Oh my god what was I thinking. I wrote this story years ago when I was sleep deprived and obviously completely bonkers. I apologize for any poor grammar, but I can not bring myself to change it at all. Hopefully you will laugh as hard as I did reading this.

Lord be with me.

Harry stared at the food before him. What the hell is this he thought. The er... "cake" basically looked like a big pile of manure. Harry flipped back his black bangs dramatically and many gasps were heard. Ah yes, Harry's sexy hair flip was very popular. The girls swooned at the fast movement of flying hair.

Harry threw down his fork and did not eat the cake. "I am a man. Men do not eat CAKE! We eat Meat! Or in my case Draco Malfoy!" Harry shouted. The Slytherin winked across the room and Harry purred seductively. All in a day's work.

The lunchroom was quite lively at this showcase of affection yes. The boys were finally reaching puberty and the women realizing breasts can be used as weapons. The not-so-manly Harry walked over and furiously grabbed a slice of chicken. The people stared in awe as he ate the chicken. It was a beautiful sight I'm not going to lie. The professors clapped at Harry's chewing skills. Surely he was the only one with such skill!

The rest of the day was utterly amazing. Harry poured an itching potion down Snape's pants and spent his free time telling the walls about his day. They were good people those walls. They always listen and never say anything. Good people indeed.

Around the evening Draco rang Harry up to do some "studying". Harry walked down the stairs and found the Slytherin corridor.

"Password please," replied the portrait positioned outside.

"I am Harry Potter. Passwords are for people without the awesomeness inside my body and my pure gorgeous like appearance."

The portrait nodded in agreement and allowed Harry to enter the common room. He found Draco sitting by the non-existent fire. He smiled and sat down on Draco's lap.

"Did you miss me?" asked Harry batting his eyelashes. The Slytherin smiled and pulled him in for a kiss. He broke the kiss and deeply stared into Harry's green eyes like the crazy motherfucker he was.

"I have missed you like a fish misses water. Like a fat kid misses greasy french fries. I yearn for you my love! Oh your beautiful face and body haunts me in my dreams. You are the substance of all life! THE BEAUTY IN MY LIFE!" finished Draco, managing to throw Harry across the room while swinging his arms in the air to express his feelings. Draco was a beautiful person.

Harry rubbed his back from the hard fall and stood back up. He stared at his lover with a hungry gaze as if he wanted to have some apples. Draco understood and led Harry to his room. The black haired beauty smiled at the sight of all the apples laying on top of the bed. Draco hugged Harry tight and they both started passionately kissing.

Then out of nowhere came in Heromine, singing along to a korean song Super Girl from Super Junior.

Draco ripped off Harry's shirt and then started dancing with him around the room, swaying him in a lovely matter. Harry's heart raced as the horrible singing intertwined with Draco's clumsy dancing. It was all like a movie. A poorly rated, low-budget movie.

Then the song ended and Heromine left the room leaving the two lovers alone. They then again began kissing. Kissing lead to third base, and that lead to, well, sex. Harry moaned, Draco laughed like a psycho at the sight of Harry screaming and then they fell onto each other. They drifted off to sleep. Draco's dreams were full of unicorns and Harry in a white suit while Harry's dreams were full of angst ridden ferrets and Vampire Bills.

Then came the morning and Harry awoke to Voldemort watching the Titanic in the common room. Harry grabbed a butter knife and threw it like a ninja instantly killing Voldy. He was known as a hero forever and the boy who lived had a great life. He also lived forever along with all his friends because he was Harry FUCKING potter.

The End.

Now review on this short story! Go! Fly like the wind during a very violent tornado! FLY!