I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
Minerva deserved a lot of things. I always told her that, she deserved someone to love her, good friends, a family, the world. Everything and more and I tried to give her that. However the truth was the one thing in this moment I could've give her. I simply loved her too much to tell her I was fading. I knew it was wrong and she has every right to know, but I guess I thought I was doing right by her. The one thing I did right.
"Albus, you haven't touched your tea, is something wrong?"
I could hear the concern in her voice and it reminded me why I was lying to her in the first place. To try and protect her, that was my Job wasn't it? As her friend and former teacher to proctor her?
"Just thinking, my dear. Is it your move?" I asked.
I honestly forgot we had been playing chess, this could be one of our lost games, and here I was not even fully here with her. Once again Minerva deserved move than an old man who didn't have the courage to tell her the truth.
"Thinking hard apparently. About Harry? Did you tell him about your hand?" She asked softly.
I flinched my hand away as she reached out to touch it. Not out of pain, but I just didn't want her sympathy, I didn't deserve it.
"I'm not afraid to see it Albus, you did what needed to be done. You didn't have to do it alone though."
I never failed to admire Minerva's courage and her willingness to stand by me no madder what mess I got myself into. I grabbed her hand across the chess table with my good smiling softly at her.
"I wouldn't take you down with me, Minerva. You don't deserve this fate."
"Nor do you or Harry, Albus." She fired back.
I knew that I simply loved her too much to tell her right then and there. So I let what may be our last chess game play out in the ignorance that everything was alright.
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here
My hand was getting worse and things with Minerva weren't getting much better. At this point I was trying to avoid her. I knew that was even more wrong than me lying to her, but I couldn't bare to see her knowing what was going to happen. If she found out the truth then what? She'd only be hurting more.
However she caught me, I was going for a walk on the grounds when a tabby cat rushed in front of me. I didn't even bother to walk past it, because I knew that cat.
"Evening Minerva, lovely evening isn't it?" I smiled.
She eyed me curiously before transforming back into herself.
"So I have to turn into a cat for you to speak to me now Albus?" Her Scottish accent was making its way back as she got angry.
She had every right to be, but what was I going to tell her?
"I'm trying to make this easier, my dear."
That wasn't a lie everything I saw her, I hated myself. I hated myself for lying to her, hated myself for loving her, hated myself for not telling her the truth. All of the truths.
"What easier Albus? Nothing about this is easier? I want my best friend to stop lying to me, you're terrible at it, by the way." She exclaimed.
I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding in and I couldn't find the Gryffindor strength in me to look up at her as I admitted part of the truth out.
"Hiding my feelings for you. I love you Minerva."
In that moment I wanted to run away so badly as the silence between us became thick and neither one of us said a thing.
I heard her footsteps walk close to me her hand reaching out for mine as she grabbed onto it.
"I love you too Albus, you know that. So stop lying to me okay?" She replied softly.
It wasn't that innocent and simply as she made it out to be. I knew I should've told her everything, but I couldn't tell her to only lose her. However I did the selfish thing and pulled her into a hug and held onto her as if my life depended on it.
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear
"Albus, be careful alright ? You and Potter."
I looked up in my doorway and there stood Minerva. Worry was written all over my face as she searched my eyes for answers. There lay all the answers I couldn't give. I wasn't going to tell her I would come back, because I knew I wouldn't. I wouldn't give her false hope, I already lied to her enough.
"I'll try to. You don't need to worry about me, Minerva." I replied.
She nodded as she came into my office, I knew my words didn't do her justice at putting her at ease. Her emerald eyes searched mine as she tried to find the answers I had been unable to give her.
"Promise me you'll come back to us Albus, back to me." She whispered.
I avoided her gaze and slowly walked away from her. I couldn't promise her that, and I couldn't bare to see the look on her face when I told her that.
"I can't do that, Minerva."
I heard a noise of a response before I felt her hand gently touch my shoulder. I felt my body stiffen at her touch, what could I say? Nothing could make this any easier.
"Why?"
It should've been a simple question, but I knew it wasn't. She wanted answers I couldn't give.
"Because it's dangerous and I can't promise I'll return." I replied.
"Don't ." She whispered.
I felt myself fall apart as I forced myself to turn around to meet her emerald eyes that were filled with unshed tears.
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do
I didn't say anything I just wrapped her up in a hug. Her grip tightened around me and I hated myself. I hated myself for lying to her. I hated myself for leaving her, and I hated myself for loving her knowing it was for nothing.
"You deserve the world, Minerva. Never forget my dear."
She slowly pulled away from me and I watched as she tried to regain her composure.
"Try and come back to us Albus." She whispered.
I nodded, but never made any promises, because I wouldn't make her s promise that I couldn't keep. I wasn't going to hurt her that badly.
"You have always been my favorite student Minerva, for what it's worth."
I didn't expect her to hug me next, but she did, and I hugged her back. I felt near tears stain my robe, but I made no effort to pull away. I just held onto her as we said our goodbyes.
"I love you Albus." She whispered.
I slowly let her go her emerald eyes were full of tears as she slowly let me go. I looked at her for a while before slowly turning around to walk out of my office.
"I love you too Minerva." I replied before leaving.
That was our last run. That was the last words spoken, that was the last moments shared. The last thing I remembered was Minerva yelling at my grave about not telling her the truth.
"I couldn't hurt you, my dear." I whispered simply.
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear