1Tapan: Oh em eff gee! It's been so long since I posted here!

Torna: ((flips through a paper)) Not to mention this one took you forever.

Tapan: Shush! Well, either way, this one's a bit different from what I usually did. It should be satisfying to my kitty friend!

Jhkitty: Zim's asexual! Like a ken doll! How many times do I have to say it?!

Tapan: ((not really listening)) That's nice!

Disclaimer: Mah soul does not own Invader Zim. I wouldn't be on this site if it did.

Warning: Not slash! (SHOCK!) But smex. Yep.

Thanks: Biokraze for the challenge, and for being super patient with me! I hope you like it! D

High school. The place where teenagers go to pretend they're learning.

Lunchtime. The time during school where they prove they haven't really learned anything at all.

Gaz sat in a far table, alone. Long ago, she scared everyone away from her, including Dib, who now busied himself with what he thought was Big foot disguised as the janitor. She just kept her eyes on her game, so involved in it, that she didn't realize someone had plopped down in the seat next to hers and just decided to stare at her.

When she felt the eyes on her, she glanced over to see Zim sitting just a little too close. He didn't change much since grade school. Somehow, he grew, like everyone else, but he still kept the doofy disguise that made him look like some freaky form of an Elvis impersonator.

When he realized she noticed him, he spoke loudly. "I have a preopsition for you, Gaz-thing."

"Go away."

He paused and looked at her. "Are you not curious as to what I can offer you?"

"Not in the least bit. Leave before I make you."

Of course, Zim wasn't about to listen to the Gaz monster. "But it's an opportunity to make your brother unit feel...bad." Yeah, that seemed like the right way to express that. Then, with an after thought, he added, "Disturbed, even!"

And with those words, the irken caught Gaz's attention. She looked over at him, reluctant and still a bit skeptical. "Alright, what did you have in mind?"

He grinned deviously and giggled a little at his oh so clever plan. "Oh, it's a fantastic plan. A fantastic plan indeed."

There was a loud banging at the door. At that moment, Dib was the only one home. His father was off finding the cure for aids, while Gaz was who-knows-where. He never really asked where she went, always a little too afraid to know.

So that left him to answer the door. It was late. Not terribly late, but late enough to where he wouldn't expect some pounding on the door. He opened it to find no one was there. Only a little disk with the words "watch me! I contain valuable information" on the cover.

He picked it up and took it inside, staring at it for a long time. Alright, it could be some sort of sick prank given to him by Zim. That stupid little bugger always seemed to be up to something! But, then again, it could be something that actually contained valuable information. Like a key to all things mysterious, or where Waldo might be!

"I might as well watch it. There's no sense in it going to waste. Maybe I'll learn something from it!" He talked to no one as he climbed the staircase up to his room. He would rather watch this privately, just in case of something he wouldn't want anyone to see.

He plopped down in front of his computer and popped the disk in. After a quick moment, a video popped up, and there was Zim, playing with the camera, completely donned in his disguise.

"Damn." He was sort of hoping that if Zim was on the tape, it could be offered as some sort of proof. But, maybe it would later on.

The camera flipped around, before cutting out. Then flipping around the room again, making the human a bit dizzy with the quick angles. It was clear Zim had no idea what he was doing with the thing!

But then, after awhile, the camera was settled on Zim's face.

He ginned into it triumphantly. "Okay. I think I got it." The irken held the camera at arms length and smiled into it.

There was a snort in the background. "It's about fucking time!" Dib blinked. He knew that voice all too well! After a moment of Zim spinning the camera around it stopped at the foot of some sort of bed where Gaz laid, looking a mix between comfortable and peeved.

Dib was confused.

Off camera, Zim's voice picked up. "Okay. This is filthy human studies number 13829. The female anatomy: Reproduction." He paused for a moment, before adding. "It's for Health class." The irken had to cover his own ass, after all.

Dib was now confused, and having a very bad feeling about all of this.

He sat there and studied his sister. What did she think she was doing?! It was clear they were in Zim's lab, but she was lounging on the bed as if she were home. She wore the normal clothes she always did, minus shoes. She almost looked bored, no sign of agitation or anger. Just blank.

Then she started pulling at her clothes.

Dib turned pale, shaking his head. "No, Gaz. Don't do that... Leave that on. No stop! STOP!"

Of course, she didn't. Soon, Zim came back into the picture, this time without a shirt. He looked over Gaz curiously. "Okay, what're these?" He poked her chest.

She looked at him, slightly irritated. "Boobs. For feeding babies and all that crap."

"Really? What's down here?" Poke poke. "That seems like a completely useless hole. Is this where the child is conceived and grown?"

She grunted. "That's my belly button, you idiot."

"So is that a no?"

She sneered at his complete ignorance. "Yes, that would be a no."

"Oh. I knew that...I was just testing you." Lower still.

Dib's eye twitched. It was like a car wreck. As bad as he knew it was, he couldn't look away.

"Alright and this is..."

"Don't you have any idea what anything is?!"

"Well...no. I've never done this before."

She sighed and shook her head. "You're a complete 'tard, Zim." She pushed at him, but the irken kept where he was.

"Nuh huh! I'll figure it out!" He poked around a while before a yelp came out of Gaz.

"Get that out of there!"

"Is this not the proper thing to do?"

"No!"

"Gaz! Stop him!" Dib started shaking the screen. "Don't let him do this to you!" He wanted to turn this off and run. Burn the DVD! Anything! But, the boy convinced himself to watch on. What if Zim did something horrible to his sister? What if she needed his help? He would regret it for the rest of his life if that were to happen!

So, as dirty as it made him feel, he watched on.

Zim didn't look or seem the least bit afraid of what he was doing, despite Gaz's obvious discomfort.

"So is this the proper orifice for children or not?"

"No! It's on the other side! Now get your fingers out of there before I tear your arm off!"

He "hmphed" but did as she demanded of him. He didn't exactly want to piss her off and have her not cooperate with her.

As soon as he removed his fingers from a uncomfortable hole, She turned over and took his hand, pushing them against another area. "Here. This is what you want..

"Ohhhh." He investigated the area a little on his own, finding the strange place interesting in its design. "Hey, what's this little nub-"

A muffled grunt interrupted him. He glance up at her and did it again. She made a similar noise, and this time even squirmed a little.

Dib was not really all that pleased to see that! "Gaz! Stop it! Stop it!" He wanted her to fight him off! He was waiting for that! But she just continued to sit there, like she actually enjoyed the attention.

His nightmare was proven to be true when out slipped a moan.

"Gaz, no! This is wrong!"

Zim just smirked. "You humans..."

Gaz just rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Just make this worth my while and I won't have to maim you afterwards."

He chuckled and pulled at his own pants. Once they were off, to both Zim's and Dib's surprise, Gaz tackled the irken and straddled him.

"Human! Stop! This was not what I had in mind!" She pinned him down and bit the irken in the neck, growling almost affectionately.

Zim did what he could to get Gaz off, but soon the struggles stopped when the girl sat back and sheathed a particularly ignored organ. "Ohhh."

She smirked and shifted, getting Zim to make a cute little moan. When the irken saw the smug expression, his eyes narrowed at her and thrust up as hard as possible.

"Oh fuck!" Gaz screamed and fell forward a little, but caught herself before she completely fell. That thrust actually caught her by surprise. She growled and bucked back into him, hard. In retaliation, his hands came up and clawed at her lower back.

Dib's face fell completely, but after a few seconds of watching his sister ride his enemy, he had to turn it off.

He sat for a second and tried to completely absorb what he just saw. Once he did he stood up and ran for the bathroom.

A few hours later, Membrane got home and knocked on the bathroom door. "Son? Are you okay in there?" The shower had been running for almost an entire hour and since he'd been home, he's heard that toilet flush at least ten times!

"...Yeah, dad. I-I'm fine." He didn't really know what to tell his father. What? He watched his sister getting it on with his archenemy and now he felt completely dirty? Nuh huh!

As much as he washed, he couldn't get clean! It was driving him insane!

Membrane hesitantly headed down to the kitchen, where Gaz sat with that weird green foreign child. "Did your brother eat something terrible?" He ignored the bandages on his daughter's neck and legs, as well as Zim's black eye and the bite marks.

Gaz shook her head and took a sip of soda. "No. His research is just getting to him."

Zim giggled quietly to himself. Victory for Zim!

Tapan: Well, that's all for now! As always R &R! And I will try and get some updates for the other stories!