A Mockery of the Animals in the Lower Zoo
Chapter 1: In Which Two Doctors Have a 'Hair-Raising' Encounter
and an Indian Discovers the Truth About a Company.
Author: Sylvan Wind of Change
Disclaimer: House, Heroes, Star Trek 2009, and Left 4 Dead are not mine. I do enjoy spinning them on their heads, however. Schrodinger is mine, Einy the terrier will be at some point in the future, and Jormungander the snake belongs to AlyssCromwel, one of my best friends. I miss yoooouuu, Alyss!
The New Jersite shifted his weight and lifted a finger to point. "Eyebrows..." He commented in amazement.
"Eyebrows." The Indian agreed, equally amazed and completely serious.
The owners of said pairs of eyebrows turned and glared simultaneously at their onlookers.
"House..." Wilson warned sternly.
"Doctor Suresh." Sylar added, raising a hand warningly.
"But..." the onlookers protested simultaneously, "Eyebrows!" They pointed to the men opposite their respective companions.
"Yes, we all have them." Sylar snarked. "Is this going somewhere?"
"Genetic!" Said the geneticist.
"Disease!" Said the diagnostician.
"Whatever the case," the two exclaimed in unison, "you both have it!" The people in question, of course being Dr. James Wilson and Gabriel Gray AKA Sylar.
A fifth voice suddenly spoke up. A wholesome, brave, slightly annoying voice. Not the kind of voice that made you want to punch it in the face; on the contrary, the sort of voice whose face aught to be on a commemorative plaque with its name and a list of the great achievements it had made somewhere for all the world to see. Exactly the kind that made Sylar want to kill things and House want to yell at them.
"I think you two should see this." A young Captain James T. Kirk said quietly, pointedly leveling his index finger at his companion.
Spock openly gawked, for what must have been the first time, at Sylar.
The serial killer raised an eyebrow. "I see no resemblance." He said apathetically.
"You look as though you might be my twin, were it possible." Spock implored. Yes, Spock implores. He doesn't do it very often, but he felt like doing it, so he did. Do not question the Spock, for the Spock is almighty and must be worshiped by all humans with normal eyebrows. Worship the Spock and bring him donuts, for donuts are the answer to all of life's queries.
"Fine!" Sylar finally barked. "I wanted my formerly boring, little eyebrows to be special, too, so I took Hiro's power, traveled forward in time and acquired yours for myself!" The killer admitted, rubbing said eyebrows pointedly. "And yes, I can understand how people's eyebrows work, too. I just hadn't bothered until I found out about the ones the Company was hiding from me."
Mohinder suddenly looked very confused. "The Company hides eyebrows?"
"Yes, exactly!" Sylar confirmed. "What did you think their real agenda was, in the first place?"
"To kill all sons of bitches?" House momentarily glanced up from his laptop, where he was happily destroying zombies with an especially noisy virtual frying pan.
"No, you idiot! To protect special pairs of eyebrows!" Sylar, Kirk and Mohinder yelled in unison, getting a weird look from Wilson and His Holiness. No, not the pope. We have been over this before; only Spock is holy. Worship his pointy eyebrows. WORSHIP THEM.
...And feed him lots of donuts.
Speaking of donuts, it was then that a passing donut cart fell over and dumped all of its goods into Sylar's lap. He glared at them in annoyance. But then, he felt the sugary treats call out to him with tiny, sweet voices; 'Sylaaaar...Sylaaaaar...Eat us...Your eyebrows neeed uuuuussssss...' so he hurriedly sliced their tops off with his finger and crammed as many of them into his mouth as possible.
Suresh's eyes bugged out. "WTF?" He asked, staring unabashedly at the messy pile of serial killer, powdered sugar. crushed jelly and white-gold pastry.
"I feel ignored." Wilson told a brick wall confidentially, arms folded. Somewhere, a Tibetan Terrier named Einstein barked. A tabby cat called Schrodinger wandered out of a box. A housebound snake named Jormungander stopped chewing his tail. A human female cheerleader accidentally stepped on a butterfly and set a flurry of events in motion.
"I DID IT!" House suddenly announced, tapping his cane loudly on the floor for attention.
Unfortunately, no one knew what House was trying to do. They thought it had something to do with getting lunch, though, so Wilson kindly gave him half a sandwich. This distracted House enough that he didn't even bother trying to expand on what he had discovered.