He's gorgeous.

I think to myself, as I watch as his chest rises and falls in his deep slumber. He's in the dead center of the king-size bed reminding me of what it was like to sleep with a toddler.

My toddler.

Andre.

I sigh and roll away from him, on to my stomach, simultaneously changing my thought pattern. I don't want to go there tonight. I glance around the room.

The shadows dancing across the walls. The windows open promoting a slight ineffectual breeze. I can't believe I'm still in his room.

Still in his bed.

I'm still covered in his scent, in his sex. The corners of mouth begin to twitch and a smile begins to form. Physically, I wipe the smile away with my hand, and bury my face into the pillow.

Oh, god. It smells like him too, like woods, gunpowder, earthiness, apples, and Ivory soap.

I'm weak.

It's these walls.

The walls are meant to protect what's in here from threats out there. But the threat is clearly in here with me.

The threat is BESIDE me.

Naked! Ring the alarm already.

I should kill him. In his sleep. I mean come on, I would do it humanely.

I'm kidding, I can't kill him because of Carl and Judith. No really Jude would probably be good, she wouldn't really remember him…right?

No, really, I couldn't kill him anyway.

Because he is gorgeous. And stupid. And lost. And cocky. And he's gloriously tan. And those blue eyes. And those calloused hands. And he's the guy that has a hellish day and remembers to still bring you spearmint mints.

So, you fuck him because he had breath mints, really 'Chonne. Bitch, if you do not get your entire life together.

Figure out what YOU want. Deanna's words keep haunting me.

What do you want, girl?

I smile and roll over onto my side facing him on the bed again. I want some more dick in my life, is what I want.

He's sleeping so peacefully while I'm staring up at the ceiling because of a stupid man and his stupid mints and his stupid penis.

Why did I have sex with him? Because of the mints. Really? I should have saved the sex for the actual toothpaste. Mints should get a guy to second base. TOPS.

I'm so easy.

I chuckle quietly to myself, throwing a hand over my mouth to keep in the absurdity.

I'm fucking crazy. Clearly. Sex for spearmint. This is what I've been reduced to.

Oh. My. God. He's mumbling in his sleep. I glance over at him as he stirs.

Please stay sleep. I beg him silently as he rolls onto his side facing me, encroaching more onto my territory, which is so fucking like him. Always taking up my space. Always staking claim on everything like a fucking dog pissing on everything. Pissing on the house he wanted when we first arrived in Alexandria. Pissing on the room that would be his because it's closer to the staircase. Pissing on another man's wife that he had to have.

I'm a rebound. I'm the rebound to Jessie Fucking Anderson.

I'm pathetic.

No, he's pathetic. I'm a fucking goddess not a nun who needed an itch scratched tonight. I deserve good dick in my life. I work hard. I strategize. I provide. I protect. I go on runs. I should get dick.

Amazing dick. When I want it. How I want it.

Good dick.

On-demand dick, dammit!

Rick's dick.

I throw my hand over my mouth again, trying to capture my laughter. I'm being ridiculous but I can't help it. I don't know what any of this means. I need answers.

Okay, let me formulate a mental list of questions I need answered. Question number one: why did I have sex with him?

Answer: because it felt good, duh. Yes, it's been too long. Yes, it felt so right at the same time. But my heart has always resided in my vagina. That is until I had Andre and my heart began to beat and run around outside of my body. And then. Then, the day my heart was gone and I had to drive my katana through the skull of my own heart.

And yet...here I am, my heart seemingly self-regenerated.

I'm weak. And you can't protect and do what needs to be done when you're weak. Exhibit A: Jessie Fucking Anderson.

I should get up. I should at least not sleep here. I move to get up slowly, quietly. I'm almost sitting up on my elbow, about to throw the cover off my body when I feel him rouse again. I feel his warm hand on my hip and I instantly melt. I feel his other hand slide underneath me. I feel him dragging me back towards him. I let him. His arms enveloping me. I let him. His essence smothering me. His lips are at my neck.

"Stay." he whispers, huskily. Sleepily.

I fucking melt into a puddle of nothing against him. My body, especially this newly regenerated heart are not in sync with my mind. But this heart and my mind will have to talk later because right now my soul is completely content with falling asleep in this man's embrace.