Barbara's New Look
Disclaimer: Meant more for fun while based on the fact Barbara Kean is basically the show's equivalent of Harley Quinn and takes place about 5 years after season 3.
"Umm… Tabitha?" Came the hesitant voice of one James 'Jim' Gordon.
Who was beginning to grow a mustache while campaigning for the position of Police Commissioner. The first thing being something he decided to randomly do and Lee so far was liking it. The second thing being something Bruce had somehow managed to talk him into doing and Lee wasn't sure if she wanted to give the young man a good stern talking too or a hug for getting her husband to go along with it. Tabitha sighed and stopped in her work to look at the man she had come to somewhat view as a friend over the past few years. Especially after her niece, Silver, had talked her into being more legitimate and running things for a club she opened with backing from Bruce that could be seen as neutral ground for those in the city. "Yeah, Gordon?"
"Is Barbara really dressed as a clown? Or am I just needing glasses?" Asked the man seriously.
Given some of the knocks to the head he'd gotten over the years, glasses were more then likely a good possibility! Sighing again, Tabitha looked to where her ex was, who seemed to be making one particular patron of the 'Foxy B' rather nervous and then looked back at Gordon. "Yep, pretty much."
Blowing out a breath, Jim shook his head. "Right. Why couldn't it have been a glasses thing?"
"Cause life not kind." Grunted Butch, better known these days as Solomon Grundy.
A fact that ate at Tabitha for years and was one of the reasons she refused to have much to do with Barbara. "Jerome really did a number on her if she thinks that red and black outfit is a good idea." Victor remarked with a tsk as he stopped by the trio momentarily before going onward.
"Yeah, by the way, any luck finding that nutjob?" Wondered Tabitha curiously.
Hell, a part of her wanted to bring a few skills out of retirement to make use of in dealing with that nutjob. "Nope, not even the Batman's had any luck."
Of course, by now, Jim knew full well who Batman really was and while he disapproved cause he knew it was Bruce and had known him since he was a kid, he couldn't deny the fact his young friend was getting results. "Pity."
A grunt of agreement could be heard from Butch. "No, what's a pity is the fact Luigi is being a useless fool with shipments. Again." Grumbled Silver as she came up to the trio and dropped a case of Alcohol on the counter with a loud thud.
"Want Grundy to put hurting on him?"
Silver just shook her head at the big guy and smiled sweetly at him. Long used to the big guy by now and even wishing like crazy her Aunt's lost love could somehow return. "While that's a sweet offer, I'm gonna have to say no, Butch." Silver told him kindly.
"Okay, Pretty Hair."
"But… If you want to scare Andrea again, I wouldn't say no."
"Silver!" Began Gordon warningly and gaining an innocent look from the Blonde that had Tabitha grinning in amusement over.
A look he didn't buy at all since he and pretty much everyone else knew that the girl and Selina Kyle were in agreement on at least one thing where Bruce Wayne was concerned. That his fiance, Andrea Beaumont, was not the right girl for him. Even having tried to scare her off and having even used Grundy on one occasion. Something Bruce had been none too happy about with the two girls as well! Both, along with Andrea, knew full well that Bruce is Batman but only Silver and Selina supported it unlike Andrea. As she felt her fiance was going to end up dead one night despite his many assurances he'd be okay. "Sorry, Pretty Hair, but Batman say Grundy not allowed to scare Redhead Lady again."
"That's okay, sweetie, I was just joking."
Yeah, right. Thought Tabitha with a mental eye roll.
Knowing full well her lovely Niece was NOT joking due to her feelings for Brucey Boy. Feelings that often kept her at odds with Selina for that matter due to her protege's own feelings for ol' Brucey Boy. Ugh, being around Jerome is bad for my thought processes.
Especially since the nutjob's desire to kill Bruce hadn't really ever left him and still kept on calling him by 'Brucey Boy'. The idiot even hijacked the airwaves once to make a poll about any new nicknames he should use for Bruce, only to say never mind and that he'd stick with the one he'd been using for all that time. Harvey, the former villain reflected on, had been rumored to having been held back by more then five Police Officers so that he wouldn't put the nutjob in a hospital bed or worse. "So, who's the weirdo in the clown suit?" Came the curious voice of Ivy Pepper and breaking the woman from her thoughts.
"You really don't wanna know." Muttered Jim as he downed a shot of Whiskey.
"Sure I do!"
"That's Barbara, Plant Lady." Offered up Grundy helpfully.
Causing the Redhead to look at him in surprise. "Whoa, seriously?"
"Hmm."
Her surprised look went in the direction of Barbara while Tabitha just sighed. "Yep, screwed up, isn't it? Even demanding we call her 'Harley Quinn' now."
Chuckling incredulously, Ivy nodded in agreement. "Definitely. And really? Was that her idea too?"
"Actually, I think that was Jerome's. Oh, sorry, I meant to say Joker as that jerk wants to be known as." Tabitha told her with an eyeroll.
Giving those present a pretty good idea of what she thought of that nickname. But it fit right in with the likes of Penguin, Balloon Man, Firefly, The Goat, The Riddler, Batman, Mr. Freeze, and a few others. "Its days like this I almost miss when Carmine Falcone ran things." Declared Harvey Bullock as he sat down next to Jim.
"Give me your strongest on the menu, wouldja Silver? Cause after tonight, I freakin' need it."
"The lovely Scottie again, Bullock? You know I could do something about that if you wanted." Offered Victor as he came by while Silver got out the request for one of her most favorite customers.
Bullock stared at the bald assassin. "Yeah, no. And again, no. Its the fact I just KNOW I'm gonna be havin' nightmares after we got Barbara outta Jerome's latest hide out. Girl tried to claw my eye balls out, man! Sayin' she was gonna eat them if I didn't let her go and find that nutcase so she could be with him!"
"But Clown Lady no have claws."
"Its a figure of speech!"
"Oh. Okay."
A contented sigh escaped the aging Captain after downing his request and then pouring himself some more. "Silver my girl, you are too kind to an old man like myself."
"Hey, anything for one of my best customers." The girl told him with a smile.
Victor just rolled his eyes. "Right, well, okay then. But the offer's always up for grabs if you want to take me up on it." Informed the man and then walked off.
"Yeesh, he must still be unhappy about the time she hit him in the junk with that Pinata." Ivy muttered aloud.
Causing snorts of amusement to be heard. "Yeah, well, that's what happens when you go after Scottie Mullen-Bullock's sexy husband."
"If you think you qualify as sexy, you must be getting quite daft in your old age, mate."
Everyone turned around to see one Alfred Pennyworth. Long time Butler of the Wayne family and someone still very capable of kicking some ass despite his age. "Hah, I'll have you know that I was voted 'Hottest Cop' this year. An award more prestigious then anything else in the history of awards and nearly lost it to Jimbo over here!"
Eyerolls were had while Silver happily came over the counter and hugged her favorite old Butler. "Yeah, you'll never know how agonized I've been over that." Jim told his best friend dryly and gaining a snicker or two.
"Uncle Alfie! What brings you to my humble club?" Asked Silver curiously while steadfastedly ignoring the bickering of her two favorite Detectives.
"Well my young lady, I was hoping to find Master Bruce here."
"What, why? Don't tell me you're letting that age of yours keep you from having a well trained eye on that man."
"Hah, I assure you my dear, that is not the case as I've a few years yet still in me before that happens."
Silver giggled while Tabitha and Ivy shook their heads in amusement. Long used to how the old man could be and liking it. "Its just he had a bit of bad news tonight and told me he was going to get more pissed then a Scotsman and an Irishman combined."
"Even Grundy know that is surprising and hard to do."
"Quite right, mate, quite right."
"The whole thing with Barbara and the Harlequin outfit too much for even him?" Wondered Silver curiously while pointing towards the girl in question.
As even that man of her's had a limit to how much weird he could handle! And it was only a matter of time and it seemed that time was now. Alfred grimaced at the sight of Barbara Kean in a red and white Harlequin outfit before focusing his attention back on young Silver. "No, matter of fact, this bit of bad news severely outweighs that particular nightmare."
"Whoa, seriously?" Jim asked in surprise as the older man's words had caught his attention enough to pull away from his latest bicker bout with Harvey.
This was even making Tabitha pretty curious! "Huh, I can't imagine what could be worse then Babs in that outfit and giggly while on a mild sedative."
Which was one of the reasons she was even allowed to be at the Foxy B instead of a cell since it was known that Tabitha would be able to easily handle her if necessary despite a near lack of use in her skills. Alfred let out a breath. "It seems that earlier tonight, Miss Beaumont's father chose to make a decision to leave the country. And in so doing, asked Miss Beaumont to leave with him for the forseeable future."
"And because of how much that girl loves her father, she went with him." Deduced Ivy.
"Precisely, Miss Pepper, precisely."
Silver was beginning to get a little excited but tried to keep it down. "Sooo… Are they gonna try the long distance thing then or what?" Wondered the Bar runner curiously.
But her favorite Butler shook his head. "I'm afraid not. Miss Beaumont, according to Master Bruce, felt that because of her father's wishes to leave the country for the forseeable future, that they should no longer be together. And trust me when I say that Master B did his absolute best to convince her otherwise of things but to no avail."
Which was a pity as he rather liked the young lady as she had brought something of a light to Master Bruce's life. And wasn't a bad influence on him like Selina Kyle tended to be despite the fact his harsh view of the girl had lessened up somewhat. "I'll uhh, I'll be sure to pay him a visit soon." Promised Jim to Alfred.
Who nodded in response. "I'm sure he will be most appreciative. But at any rate, I believe I best be off so I can try and find Master B before he ends up doing something I'm sure he'll regret whilst getting pissed as a Lord." And with that, the man was gone while Silver had a thought come to mind.
"Aunt Tabby?"
"Yeah, kiddo?"
"You're in charge while I'm gone."
"I am?"
"Mm-hmm. I have someone, I mean… Something I just remembered I need to go and do."
"Alright, but be careful out there." Her Aunt told her seriously.
Silver nodded and then left while grinning widely in anticipation and hoped it wouldn't take her long to find that man who should be her's! "Ten bucks says she's gonna go find the kid and have her way with him." Stated Bullock as he stared at the departing girl.
Ivy rolled her eyes. "That's a sucker's bet." She said with a scoff and a shake of the head.
"Even I know that and I'm barely around Wayne and St. Cloud." Called out Victor as he passed by yet again.
"Anyway, so long as she's careful, I don't care if she goes after Bruce." Tabitha told the little group.
But it'd be Grundy of all people who'd raise an important issue. "What about Catgirl?"
They took a moment to think about that. "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst." Decided Jim moments later and then winced when he heard someone scream after getting a little too close to Barbara.
Who helpfully sent the girl to the floor thanks to tripping her. "Anyone think we should get Barbara as far from Gotham as possible to where the Asylums are less likely to be problematic?" Wondered the potential Commissioner while downing a glass of what he'd been drinking.
He kinda owed it to her anyway to try this as it is. "I'm for it." Tabitha declared as her ex's slide from sanity had slid even further thanks to Jerome and the less she was around her, the better off she'd be.
And less likely to consider murder. "You would be!" Victor sing songed as he came by once again and got a glare his way from the woman.
"Right, we'll look into that tomorrow." Decided Bullock.
Preferably when he recovered from the hangover he intended to get tonight! "WHEE! I'M HARLEY QUINN! AND I NEEDS MY PUDDIN' POP!"
And thanks to Alfred, Selina would inadverdently find out about Bruce being newly single and the bar she found him and Silver in would be forced to close down for a month's worth of repairs. A certain plan to remove Barbara from Gotham naturally went about as well as you'd expect it would thanks to a few nosy types that idolized Jerome. But Jim would swear the next chance he had, he'd try the idea again before she ended up doing something she'd truly regret cause of that nutjob. Victor helpfully offered the man a shoulder to cry on if he needed it and got punched in the face for his efforts.
Author's Notes: Not entirely sure this is as funny as I was intending, but I hope none the less that those of you who read this will have enjoyed it!