"Why Anthony?"
No reply. There was obviously no reply. Never again will there be a reply. He's gone. My Anthony, took from me in a matter of minutes.
"Why did you have to go out Anthony?"
No reply.
"We had enough food Anthony."
No reply.
The silence is deafening. He's always here. He should still be here. But that was taken away from me; taken away from the fans.
"I didn't"
Come on Ian, pull yourself together.
"You never got to know"
I'm choking on tears now. For so long I've been holding it back, for my sake, for the fans, my parents, his parents, everyone. But no more. I have a right to cry. I have a fucking right. No one will take that away from me.
"How I feel about you."
My hands clench down into the soil, shaking. I knock the flowers over by accident. What do they matter anyway, they'll be fucking dead soon. But diamonds, diamonds last forever.
"The fans thought"
"The fans, you saw the fics Anthony."
I'm trembling. I know he can hear me. He can. But that's the problem. My beautiful, sexy haired, angel of a friend Anthony, he'll be laughing. He can't take me seriously; the bowl cut probably doesn't help.
I half smile.
Oh Anthony.
"They wrote about us Anthony, how we belong together, so much they wrote."
This is it.
"And I think it was true Anthony."
No backing down now.
"Anthony Danger"
Danger sets me off again. Anthony we had so much. Why did you have to go? Even if we never, we never got together, we had each other. Now all I have it a rock with your name on it.
"Anthony Danger Padilla"
"I think I"
"Fuck, I know. I love you."
The ring is in the box, in my pocket. I rustle around, it's stuck to a magnet somehow. Why do I even have a magnet in my pocket? Fucking beats me. What should have been a nice, fuck nice, a perfect moment. The most perfect moment, ruined. Oh well.
At last I release the box from it's magnetised prison, place it on the grave.
"Marry me Anthony."
May aswell go full out then.
"You're perfect darling."
I'm whispering, trembling.
"The stars, the stars we used to see, the stars I still see are already dead. But you, my beautiful Anthony, you're up there with them. You are a star gorgeous."
It's funny how choked up I am; sounding like a boy when he first hits puberty. Oh my Anthony, how puberty worked it's miracles on you.
"Marry me Anthony."
I stop the camera recording.
And get jumped on by a floppy haired man.
My Anthony.
He's grinning.
"You seemed to make that a bit too realistic if you ask me Ian" he grins.
"I..."
Now is my chance, to tell him how I actually feel. How every word spoken is true. I am in love with my beautiful Anthony.
"I took acting classes when I was fourteen."