I can remember the day I was reborn like it was yesterday. Let me tell you waking up as a newborn when you went to sleep as a man in your twenties is not a pleasant experience. The good news? I died in my sleep, and the bad news is I'm a frickin Infant. As I heard the doctor's voice I only caught the word girl. Shocked I began to wiggle in the doctor's arms as (and I'm not ashamed to admit it) I threw the mother of all newborn tantrums wriggling everywhere trying to beat the doctor with my stubby arms and legs, I even tried to bite him a few times which seeing as I had no teeth to speak of was kinda difficult. The whole time my new parents looked on with pride as they cooed at me. Yes, that's right. I went to sleep with a penis and woke up without so you can imagine my tantrum was pretty acceptable at the time. I screamed my little lungs out for a few minutes struggling with the doctor as he swaddled me before stopping exhausted, my eyes drooping as he set me in my mother's arms. I began to calm down as she cooed and held me close looking at me like I was her entire world at that moment. I can still remember with perfect clarity her face as she named me Roberta Charlotte Borker her eyes shining with love.
Now I was a husky man back in my old world, but it seems like somebody out there was fucking with me when they picked my new parents. My mother was gorgeous with a classical hourglass figure, long toned legs, and beautiful hazel eyes with flat black hair. My father looked like he jumped out of a Shoujo manga with full lips, long hair, and a very androgynous figure that meant he could easily pass as a woman with his golden hair he normally kept in a ponytail. Now I'd seen many men hit on my father from the back until he turned around and winked at them, the men blushing averting their eyes before they heard his flat baritone voice his eyebrows waggling exaggeratedly at them saying. "Hey baby wanna get some masculine Love tonight eh? That's extra big boy." The look on their faces was hilarious paling and shuddering as they noticed the distinctive codpiece he wore to avoid these situations in the first place. He'd always come home cursing a blue streak when someone wouldn't take the hint that he was joking and happily married. Much to my initial hatred I had what I believed to be their best features my mother's legs and father's androgynous figure with long golden hair. Sadly both of them were rather below average height Mother being only 5'2 and father an even 5'7 I'd gotten the short end of the stick literally at twenty-four I stand a proud 5'3. God do I hate whoever decided I deserved a chance to live again…
Growing up a man in an attractive woman's body is hell especially when she's short and I'm used to being 5'11. Not to mention the bloody days I shall not speak of….
My parents owned a small bar on an small island of about a hundred people they simply called The Island. Due to it's rather out of the way nature we didn't get many visitors, but when they came and visited our establishment oh gods they wove such tales about the sea and its magnificence hand in hand with the horrors it could bring. Looking back now I miss those innocent days. The island was so small that at the age of twelve I had made up my mind to be on that sea to travel its wondrous waters and to bring honor to my small island as the home island of Roberta Borker, owner of the Barking Barge the first sailing bar, and no matter what my parents said to dissuade me nothing worked. They even went so far as saying I could take over their life's work, the bar they built with their own two hands. While I felt happy they would entrust it to me I knew I wouldn't be content to stay on that small island. I saved every Beri I could the moment I decided on my dream to sail the oceans blue bringing cheer to the floating masses. So when I turned fifteen I used some of the Beri I'd stored to buy a ticket off the island to Loguetown where I'd heard tales of riches to be made and of their shipyard where I could begin my dream of owning my own floating Bar.
I spent nine years in that city tending bars, beating off assholes trying to get frisky, and built up a little of a reputation too. One day as I was finishing my morning shift I saw a man placing an advertisement for a Drinking contest on the board. As soon as the tables were cleaned and the bar tidy I wandered over to the poster. It looked like a professional poster sort of like whoever made it had the actual money to pony up for the prize. Looking at said prize it seemed to be 15,000 beri and a Devil fruit that looked like a fur covered swirly golden peach. As I've told you, my parents were Bar owners and seeing as I've been drinking since I was thirteen, emptying leftover bottles and cups as I cleaned the tables, not to mention people buying me drinks trying to pick me up and not taking the hint that I didn't swing that way I'd developed quite the tolerance for Alcohol. Eleven years of drinking tends to do that for you. (Feckin gods taking my manhood oh the humiliation.)
I had exactly 120,572 beri to my name having pinched every penny I could even sleeping in the backroom on a ragged blanket I brought with me to the island with the consent of my boss. Knowing what I did of the One Piece universe along with my natural charisma having developed growing up in a bar I knew that Devil fruits could sell upwards of several million Beri just for an unknown fruit. I originally planned to get a small used barge my friend Jon had in his junkyard with a sizable hole in its hull for a cool 95,000 beri I'd already checked around several shipyards around Lougetown and the cheapest I could get it repaired for was 16,340 which would seal the hole and sand it until it looked uniform. The barge in question was rather shabby but aside from the hull damage it was in decent condition. Once it would be sea worthy I'd hitch it to various ships having them tow me to their destination. It's simple I get repeat customers and they get beer, grog and what have you whenever they want as long as they can pay for it after a free drink for the crew every day they tow the barge. The 15,000 would be just enough to help that small dream come true as well as helping furnish the Bar itself along with some stock to get me to the next island. Selling the Devil Fruit on the other hand would allow me to outright commission a barge in excellent condition allowing me to not only go solo, but also cut off the cost of free drinks for large crews.
Closing my eyes and shaking my head I took note of the location of the drinking contest noticing it was starting in an hour. I quickly hit the bathroom to freshen myself up after throwing my apron upon the hook in the hallway. Exiting the bathroom I literally ran into Margaret the Owner/Bartender "Sorry Mar I gotta run drinking contest ya know. Another day another step closer to the goal ya know?" I grin sheepishly running my hands through my hair.
"Girl you need to be careful on those streets you know there's pirates and worse out there." She sighs shaking her head as I bolt out of the bar before she finishes the same warning she's given me since day one. I know there's terrible people out there gods do I know much more than she does with bastards like the Mad Dog of the Marines, World Nobles, and Blackbeard… gods I can't wait to derail that bit of canon. Poor Ace didn't deserve to die.
Walking down the street I dodge through the normal traffic of the blocks of the island I called home for the past few years. Spotting a man with ridiculous fangs and light green hair I threw him a wave and a wink as I darted past him with a shouted "Love the hair man!" smirking back at him I mused to myself at his oddly catlike facial features, while I was distracted I barreled into a massive mountain of a man his girth knocking me off my feet. "Son of a bitch did I run into a wall again?" I muttered under my breath as the man sized me up with a smirk obviously hearing my mutterings. Looking up at him I realize the scope of the mountain before me. He looks like he's ten feet tall from my position on the ground and he looks like one of those wrestlers you'd see on television sorta like a discount Roman Reigns with an afro and mocha colored skin. His arms look a little longer than normal covered with hair and I notice a smell of Bananas about him.
"Heya girlie did ya not see me here or somethin'? He grins his words coming out in a surprisingly soft high voice. Reaching downwards with an expectant look I take his hand and he pulls me up gently. Patting myself down I grin at the man grabbing his hand again and shaking it vigorously.
"Names Roberta friends call me Rob nice to meet ya." Quickly checking the nearby clock hanging in a storefront I notice I've only got twenty minutes to make it to the Execution platform "Thanks for the lift up, If you go to the Rusty Tabernacle and tell the woman at the bar Rob sent ya, she'll give ya a drink for your trouble I'll be there after the drinking contest if ya want to talk later Mister?"
He chuckles a bit at my rapid fire words smiling all the while. "Hehehehaahaahaa. Names Don Kerien I might just take you up on that Rob ya seem an interestin' lass." As I smile at him and continue my way towards the competition I nimbly dodge around a group of children playing in the streets hopping over a few of their heads chuckling to myself. I'm happy I grew up in this world rather than being thrust in my own body, more time to train after all I'm only a small person I need all the advantages I can get in this world especially since I plan on sailing a pirate infested sea. I arrive at the area without further incident just in time to sign up for the contest. The man taking the signature asks for 300 Beri as a sign on fee which I give up with a sigh. Of course there's a fucking sign up fee bastards.
Looking at my competition I smirk at the locals taking part noticing Jon from the junkyard who sighs in defeat when he sees my arrival no doubt remembering the countless times I drank him under the table getting him to lower the price of the barge in his yard. Jon's a tall lanky man with large lips and small eyes his wiry body belying his natural strength. A few newcomers are there as well several scrawny looking pirates most looking like mook level enemies except for the fat one with what looks like an okama tattooed on his stomach. I notice a shock of red hair at the end of the lineup attached to a young man who barely looks older than fifteen. Chuckling to myself "Ruffufufufufu" I walk over to Jon and shoot him a cocky grin. "Hey Jonny look at it this way you can watch me look good as I drink you under the table for the hundredth time. Just imagine the dripping beer rolling down my chin throat working hard as I drink you into submission."
"Gehehehehehe, You wish Robby, This time you're going down hard." He smirks at me his sharp teeth glinting in the light. "I've been practicing my guzzling since I heard about this competition a week ago."
Raising an eyebrow I can't help but shoot back.
"What have you been practicing with the stevedores again Jonny boy. Rufufufufuf You know I've been drinking since before you had your first beer right?"
"You do know I'm twenty years your senior right?" he inquires his eyebrows raising. As I can't help but lick my lips. The pirates and boy looking at us oddly.
"Oi fuckwits take a picture it'll last longer." I bark out at them before returning my attention back to the only person there I care about. I hear a growl of frustration behind me as I continue our conversation. "You know you drink like a bitch right?" I can't help but continue grinning before the Judge snaps at us to take our places. Wishing him luck I take my place and the competition starts.
Fifteen glasses in I notice several people looking green as I slam back another drink draining it as I breath through my nose after each gulp Slamming it down empty I grab another before someone turns and grabs a bucket next to their chair the sounds of them losing music to my ears as I finish another. Twenty minutes pass and I'm on my thirtieth drink the only two others beside me remain Myself, the weird kid, and Jon his face flushed eyes locked on my throat as he continues to drain his drink, I toss him a wink licking my lips as another glass hits the table before grabbing another. The kid is starting to look a little green but he soldiers on like a champ draining another five glasses before finally succumbing to the drink and falling asleep at the table. I grin at Jon eyes locked with his a teasing glint in my eyes letting out a cute sigh as I finish another drink. He stops for a second eyes locked on my body as I stretch out my back my shirt slowly crawling above my navel his eyes locking onto this detail as I quickly down several more glasses while he's distracted. 'Ruffufufufufufu god I love toying with perverts' I can't help but think as I quickly finish the remaining glasses on my side before someone hands me a glass as more drinks are set upon the table Jon still staying five glasses behind me before finally mercifully he falls over a perverted grin on his face as the drink finally catches up to him.
I finish my glass letting out a loud belch of satisfaction patting my stomach. "Man that was some good beer. It's a Drum kingdom lager right? One with blackberries and I think elderberries mixed in?" I ask the judge coming up to me with my prizes. He appears surprised before nodding.
"Yes it is how did you know that? I'm Kenji Yamamori. Most people here are content to drink their shitty Lougetown ale with straight hops no twist just basic swill no better than common grog. It's interesting to find someone of discerning taste in these parts especially in a drinking competition. I brewed this batch myself using only the best hops and wild berries I keep on my property. I had the hops specially bred to survive the harsh winter." I can't help but grin at the man he brews some damn good beer if I do say so myself.
"Thanks for the delicious drink then Sir." I grin as I take the fruit and stack of Beris stashing them into my pockets.
"Oh the pleasures all mine, I'm just Glad someone has good taste in these parts, I've been looking for people of discerning taste to join me in Drum Kingdom as Testers for my Beer. I like to experiment you see and I'd like to offer you a position if you don't mind?" He asks a hopeful glint in his eyes. I noticed not once did he gaze at my body and I can't help but respect him more for it. A grin stretching across my face.
"I'm sorry I can't accept the offer, but once I get my bar up and running I'd be glad to buy several kegs of the stuff you had here, along with any other varieties you may have in stock." He sighs sadly before offering me a card with a snail number on it.
"This is the number of the brewery if you change your mind or get your bar up and running. I've been holding these competitions to spread the word about my brew. I found this fruit on a peach tree at my previous stop, and seeing as I don't have any use for it I decided to use it to spread the word. I'm surprised only forty people joined the competition. Maybe it's because I didn't put what type it was on the poster I don't know how to tell what type of Devil Fruit it is? I'm a Brewmaster not a botanist how should I know?" As he spoke his face grew redder and redder with frustration steam seeming to blow out his nostrils.
"Rufffufufufu. You're funny man. I'm just gonna go, I've gotta get back to work, and I'll call you when I get my bar running Ok? Ok." I rapidly spit out before darting into the crowd bumping and pushing people aside as I make my way back to the bar. Tripping on a crack in the ground I fall onto my face with an oof as the devil fruit falls out of my pocket. I pick it up quickly not noticing the three people following me eyes locked onto the fruit as I dart into an alley shortcut to the bar.