Experimenting
By Michaela Wills
I can't sleep.
Part of it is the panda snoring next to me. Until my old man got cursed, I'd had never even considered whether or not pandas snored. Now, I have news for the old man; the snoring is worse when he's a panda. Like now.
Part of it is trying to sleep on this hard ground. Me and the old man have done it plenty over the years on various training missions, but this slab-like compressed rock-bed is one of the worst to date.
Part of it is I'm still not used to being a girl.
Granted, I'll never get used to being a girl. My hips, more rounded than before, arch my back on this hard a surface, so lying on my sides means I wake up sore. Lying on my front is purely impossible; the feeling of …. I stop thinking about it and try to repress the shudder. That means the only comfortable option is lying on my back. I looked to the left at the sleeping panda and glare through the moonlight at the old man. Jyusenkyo had been an awful idea. I sit up, knees up in front of me in the sleeping role.
"No point in continuing to try." I grumble. I look up and the clear sky between the open patchwork of tree branches, at least this was a nice choice for a place to train. Then, against my better judgment, I glance at the sleeping roll to the right. Akane.
I find myself watching her sleep. She is cute… but only while she's sleeping. Her features loose any hint of suspicion and soften. Granted, I don't really mind when she's sore at me, the intensity on her face while trying, ineffectually, to bean me is always adorable. Although, she's not so cute when she catches me off guard and actually hits me.
I glare at her, my un-cute fiancé.
But when she's not awake to glare back, I can't keep anything in it. I stare at her. With a sigh I pull her blanket up under her chin. It's a bit cold tonight. She turns in her sleep and I take note: she turns her shoulders towards me, but the angle on her hips is still shallow, closer to lying on her back. Maybe I should try something like that; it might help me to sleep and not wake up sore.
Remembering I'm a girl right now annoys me and I get up. I start to walk around; maybe if I wear myself out I can sleep, although I realize that's almost a stupid idea. If 5 hours of hiking out here followed by 4 more hours of sparring first with Pop, then Akane, then Pop again didn't wear me out, then no amount of solo practice now is going to do the job. Still, I pull back my shoulders and slowly begin the Anything-Goes series of katas. Of course, going through katas right now reminds me that, again, I'm a girl right now. I grumble as the katas feel wrong and I have to stop. I'm doing these katas as if I have my other body. I force myself to take a deep breath before re-starting. Okay, a lot of deep breaths.
When I move, I use my second set of katas. Unlike most people, I have two. Not because I studied two forms of martial arts; that would be a normal reason for practicing two sets of katas. No they are any different; the katas are the same. But how I move and approach them is different because I have two bodies. I have to adjust for the changes in my center of gravity and my extension when I'm a girl, not to mention the sheer difference in body weight and mass.
It sucks. But I've slowly come to realize my heightened awareness of my two bodies gives me something of an edge. Sometimes. I understand how and why men and women's bodies move differently. While I'll never be used to being a girl, I've figured out how to use the problem to my advantage, and not just to get free ice cream.
I finish one set and let my body relax. I look at Akane again. She's sleeping on her stomach now, although I don't know how she could be comfortable like that. It irritates me because it reminds me.
There's one…. Advantage to having this body I haven't….
I've trained for using this body when I fight. I've use my girl body for fighting and other things when necessary. Oh yes, I've batted my eyes, acted cute and girly when it suited my needs and also when it suited someone else's needs. I've worn more dresses than I'd ever thought I would. I've even felt insulted when others don't find girl-Ranma cute. So I've adjusted to this body in a lot of ways, but…
I still haven't… experimented with it myself. I'm flushing at the thought alone and my face is probably red enough to light up the night. 'Cause I'm not defective or nothing. I've … gone solo, so to speak, but only with my body. My guy body.
I look at Akane sleeping. I don't mind being her fiancée really. When we first met, it was odd, but we're so comfortable with each other. I really can't imagine living with anyone else but her. Not when I really think about it. She's better than Shampoo or Ukyo, definitely. Those two are so… tricky. At least Shampoo is. Ukyo's not outwardly manipulative like Shampoo, but sometimes I get the feeling there's an angle for her benefit in everything she does. I always feel like I've got to have my back up with them.
While I need to have a guard ready for Akane's right hook, I know she's really sweet deep down. She doesn't try to trick me or manipulate me into anything on purpose. Most of the time she's busy trying to ignore that she's bothered by the other girls in my life. That or she's being competitive with them and stanchly insisting I have nothing to do with it. Yeah, I've gotten wise to the passive-aggressive act, but I know she's not doing it on purpose. She's so caring, like with "P-Chan." That stupid Ryoga; taking advantage of Akane's sweetness just to sleep in her bed! She's my fiancée and I don't get to sleep in her bed, so Ryoga definitely shouldn't! Not that I want to, but the stupid idiot is always in the way and messing things up, making it look like I've done something wrong. One of these days he's going to get kicked out for good and then… I'll … I … Once Ryoga's gone it'll be me and Akane….
I look at Akane. Sometimes looking at Akane…. I pause and realize I'm flushing. I think it's too hot down here.
I climb into a tree. I can feel the cool night breezes from here, so I close my eyes briefly to enjoy it while I cool down. When I open my eyes, I'm looking down at the girl again. I sigh, cross my legs and put my chin on my fist, propped up on my elbow. I'm pouting and I know it. I have, readily available to me, the greatest tool to find out what a woman likes. I can be, I gulp, a skilled l-lo-lo. I force myself to take a deep breath and finish the thought. I can be a great lover to her and know, absolutely know, I'm doing a good job. Of course, not that I'm planning on it right now. I don't even want to marry her right now. She's cute, but not that cute. But if I wanted to I could be that.
I grin to myself and lean back against the trunk on the tree. It'd be easy; almost too easy. All I'd have to do is get a few nights to myself just… like… tonight.
This gives me a reason to pause and I look at the old man. He's dead to the world. I look at Akane. She's turned in her sleep again, but is soundly out. I look at my chest. I make a face and unbutton the top 3 buttons so I can get a good look at them.
There they are: round, smooth and firm with their little pinked nipples. I narrow my eyes as I examine the evidence: these twin traitors to my masculinity. I look around as if to see if anyone is watching. Then I roll my eyes. Of course no one is watching; there's no one around us for miles.
I suppose there's no time like to present. A quick peek at Akane makes up my mind. I want to know about this. For later. Definitely not for now or anytime soon.
I unbutton and little further and move them around until the whole of the two… traitors are exposed. The cool breeze on them does feel nice.
I poke one. Just to watch how it moves. It just gives and feels like someone's poking my skin, just a little deeper than usual. I repeat until I am convinced I know how it'll move and what it'll feel like at various speeds. It is a little uncomfortable to poke near my armpit for some reason. I'll avoid that, it must be sore muscles. With the kind of training we do at the Tendo Dojo, that's one to remember for later. Stiff arm muscles come with the territory of constant training.
I cup one bre… I cup one. I lift it a few times and then run my whole hand over the surface. Except for the shape, it feels pretty much the same as when I'm normal. But after I've run my hand over it a few times the feeling changes. The little nipple is hard under my palm and gives me the sensation of little shivers along my neck and back, all leading back to that one little point. By accident, I graze it with the tip of my fingers. The intensity of the pleasuring thrill causes me to jump slightly.
Gently, I take my other hand and repeat the action on the other side. The two tiny mounds are standing out as my fingertips run along: up and down, up and down. I note that my breath is coming shorter and that the warm chills along my back are causing me to relax and shiver. This experiment was probably a good idea.
Pinching one nipple gently, I find that is still pleasurable, but much harder then that and it just hurts. The hurt stems the other feelings and gives me a chance to assess. What else should I try tonight? I blush read at the idea of dealing with the other half of my female equipment. I'll just stick to these breasts tonight. What else can I do that might feel good?
I take one in each hand and push them together. I lift them together at first; it feels odd with them pushed together, but not too bad. Unfortunately it's not notable pleasurable either. Especially not in comparison to rubbing them like before. Then I rub them against each other in opposite directions. Again, no distinctly pleasurable experiences.
I let go and rub the little tip of one with the pad of my fingertip. All the rubbing without any outstanding sensation has allowed the little peak to soften. Once the tip is stiff again I try using my nails on it. The warm thrills down my back and neck begin again in earnest. In general it seems that touching the areole is the key.
I lift one breast in my hand and attempt to bring my mouth to reach the tip. I understand from locker-room gossip that's an effective technique. Not that I put a whole lot of stock in those sorts of braggarts. Trying to bend my back over that short a distance however, is definitely not comfortable. I can reach the little peak and get my tongue on it, but only with a good deal of straining. Not worth it, since the awkward position of my back and neck will make it hard to tell how it feels. I guess I'll have to wait to try that one until I have Ak-I mean, until I have a girl with me to try it on.
I pluck gently and then with more pressure, finding the point at which it stops feeling good and starts to hurt. Afterwards, I rub my whole hand over the sore breast to ease the irritation. Has the whole thing swollen up since I started? I eye my chest, trying to gauge. Can't tell.
I put the dratted things back into my shirt and button back up. Leaning against the tree I cross my ankles to relax. I'll try to go back to bed in a few minutes. As a last experiment, I rub my fingertips over the nipple to see if they will rise to a peak through the cloth. Yup, they do. That might not be a bad way to start in the future.
I watch the trees move in the wind for a few more minutes and avoid touching myself anywhere else. My hands are firmly clasped behind my head and there they will stay. Finally, after what seems to have been a long time, I yawn.
Okay time to go back to bed. I climb out of the tree and walk to my sleeping roll. I look over at Akane as a lay down, no more than a sleeping roll and 2 feet away. She's back to lying on her back and has pushed down the covers. With a lopsided expression I lean over and pull the covers back up. In reaction, she turns to face me, snuggling into the covers as I tuck them around her. I let my hand run over her hair before I pull back and lay down myself.
She's still not cute enough to marry. Not yet.
Really.