Summary: A short story about a twisted love net set during the MWPP era. It's easy to fall in love with someone, but rarely does that person love you back.

A/N: Yeah, I know. There are about an endless amount of stories just like this that dot FF.net. Well, now it's my turn.

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all these characters and the Harry Potter series is most definitely not mine. I'm just playing God over their lives for a while; no infringement intended.

Rating: [PG-13]

Tangled Loves

James:

She's absolutely beautiful.

My eyes hurt and my heart squeezes just watching her. That's all I ever do now. Watch her. Through Potions, Transfiguration, Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts, I just sit there, staring at her gorgeous face, memorising every feature and expression. You'd never see those eyes anywhere else, except on Lily's face. Sparkling emeralds, exquisite and rare, just like her. She'll never know just how much control she has over me – I think I'd even kill my best friends if she gave the word.

I never believed them when they said love was a dangerous thing – until now.

Lily. Even her name holds the splendour and grace of a goddess. She radiates with such purity and goodness, and yet underneath all that, she still has a will of steel and a strength that would give Hercules a run for his money. Looking at her smile, I feel all my cockiness and bravado slipping away, god, I'm nobody compared to her.

For centuries, people have searched for a true example of perfection. They need not look any further than here. Lily is just that: she's what perfection is all about. Physically, she's an artist's dream. I would know. Her image is etched into the insides of my eyelids. Every time I close my eyes, I see her. My nights are filled with thoughts about her… and I'll admit now, that I'm no saint. I love everything about her with such a burning passion; never in my whole life have I wanted something so badly. I love how her hair kind of cascades over her shoulders, in flaming streams of fire. I love the way her skin shines after a particularly sweaty Care of Magical Creatures class. I love her stunning eyes, that are always laughing and so full of life, yet that joy never seems to be directed at me. I could go on forever, but I'd still never be able to convey fully just how much I love Lily Evans. Words are simply not enough; nothing short of a miracle is.

Sometimes, I think that I'm cursed. I have everything BUT the one thing I want most: Lily. Money, reputation, good looks, popularity, I've got it all in the palm of my hand, but the girl of my dreams? Nothing. Not even a smile or an affectionate glance.

Bloody hell, what would the others say if they knew what a pathetic idiot I'd become? I thank Merlin that nobody sees the way my throat constricts when Lily so much as looks at me, or the way my heart falls into the pit of my stomach when her clear gaze passes over me without so much as an acknowledgement, but plenty of scorn. I thank god no one sees. Except for Remus. He's simply too bloody perceptive. I'll bet that he, of people, would have noticed the muscles tightening in my neck, and my confident air evaporating to nothing whenever she comes near. An incredible look of sadness and longing always shines through his eyes whenever these moments come. Sometimes, when I'm not obsessing over Lily, I wonder why.

But often I'm too busy concentrating on this empty ache inside of me. It's this throbbing pain that fills my heart every time I see her. I want her and I need her, she's almost like a drug; I've seen and felt her delicious allure, and now I just want to give myself completely to that temptation.

My skin burns with fiery passion every time I think about what could happen if I really did give in to this need, and she returned it with every bit as much fervour. It would have been arousal of the first degree; my eyes glaze over with raw delight whenever the image crosses my mind.

~

I want you so badly

I need to feel you so desperately

My body's desire is focused directly at you

My world is crumbling to a million pieces

And my thoughts whirl into a blaze

Of illogical meanings

With only one thing for sure:

I. Need. You.

~

I don't know how I can continue to live like this. I've found my true soul mate, and I know I can never love anyone like this again, but she'd prefer to keep me out of her sight for at least another lifetime. Now I understand why the act of suicide seems so appealing to many people. This mixture of torture and need is eating me alive; the pressure is smothering me so that I can barely breathe. But I could never contemplate the thought of ending all this.

Because in a sick, twisted way, I think I enjoy the sweet torment of my painful love, and, blind prat that I am, I still hope that one day, Lily will crave and need me just as much as I her.

* * * * * * *

Whew. That took slightly longer than I expected, but was still also slightly shorter than I hoped for. Overall, I'm pleased with how it turned out – most of it just came to me as I was typing. So, comments, suggestions, anyone? Any kind of feedback would mean so much.

Next chapter will be from Lily's POV.