As soon as I open my eyes, I can see the ceiling fan slowly turning over the bed, my ears are filled with the waves crashing on the beach, and my nostrils are invaded with the fresh salt water, and sometimes even the sweet aroma of French roast coffee. Like this morning. It's what wakes me up. The scent of the ground coffee brewing. Which tells me, he's awake. I turn my head, slowly and smile seeing his bare back. He only has a pair of black boxers on, and for just waking up, it's a great sight to see. He has his knees pulled up to his chest and is watching the TV on very low volume, not to wake me up. I pulled my right hand out from under the blanket, carefully, and reached out, touching the bottom of his back, right by the two cute little dimples. He tensed up but didn't look back at me or say anything. So I turned completely and yawned putting my head on my elbow. I put my other hand out and gently traced up his spine with my fingertips. I can feel the Goosebumps starting to pop up and when I reach the middle of his spine he finally sighs out, throws the remote on the bed beside him and slowly lays back, putting his head on my hip. He yawned himself and scratched his chest. I moved my hand down his arm and pulled it up, gently lacing our fingers together. For a while we just sit in silence and watch the news. But from down the hall and out in the kitchen I can faintly hear the three little beeps form the coffee maker, signaling to us that it's ready. I yawn one last time before gently rising, making his head softly hit the bed and push the blankets back, getting out. I stretch as I glance out the big French doors open and smile. It's of course another beautiful day. "Nice butt baby." I blush, only a little and turn. He's now on his stomach staring right at me, with his legs up, crossed at the ankles. "I love when you sleep in the nude Loges." I laugh and bend over a little cupping his face and kissing him softly on the lips.
"I always sleep in the nude." I pull away and stand back up, but I don't get very far. He wrapped his long lean arms around my waist and pulled me back on the bed and tossed me on my back. He climbed over me quick and pinned my arms up above my head. "I would like some coffee, and I need to pee." He only bent down and started kissing over my neck. I sighed out and tried to get my arms out from under his grasps. "You're a little feisty this morning."
"I…" He kissed up to my chin. "Had a dream…" He kissed me softly on the lips and then pushed up, still holding my arms above my head. "About you and me. " I raised an eyebrow and he nodded. "We were in the shower together and I had dropped the bar of soap, and you took advantage of me." I chuckled and moved my legs around a bit until they got out from under him and wrapped them around his slim waist.
"I have never taken advantage of you Kendall. And…" I pushed up hard and sent us both rolling so I was on top. "I have a feeling you didn't complain." He let go of my arms and gripped my hips. I put my hands on his bare chest and started tracing designs on his soft white skin.
"No but it got me to thinking." He sat up fast and started kissing all over my chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck, making our bodies get closer together. "Let's go get naughty in the shower." I laughed and kissed into his hair. "it will be so much fun." I shook my head and sighed softly. "I hate it when you sigh. That usually means I don't get what I want." I pulled away and held his face, so we could stare into each other's eyes. I loved looking into his deep green eyes. It showed his youth, but it also showed how much we loved each other.
"I want some coffee, and I want you to cook me a big breakfast with, eggs, and bacon and toast and maybe a fresh fruit salad. And then maybe…I'll take advantage of you in the shower." He laughed and nodded, grinning like a little school girl. We both jumped out of bed and I slipped on a pair of loose fitting grey sweats. When I got out to the kitchen, Kendall had already poured me a cup of coffee and was just stirring in the milk. I walked out to the front door though and stepped out into the warm sun. I walked all the way down the front walkway and bent over grabbing the Sunday paper. I opened it up and walked slowly back up to the house looking for the movie times. As I walked back into the house I heard the home phone ringing and looked up to see Kendall reaching for it. "Leave it. It's my manager." He turned to me and nodded going back to the coffee. When I walked up to the counter I glanced at the caller ID and sure enough it said my managers name and number. I sighed and threw down the paper opening up to the comic section.
"Why are you ignoring him?" He pressed right behind me and put his hands outside my body and set his chin on my shoulder. I tried reading through the first comic, Garfield, but his hands moved to my body and started pushing his fingers into the waist band of my sweats.
"I'm not…ignoring him. I just…don't want to deal with him right now." He pushed away from me and I turned watching him walk to the fridge. "He wants me to go on one smaller book tour." He had the fridge door covering his body but I knew he wasn't going to be happy about this. "He wants me to do a few singings and that's it." He started moving some stuff around in the fridge and I pulled myself up on the counter. "I already told him I was home for good so I could start writing again but…"
"Because he practically fucking owns you he can make you do whatever you want." I watched him slam the fridge door and he walked to the stove tossing the package of bacon the counter along with the eggs and butter. He grabbed a small bowl and started cracking eggs in it.
"Can you please drop the attitude and listen? I already told him no Kendall."
"Like that will stop him…" He mumbled it under his breath and I crossed my arms over my chest staring at him. He glanced over at me but looked back down grabbing the whisk and started mixing the eggs. "Sorry I'm a little bitter about having my whole life tossed around because my fiancé got a book deal and became a celebrity that I never get to see." I clenched my jaw tight and looked down. "I started school three weeks ago and where were you? And where were you when we moved into this house together? I had to do it myself, with the help of our friends because your manager thought you should extend your tour." A wave of guilt crashed on top of me and I looked up. He was looking at me and looked so sad. "What happened to that guy I fell in love with, who would have never let someone like, Bob your manager control your life? When did you let all this go to your head?"
"Kendall! I told him no!" He continued to stare at me and I got off the counter. "Look, I am sorry I missed things in our life, and I'm sorry you think I've changed, but this is what I've wanted for so long. I've just wanted to be a writer and live by the beach and…" I motioned around and he nodded.
"Yeah I see that. You've got everything you wanted right?" He raised his eyebrows and started walking towards me. "Well then I am really happy for you babe." He threw the dish towel he was using on the counter and walked out, past me back into the room. The door slammed shut hard and I jumped closing my eyes.
How could I have been so blind to his pain and the neglect I was putting on him? Was I even doing that, or was he just being dramatic? I opened my eyes and looked around the house. I did have everything I wanted. The physical anyway. I had my fancy expensive house on the beach. I had everything in this house that I could ever want. Most importantly I had Kendall in this house. I had given him everything. Sure, we weren't in New Haven anymore. And sure, he had to move away from the normal life of being a college student, but at least he was in a school that he could actually learn strictly about music and the music business. That's what he wanted and he got it. Why was I being crucified for having my dreams come true?
I pushed off the counter and walked into the living room, which was dark and uninviting. I walked to the glass doors leading out onto the deck, and pulled the curtains back. The sun burst on me and the whole house in warmth and light. I sighed and walked slowly to the couch. Before I could sit down something shinny caught my eye. I looked over at the TV and underneath on the wall on a shelf was a few picture frames. I smiled to myself and walked over to them. The one in the middle is what caught my eye. It was of me and Kendall and what was so special about it, was it was taken at James and Carlos's wedding. Seconds after I asked him to marry me. We were both wearing the biggest smiles and if I recall correctly about that night, it's a little foggy form the alcohol intake, we made some serious love that made both of us realize that we couldn't live without each other. Thinking back, at this time, for myself, I would have given anything to make him smile and to prove to him that I loved him. I wasn't doing that anymore, was I? I turned and slowly made my way out of the living room, and walked down the dark hall. I stopped in front of the closed bedroom door and rested my forehead on the wood as I listened to the soft sound of his guitar. I pushed the door open quietly and stood in the frame. He was out on the deck still only in his boxers, with his guitar in his lap. In front of him on the small table was a binder full of music sheets and loose leaf papers covered in lyrics. I wanted so desperately to read what he was writing about but he was so secretive. It was cute, but I had to know if it was good or bad things he was feeling. "What's the matter? Get all alone in this big stupid house without me?"
"I deserve that." He stopped playing and set the guitar on the table, covering the paper. He turned and looked back at me. "I'm sorry." He leaned back and rested against the arm rest, still looking at me. "Do you ever wish we hadn't done all this?"
"I would never want you to not have something Logan."
"That doesn't answer my question." He only stared at me and I walked into the room. I went right to the doors and leaned against the frame staring down at him. "Do you regret this?"
"NO." He didn't even skip a beat and I felt a little better, but it didn't really help. "Do you regret it?" I was more hesitant and for some reason it made him chuckle. I clenched my jaw and tried to find the answer which was no, but it wouldn't come up. He stood up from his seat and started [acing in front of me. "Ever since you got back from your awesome book tour you have been nothing but distant and completely different."
"What do you want form me Kendall? Help me out here, because I don't think I've been doing anything wrong!" He stopped and walked right up to me.
"Fine you want some help?" I raised my eyebrows and stared right up into his eyes as he roughly pushed into me. I felt something hard hit my chest and I glanced down and quickly grabbed it before it hit the floor. I felt my mouth fall open and I turned up to see him walking into the bedroom.
"You want to get married right now?"
"No Logan I want to wait another year." He walked into the bathroom and turned the sink on full blast. He grabbed his shaving cream and started putting it over his chin.
"What the hell is that supposed to me?" He turned to me and smiled.
"You remember that bullshit speech you gave me about how you didn't want to be away from me, and wanted to always be with me? And then you dropped down to one knee and proposed to me? What happened after that? We made plans to have a small low key wedding as soon as the school year ended. What happened?" I remained quiet and tried to make myself as small as possible. "Oh I know! Someone became a big shot author and forgot about all the little people below him, including his fiancé." I closed my eyes and turned my head away from him.
"Kendall…I'm sorry."
"I don't believe you." I reopened my eyes and watched him shave. He remained silent up until he wiped his face clean dried it and then turned to me. "What can I do to make you happy with me?"
"I am happy with you."
"Why am I having a hard time believing you Logan?" When I didn't say anything, I guess he took it as a sign that I didn't care to answer so he walked right past me. And I let him. But I turned quick, to make sure he didn't start packing his bags and leave me. He didn't. He walked to the bed and picked up his watch slipping it on. I still held onto the ring he pushed into me and figured I might as well try to make this right. I dropped down to one knee and held the ring up, high and sighed out. He turned and reached down for the remote on the bed, when he saw me. He stopped but shook his head. "What are you doing Logan?"
"Proving to you that I love you and I want to be with you. If it means that I have to propose all over again, and we get married tomorrow I will. I don't want to lose you because I was a jackass. I know how that feels to be treated like this and I am sorry Kendall. I can't go back and rewrite what I did, but I can try to make it better and I will do whatever you want me to." He stood up and walked over to me, getting down on both knees and grabbing my face, holding it gently. "I am so sorry Kendall." He pulled me in and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and threw my arms around his neck.
"Don't think you're getting off easy. It has sucked living out in L.A. by myself, and it has sucked mentally planning a wedding I didn't think was going to happen."
"I'll plan everything if you want." He chuckled and shook his head but we never pulled apart from our hug.
"I don't want either of us to do it alone. I want us to go back to what we were. You being my professor, afraid to even touch me because it was so wrong, and for me to be afraid of not matching up to your ex. I don't want to lose the reason why were together." I dug my face in his neck and inhaled his scent. "I want to stay Logan and Kendall forever, no matter how much money you make, or how young I will always be. Don't change us just because everything seems new and scary. I will always be there for you and I know you will always be there for me."
"I will." He pulled me in tighter making me sit on his lap practically. "I love you Kendall."
"I love you too Logan. No matter how many times you pull the whole diva thing on me." I pushed away and tried my best to look applaud. He only chuckled and rubbed under my eye with his thumb. "I won't give up on you." I leaned in fast, stealing his lips in a heavy kiss.
YAY! SEQULE TO TABBOO! I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD ACTUALLY DO ONE BUT, I HAVE A PRETTY COOL IDEA FOR THIS ONE. IT'S GOING TO BE WAY DRAMATIC AND PROBABLY KIND OF NAUGHTY, SO PREPARE. HOPE YOU ENJOY!