A/N: Requested by someone I follow on Twitter named Hal. I don't want to give too much detail about their twitter for reasons, so cry while you're reading okay? Please send your tears to me when you're done. Also, I'm planning for this to have chapters. Right.

Today was Valentine's Day. The only day where you could eat a bunch of chocolate and get fat and no one would probably judge you. Probably.

But none of that mattered to Shrek. The ogre was the grump of Valentine's day. His boyfriend, Gordon Ramsay, had left him alone for about a few months and they didn't even spend time together on Christmas just because Gordon was too busy with his show in America called Kitchen Nightmares. If anything was a nightmare, Gordon didn't spend time with his lovely, green ogre..

Shrek thought of the time when Gordon called him his little onion. How he told Shrek that he had layers, just like the onion. Shrek began to weep, hoping his boyfriend would return from the skeleton war. Hearing a knock at his wooden door, Shrek jumped up, trying not to act too happy to know if it was Gordon coming by at last. As he opened the door, it was only Donkey. Dead. Shrek huffed and shouted at Donkey.

"I don't have time for this! Go home!" And almost shut the door behind him until he heard footsteps approaching his entrance. He gaspu'd, a little surprised.

As drumrolls played and the tilting up of the screen occured, a wild Gordon Ramsay appeared! Gordon gently stepped forward, embracing the ogre like how they did before the endless months of the relationship hiatus. Shrek began crying, clinging desperately as Gordon whispered softly into his tellytubby tube of an ear.

"I'm back."

Shrek pulled a way, soon growling as tears continued to form from his dulled eyes.

"No! You lied to me!"

"I never lied to you, Shrek. I love you."

"Go away!" Shrek screeched, covering his eyes and running into his house. Gordon was certainly concerned but he knew Shrek would get over it. After all, Gordon Ramsay had Hell's Kitchen to worry about. And appearing on live shows but that was over now. The chef had enough time to push in meeting the green fellow of his. Taking in Donkey, Gordon prepared his mis en place and started to cook.

After almost an hour and a half, Shrek could sense an aroma coming through the cracks of his doors. Picking up his Sebastian Michealis body pillow, he followed the delicious scent eating away at the hairs in his nose. Once in the kitchen, he saw Gordon, plating the stew he made for the two of them to share for dinner that night. There were candles everywhere and the table set up neatly with roses as the centerpiece. Gordon smiled happily as he placed plates for two on the table.

"Just in time for dinner, love." said Gordon. The ogre was surprised, but couldn't help himself to such a romantic gesture. Dropping his body pillow, he sat down where Gordon pulled a chair open for him. He tasted the food, and was delighted to consume more. Gordon was glad to see his orgre boyfriend enjoy the meal, once again.

"I'm glad you're eating." Gordon chimed. Shrek looked up, blushing at his boyfriend.

"Yeah. Just like old times."

"Old times! Right! About that..."

"What is it?" Shrek inquired, too nervous to continue eating, now.

"...I can't see you anymore."

Shrek's heart raced, his eyes watering at the sound of piss coming out of Gordon's mouth.

"Why?!"

"...Because I don't want the public to see that I'm with an ogre."

"But you said-! You said we would be together even if you were busy with your shows!"

"I know." Gordon responded sternly. It was Valentine's day! How could he do something so malicious to Shrek after months of waiting!? Slamming his fists into the table, he cried out, "Get out of my heart!"

And as much as Gordon could handle, he agreed, leaving quietly as he could. As the chef left, the green thing tossed away everything of Gordon. Who needed that silly chef anymore? Still, Shrek's heart felt broken... shattered.

Was this really the end?