Author: Ashley
Title: Just Like a Goodbye Kiss
Rating: M - Mature
Part: 1/1
Pairing: Mon-El and Kara Danvers (Zor-El)
Word Count: 5,033
Summary: "The good part of her, the smart part of her, the human part of her knew that this was wrong in all kinds of ways, but she was tired of trying to remember; tired of spending so much of her energy focusing on recalling the things she'd shared with him that were now missing from her life. The things that she craved so much and would cry about at night because she feared she'd never get to experience them again." - Kara knows what she wants and she's willing to cross boundaries to get it. WARNING: Prompt of Cheat Sex.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supergirl, DC COmics or anything related to such things. The ideas, dialogue and plot points were inspired by the show, but they are my own. Plagiarism isn't nice. Please don't steal my ideas.
A/N: Hi, everyone! I know it's been a REALLY long time (exactly five months actually), but I finally have something new for you.
To be totally honest with you all, losing karamel and Mon-El has been hard on me, but it's been even harder on my writing. I basically lost their voices. I guess you know what that means if you write for a ship. Sometimes you can just picture and hear things in your head and it's so easy to put it down on paper, but especially since the S3 finale, I just wasn't able to find their voices again. I've been working a lot on my AU since I can work around their characters a bit more to fit my own narrative, but it's still pretty hard to get back into writing the karamel I used to. I'm planning a rewatch soon to try and remember why I love them both so much. I have a lot of unfinished drafts and ideas still going, they're just moving very slowly at this point.
But nonetheless, for those of you who are still sticking around the fandom and who take the time to read, thank you! I appreciate each and every one of you!
Now, I wrote the majority of this fic in February (shocking I know), but I debated so many times about whether or not to post it. It's about a topic that a lot of people (including myself) don't really agree with, but I hope you'll stick it out until the end. I had this written before the finale aired and I wish I could promise a happy ending, but don't expect one. It might hit a little too close to home for some of us now, but I hope that doesn't deter you from reading.
So I have to say that when it comes to Kara...I think this is out of character. You'll probably think this is out of character. The Kara in this fic likely thinks this is out of character. And now that we've established that everyone in the universe probably thinks this is out of character...that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun with it.
For: Conty, Marah and Jennie (though they've probably forgotten the prompt from SO LONG AGO). This is what comes about when you're tagged into a Twitter convo that started out with just an innocent little typo.
Prompt: Cheat Sex, even if its OOC.
Kara didn't expect him to show up.
As much as she wanted him to, she didn't think he would. Still she sat there, body wrapped tightly in a silky robe, a part of her praying to Rao that he'd come knock on her door, another part of her screaming that this was wrong; that he was married to someone else; that this couldn't happen.
She didn't even know why she'd asked him to come over tonight; why all of a sudden she'd made this drastic choice; why tonight was any different from any of those nights of the past few months.
She just couldn't stop thinking about him.
About how he used to look; the sparkle in his gray eyes when they connected with hers, the dimples at his cheeks now hidden by the thick beard on his chin, the happiness on his face when he smiled at her, the hard planes of his chest beneath her as she moved on top of him.
About how his voice used to sound; his slightly nervous, yet excited tone when he was telling her something important for the first time, his laughter rumbling in his chest before exploding out of him in the most joyous way, his whisper of sweet and naughty things in her ear, the groan that passed his lips when he hit his peak.
About how his touch used to feel; his fingers lacing themselves with hers in a tight hold, his hands caressing her face as his thumbs slid across her cheeks, his palms running teasingly along her thighs, his fingers easily slipping inside of her to bring her to her edge.
The good part of her, the smart part of her, the human part of her knew that this was wrong in all kinds of ways, but she was tired of trying to remember; tired of spending so much of her energy focusing on recalling the things she'd shared with him that were now missing from her life. The things that she craved so much and would cry about at night because she feared she'd never get to experience them again.
So here she was; clad in new lingerie, something sexy that he'd never seen her in before, barely covered by a thin little robe with the full intention of sleeping with him tonight.
Of seducing him into betraying his wife.
His wife.
He shouldn't have a wife. Not unless that wife was her, Kara, the woman who (she would argue heartily) loved him more than anyone else in this universe. Yet, here he was, back from wherever, whenever the hell he was, with a woman who he claimed to love enough to marry.
She tried not to be angry. She tried to understand. He had been trying to live without her. He was in a different time. He didn't think he'd ever see her again; ever get to be with her again. It made sense that he would move on. What didn't make sense was that as soon as he'd gotten back, he hadn't changed his mind. He didn't want to leave his wife for her. He didn't want to re-establish what they'd had before she sent him away.
Before she had sent him away.
Maybe it was her fault that he'd gotten married anyway. If she didn't press that button, if she didn't disperse that lead into the air, if she didn't put him in that pod, he wouldn't have had to move on from her; from them.
She shook her head. Don't think like that, Kara. Mon-El having to leave; that isn't your fault. But whatever happened tonight…that would be her fault. She was orchestrating this…whatever this was.
She looked around the room. She'd debated making dinner, but she figured her cooking would more likely put him out of the mood rather than in it. She debated making the loft look fun and homey; like it used to feel before he'd left, but she decided against it. Instead the lights were dimmed, just enough to feel romantic. At least she hoped so. Maybe she should turn them back on? So he could see her better? Use her body to convince him instead of the atmosphere.
Then there was a knock at the door; the heavy sound echoing through the silent room and it shook her thoughts away.
Her heart began to pound in her chest rapidly, it's speed almost concerning. Her eyes flew to the door; her x-ray vision activing and looking through the wood.
It was him.
He actually came.
He stood on the other side of the door, hands shoved into his jeans pockets, a beige jacket she didn't recognize on his torso. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly; enough that she thought that maybe he was second guessing his decision to show up here.
She moved quickly to the door, opening it with a smile and she noticed that his worried look had disappeared. He had a small smile on his face; hesitant, almost shy.
"Hi," she greeted.
"Hi," he nodded and it made the butterflies in her stomach bat their wings; memories flowing through her head of all the times he'd greeted her in the same innocent way.
Then she watched as his eyes moved downward, trailing along her, obviously scantily clad, body; her bare arms and legs visible, her upper chest exposed by the v-shape of the robe she wore. She watched as his eyes widened slightly before he composed himself, his irises flicking back to her face as a light blush started to colour his cheeks.
"Sorry if I interrupted you. I thought you said seven…"
"You didn't. And I did," she nodded as she stepped aside to let him move forward into the apartment.
He stepped slowly across the threshold before passing her. That's when he obviously noticed the lights. She shut the door and turned around, but he was already facing her, eyebrows furrowed again.
"Kara, what's going on here?" he asked hesitantly as his eyes darted around the room.
She stepped toward him, right up close, merely a foot away. "Mon-El," she started as she blinked up at him. "I asked you to come over here because I needed to tell you something."
"Okay," he nodded suspiciously. "But, maybe you should put some more clothes on first…"
She shook her head at him as she took a final step closer. He took a step back, his body once again just out of her reach.
"Kara," he started.
"Mon-El, I need you."
He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Need me to what?" he asked.
She shook her head again. "No. I just need you." She reached out slowly and her fingertips landed on his abdomen; feather light and barely there, but she could see from the look on his face that to him, it felt like her hands were on fire, singeing through his clothes and trying to burn him.
"Kara," he spoke as he shook his own head. "You know we can't do this."
"Do what?" she asked accusingly, as if her hands were innocent and his mind was running in the wrong direction with things. "I can't touch you?"
He shook his head as his eyes moved down to her hands. "Not in the way that I think you want to be touching me," he said with furrowed eyebrows. She sensed that he wanted to push her hands away; as if he knew that touching her back wouldn't be a good idea. He'd been avoiding it since he'd gotten back; the feel of her beneath his fingertips seemingly still too much for him. She stepped closer, her bare toes pressing against the tips of his shoes, her palms now flat against him.
"Mon-El, I can't do this anymore," she said and she heard her voice crack. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to stay strong; be seductive, but she felt the tears burning at the backs of her eyes. "I can't see you every day, hear your voice, be near you and not be able to be with you."
"But Kara, I'm married."
She felt her stomach clench, her chest tightening up as the words bounced through every corner of her brain.
Married. Married. Married.
"I know, but Mon-El, I need you back."
"Kara," he shook his head again. "It-it doesn't work like that," he stammered. "What about Im-"
"Please," she stopped him, a hand held up toward his face. "Please don't say her name."
"Imra?" he asked purposefully as he cocked an eyebrow at her. "She has a name and she exists, Kara. And she's my wife. I know that you and I were together, but that was a long time ago."
Kara eyes widened. "A long time ago? Mon-El, you were lying in that bed with me less than a year ago."
He sighed. "You know that it was a lot longer for me…"
She sighed in return. "I know, but I…I worried for so long about where you were, if you were okay, if I had gotten you killed by sending you off into space. I tried not to think about it, but I spent every second of seven months wanting to see you again." Her fingertips rested back on his abdomen. "Wanting to touch you again." She leaned in close, her mouth a breath away from his. "Kiss you again." And then she was pushing forward, her lips landing firmly on his.
It took him a second to comprehend what was happening; that her lips were pressed to his in a kiss. His hands flew upward, landing on her waist, fingers squeezing briefly against the soft silk of her robe before pushing her backwards, their lips being torn apart.
"Kara," he said breathlessly. "That can't happen…"
"Are you sure?" she asked, her eyes meeting his. "You don't sound very sure."
"I'm sure," he nodded.
That's when she felt the tears breaking through, the stinging behind her eyes turning into a rush of wetness across her irises, clouding her vision as she looked up at him. "Don't you miss me at all?"
She watched as he clenched his eyes shut tightly. "Of course I miss you," he said softly, his voice barely a whisper.
"Then if we both miss each other, why can't we just be together again?" she asked, the words coming out on a whine and she hated herself for it. She cleared her throat slightly, her tone shifting to something less needy and more sad. "Then we wouldn't have to miss each other anymore." She stated it simply, plainly; as if it were the easiest thing in the world.
"You know why, Kara. What I feel…felt for you…that doesn't change what I feel for Imra."
She furrowed her eyebrows up at him. "Felt? So you don't feel anything for me anymore?" she asked and she was surprised that her voice was turning angry. Her emotions were all over the place and she wasn't sure if she was succeeding in doing anything other than embarrassing herself. "Nothing?" she continued to prod. "All your feelings for me…the love that you had for me just a few months ago-"
"Years, Kara."
"Whatever! However long ago it was…you're telling me that it's all gone now?"
He nodded, though she wasn't sure she trusted it. He didn't look very sure. Suddenly her hand was pressed firmly to his chest, her palm resting against his heart; the beat of it fast and strong against her hand. Her other hand rose, palm sliding against his cheek and turning his face so that his eyes connected with hers.
"Your heart…your eyes…they say something different, Mon-El. They say that you still feel something for me. It may be suppressed, pushed way deep down inside of you, but I know you still feel it. I know there's a part of you that still wants to be with me."
"Kara," he said quietly and she had to stop the smile from slipping onto her face. He sounded confused; as if he were fighting with himself.
"You're a good person, Mon-El. I know you wouldn't leave your wife for me. I know a part of you must love her; otherwise you wouldn't have married her. I know you're faithful to her and you probably always have been, but please," she turned to begging. "Please just let me have you this one time. I didn't know our last time together was our last time. This time I'd know," she blinked up at him, eyelashes fluttering demurely. "Closure. I just need closure."
She paused and waited for him to give her an answer. His eyes were shifting back and forth while his mouth stayed shut.
"Just like a goodbye kiss," she tried to justify it to him.
"This is more than a kiss, Kara. You're asking me for sex."
"One time," she whispered up at him as she stepped as close as she could get. "Just once, Mon-El, and I'll never ask you for anything ever again."
If she thought that her heart was pounding quickly in her chest before, she was wrong. She felt a rush through her body; something unfamiliar, new, forbidden. She didn't know if it scared or excited her.
"Kara…" he tried.
Her hands lifted and moved to grab a hold of his, pulling them toward her, placing them on her body. Her hands trailed along his arms up to his shoulders; his arms that had strengthened, having grown and tightened since the last time she'd held him. His fingers were gripping her waist, digging into the planes of her lower back almost urgently through her robe.
"Mon-El, I swear," she leaned in toward him, her words but a breath against his lips. "One time."
And then he kissed her.
Her arms quickly wrapped around his neck and pulled him to her, ensuring that he didn't change his mind and slip away a few seconds into the kiss. His lips were moving against hers; not hesitantly either. They were pushing, prodding at her own, silently asking her to open her mouth wider for him; his tongue dancing along the edges of her lips. She tried not to grin against him; tried not to tip him off as to how pleased she was at getting what she wanted, what she had planned, what she had been aiming for the whole time.
Then she was pulling off her robe, her fingers hastily untying the loose knot at her waist and sliding the fabric from her body, it falling to a pile around her feet. His hands rushed to her waist again, fingers and palms fully pressed against bare skin as they slid along her sides and up and across the backs of her shoulders. Her hands rushed to his jacket, shoving the ends backward and he shrugged it from his shoulders. His own hands were pulling off his shirt, a quick tug of fabric over his head before he returned to her, his lips pressing against her cheek before travelling down her neck. She could feel herself shiver in anticipation; her body so filled with desire that she was unsure if she'd be able to stop if he came to his senses and pushed her away now.
Her eyes had fallen shut as he teased the skin of her neck with his lips and she found herself blindly trying to tug his belt loose; her hands getting trapped between their bodies. Then she felt his hands on top of her own; his hands pushing hers away as he easily rid himself it on his own. Her lips captured his as she moved to unbutton his pants and slide down the zipper, her mouth aiming at distracting him from how far they were taking things, a part of her praying to Rao that he didn't ask her to stop.
She shoved at his pants and waited for the sound of them hitting the floor. She watched as he stumbled slightly, stepping out of and kicking the garment away from his ankles. Her hands grabbed at his waist, pulling him toward her as she backed toward the bedroom quickly, tugging him to follow her, and he did blindly; his eyes shut, his lips attached to hers.
She landed on her behind on the side of the mattress, scooting backwards and turning, lying down on the pillow. Then she wondered briefly if she should have pushed him down on his back and gotten on top of him before he could decide to change his mind about being with her. But she watched as he crawled onto the bed at her feet, his eyes trailing along her form; his gaze floating up her legs, eyes shifting from hip to hip as he took in her underwear; clearly enjoying the new set she'd picked out solely with him in mind. His eyes continued up her torso before landing at her breasts, pausing as he watched her. She arched her back dramatically, a small moan escaping her lips and he reached out immediately. He cupped her in his palms, squeezing at her flesh through the padded, lace-covered cups of her bra.
"Take it off, Mon-El," she pleaded. She missed the sound of her own voice saying his name in moments like these; just the way that it slipped out past her lips and hit her own ears; desire filled, almost needy, full of wanting.
His hands rushed to her back, unhooking her bra and nearly tearing it from her body. He eyed her peaks before reaching out again, movements slower this time, one hand landing on her abdomen, the other cupping along the side of her breast. His thumb moved outward, sliding surely across her nipple and she watched him watch the peak harden; tightening the second he touched it. She watched his tongue slip out as he licked his lips before it disappeared back inside his mouth.
"Mon-El," the strangled whisper escaped her, her hands reaching for his face, palms against his cheeks as she drew him to her chest. She didn't even have to ask, his lips closing around the darkened bud without hesitation as he pulled it into the warmth of his mouth. Her eyes slid closed and her hands wove through his hair as she tried not to tug; too much too quickly could set him off, could remind him that they shouldn't be doing this. His tongue was sliding around her nipple, lips sucking surely as his other hand gripped her naked waist.
"Mmm, yes," she whispered as she unintentionally arched her back again. His eyes flicked up to hers, his hand leaving her breast and landing on her cheek. Her eyes flew open at the feel of his hand at her face and her blue eyes caught his gray. She watched him smile around her nipple and she felt her stomach flipping inside of her, the anticipation of what surely was coming next coursing through her entire body and filling her with excited nerves. But she was caught between wanting to drag every second of this out for as long as she possibly could and wanting to shove her hand into his boxers and urge him inside of her already.
She felt his hand slipping from her abdomen, fingers trailing along the waistband of her panties before sliding past the edge. He teased the skin beneath the fabric; tickling her, but still so far away from where she needed him to touch her. He removed his mouth from her body and his gaze moved downward to watch his hand slipping further inside her underwear.
She moaned as her feet moved to pull his body closer to her, heels hooking at his thighs as he moved in between her legs. She cupped him through his boxers and his hand continued moving, sliding lower beneath the lace, his fingers stroking against her. She watched him as he smirked.
"What?" she giggled lightly, nervously.
"You're ready," he said simply and she could feel herself blushing.
"Mon-El, I've been ready for this since the second I saw you again," she shook her head against the pillow in disbelief, amazed that he thought her reaction to him should surprise either of them.
Her hands moved to tug at his boxers, silently requesting that he take them off. He did, his hands rushing to his hips to push off the fabric before rushing back to hers and doing the same. She lay naked beneath him and watched as his eyes trailed along her body; up and down, a look of amazement on his face, as if he were sure that before this moment, he'd never get the chance to see her like this again.
"You're beautiful, Kara," he whispered as he moved fully on top of her, his lips kissing her cheek near her ear.
"I've missed you so much," she returned, her hand moving low and grabbing a hold of him and directing him to her entrance. His lips met hers as their bodies connected, his hips a slow thrust against her.
When he had entered her all the way, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do next. She could cry because she was so happy about having him there with her again, but she didn't want to move; knowing that the sooner he moved, the closer this got to ending; this one time offer they'd seemingly agreed on. He let out a long breath against her neck; almost a relieved sigh before he began to move inside of her. Her hands were gripping at his shoulders and she worried if she was squeezing too hard; her nerves overexcited, her strength easily able to become too strong, but his hands were gripping at the sheets at her sides and his hips were moving just as urgently against her own.
His presence was overwhelming her; the feel of his skin, the heat of his body, his scent surrounding her. She could already feel her stomach fluttering, her lower muscles beginning to clench in orgasm and she felt like screaming; telling her body to slow down, to make this last, but the feelings were too strong for her to fight for control.
He groaned as she continued to clench around him; her orgasm almost startling her when it finally hit her at full force. She hadn't expected it to be that easy, but she shouldn't have been surprised. She'd been craving him for so long and now finally having him again, it was all just too much for her.
He was panting above her, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes shut, worry lines visible in his forehead; as if he were concerned that she was through with him, already having finished herself. She wrapped her arms and legs around him before flipping them, his back landing on the mattress, her body on top of his.
He groaned again as her inner muscles squeezed around him briefly as they shifted. When they'd settled in their new position, she began to rock into him, her hips grinding against his before she lifted her body and landed back down on him. His hands caressed along her thighs, arms stretching so that he could grip her ass and pull her toward him.
"Kara," she heard him say and her eyes popped open, head turning downward to look at him beneath her. Her eyebrows lifted, silently asking him to finish whatever it was he was trying to say. "Please," was all he whispered at her.
She nodded before she leaned toward him, her forehead meeting his, her hands on his shoulders. "Tell me what you need," she whispered back at him before she kissed him lightly.
He gasped against her mouth, his breath still coming out in pants and it was clear that he was close to his edge. "I need to-" he started, but he cut himself off.
She nodded, their noses knocking together lightly as she felt his hands suddenly tugging at her hair. He looked like he was struggling with himself; torn between letting himself fall over the edge and wanting to force his orgasm away.
"Let go, Mon-El," she whispered as he hips ground against him. "I want to feel you let go," she said and he groaned in response.
"I can't," he shook his head.
"It's okay," she assured him. "I need you to and it's okay." She worried that he was thinking about how wrong this was; worried that his sense was getting in the way. Her hands grabbed at his face, pulling him upwards and into a seated position as her lips found his. His hands fell to her hips, grabbing tightly at her skin as she continued to rock in his lap. "Come for me, Mon-El," she instructed against his lips. "I need you to let go for me."
He nodded, his eyebrows furrowed, forehead crinkled as she moved quickly in his lap, her body rocking forcefully against his and urging him to his finish. She felt his fingers digging into her waist, surely leaving marks against her skin with how hard he was clinging to her. "Kara," he whispered and she nodded, her hands sitting at his cheeks.
She felt his body tighten beneath her and she couldn't stop the grin from slipping onto her face. "That's it, Mon-El," she coaxed, her thumbs stroking across his cheeks. She leaned forward, her lips connecting with his as he finally found his release inside of her. She stilled her hips as she felt his body relax; his hands losing their tight grip at her waist and sliding down to sit on her thighs.
She was smiling as she pulled away, but she could tell that he wasn't. A deep crinkle in his forehead, his lips set in a thin, straight line.
"Mon-El," she started quietly, but he shook his head.
"Please get off of me, Kara." His voice was quiet and monotone, but she could hear that there was no room for discussion. She moved off of him and back a few inches and she watched as his eyes were obviously searching the floor for his clothes.
"Mon-El, please don't be mad."
He sighed heavily as he stood and moved from the bed. "I'm not mad, Kara. I'm disappointed."
"About the se-"
"In myself, Kara. This shouldn't have happened. What's wrong with me?"
She quickly stood from the bed and sped back into the silky robe that had been hastily dropped to the floor earlier. "Nothing's wrong with you, Mon-El," she shook her head as she moved toward him.
"All of this," he moved his hand back and forth between them, "is wrong."
Her hands landed on his chest and he shoved them away. She could feel the familiar burn of tears in her throat and behind her eyes. "This is right, Mon-El," she insisted, her voice cracking as she spoke. "You and me. Together. This is how it's supposed to be."
"I'm married. Us…we missed our chance."
Kara furiously shook her head. "No, don't say that! We didn't miss our chance. You had to leave-"
"You sent me away."
"No, I-" she cut herself off. "But I didn't want to!"
"But you did and because of that, now I'm in love with Imra," he stated firmly. "I'm going to tell her, Kara. I'm going to tell her what we did."
Kara paused for a moment. "She's going to leave you," she stated confidently through her tears. She suddenly had to struggle to hold in her grin. Her bad side was screaming out and jumping for joy inside of her.
"No, she's not." He shook his head. "She was there with me the whole time. She saw how much I was struggling over what you did to me; over how much I missed you; how broken I was over the thought of never seeing you again. She's not going to be happy, but she'll understand. She'll want to move forward from this and she'll make me work for forgiveness. And when we leave and go back to the 31st Century, I'm going to do that, Kara."
Kara shook her head. "No! No, you're not leaving. You belong here. With me. With all of us. This is your home."
"My new home is with Imra. And I'm going to go back with her and you're never going to see me again. This will never happen again."
She could feel the tears sliding boldly down her cheeks now and she didn't even bother to try and swipe them away. "No, Mon-El, please," she said as he turned toward the door, his feet moving quickly.
"Goodbye, Kara," he stated, not turning back to look at her.
She wanted to run; to speed to him and block the doorway, bar him from leaving her, force him to stay. But she couldn't move, her body cemented to the floor beneath her feet.
"No, Mon-El!" she called out as he opened the door. "Don't go!"
She woke up on a gasp, flying upright into a seated position as a terrified Don't Go left her lips in a scream. Her breath came out in pants; her hand lifting and covering her eyes as she struggled to take in a deep breath.
What had started out as an extremely satisfying sex dream had ended in a nightmare that upon waking, just brought back all of the memories of how Mon-El was no longer hers, about how them being together could never happen, about how she'd lost him for good.
Both hands wiped at the tears that had somehow started to form tracks down her cheeks without her noticing. She looked down at the empty spot on the mattress next to her.
This was her life now.
Sleeping by herself in her dark, lonely apartment. Dreaming about and pining after a man who was married and planning on going back to the future without her.
Her eyes caught the clock on the wall. 3:54am. She sighed heavily as she swiped her hands across her face again and moved to lie back down, hoping that sleep would come, this time without another nightmare about everything she'd lost.
END.
A/N: Thanks for reading! I'm sorry I couldn't give us a happy ending this time, but happiness is planned for the future!
Please leave some love if you have the time. I love hearing what you think!
Find me on Twitter at _ashleymaria_ . I will be watching S4 eventually (so much going on right now) so I'm a little out of the loop, but I do love to talk about all things Melissa and/or Chris and/or karamel. Also, I like to tease and post sneak peaks of what I'm working on. So please, stop by Twitter if you like to chat! My DMs are always open! :)