"What is this, A?" he asked me, great disappointment was in his voice.
"…a score of 99?" I answered timidly, but deep down, I was really fuming. Here we go again.
"Yes. A score of 99, when it's supposed to be a 100." My eyes narrowed.
"I just only got one wrong." I shrugged, but later regretted it when Roger glared down on me. Adults can be quite scary when mad.
"The successor of L shouldn't ignore this. This is important. How can you be the next L if you always get these sorts of things wrong?"
'I never wanted to be the next L. You are the people who are making me do this, so it's your fault.' That was pretty much what I want to say right now into that annoying face of his, but I couldn't, fearing my punishment. When I disobeyed him once, I had to clean the whole orphanage, and the building was pretty huge, so it took me a while. Also, I found some rooms I never knew we had. …Why do we have a torture chamber in the attic again?
"You're supposed to be the new L after the original dies. How can you do that if you keep getting these scores?"
L this. L that. It's always about L, isn't it?
"Wh-what did you just say?" Roger growled. Oh wait, did I just say that out loud? "A, what did you say?"
"I…I…" I was frozen in place. Suddenly, a hand was placed on my shoulder. I jumped and turned around to see B.
"Hey A." He smiled a little. I relaxed a bit, knowing he came here to save me.
"B? What are you doing her- Hey! Where do you think the two of you are going??" Roger yelled as B pulled me away from Roger's wrath.
"Sorry Roger, but A needs me to do something for him!" he yelled. We ran faster as Roger started chasing us.
"And what would that be?"
"Getting away from you!"
"B-!!! AHH!!! What is this?!!" I looked back and saw Roger caught in a net. B chuckled.
"Checkmate old man." We hid inside my room.
"Thanks B…" I sighed as I leaned against the door.
"That's what friends are for." he said. "Hey, are you alright?" He blinked when he noticed something fall from my eyes.
"B, I…I can't take it…I just can't take it!" I yelled and clutched my head. "Why is it always like this?!! They keep telling me I have to be like L, that I have to be perfect! Don't they know I can't be him?!?"
B's eyes widened as he looked at something above me, but I didn't notice what. "A, they're not expecting you to be him. Nobody can be another person."
"Well, they think I can! They only care about me becoming L. They don't care about the stress I'm having to try do it!" I yelled. It was silent for a while. My eyes dulled. "You know, I'm really sick of this place…I'm sick of all these tests to be someone I don't even know. I don't care anymore. The people here can just all burn in hell."
"A!" B gasped.
"Don't worry. I don't mean you, just Roger and the other grown ups in this hellhole." I said. I smiled cynically and laughed to myself. "You know, I wonder...what would it feel like if I was dead?"
"A, don't think like that…" B whispered. I blinked and looked at him. He looked at the floor, squeezing his eyes shut. "I don't…want to see it reach zero…not again…"
"Eh? B, what do you mean?" I remember there was this one time B was mumbling to himself. He was saying something like 'numbers' and 'zeros' and 'Why am I the only one?'.
"Never mind." He shook his head. "But A, please tell me you're not going to commit suicide?"
I blinked again. Suicide? I wasn't really thinking of killing myself exactly, I was just wondering how it would feel like if I'm dead, so I can finally get away from all of this. That isn't really thinking suicide, is it? But now that B's mentioned it…
"A." He snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Eh, what? Oh right. My thoughts were just a little messed up a bit because of Roger yelling at me again. It's just really hard becoming a successor that I have to let out my anger sometimes. Don't worry B, I'm not going to kill myself." I reassured.
"The numbers say you're lying…" B whispered, but I didn't hear him.
"Come on, we should go. My punishment might become even worse if Roger's still stuck in that net." I said and walked out. B slowly followed behind me.
The week following that day, I couldn't think straight anymore for some reason. All I kept thinking was my own death. How would it feel? Would I loose some blood? How much? I hope it would be a lot-
I shook my head. I have to stop thinking like this. I told B I won't. "A. Are you listening?" the teacher asked. I blinked.
"Uh…yes…?"
"Then what did I just say?" I looked around for help, but then I mentally smacked myself. How can I forget that I'm the only one in the orphanage whose been having private tutors for 3 years? I really wish I was in an ordinary class, but Roger said that the others might distract me from my work.
"Well?"
"Uh…you were just asking if I was listening?"
"Yes, that is true, but what was I talking about before that?" I was silent. She sighed. "A, are you alright? You've been slacking off a lot lately."
"Sorry…" I said sheepishly.
"That's alright, but please try to do better tomorrow. If you want to surpass L, you will have to try and do better." That last sentence really just ruined my mood. "I'll see you tomorrow."
I tightened my fist, but tried to speak normally. "Yes." I said and walked out the door.
Why do the adults here only care about L? I thought an orphanage was supposed to be caring about children whose parents were killed in an accident or murder, not some detective who probably doesn't sleep with all the cases he has to do.
"Well, this is no ordinary orphanage, so no surprise there…" I muttered.
"A." a voice called. I stopped walking and my eyes narrowed, knowing who it was. I turned around and looked at Roger.
"Yes?" I asked with a small scowl.
"Your teacher has informed me that you've been dazing off lately. What's the meaning of this?"
"I just…have a lot of things on my mind."
"And those things would be…?"
"I…can't tell you…"
"You can't tell me?" Roger repeated and crossed his arms. "And why is that so?"
"I just can't."
"Is the thing bothering you making you slack off on your work?" So I see this is still revolving around L… again. "A, answer me."
"…"
"A."
"…"
"Assist, answer me!"
I finally snapped. "Do you want to know what's on my mind Roger?! Do you?!! I'm tired of living in this place!! All you guys ever talk to me is about L. What the hell is so great about him? Is he God or something? I can't take it anymore! You're pressuring me to be like him when I can't! I can't be someone I'm not! You're saying that I have to be perfect…that I have to work hard if I want to beat L. I never wanted to beat L, but you ignored my feelings and left me with a pile of shit you call work and expect me to complete."
Tears welled up in my eyes. "Do you know what it's like to live this life? Do you know how it feels when doing your best isn't enough to please the people around you? It hurts. It hurts so much that you can't even feel it anymore. You can't feel anything anymore. It's like you're a zombie, you're supposed to be dead by now, but you're alive…" Dead, eh…?
"A…" a voice whispered behind me. I jumped when B suddenly appeared and grabbed my hand.
When B was about to take me away, I turned to Roger for one final time. "You know what Roger? I think I'd rather die than do anymore of your shitty work. I'm tired of living as L's little zombie."
"A. Let's go." B urged and led me to his room, leaving the still stunned Roger. B quietly shut the door behind him and looked at me. I blinked. I swore I saw his eyes glisten a crimson red for a second. "A, are you thinking about killing yourself still?"
"N-…" I stopped myself and hesitantly changed my answer. "…yes…" Before he was about to say something else, I stopped him. "B, I know I wasn't supposed to be thinking like this, but I can't help it. I can't take it anymore. I've been bottling up these feelings for 5 whole years(I'm 14 now by the way). It was bound to burst out soon." I noticed one of the ropes that tied the curtains open. I crawled over and untied it. "And it seems the explosion came out worst than expected…"
B stood up. "A!" he yelled. I shook my head as I began tying the rope.
"I'm sorry B, but I just can't take it anymore. This is the only way." My hands were trembling a little because I was both scared and looking forward to it.
"It can't be the only way. There can be something else." He was talking faster than usual.
"Like what?" I looked at him. He looked down.
"I don't know, but we can find it later. It just takes time." He looked at me. "A, don't. I don't want to lose someone again."
"It's already too late. I've made up my mind." I said and tied the end to the ceiling fan. I got up on the chair. "…I'm sorry B…"
He was silent. "...I'm sorry too, for not being able to stop you in time…" he said as he looked at me.
I sighed sadly as I slipped the loop over my head. "I thought my death would be bloody, but it's the quickest way possible. Goodbye B…"
"Beyond Birthday." He suddenly said. "My real name is Beyond Birthday." I heard footsteps running all over the orphanage. That must be Roger.
I nodded. "Then goodbye Beyond Birthday. My name was Aaron Anderson." I said.
"…I know…" he murmured as I kicked off the chair. I gasped for air. Tighter and tighter, the rope coiled around my neck. It felt great. Soon, I felt light headed and my whole body went limp.
Roger opened the door just in time to see my head droop down. He looked at the scene in horror. "Wh-what happened?"
Beyond slowly turned to face him, glaring at him with all his might. "You happened." He said and shoved passed the man. Roger fell to his knees and put his head in his hands.
One week later was the funeral for Aaron Anderson. All children and adults in the Wammy's House came to the funeral. All, except one child, A's best friend, B. Why? Because B left the orphanage the day A committed suicide to plan his vengeance on L, the person who was the cause of his friend's suicide. And thus, the plan for the LABB Murder Cases was created.
Shadow: -sighs in relief- That sure took a while. Yo minna. I was really pissed today, and this one shot just happened to come out of that anger. It seems pretty good. A's thought's were a little based on mine, but I'm in a very different situation from his. And no, I am not thinking suicide. I was just mad. And a little sad. But mostly mad… Yeah. I hope you enjoyed.