Rayne pov
I never look back from were i'm going but as I rode of from Dragonstone, leaving Jon behind I stopped and turned back. Was this the right desicion? Did I wronged him? I needed time to get my thoughts right again, and to know what I'm feeling and what that would mean.
Dagonet and me were riding side by side. We didn't talk much, okay I didn't talk much. I was to lost in my thoughts. Thoughts I didn't want to have but they always made their way up, thoughts about Jon and his Queen. What were they doing now? Where they to get married? Would they be happy?
"...So the horse just ate the raven." I heard Dago say.
"What? Horse's don't eat raven's." I said confused.
"Oh so you are listening, I was just testing if you were listening or too deep in your thoughts." He said with a cheeky grin on his face.
We were now riding for a week in the direction of winterfell. Just because my heart had been broken, by the King in the north, dosen't mean that I would run away from a good fight. And the long night ahead of us promised to be such a good fight. I was even looking forward to it, finally a chance for me to let my pent up emotions out, a chance to let myself feel again. Even if it's just pain.
"To be honest, no. I just caught the end. Sorry" I said honestly.
"Nah, it's okay. Sooo, will you ever tell me how you really cope?" He asked.
I stopped my horse, shocked. How can he be so blunt? Does it not say enough that we are traveling alone?
"Probably not." I said on edge.
"It's not healthy to keep everything to botteled up. Come on its just me so you can let it out, I promise not to tell anyone. Do you want to talk about what happened?"
"Dago!" I warned, not in the mood to tell anyone anything.
"Come on, Rayne. I mean what else could we do?"
"Dago I said no! I don't want to talk about it. What is there even to talk about, you saw what happened, like I did. I was foolish enough to think that someone could really love me. I trusted someone with my heart and he stepped on it. And do you want to know what the dumbest thing about all of this is? I still love him even after what he did, I still love him. So you want to talk about it, then tell me how fucking stupid that is." I said and noticed that tears where making their way down my face. I wipped them furiosly away.
"Rayne, I... I wouldn't..." He began to mumble
"Exactly, there is nothing to say. So let's just save our breath." I said devasted.
I kicked my horse and rode further, I didn't want to waste any time. Eventually Dagonet came up beside me again, I would catch him from time to time looking at me. He opened and closed his mouth, wanting to say something. After the third time I saw him opening his mouth I had enough.
"Just say what you have to say." I said unnerved.
"I would never call you stupid, I hope you know that." He began only to stop again searching for the right words to say.
"But," I tried to encourage him.
"But you should listen more to your feelings. I mean if you know that you still love him, then what are you doing here? You should be with him, sort throuh your problems. Not that I don't welcome your attendance on this fine Journey." He said.
"I wish it would be this easy, I really do. But I can't...I mean how will I ever be able to trust him again. I would fear whenever I leave a room he would chase down another 'skirt'. North the wall he told me that he felt attracted to the Dragon Queen but that I will be the only one he will ever love, that he would always stay faithful to me. And then, the second he thinks I am gone he goes to her and ... I don't even want to know what they all did."
Dagonet looked long and hard at me.
"I know it was awful what he did and that he hurt you and i don't want to excuse his doing, but... Did you ever thought about how he was feeling?" He asked
"What do you mean? How he was feeling? I would think he was feeling pretty good." I said with distaste at the thought of Jon and his Dragon Queen.

"Do you know what I did all this time till Melisandre found me?" He asked
I shook my head, I never had thought about his whereabouts or his actions in this time.
"I was a drunken men in every brothel you could find. Everytime I weared another face but it was always me. I would Drink myself into delirium and fucked everyone with a pussy between its legs. I did everything to try and forget my pain, my lost." He said ashamed.
"I'm sorry Dago, I didn't even..." I began but he interrupted me with a small smile on his lips.
"Don't be! I mean of course it hurts now that I am sober. But at the time, this was my way to deal with everything. To mourn them. And i felt great, no sorry. I didn't thought or felt anything because i was to drunk to even remember everything I did, but... Ah fuck!
I just want to say ,I know how it feels when you want to forget but can't. When you try every possible way to find a solution to the chaos inside yourself."
I hadn't thought of this side. Of course Jon would have mourned me, he even said it. I mean I could still see it, his pale, sunken in face that showed it to everyone. He said that he was grieving because of me, but is that a way to do so?
"I didn't take you to be a manwhore!" I tried to joke, to cover my inner battle.
He laughed at that and then turned suprised to me
"Was that a joke?" He asked with a smile
"I think that was a joke. See I told you it would help to talk about things." He said proud to seemingly have helped me.
"Yeah Yeah, but there is still one question." I said as the fun faded.
"Okay, go for it. I'm on a run here. I bet I can give you a good advice to it, too." He said loving the challenge. I looked back at the road, not wanting to see his face of pity for me.
"How can I ever trust him after what he did?" I asked and was met with silence.
There it is, my one, true Problem.
I knew that I still loved Jon, hell I loved him for as long as I can remember. Even after ten years apart. But the fact was still the same, he betrayed my love and i didn't know if I could forgive him for that.

We made a Camp when the night came, Dago had collected firewood and made a small fire. I was taking care of my wound, I didn't even feel it anymore. The pain in my heart much worser than the wound.
"How does it look?" Dago wanted to know
"Almost completly healed, the stitches sit." I answered him.
"Good, now back to your question."
"Dago, I asked this hours ago, I'm tired emotionly and..." Dago interrupted me
"No no, you asked and i finally have a good answer so you my lady will listen now." He said with an authority I didn't knew he had in him.
"Okay, so tell me. What did the little mind of yours came up with?"
"Hey don't belittle my mind, I am a great thinker, okay!? To your question I would say, let him earn your trust again." He adviced.
"I mean, who told you to let him back in completly? Take it step by step. I know it looks bad for the human kind to survive the long night but it's not here right know. He should still have time to earn it back." He said.
Damn him, that really was a good advice. I opened and closed my mouth to say something, anything but I had no idea what to say to this. He was right, no one said I would have to let him back in completly.
"Naaa, wasn't that a good advice or what?"
I laughed a little at that, he tried to really help me. I never knew he had this childish, funny side on him. He really was going to become a good friend to me.
"Thank you, Dago." I said
"I am always at Service for damsels in distress" He answered cheekly.
At that I threw a small branch of wood after him and hit him at the back with it.
"I am no damsel!" I said lightly trying to keep my laughter, at his face, in.