are mine.
Warning: There's quite a bit of curse words in this story.
"How the fuck did I get here?"
I'm sitting in a dressing room, waiting to do a taping for The Ellen Show & that's all I keep thinking. A little over a year ago was the day my life changed; the day I met my now fiancé. That's the whole reason I'm here. I'm not a celebrity; he is. We announced our engagement a few weeks ago & Ellen's "people" called our house to ask me if I would be interested in doing an interview. I thought it was a joke & hung up on the girl. Clearly I was mistaken because here I sit, nervous as hell, waiting to tell my side of our story.
"Holy shit, do you really think he's going to come out here?"
"I'm not sure, but I fucking hope so."
Piper & I had decided to scrounge up the money we had left over from Christmas & treat ourselves to a day trip to New York to see Darren Criss' Broadway debut in How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying. We decided to get tickets for his last performance, an afternoon show on Sunday in late January of 2012. The play had just finished & we were waiting in the freezing cold hoping he would come outside of the theatre to sign autographs for the hundreds of girls waiting for it.
"This is bullshit; a lot of these girls weren't even at the play. Why should we get stuck at the end of the line? Fucking bitches." Piper said in her typical loud tone as a few girls turned around to give her a nasty look; much to their dismay, she gave an even nastier look back.
"Quit it, Piper. We're lucky to even be here."
All of a sudden, the air filled with piercing screams and girls yelling "Darren! Darren! Oh my god, I love you! DARREN!" Piper & I looked at each other, exchanging huge smiles & giggling like little girls. He seemed a little taken back by the length of the line waiting for him, but he had a huge grin on his face, waved to everyone, & started signing the first autograph. He was making conversation with each & every person, so it took some time for him to make his way down to us. As we were waiting, I tried to figure out what I would say to him. I didn't want to say anything generic that he hears all the time: "I love you," "I'm obsessed with Klaine," "I'm a huge Starkid," or anything of the nature. I wanted to say something that would stick out & would maybe even stick with him. As he made his way closer, I was still trying to think of something. The next thing I knew, Piper was tugging on my shoulder. "Morgan! MORGAN! Look, he's almost to us! Fucking look at how handsome he is! Holy shit!"
He must have heard her because the second it came out of her mouth he briefly looked up from the program he was signing & laughed to himself. Awesome, I thought sarcastically. Darren made his way through the whole crowd & was standing in front of me. He was looking down & held out his hand to sign my program. I was in such a daze all I could get out was "loved the show; you were really incredible" as I handed him my program. Fuck Morgan, like he's never heard that before? He laughed & said "thank you. I'm glad you liked it." When he went to hand my program back to me, he looked up at me for the first time & we locked eyes. The second we did his facial expression changed into an almost pained expression. Holy shit, what did I do? Is there something on my face? God Morgan, you really fucked this up. He opened his mouth & closed it again, looking confused.
"I'm s-s-s-sorry, what's your name?"
"Hi, I'm Morgan."
He put out his hand for me to shake & said "hi, I'm Darren."
I laughed. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I knew that."
He laughed & stared at me for what felt like forever, but then it was like a timer went off because he shook his head & looked over to Piper.
"I'm so sorry. Hi, I'm Darren. Do you want me to sign your program?"
"Yes please! Darren, you were awesome. Morgan & I are huge fans of yours. I know everyone says that, but fuck them, we mean it." You've got to hand it to Piper. She could take a generic sentence & make it sound anything but. He laughed & thanked her.
There was an awkward silence between us & all I could muster out was "well thanks Darren... for the autographs & everything. Again, the show was great."
I didn't know what else to do, so I started to turn away, but he grabbed my arm to stop me.
What the fuck is going on?
"Um… yes?"
"Okay, this may sound weird, but would you girls mind waiting in here…" He started to direct us to a door that was on the side of the building & opened it "…while I finish talking to some of the fans?"
Piper & I looked at each other with huge eyes.
"Fuck yeah!" she screamed at him.
"Okay awesome. Thanks. I know this is weird, but just give me five minutes. Five minutes!" He ran out the door & we stood there in complete confusion.
"Piper, what the fuck is going on? Did you do something that I don't know about? What the fuck did you do?"
"Fuck you Morgan! I didn't do shit. Why do you assume it's something bad? Did you see the way he looked at you? He totally has the hot's for you." She batted her eyelashes as me playfully.
"What are you talking about? That's crazy. He's Darren Criss for fuck's sake! He could have anybody!"
"Yeah, but apparently he only wants your sweet ass." She said as she winked at me.
"I don't know, but this is so weird. I feel like I'm feeling eighty things at once. My blood is pumping, my adrenaline is rushing. I feel crazy! Oh fuck…" I felt the sweat creeping up my neck & under my arms.
Seriously though, what the fuck is going on? What if Piper is right? What if he did see something in me? I mean, I'm nothing special, but I'm not bad either. Or it could be something really, really bad…
My endless thoughts were interrupted with a loud bang of the door being pulled open.
"I'm so sorry guys! That took longer than I expected. I always underestimate the number of fans." He said as he tugged on his dark curls nervously.
"Um, so what's going on?" I asked. "I mean, I don't understand why you pulled us aside. Did we do something wrong?"
"Oh god! No, no! Nothing like that. I actually have a question for you… well, for both of you."
Piper & I exchanged looks again. Am I dreaming? Because if so, God this is not funny.
"What is it?" Piper chimed in.
"I'd like to know if you ladies would like to join my friend Eli & me for dinner tonight. Today was my last show, so I'm flying back to LA, but my flight isn't until four in the morning, so I have some time to kill which is rare for me."
As he's saying all of this, I immediately get defensive. You need to understand something. Things like this don't happen to girls like Piper & me. I now think everything is a joke & I'm getting pissed.
"Wait a minute," I say, "is this something you do, like on a regular? You pick up random girls at each place you perform or something? Because if so, Piper & I will not be a part of your sick charade. I'm sorry, I'm a huge fan, but that is NOT the kind of girl I am." The second the words spewed out of my mouth, I didn't recognize the girl who just said these things, Piper looked at me in complete terror, & Darren… well, Darren looked genuinely hurt.
"WHAT! No… no… I…" You could tell he was taken aback by my response because it took him a few seconds to compile an answer. "I'm being incredibly sincere. I've actually never done this before. Ever. But there's something about you Morgan. I don't know what it is, but the second we locked eyes, I felt something. Didn't you?"
Of course I felt something, you're fucking Darren Criss! is what I wanted to say but I mustered up "Yes… Yes, of course I did. I'm sorry, this is just very strange." I wasn't even looking at him when I said this, so I took my eyes off of the floor, looked at him, put a huge smile on my face, & asked "so where would you like to go?" I could see Piper behind me literally jumping in place. All I could do was laugh. He laughed as well.
"To be honest, I haven't thought about it yet. I was just hoping you'd say yes. How about we exchange numbers & I'll let you know? I need to pack some stuff up here & I'm assuming you'll want to change…?" He looked at us waiting for confirmation. Piper & I both nodded. "Okay awesome. Here's my phone, type your number in. Can I see yours?" I handed it to him & he typed his number in as I typed my number into his.
Holy fuck, did I really just exchange numbers with Darren Criss?
"Awesome. Alright ladies, I will be seeing you two very soon. Morgan, I promise to call within about two hours. Is that okay?"
"That's perfect. We'll talk to you then." I said as Piper & I walked out the door, back into the cold. Darren stood in the doorway & gave an awkward wave. I returned the wave & as we walked back to our hotel, my mind was moving a mile a minute.
"HOLY SHIT! MORGAN! Do you realize what just happened?"
"Um… I think so."
"YOU THINK SO? How are you so calm right now?"
"To be honest, I'm just in shock. I feel completely out of my body. Did that really just happen?"
"YES!"
All at once, everything hit me & I started jumping up & down, screaming at the top of my lungs.
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! OH MY GOD!"
All Piper could do was laugh & scream with me.
We calmed down & continued to walk when a question hit me.
"Wait a minute; you're not pissed at me are you?"
"Why would I be mad at you?"
"Because Darren came onto me & not you." Saying this out loud felt weird.
"Are you kidding? Sure, he may prefer you, but that doesn't mean I can't stare at him from across the table tonight. Besides, let's just hope his friend is hot."
I laughed. She may have her moments, but Piper was & still is the greatest friend I could have ever asked for.