So this is the first chapter of Past and Present. However, since I'm in the middle of working on a Ratchet and Clank fanfic, after this chapter there won't be any updates for a while. And this is my first Despicable Me fanfic, so no flames, please. Takes place after the first movie.

. . .

Gru sipped his coffee and walked out of the kitchen, clutching his newspaper in his free hand. The bald man sat down on the couch of his living room and stared melancholy at his reflection on the TV screen. How many years has it been since he last saw the girls? Three? Four? He had lost count a long time ago. He pulled at his robe, which made him somewhat itchy. But he didn't really care.

At that moment, a minion came in. It was Jerry. Jerry looked at the depressed ex-villain, then at the TV with puzzlement. "No clicky-watchy?"

Gru ignored him. Quizzically, Jerry walked over and stood on his tippy-toes. He waved his hand in front of Gru's face.

"Oh!" Gru napped out of his catatonic state for the moment. He looked at Jerry. "What ees eet now, Jerry? Did Dave blow up sometheeng again?"

"Noda blancani," Jerry replied. "Nefario indigonari banana! Banana incerationi nory!"

Gru rolled his eyes with annoyance. "So Doctor Nefario took your banana for one of hees experiments. I don't care. Go bother somebody else." The former villain then gave a wave of dismissal.

Jerry, somewhat irritated by this stuck his tongue out at Gru. "Beratori daehttub!" Then he walked out without another word.

Gru frowned in silence a moment, then said to himself, "I've been called worse."

Then Kevin came racing in, screaming. He was followed by Bob, who was holding a fart gun. Gru let out an irritated sigh. "Kevin, Bob, would you pleeze take eet somewhere else? I'm busy!"

Bob and Kevin stopped running for the moment.

"Kiyet!" Kevin replied. "Gnipoop!"

"I'm not pouteeng!" Gru retorted.

"Tunod nada ollabac yini?" Bob asked.

"Okay, geet out!" Gru ordered, becoming frustrated. "Now!"

"Cermon, Bob," Kevin said, waving for Bob to follow him. "Telenon sisao tp el casa."

"Wait, what?!" Gru stood up from his couch. "No, no tp-eeng dee house!"

"Dab oot," Kevin replied rudely.

"What deed you just say to me? Geet back here!"

. . .

Down in the lab…

Nefario sighed as he handed Dave another jar of jelly. "Alright, try that one." Dave grabbed the jar hesitantly and stuck his tongue into the jelly. Then he spit it back into the jar without a word. Which thoroughly horrified Nefario. "No, no! Now that batch is ruined!"

Dave shrugged.

Nefario sighed again. "Does it at least taste a tiny bit good?"

"No."

"Not even a little?"

"No."

"Is it good at all?"

"Yhana dabi drut nit!" Dave replied, sounding angry.

"What?" Nefario asked. "Did you just call me 'a big, fat-'"

Suddenly Kevin and Bob burst into the room screaming, being chased by a very angry Gru, still in his robe and brandishing his newspaper like a weapon. "Oh ho, you're goeeng to geet it now! I'm goeeng to strap you to chairs and shoot you in dee face with fart guns! I'm goeeng to-!"

"Gru!" Nefario shouted. "You're destroying my lab!"

Gru frowned, then looked at the destruction before him. Knocked over equipment, smashed jam jars, puddles of jelly on the floor, and papers strewn about everywhere. Kevin was sitting on the floor with a rather large pile of Dr. Nefario's papers on top of him. Bob was on top, tossing about said papers playfully. "Papie! Papie!"

Over in the corner, Kyle was licking up some jelly splatters.

"Kyle!" Gru called sharply. Kyle ignored him. The ex-villain sighed irritably and grabbed the… whatever-it-is by the tail. Kyle glared at Gru, snarling.

"Uh, I'll be right back," Nefario said. He backed away slowly, watching the scene. Within moments, he was out of the room.

"Kyle… you know what happeens when you eat jelly," Gru told Kyle. "I don't want to have to clean up a mess later!"

Kyle growled and bit Gru on the nose. "OW! Kyle! Let go! Off! OFF!" The ex-villain started flailing about, knocking over more equipment. Screwdrivers, hammers, plungers, you name it.

Nefario came back into the room, holding a fart gun. He frowned at the mess, then watched Gru trying in vain to get Kyle to let go of his nose. The scientist sighed and looked at Dave. "You might want to leave." He looked at Kevin and Bob, who had disentangled themselves from the paper. "You too."

When the minion trio had left, Nefario looked at Gru, who had Kyle's tail in his hands, trying to pull him off his nose. "Kyle… let… GO!"

Nefario aimed the fart gun at them and fired. The noxious gas hit Gru's and Kyle's faces, knocking Kyle out upon impact. The creature loosened his grip on Gru's nose and slid off onto the floor.

"Well, that's going to leave a mark," Nefario commented.

Gru waved the stinky gas away, gagging. "Couldn't… ack!... couldn't you have used dee dart gun?"

Nefario shrugged. "I couldn't find it."

"Whatever," Gru muttered. "I don't have dee energy to deal with dis. I'm goeeng for a walk." He turned to leave the disaster of a room.

"Gru, could you at least help me clean up?"

"Eh…." Gru pretended to think. "No. I'll see you later, Nefario."

. . .

Soon…

Gru, now fully clothed, walked down the street, observing the people who walked by. They didn't even know who he was. That he was once the world's greatest villain.

Suddenly he bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry!" the person said. "Oh! Hey, Gru!" It was his neighbor, Fred. The man had a bulging armful of groceries and a very happy smile.

Gru let out an irritated sigh. "Hello, Fred."

"Wouldja mind giving me a hand with these groceries?" Fred asked. "I don't think I can get my keys holding all this stuff."

"Eh… I don't care," Gru replied, pushing past him.

"B-but Gru!"

Gru ignored the man's blubbering and continued his way. Then another person bumped into him. Gru turned to face the culprit, who was an old man wearing a butler's outfit. "Excuse me! I'm tryeeng to walk here!"

"Oh, my apologies-" The butler stopped speaking when he saw Gru. "Ah! You must be the man I'm looking for."

"I theenk not," Gru responded, attempting to push past him.

The butler stepped in front to stop him. "I think you'll want to hear what I have to say, Mr. Gru."

"What are you talking about?" Gru asked.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the butler spoke. "I am Fritz. Your brother Dru has a problem. And he needs your help."

"Brother!" Gru laughed for the first time in a long time. "You have got to be jokeeng! My father died when I was a baby. I have no brother."

Fritz pulled a small piece of paper out his pocket. "Really? Then how do you explain this?" He showed the paper to Gru. It was a photograph of a young, not-so-pretty woman holding a baby. Beside her was a man whose face wasn't visible, and was also holding a baby.

"That's my mother," Gru murmured. "And… I… have a brother?"

"Yes, I thought I already made that clear," Fritz told him.

"I have a brother," Gru said again, ignoring the butler. For the first time in a while, he smiled. Not the fake smile he always wore around Nefario and the minions, but a genuine one. "I have a brother."