Memory Reservoir
A Christmas Angst fic by R Amythest
~~~
A gentle coat of snow glazed the ground; simple perfection graced this day. A motorcycle's tracks marred the blanket of white. A sigh creased the air, followed by the soft trudging footsteps of a dirty blonde. Reluctantly, he tapped the door, patiently waiting at the doorstep. The lights inside the home didn't cease their steady, radiant glow, wrapping the house in a soft, pure aura. A light tap of feet made its way, and the door opened, a white-haired boy appearing there.
"Malik?" he whispered, shaking his head quickly, brushing strands of hair away from his face. Malik grunted softly, placing a hand on the doorframe.
"Yeah, just rode through town… d'ya mind if I stay for awhile? It's rather cold today." A gentle smile worked its way on Ryou's face, then it was overtaken by a forlorn expression. Malik noticed, and looked back at his ride. "I could just go away… leave you alone and all…."
"N-no, go ahead, come in," he stuttered, plastering a fake smile on his face. It didn't go unnoticed, and Malik shot him a glance before shuffling in, discarding his coat. Ryou turned away nervously. "Would… would you like anything to eat…?"
"No thank you," Malik muttered. He made his way through to the living room, plopping down on the sofa. Ryou watched him from afar, opting to stand in the hall, watching his Egyptian close his eyes. A single tear made its way down Ryou's cheek before disappearing into the white carpet. Sighing, he slowly made his way up the stairs.
"So this is my Christmas gift," he mused quietly. "I liked last year's better." With that, he flopped down on his bed, staring at nothingness on the ceiling.
~~flashback~~
"Malik!! You bastard, you!" Ryou growled jokingly, diving for the Egyptian as he mockingly dodged him. Ryou 'eep'ed and crashed onto the floor, and Malik took this opportunity to pounce onto Ryou, straddling him. Ryou's eyes widened as he felt firm fingers trickle down his back.
"I told you I didn't have a Christmas gift for you," he purred, nuzzling Ryou's neck. "Now I do."
Ryou's eyes widened and his breath hitched in his throat as a soothing trickle of kisses crawled down his back.
~~end flashback~~
A picture in a frame lies on a table.
Malik shifted, slowly blinking away sleep, trying to remember where in heaven he was. He got up, scanning his surroundings, and remembered this warm paradise. A small smile trickled into his eyes, until they fell upon the picture. His face became blank, apathy shivering through him as he tried not to look – tried not to remember, tried not to feel… but his attempts were rendered useless as he sighed and picked the photo up.
It was so long ago… so long…before… Malik sighed and set the object back down where it used to be, looking around, sniffing the scent that was Ryou. A slight serene expression crept into the corners of his lips, and he looked out the window. Snow.
There was no snow in Egypt. He first saw the fluff with Ryou…
Exactly two years ago.
~~flashback~~
"Malik-chan!! It won't hurt you!" Ryou laughed, running into the snow, watching in fascination as the fluff landed around him.
Malik gave a huff from inside, watching the white flakes rain down. "I saw Yugi back away from a ball of this stuff before."
"Oh, that!" Ryou gave a giggle and balled up a wad of snow. "The snow isn't gonna him. Momentum is." Before Malik could protest, the ball of snow found itself splattered all over him and his outfit. Spitting snow out of his mouth, the rest melted on his blushing cheeks. Ryou giggled, then ran away as Malik chased him while throwing not-quite-packed barrages of the fluff.
"Just wait until I catch you…!"
~~end flashback~~
They were so naïve back then… so innocent and carefree, oblivious to the world's greatest blows. While Malik and Ryou certainly had received their share of hardships, they hadn't known the world could be crueler…
Ryou stared at the wall, tracing invisible figures. His lithe fingers paused at the end of his tracing, and he blankly stared at the last word he had traced. An illusion was carved into his mind…
I won't see you again.
Words that were never true…
If it causes you less pain, then I suppose this is the only way to do it…Words that never spared him pain…
This lie is the only way to protect you…Words that were chained in his heart and never set free…
I hate you.
[1]
~~flashback~~
The letter lay on a chilly December night, alone on a doorstep. A shivering Ryou, cheeks red with the cold, made his little tracks down the sidewalk. Upon reaching his home, he reached for his keys, but paused as he spotted the parchment. He picked it up and started to read it, only to stiffen and drop it, screaming out a single word.
"MAAAAALIK!!!"
~~end flashback~~
Malik chewed the last remains of the broccoli[2], then licked the sauce off his fingers. He sighed, looking at the dark hallway that led to the stairs. He vaguely wondered what Ryou was doing up there. Sighing and shrugging, he licked the rest of the sauce off, then dumped the dishes into the sink. He turned around to find more things to eat, opening the refrigerator only to find that there were no more delicacies left. Sighing, he turned to the TV. "I'm going upstairs, leave me alone, etc etc," Malik grumbled, flipping the remote in the air and catching it repeatedly. "Yeah sure, I knew I shouldn't've came back." He yawned, cuddling against the sofa's soft back. "He probably actually believed it… geez… didn't he know I was lying?" Malik sighed sadly, taking a sleeping position on the couch and closing his eyes.
Ryou winced in his position behind the sofa back. "Didn't I know he was lying? He had never loved me?" Ryou whispered quietly to himself.[3] He turned away, shuffling to the kitchen. He picked up a piece of lined paper from its hiding place underneath the microwave, smoothing it out. "Last hope is gone… might as well…." Slowly, he dropped the paper into the toilet and flushed.
~~flashback~~
"Ryou… sweet hikari," Yami Bakura gasped, coughing. "He… he came… too fast for me… he wants to kill you, too…."
"Who, yami, who?" Ryou urged, gripping his Yami's hand. He could feel the heartbeat slowing. "Listen Yami, I don't care! You're going to die!"
"No, don't worry about me!" Yami Bakura rasped. He coughed, then turned dull eyes back to Ryou. "He's out to get you… he's… the darkness… Yami no…" His eyes shut abruptly, a trickle of blood drool making its way down his chin.
Ryou watched in horror as his last connection to hope snapped, and Yami Bakura's glowing form disappeared within the dull ring. "Oh Yami…" he sobbed, reaching a hand out, as if it could grasp the strings of sanity. But the time had passed, and he was gone… cast away to the shadows, caught by nightmares and insanity.
For now he is only half a soul.
~~end flashback~~
Ryou sighed, shifting on the bed, gazing forlornly out the window. "Ryou?" a strong voice called, entering the dark room. Ryou looked back over at Malik, gaze unchanging. Malik stopped in the doorway, tilting his head slightly. "What's wrong?" Ryou looked away, expression fixed in a single, blank stare. He felt the bed shake slightly under the pressure of the other boy. His eyes were still set on the curtains covering the light from the outside world.
"Try to remember your lie…" Ryou whispered. Malik blinked.
"I lied to protect you," Malik said quietly. He ran a hand down Ryou's arm, and upon reaching the other boy's hand, squeezed it gently. "I didn't want you to get hurt…."
Ryou sniffled, squeezing Malik's hand tightly, arm shaking from the power of his grip. "How could lying that you love me give me any protection? I thought you told the truth then. Now that I know the real truth… it hurts more than you could've ever saved me from…."
"Ryou!" Malik snapped. "I didn't lie when I told you that I loved you!"
"You said that you did, fair and square."
"I said I lied," he confirmed, "but the fact that I loved you wasn't that lie."
Ryou quieted, staring at Malik straight in the eye. "I can't think of anything else you could've lied about."
Sirens filled the air as the chime of a doorbell sounded. Ryou sighed, releasing his iron grip on Malik's hand. Opening the door, an eerie red light cast shadows in Ryou's cozy dwelling. "We are the Domino police," a man in a blue suit introduced, "and we'd like to investigate your home for a sniper that has been killing preset targets for over a year."
Ryou looked at them, raising an eyebrow. "Go ahead, but the only one other than me who lives here," he stated, "is an old 'friend' of mine."
The police looked at each other, coming in the house. Malik observed curiously from upstairs, then froze with realization. The polices' eyes locked on Malik. "Arrest him!"
"What?!" Ryou's eyes were gaping, open in horror. Glitters of light reflected in his tears, contrasting with the whirling of red lights outside and the soft candles' glow. Malik's own violet orbs were aimed toward the floor, blood slowly dripping down his chin as his swollen lip slowly found its way out of clenched teeth.
All was silent.
All except the sirens...
Piercing the night sky.
~~flashback~~
"Ryou!" Malik half-sobbed, half-shrieked as the blonde boy, covered in sticky crimson, ran zaggedly up the sidewalk. The paler boy stopped and turned around, puzzled, then horrified at the sight of his lover. "H-help! Hide me!" he whispered, clutching onto Ryou's form, dragging down his bloodied fingers, leaving trails of smeared blood.
"Malik! W-what happened?!" Ryou gasped, appalled at the sight of him. He had never seen so much blood since the death of his sister[4]. "Did you- oh." His face fell. "Who... was it?"
"I don't know..." he croaked while inhaling, "my Yami did it..."
"Well- hurry!" Ryou placed his arm around Malik's shivering form, making off toward his house...
...leaving bloodied footprints in the newly fallen snow...
~~end flashback~~
"Malik!" Ryou snapped sharply. Malik groggily opened his eyes in the cell and came forth to meet his visitor.
"What?" he asked flatly. "You already betrayed me once, I don't need to hear it again."
"You don't need to be so bitter..." he replied softly. "I just... why did you ever lie to me?"
Malik looked away. "To protect you."
"How can you protect me by lying that you loved me?!"
Malik looked back at him with a puzzled expression on his face. "I didn't. I lied when I told you I hated you."
"Wha...t...?"
Malik sighed, then leaned against the bars, curling his fingers around the cold metal. "The police took me away because I killed. Or at least, Yami killed. I told you I hated you because I was afraid that if you still knew I loved you, then you would look for me... and if you found me... it would be worse for us both. I would be caught, and you would probably be accused of helping me. I also needed to keep Yami away from you... that was probably the greatest reason. He... already... killed your Yami..."
"So... that's what happened," Ryou said flatly, trying to remain unfazed. "So... you tried to keep me away to save my life?"
"Yes..." he whispered. "My final Christmas present."
"??" Malik looked away, and Ryou's face was contoured with tears. "You don't mean-"
"-tomorrow."
"To believe that I doubted you...." Malik clasped Ryou's hands from inside the bars as the lighter boy wept in misery.
~~flashback~~
"Malik?"
"Hm?"
"Do you love me?"
"Of course."
"Malik..."
"What?"
"It doesn't sound like it."
"For the same reason I don't hump you 24/7."
"MALIK!! I'M SERIOUS."
"So am I, Ryou. I love you. I'm serious. And I'm not the most affectionate guy in the world but...
...just believe me once..."
~~end flashback~~
Golden embers danced in slits of eyes, half-closed in tiredness. But the owner could not sleep, for he was forced to dwell upon memories...
...though his final dream soon overtook him....
~~dream~~
"Malik!" Malik jolted from his sleep, looking up to find Ryou crouched by him, a shovel in hand and a hole in the wall. "I've found a way out!"
Malik rubbed his eyes and blinked, crawling in the hole. He sighed softly and happily. "Daylight...."
"Yes," Ryou chirped happily. "I don't care if we're hiding forever, as long as I'm with you."
Malik smiled. "I hate to drag you into this, but... here I go."
As they approached the end of the tunnel, it got warmer and warmer. Ryou thought it was from the love radiating between them. They reached the end of the tunnel, sweating from heat, Ryou seeing all red from the brightness of the sun.
"It feels so hot..."
"That's 'cause I'm here," Malik smirked, taking a few steps forward, then his expression growing solemn. "Police!" He turned to Ryou, eyes wide in fright. "Hide!" He pointed to a small crate in the corner of the alley.
Ryou nodded and Malik crammed into crate, Ryou following him.
The sun seemed to get hotter, and the crate's red color seemed to glare in his eyes. Malik looked at him pleadingly, and he jumped in the crate for him...
...And died for him.
~~end dream~~
Ryou's eyes burst open to find ashes falling from his body, fire twisting around him, his flesh searing and crumbling below. Then he could see nothing...
...For his eyes were nothing but smoke, drifting into the chimney above.
And all was silent.
~~~Notes
[1] Yes, I suppose you're all very confused by now… all the words in italic from this scene were things Malik had told Ryou… well, not the exact words, but what Ryou makes of them. Ryou's just dwelling on the past and the whole thing's playing and rewinding over and over. The flashbacks are all little memories from his head.
[2] Yeah, I know, eww, gross, etc, etc… I originally had steak, but then I remembered that Malik was a vegetarian…. On another note, sure, eating while your koi is going insane above you is not the most romantic setting, but you don't want Malik to pass out from malnutrition in the middle of a fluff scene, right? *grin*
[3] Obviously, people are going to go psycho on me in the reviews since people probably expected a Malik/Ryou shared love thingy… and it is!! The thing is, Ryou thinks it's one-sided… because Malik mentioned lying. But Malik wasn't lying about loving him; he was lying about hating him… remember that italicized "I hate you" right before the scene with the note, and the italicized "This lie is the only way to protect you"? Well, let's say they correspond. And about Ryou suddenly being there… he just came down the stairs and came into the room in time to hear Malik saying the lying thing. Anyhoo… read a little more, and as for the toilet thing… I would've had him drop it into the fire, but the fire thing will be used for something much more dramatic. ^_~
[4]His sister was Amane, and no one's really sure how she died, though many writers fantasize it as an auto accident or a disease. I say it was... BLOODY! BLOOOOODDD!!!!!!
~~~Timeline
If you're confused, here's everything that happened in chronological order… it'll explain some things as well
-Battle City
-Malik and Ryou's first date
-Christmas two years ago; Malik and Ryou have a mini snowball fight. During the snowball fight, Malik asks about the murder thing
-Ryou gets depressed and thinks Malik's lying to him about loving him, and Malik swears that he'll only lie to protect him.
-Christmas one year ago, Malik does the kissing trail thingy
-Malik's yami returns and he finds that he killed Yami Bakura
-Ryou actually willingly hides Malik after he kills Yami Bakura (though Ryou didn't know it was YB at the time)
-Malik becomes scared that his yami will kill Ryou, too, so he gives Ryou a note telling him that he hates him in order to make it easier to himself, so that if he dies on his mission, Ryou won't get all depressed over him.
-After the final assassination of Yami no Yugi, Yami no Malik's soul is avenged, and it leaves Malik
-Malik comes back to Tokyo to wander and happens to come across Ryou's house.
-This fic is generally written in chrono order, excluding the flashbacks… so yeah….
~~~
Endnotes: This was in honor of Amara's birthday, which was
actually February 10th, but my internet hated me that day for some
reason... but anyhow, I'm really sorry, Amara, for not updating on your
birthday... and I realize that yes, I made Yami Bakura die again... and Ryou...
and Malik... and almost everyone involved other than the police... but I just
couldn't help thinking that one of our last chats included the fact that you
wanted me to write something for Christmas. So... dedicated to Sailor
Millennium, who is not allowed to be on the wonderful world of FF.net anymore.
(Yes, I HAD to drag on more angst even after the whole fic =p)