Me and the Doctor

I knew him, he knew me. Once or twice we saved the world together, so I knew who he was and what he did. He was a man to die for literally, the only irreplaceable person in this universe.

I was infatuated with him, with his looks, his smell, his brilliance, his voice, his smile. I was proud to be one of few people who knew him personally.

He was a time lord and I could touch him at will and he would touch me back with love and care in his eyes. But I was going for lust… I mean I was imagining doing to him and letting him do to me all sorts of shameful things, but he was content with looking at me and occasionally touching me.

I wondered so many times how it worked. He was a male with a body close to human anatomy. What did sex mean to a time lord? And what having sex to a time lord meant to me? For a human female such as myself with modest sexual experiences and cravings, he was the highlight of my fantasies. Daydreaming at his naked body, his laughter, his way of moving, his impatience and stubbornness made thinking of sex with anyone else (mainly a human male) virtually impossible. I could have a time lord if only he could see the need in my eyes and, of course, interpret it correctly. Because I realized some time ago that he didn't see himself as the object of a woman's sexual desire. He knew he was loved as a friend, a savior and maybe a bit more (but only by Rose in his opinion).

Now I'm looking at him and I smile. He is fussing about some newborn planet with adequate atmosphere for me to visit. I don't care, I'd just kiss him right now until I can't breathe, strip him and have him over and over again. I must have been looking intently at him because he's now looking at me with his adorable confused look in his eyes.

"Did you hear me?" he asks.

Of course not, I answer in my mind, I was busy imagining you naked on top of me.

"Aaa …no. I was thinking about something else" I eventually mutter.

" 'Bout what?"

Most of the time he is polite. I know he only asked me what I was thinking about because it was the right thing to do, not because he really wanted to know the answer. The second he asked the question he was thinking about another place to take me visit. But, I decide to answer anyway and telling the truth.

"I was thinking about you and me; a lot of pleasure and sweat." I hear myself say. My God! Did I say that? I don't recognize myself. I know I managed to draw his attention with this. He has that confused and intrigued look in his eyes and his mouth is prepared to speak, but stays closed.

Now is the time. I kiss him hard and put in that kiss all of my thought, passion, lust, impatience and nights of longing for him. He doesn't yet move. That's good, at least he doesn't back down. And then it comes to me: oh my God, I'm kissing the Doctor, I'm kissing a time lord!

I finally stop for air and I look at him. He is shocked. Does he really NOT know the effect he has on women? I don't want to lose the moment so I kiss him again, but this time a bit slower, with less hunger so I can taste him fully. I put his stunned hands on my hips and then I gently touch his cheek and rest my own hands on his back.

I feel him reacting and I think he's shivering. Does that mean he likes it? I don't really know because his hands are still on my body. Come on, I'm thinking, be a man! I suck his lips gently at first and then I decide to ravage his tongue. I slid one hand to the front of his shirt and try to unbutton it. He moves, but only to grab my hand. He also breaks the kiss and takes a step back. He must see in my eyes my need for him, the physical need to complete the unique experience that he is. I do love him, but in a nonconventional way that I can't explain. Meeting him brought meaning and fulfillment to my life and I have yet to come to terms with them.

Why doesn't he say anything? I can't read him because I haven't seen this expression on his face before now. I'm starting to get scared. Have I gone too far for him? So, I decide to let the next move up to him. I watch him. I swear I can see his brain trying to figure out what just happened and what he should do. For crying out loud, he can see different times and dimensions in his head all the time, but he doesn't know how to respond to a woman coming on to him. He looks at me with his beautiful eyes, at least they're not clouded, but I can see pain in them. Oh, how I'd love to take your pain away… I know I didn't cause that pain so I'm focusing on my sensations. For the first time in my life I miss the lips I've just tasted. Is it because he's an alien or because he is the most intriguing person I've met? And he really is…

I run out of patience. Do something! I scream at him in my head.

"Take me because I really need you!" I finally tell him in the form of almost an order. I don't want to let this go and give him enough time to back down more than he already did.

"I…" he says and stops. He lets go of my hand and leaves the room. Crap! I've gone too far. I've spoiled everything. I go looking for him to say goodbye.

"I'll leave now." I say and turn around for the door.

"Why?"

His questions surprises me; mostly the desperation in his voice. I decide to go for the truth even if it shames me.

"I want you and that makes you confused. I can't be around you and not think of you in a sexual manor. I don't want to be just friends." I'm honest; he spoiled me for other men. "I can deal with seeing you from time to time, but I can't deal with only occasionally flirting looks and hugs. I don't want to be your companion, I'm far from brave enough and I can't watch you put yourself in harm's way just because you live on adrenaline. I want to be your fixed point in time. I want you to come to me and let me heal you when the world is too much even for you." That's me talking and actually spilling my heart out. I love him, I want him and I don't want to wait for another regeneration, another face and body to tell him what I need. I liked 9th, but the universe broke the mold when 10th was created: handsome, intense, extremely attractive, but dumb at interactions, too lost in details to take a break. I can't go through another regeneration without mourning him and regretting thinks left unsaid. Now I'm awaiting his response and I'm afraid it won't be what I desire.

To be continued

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