arvan x swain the novel

chapter 1

forbidden lovers meet

it was 3am. demacia had just disbanded from a war meeting. what they didnt know was that swain, the big scary leader from noxus had been throwing stones at the locals. it turns out that these stones were dried up chunks of horse shit that he got from hecarim's stablesur. "EATP IG SHIT YOU FUCKING COMMUNIST GOLDEN FREAKS" he SCREAMED out into the city. the buildings shuddered at the sound of his voice. "IM SWAIN AND I HATE DEMACIA! U CAN ALL BURN IN HELL ESP THAT MANLY SEXY PRINCE GUY. YEAH HIM. TGE ONE WIYH YHE LANCE BUT HIS LEGS ARENT BROKEN." #homestuck references "JARVAN IS MINE YOU FUKCIGN FREAK" BAD DRAGON DILDO WARRIOR SCREAMED BACK. SHE WAS MAD. SHYVANA SMASH. "RAWWAARSGHHFAAREVGH" SHE SAID ANGRILY. :(

Shyvana LUNGED at the bird bitch in full dragon form. [cue beatrice laying down a sick beat for the battle music] "HOLY FICKING SHIT UR A FUCKING DRAGON. I'D TAP THAT"

"YEAH DAN IM GOING TO KICK UR ASS FOR WANTING A PIECE OF THAT JARVAN ASS" shyv the didldo replied. she wanna go slurp slurp on dat ashe.

"what the frick frack diddily dack patty wack snick snack crack pack slack mack quarterback crackerjack biofeedback backtrack thumbtack sidetrack tic-tac is going on here" said jarvan as he approached the two, who were about to have a rap battle. what

meanwhile beatrice had found new love with the demacian eagle valor. they did it in the birdy butthole for the rest of the fic DONT DELETE THIS. anivia was sad k

"JARVAN MY PRINCE" shyvana the yiffy dildo queen screamed. "IM COMING FOR U, BAD DRAGON AND ALL slurp slurp slurp slurp" she lunged back at jarvan.

shyvana found herself surprised when she found not a giant royal huggable dick impaled in her, but a lance. "J...JAVERT- ... u...yo u killed me... ...why"

"bc im tired of u being a stupid ho(w to basic) gurl. always shoving annhiltior dicks in my face, u want me to use them on u? well guess what, it dont compare to the real thing. and i dongrtd think ur worthy of all dat shit you crazy ass draconic bitch. in fact i..." jarvan continued trailing on and ranting, but it really didnt matter bc shyvana was already dead.

R.I.P shyvana 2011-2014

swain was in shock "HOLY HSIS T did u just kill her" "REST IN FUCKIGN PIECES YOU CRAYZ DILDO" he shouted, causing a fuckign iriot

"NO SWAIN THEY WILL HEAR U" jarvan shouted, throiwng shyvana's stupid fuckin gcorpse at him. her body was impaled a second time by swain's massive nose. "SWQAURK" he shouted in surprise. "squelch" shyvana's corpse made that sound as she slid off of swains nose. "ewwww" said the live audience.

"besides, i needed her out of my way so i could get somewhere." jarvan said

"where"

"ur heart 3"

"fuck off man i dont want any yeehaws"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" jarvan charged at swain furiously with lovestruck eyes.

"NO GET AWAY FROM ME MAN," swain yelled as he flung more rainbow robot unicorn poo at jarvan, even pelting him in the face.

"HHHAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" jarvan SCREAMED as he plunged his lance right

into

swain

's belt, destroying it and letting swain's pants fall to the ground.

Jarvan was FLABBERGASTED at the contents of swains pants..,, "wwwhat the helkkll is this"

"das my

"anaconda" suddenly swain gets a pair of shades out of nowhere. he starts dancing with his pants down, making a funny scene with his massive 5. foot long penis that looked more like a naked mole rat than a snake flopping around. jarvan thought about this for a moment, then decided to pick up swain's pants.

inside was...

swain's ezreal hentai collection.

"OH SWAIN WTF HES LIKE 14 JESU T" jarvan said. swain stopped dancing. "oh no u found my treasure trove of ez porn"

"DID SOMSWOENE SAYD A TREASURE TRISCE OD SEZRWAL PIRN!?.!:?.!?" the men heard a shrill voice sing from the rooftops.

lux and her brother garen swooped down from a rooftop. they were both dressed in pjs that had ezreal's face patterened on to them. lux screamed and grabbed swains pants, then leaped back up to the roofs. garen took a minute to look at swain's MASSIVE MAGNUM DONG which rlly looked like a roach hanging from his body, smiled and licked his lips, then jumped back up to join his sister.

"what tge fuck" swain said.

"das my line" jarvan replied.

"well now i have no pants and my ez porn collection, which ive been accumulating for 14 years, is gone."

"i guess i can take u to my palace, where i can feed ur giant snake ;;;;)"

"k"

end of chapter 1