Thirsty
By:: Melissa
Disclaimer:: I don't own anything from this story, however much I wished I did. Everything belongs to Stephanie Meyer, author of Twilight. Constructive criticism is welcome. No flames please.
Edward's POV
I'm an idiot. A complete and utter idiot. I shouldn't have lost my cool like that. I shouldn't have lost my focus. I completely lost myself. It was a mistake.
It's just one girl.
She's different than everyone else. I've should've known. I can't see into her mind, I can't feel what she feels, I can't hear her inner most thoughts. In most cases, I wouldn't care. I could care less for anyone else. But this one time, I wish I knew what she's thinking. I wish I knew what was on her mind.
It's just one girl.
One human girl. One girl that smells so intoxicating. Can I be this weak? Can I turn into a savage this easily? No. it's her. It's her fault. It's not my will. It's her tempting me. Her trying to get me to cross over the line that I've set for myself. But shouldn't I have the strength to keep it from bothering me?
It's just one girl.
She made me step over the boundaries. The perfect walls and barriers that keep me from harming others. The boundaries that show the distinct difference between us and them. But she so boldly crossed my boundaries and so boldly broke down my walls that it's left me stunned. How? How can she do this? And how can I let this happen to me?
It's just one girl.
I've been working so hard and so long at trying to deny the thirst. For more than 80 years even! So how can just one girl make all that work seem useless? That in the end, all the work I've done doesn't mean anything? How can I be this weak? Why can't I fight this hunger off? Why her?
It's just one girl.
Her smell. It's her smell. That intoxicating, enthralling, desiring smell. Her smell filled that room. That stuffy, over-crowded classroom. I could've killed her right then. I could've taken her life from her, so forcefully, against her will. I would've ruined everything. Absolutely everything. Everything that we've built, everything we've tried to establish, everything that we risked to stay here. We would've had to move again and start over. Because I couldn't control myself. Because I'm too weak to not control this monster inside of me. Because I can't stop being who I pretend not to be.
It's just one girl.
One girl against a monster. That's what I am. A monster. No matter how you look at it, that's still what I am. I'm stronger than her, faster than her, better than her in everything. How could she fight me off? How could she outrun me? How could she protest against me? How could she stop a monster like me? Why am I so weak?
It's just one girl.
One single girl that controls me so much. One single girl that, unbeknownst to her, has brought out the animal in me. One girl that so completely has me bewildered. One single, little girl that can make me so thirsty for her blood. She's a gift, a curse, a nightmare from hell, sent to toy with my desires. To toy with my control. To toy with everything I thought I could mask. And I can't do anything about it. I can't do anything to stop this. I can't do anything at all against it.
Bella Swan, who are you?
So, finally i have something written again. this is just a little drabble from Edward's POV after that first day of meeting Bella. some thoughts that might've ran through his head while he was contemplating about leaving. i hope i stayed in character, if i haven't please feel free to tell me so. please read and review! thanks: