Summary: Lily just wants to be able to move on. She isn't aware, though, that the one who will help her do just that is someone she already knows.
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, everything belongs to J.K. Rowling. I don't make any money out of this story.
.:.
Written for my fellow Gryffindor, Sammy (HP Slash Luv), for the Secret Gryffindor Fic Exchange! I hope you like this, even though it's so very late (and for that, I am so sorry!). I have chosen the prompts: (pairing) RegulusLily, (AU) Single Parent!AU.
Word count (without the A/N): 2,957 words
To Love Again: Regulus Black and Lily Evans
The first thing Lily truly noticed about him was his pale skin and his angular features, and his eyes. His dark, cloudy eyes. She had already seen him, and more than once at that, but always briefly. He was Sirius's brother after all, and she used to be friends with the black-haired man.
But it only really occurred to her now that he wasn't like the men she normally would have noticed. He certainly wasn't like… James, or even his brother. But that wasn't bad either, because men like James had a tendency to break her heart.
He stared at her from his place by her side and smiled tensely. "Hello," he greeted her.
"Hi!" she answered with a bright smile (too bright, perhaps, but who cared, really?). "What can I do for you? Are you searching for something in particular or do you need advice?"
She knew she shouldn't have asked him all those questions. It wasn't like her. She had been on the job for a long time, and she had never, ever been that nervous in front of someone before. She was sure that he wasn't here for the books… or not only for the books, at least.
"I'm… not here for the books, to be completely honest with you," he told her, his smile vanishing from his face.
She immediately shook her head, shying away from him. "I know why you're here then. And I'm truly sorry, but I can't help you."
"Lily, wait!" he exclaimed when he saw her turn her back on him.
She stopped when she heard her name falling from his lips. She hadn't even been aware that he knew her name. She had been introduced to him only once, and that was… well, that was a long time ago.
"I am working, Regulus," she replied icily. "If you really want to talk about what I suspect you want to talk about, you'll have to meet me later. And not at my work place," she insisted.
He looked defeated for a few seconds. He probably didn't even want to be here in the first place, and here she was, asking him to come back later. She opened her mouth to apologize, but he spoke up before she could.
"I'll see you later then," he drawled. "But since you asked… I'd love to know if you have any books about parenting in your… little book store."
She took a deep breath to calm herself. Don't hit him, she told herself. Don't hit him. He might be an arrogant and cruel arsehole, but you can't hit him. Instead, she plastered a smile on her face and answered, "Of course. Let me lead you to them."
He nodded, and let her take the lead. He followed her closely though, and she felt as if he was studying her every movement. It was as though he was spying on the way her dark red hair moved slowly over her shoulders, and she felt so uncomfortable under his intense gaze that she suddenly turned towards him, stopping in the middle of the fantasy section.
"If you could stop spying on me, it would make me feel a lot better," she snapped.
He raised a derisive eyebrow at her and she inhaled deeply. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. She repeated this mantra in her head. But he was so infuriating, and it felt like he was judging her—she had never thought kindly of people who judged her as not good enough.
Still, she continued to walk more quickly through the bookstore and led him to the parenting section. She didn't wait another second and walked away from him, focusing on another client before he could ask her something more.
Lily studied her son's knee carefully. Harry was bleeding, and she felt so guilty because it was all her fault. She knew she shouldn't have let him walk away from her, he barely knew how to walk in the first place!
She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. Really, it wouldn't do any good to either of them if she started to panic. She rolled up the sleeves of her white blouse and tried to block out her son's cries while she rummaged through her bag to find something to cover the scratch. A plaster, or maybe even a tissue to just clean out the blood.
"Harry," she sighed as she finally found a plaster. "What did I tell you about running away from me?"
"Mama," her little boy cried out, his emerald eyes filled with tears.
And she tried, she tried so hard to stay angry at him, because that was the only way he ever understood her tone, but she couldn't. Not when he pouted this way, his big, emerald eyes that were just the same as hers looking up at her.
She took a deep breath and gently brushed her fingertips against his cheek.
"You're okay, my little boy. You're okay. But don't you do that again!"
"You really think he'll understand you, Lils?" she heard coming from behind her, and a smile instantly drew the corners of her lips upwards.
"With you undoing everything I do, certainly not, Marls," she answered, rising to her feet and turning towards her best friend.
Marlene McKinnon protested, "I don't undo everything you do… I try to make things better for little Harry. That's not the same thing."
"And by making them better, you're transforming him into a rebellious little monster," Dorcas Meadowes intervened, appearing after stepping away from Marlene's shadow.
A grin appeared on Lily's lips as she watched her two best friends bickering, but the smile on her face vanished as soon as Marlene turned towards her with a more serious look.
She took a deep breath and asked, "What is it again, Marls?"
"Sirius really wants to know how you're doing, Lily," Marlene answered. "He even sent Regulus to see you this morning."
Lily instantly tensed and pursed her lips together. Of course he did. He was James Potter's best friend after all, and now that she'd had his baby...
"Is Sirius the one who wants to know?" she questioned. "Or is it James?"
"Just Sirius… as far as I know."
"Tell him I'm fine. Tell him Harry's fine too. And he can tell James that. Not that he would care."
Marlene's shoulders sagged a little. She knew her friend was still hurt by James's actions and she knew it was a sensitive subject for her. So she wondered why she even spoke about it at all. Perhaps it was because she cared for Sirius almost as much as she cared for Lily and he really made no mention of his best friend. She knew she shouldn't have talked about it though.
"Look, I'm sorry, Lils," she finally told her friend. "I'll just say you're fine, alright?"
"Yeah…" Lily replied, sighing.
"How did it go with Regulus?" Dorcas asked, trying to defuse the heavy atmosphere.
"It was fine, at the beginning, even if I knew why he was truly there. And then he became an arsehole, and I'm pretty sure he didn't even notice his comments hurt me."
"Sounds like him," Marlene acquiesced.
Lily shrugged and tried to pretend like it was fine, like she hadn't expected something else from him, but she also remembered his tense smile at the beginning of their conversation and she couldn't help but wonder… If he really did take her up on her invitation, would he act kindly or be mean?
She shook her head. She would probably never know anyway...
Harry was laughing his adorable, little laugh, and crawling everywhere on his hands and knees, and she was laughing with him, following him slowly to make sure he didn't scrape his skin.
She jumped when she heard a voice she didn't recognize, at first.
"Lily Evans."
She turned around, and her eyes widened when she saw Regulus Black standing in front of her, tall and proud with his arms crossed over his chest. Her friends were supposed to be there, not him!
And then she understood. Marlene…
"Marlene told you where to find me, right?" she asked, shaking her head at her best friend, even if she couldn't see her.
"Yeah," he answered quite sheepishly. "But you told me to come and find you after your work hours."
She sighed; she should have known that he would take her up on her offer. And she should have known that she didn't really want him to do so. But it was too late to rectify her mistake now.
"Harry!" she called, and he turned his bright emerald eyes to look at her.
She kneeled on the ground and held her arms out for Harry. Her son came back to her and she held him close to her as she straightened up.
"This is my son," she told Regulus. "If that's what you were coming for."
"It wasn't, Lily." He paused, and then he apologized. "I'm sorry for the book I asked about yesterday. I was just—"
"Being an a—being cruel?" she offered, stopping herself from insulting him when she remembered Harry was in her arms. "Because you were. I don't know if you noticed, but you were."
"I know. It's just—I didn't think about it when I said it."
He sighed deeply. Clearly, apologizing wasn't his strong suit, and she decided to let it go this once.
"It's okay. I didn't act very kindly either. It's just—Harry's one year old now, and neither Sirius nor James made a move towards him before, and then all of a sudden, you and Marlene barge in and—"
When she realized she was ranting, she stopped and asked a single question, her voice breaking a little, "Why now?"
"I don't know. I can't say what went through my brother's or Potter's minds."
"You don't like James, do you?" she asked, noticing the bitter note in his voice when Regulus said his name.
"Not the type of people I like," he replied with a smirk. "Do you still love him?"
She weighed her choices. Either she told him the truth and risked being laughed at (because how could she still love him when he broke her heart and left her alone to take care of their son?), or she could try and lie to him convincingly (something she wasn't good at).
She sighed and shook her head. She felt crazy for it, but she was going to tell him the truth.
"I—I think I'd forgive him if he came back. Not—getting back together with him, you know, but I'd certainly allow him to meet his son once in a while if he wanted to. I wouldn't protest, because—"
"He's his father. It's visible, by the way. But he has your eyes."
A little disbelieving smile tugged at her lips. This wasn't the same Regulus she had met at the bookshop. He was far kinder, far more observant, far more mature too, and she had to admit she liked him a lot more when he behaved like that.
She spared a glance at the watch on her wrist and sighed. Already time to go home… She looked up at Regulus and simply said, "Now you know where to find me, and at what time. But I have to go now. I need to prepare everything for this evening."
She frowned, surprised at herself for being so bold. It wasn't that she wanted him to come and see her more often… but she told herself that maybe she wouldn't mind.
"This evening?" he repeated, interrupting her wandering thoughts.
Her cheeks flushed when she realized what exactly she'd been thinking about, but she answered anyway. "Yes. Marlene and Dorcas Meadowes will be eating at my house. We do that once a week, so I don't feel completely left… alone, you know."
She pushed a strand of hair back and watched as his features hardened.
"I hate him for what he did," he seethed. "And frankly, I don't know why he would ever have left someone like you."
She stared at him, her mouth slightly agape, and she walked away without another word, too moved by his last words to say anything.
"I don't know, Dorie, it was just—"
"What, are you actually having a crush on him? On Regulus Black? My boyfriend's brother?" Marlene interrupted her, putting her fork down on her plate, her eyes widening with excitement.
"I'm not, I barely know him," Lily hurriedly answered.
She'd always been a bad liar and the two girls sitting at the table with her laughed happily at her words. She shushed them, pretending it was for Harry's good as he was already asleep, but truthfully, all she wanted to do was giggle alongside them.
"Our Lily is having a crush on someone else! Finally!" Dorcas whispered excitedly.
Lily just rolled her eyes and sighed amusedly. Her friends had been desperate for her to find someone else for a few months now, and she hadn't… Truthfully, Regulus was the first man she'd had a crush on since James, and she wondered how her view of him could have changed in so little time. It made her so confused she almost couldn't take it.
She let her head fall on the table in desperation and wailed, "What am I going to do now?"
She couldn't see the wicked grin her two best friends exchanged, hunched over as she was. However, she did notice the playful glimmer in Marlene's eyes when she looked up at her best friend, and she sighed. What was going through the blonde girl's mind at that moment?
The next second, Marlene smiled and lost all cheekiness.
"I have a plan…" she told Lily, her blue eyes shining brightly.
Lily watched her son stagger towards the slides in their park and she twisted her wrists in anxiety. The fear of letting Harry out of her sight combined with the panic caused by what she was about to do was too damn much. She hadn't been this nervous in a long time.
She was afraid she was going to ruin everything that mattered in her life, with the exception of her son. For a month now, she'd been friends with Regulus, and she might be about to ruin everything on Marlene's advice. The worst of it was that she wouldn't even be able to hate her if it all went poorly.
"Lily? What's wrong?"
And here he was. She took a deep breath and looked up at him, using her long red hair as a curtain to hide her blushing cheeks.
"Nothing," she answered with a forced smile.
"Doesn't look like it's nothing to me," Regulus told her with concern in his voice. "Does it have anything to do with what my brother told me yesterday?"
"What your brother told you?" she repeated.
She frowned. She hadn't seen Sirius since her break up with James, and here he was talking about her to his brother… Not just asking about her, but talking about her! Like he knew something about her, and he hadn't talked to her since the break up, so how could he…?
"I'm going to kill her!" she exclaimed when she realized.
"Go easy on her, Lil," he smirked, and she backtracked hearing the nickname.
No one had ever called her Lil. They all chose to call her Lils, and she always wondered why. The magic thing about him was that she didn't need to ask herself anything; she just knew.
She took a deep breath and started, "Look, Reg, you—you have supported me since that day we met—wait, no, not that day, but that's not the point. You look like you really, really care for Harry… and for me. And that's all that matters, and—"
When she saw him smirk once more, she stopped talking and bit the inside of her cheeks. Why did she have to go rambling on about her feelings when it wasn't the plan she, Marlene and Dorcas had elaborated?
"I think I know where you're going with this, Lil," Regulus finally said after a moment of silence, smiling.
"And…?" she asked hesitantly.
He looked over her shoulder to see Harry whizzing down the slide and chuckled. He turned his attention towards Lily again and leaned in, only slightly.
"Can I kiss you?" he asked, an innocent mask on his face.
Her mouth fell slightly agape and she carefully shut it before muttering, "Yes."
And he kissed her, and it was wonderful, and she found herself forgetting everything for those few brief, delighting seconds.
"Ma'?" she suddenly heard, and she pulled away.
She looked down at her son, who was looking up at them with his bright emerald eyes, and she found herself laughing happily. Harry looked surprised, before he started babbling and held his arms out.
She lifted him up and glanced back at Regulus, who was playing with the hem of his shirt.
"We're going to be good, right?" she asked him, a small smile playing on her lips.
"Yes. We're going to be good."
And with that, she knew. She knew everything would be better now, because she had faith. In her, in him, in them.
She invited Regulus to dine with her and Harry, and he accepted without a single hesitation. The consequences his decision would have on his family didn't matter to him, apparently, and it was all she needed to know that they would last.
She didn't tell him what she had planned on telling him, though. She could wait a little longer for that. And yet, it was all she could think about. I think I've fallen in love with you, she said to herself again and again.
I hope you liked this, Sammy!