She isn't going to call him. And even if she does call him, it's not like he'll answer. But it'd be the fact that she'd called him at all. If she were to call, which she won't.
So Ally calls everyone else. Even the librarian from her old high school. She's not expecting her, or anyone else for that matter, to answer their phone at one in the morning. They don't. Why would they? She's a wreck; she's been a wreck for a long time, and she deserves no hero.
Which is why she isn't going to call him. Because as horrible as she's been, as stupid and misguided as she's let herself become, Austin will answer the phone for her at one in the morning. And when he asks her why she's called, then she won't even know where to begin.
He's the first person in her contacts list. She hates it, because every time she opens her phone, in the hopes that she somehow might've missed a returned call, she can only see him. She clicks on his number far too often, so that she can see his picture. Hoping it might just motivate her to turn her phone off and avoid even thinking about him.
It works eleven out of twelve times. Attempt number twelve gets her sent straight to his voicemail.
"Austin," she begins. She hopes he can recognize her voice. It's groggy-sounding, but she's not tired. "Austin, I'm scared. And I'm sorry. And I need you."
She turns the phone off again with a defeated sigh. She is scared, because if she's not out of this parking lot soon, a lot of bad things will happen. And if she's anywhere nearby, she'll be pulled right back in.
Her phone buzzes, and while it's still in her pocket, she wonders if Dez might've took the slightest bit of pity on her. He was always sweet, in his odd way.
It's not Dez, though. It's a text, and it's from Austin.
On my way.
She doesn't have to tell him where she is, because she knows he knows. That may be the worst thing; the fact that he thinks she's in the worst place possible, and the fact that he's right on the first guess.
Or maybe the worst thing is that he's getting up in the middle of the night for her, like he used to before she became who she is now. Except now she's someone else, and he's still coming for her. She hates how much he loves her. She won't admit to loving him, though, not again, because she knows what kind of person she's meant to be now.
She doesn't deserve a hero, and he doesn't deserve to have her break his heart. Already, they're off to a bad start.
Austin is at the curb too fast to act like he didn't miss her, though that's still what he does. Maybe it's for the better, Ally reasons. Better for him.
He doesn't even have to get out of the car, she just jiggles the handle on the passenger side door until he unlocks it, like an impatient little kid.
"What dealer am I driving you to now?" After two years, these are his first words to her, and they're bitter and sarcastic.
"I'm not-Austin, you know I'm not on anything. I was just...in some trouble. I needed to get out of there."
"And so you called your trusty getaway car." Ally sighs. She has a feeling the whole ride will be like this.
"Technically I called about thirty not-so trusty getaway cars. Congrats, number thirty-one."
"I'm regretting this already. Again, where am I driving you?"
"Anywhere that isn't here."
"Home then?" Ally looks up at him for a fraction of a second, but he's intentionally avoiding making eye contact with her. Her gaze returns to her lap.
"I, uh...home's not so good right now," she admits.
"Is anything good for you right now? Never mind," he says quickly before she can respond. "I'm just gonna drive, okay?"
"Thank you," Ally replies softly, and immediately knows the two words are the realest she's spoken in at least a year. She tilts her head back and closes her eyes and listens to anything and everything. The noise the car makes as it turns onto the highway and glides up the interstate. Austin's breathing. Her own. "Do you mind if I roll down the window?" she asks, opening her eyes. He's watching her now.
"Go for it."
She does. Just for more sound. The more she can hear, the less Ally has to reflect. The more distractions, the better. She sticks her hand out the window to feel the wind pushing back on her. "Did I wake you up?"
"Nah," he says casually, and they're no longer close enough to the point where she can tell if he's lying or not. After a long period of nothingness, when she's pretty sure they aren't even in Miami anymore, she pulls her arm back into the car and rolls up the window. That's enough sound. Now it's time to think again. Austin is driving up the coast, and Ally can make out the waves crashing again and again against the shore. Once. Twice. Fifty something times.
"Why're you doing all this for me?"
"Because...how can I not?"
"Pull over," Ally demands suddenly, and Austin obeys, driving into a spot overlooking the ocean. "Why are you doing all this for me?" she repeats, as if he'd never answered. "Why are you driving me around Florida at one am? What did I ever do for you?" Austin is giving her an incredulous look that makes her want to sink into the floor.
"You're disappointing me, Ally. It's not all about debts, although your new friends may have taught you something close to the opposites."
"They aren't my friends," Ally mutters. "They aren't bad people, not all of them, but they aren't my friends."
"Who is then?"
You are, aren't you? That'd have been the stupidest question she'd asked all night, had she said it aloud.
"Does it matter? I'm the one asking questions right now."
"I'm still answering. I'm here because even if you aren't the same Ally Dawson you were, you're still Ally Dawson, and I sorta can't help caring about her-"
"But why? Why-how can you possibly still care? Stop it! Stop caring! I don't deserve to be cared for, and you deserve to care for someone who will care back, so just stop!" Ally is screeching. She suddenly hates him for picking her up, for listening to her. She hates him for being so good.
"I didn't ask you to get into my car."
"But I asked you, which is even worse. Don't you get it, Austin? No matter what happens between us, I'm always going to call you out of desperation, and you're always going to pick up, and you're going to keep caring, and I'm going to keep breaking your heart!"
"A little late for that, Ally." For the first time this night, Austin looks truly...sad.
"I know." Maybe the sadness is a little contagious, because Ally's voice returns to the same volume as his for just a moment. But she remembers being sad with him would be unfair, and she unbuckles her seatbelt. "You need to stop. I'm not worth it." She really does miss him, and she really does want him to care, and she really is sad, very much so.
She opens the passenger door and slips out into the darkness. Her shoes fall off one after the other, getting lost in the sand and Ally runs not in the direction they came. Sometimes she steps on wet shore and sometimes she's splashing right through the water but it all sort of blends into one and she doesn't slow down.
She knows he must be driving after her because out of the corner of her eye she can see headlights, and she knows she must be crying because when she looks back for a spilt second, the one thing she'd been trying not to do all along, the world is muddled.
She runs faster, and barely notices she's out of breath because by now the lights have left and she knows she has to be alone, until she collides with him. He's whispering things she can't comprehend into her hair and her ears and quite possibly her lips, and she just lets his hands wrap around her waist as she clings onto his shirt, clenching the fabric in her fists like she's afraid he'll slip away.
She doesn't want to think about letting go because she already knows that when she does she'll be breaking both of their hearts.