Ever since I'd met Usagi-chichi and ran into Usagi-ani, Usagi-san had been acting strangely. Like he expected me to tell him I hadn't met either of them and that I just made it up, but he knew that that would have been a lie because he was the one who rescued me from his older brother when I was locked up in that storage room. He'd been at the aquarium when Usagi-ani told me that he loved me. He'd always been there for me. Now, we were sitting in the Ferris wheel and he kept telling me that I should stay away from him. Every time I tried to tell him I loved him too, my throat and tongue would dry out and I would open my mouth, but nothing came out. Those piercing violet eyes, hidden underneath the bangs of his silver, practically white, hair were examining me. Simply, I hung my head and my brunette hair fell into my huge green eyes.
"Misaki," Usagi-san started. "I can't hurt you." I looked up and saw that he had lifted his hands and was covering his face completely. "If I do, I'll die."
"No," I said and moved over beside him. "You've never hurt me and you never will. I know you, Usagi-san. You're better than that. If you were hurting me, I would have left a long time ago."
I pulled his hands away from his face, placed his chin between my thumb and forefinger and pulled his head closer to me. His eyes widened as I forced my lips to his slightly parted ones. I held him there for as long as I could before he pushed me away slowly. I looked at him in confusion.
"I think it's time for you to start thinking about getting your own place," he said, not looking into my eyes.
I gasped. He couldn't have meant what he was saying. No.
We climbed off of the Ferris wheel and Usagi-san drove me back to our place. I followed him to his room. He turned and practically glared at me. Slowly, I moved closer to him, causing him to take a step back each time. Finally, he fell on the bed and I crawled on top of him. This was not like me. I never did anything erotic for Usagi-san except for the time I tried to imitate his BL novels.
"Misaki," Usagi-san breathed. "What are you doing?"
"Making you fall in love with me all over again," I replied, staring into those glowing eyes.
I had him pinned on the bed, my hand holding his down with his arm over his head, one of my legs on each side of him, and my free hand up his shirt. He just gasped as I pressed my mouth against his forcefully. His heart rate quickened, so I backed off. I crawled off of him and walked away, into the den. There, I plopped down on my stomach on the sofa with my face buried in one of the pillows. Tears fell from my eyes. Then, I heard Usagi-san's footsteps going into his study. I got up and followed him. I closed the door behind me and he sat in his seat in front of his computer and just looked at me, his head resting in the palm of his hand.
"Usagi-san…" I began and it only caught his attention further.
I fell to my knees and buried my face in my hands just to where I could talk clearly.
Usagi-san had loved me from day one and there I was, in his study with him, reaching out for words. Iloveyouwas all I needed to keep him from dumping me out in the street. But….It was the hardest thing to say in the world, especially since I truly loved him.
"Usagi-san," I began. "I lo...I lo..." I couldn't say it. I looked up at him.
"Misaki," Usagi-san smiled. That smile. "I love you more than anything in the world…" He stood and walked over to me. He knelt in front of me and placed his large, cool, yet warm, hand on my head and ruffled my hair. "I'll never let anything happen to you. I know how you feel about me, but I can't be sure of that until I hear it from your mouth. You can say it when you're ready, but I'll tell you every night and every morning how I feel. Every meal and every date."
I smiled at him. He was being so gentle with me for once. He moved his hand, but I caught it, intertwined my fingers with his, and laid him back on the floor. I pinned down his hand and, once again, forced my mouth to his. This time he wasn't so surprised. I lifted my head and looked at his face. He had the biggest smile on his face and his purple eyes were twinkling.
"Usagi-san," I whispered.
"Misaki," he responded in the same tone.
"I love you," we said simultaneously.
His eyes widened and I smiled. I just laid my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. Then, I closed my eyes and fell asleep soon after. All I dreamt of was my Usagi-san. And when I opened my eyes, we were still there. Usagi-san was still asleep and he had one arm around me. I inhaled his scent, the scent that gave me butterflies, and sighed. Then, the phone began ringing, so I tried to get up. As soon as I was on my knees, Usagi-san wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back to where I was laying on top of him. He pressed his lips to my neck and I moaned.
"I need to go answer the phone," I managed, almost weakly.
"Don't leave me," Usagi-san whispered in my ear.
"I'm not going to leave you," I responded. "I'm just going to answer the phone."
He let me go and I stood and ran into the next room just in time to catch the phone before it stopped ringing.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Misaki," the voice replied. Too familiar. "It's Akihiko's father." Usagi-chichi! My heart practically stopped. "Might I speak with him?"
"Y-yeah," I said. "Sure." I took the phone from my ear and called, "Usagi-san! Phone!"
That tall man that kept me so comfortable walked into the den sleepily and I handed him the phone.
"Hello?" he yawned, then his eyes widened into a glare. "What the hell do you want?" Pause. "No!" Another pause. "Fine." He removed the phone from his ear and handed it to me. "He wants to talk to you. I'm going to go…make some coffee or something…"
He walked off and I put the phone back to my ear. "Yes?"
"I want you to stay way from my son," he said through the phone.
"What?" I asked quietly.
"I want you to stay-"
"Yeah, I know," I interrupted. "I heard you. Why?"
"You're causing a great deal of trouble for me," he sighed. I could tell he was smiling. "My son needs the best publicity he can get and that means being with a girl that's his age."
My heart skipped a beat. Two. Three. I was causing someone trouble? That's something I never wanted. I let the phone fall to the ground as my eyes widened. Usagi-san walked over and picked up the phone then pressed it to his ear.
"What did you say to him?" he demanded.
He got so angry as he slammed the phone down on the receiver after I talked with his father. He grabbed me and pressed those comforting lips to mine. I wanted him to calm down, but I was too entranced by him to do anything. I couldn't believe that I, Misaki Takahashi, had fallen in love with a man. A man that was ten years older than me at that….I started blushing and tears formed in the corners of my eyes as I closed them and clumped his shirt in my hands. He backed me up and we fell on the couch.
"It's daylight," I said through our conjoined lips.
"I don't care," Usagi-san replied, lifting up to look me in the eyes and he saw that I was crying. "Do you not want to?"
Was he seriously asking me? "That's not it," I replied sadly, sitting up, causing him to sit back a bit.
"What did he say to you?" he wondered as gently as he could.
"It's nothing," I forced a smile.
I took his hands in mine. They were freezing. I held them between my palms and looked into his eyes. He looked sad. Like he knew.
"I know that you're trying not tot hurt me, but in the process, you're only hurting me more and I'm begging you…" Usagi-san struggled to keep from crying. "I'm begging you to cause me just a little trouble."
"Usagi-chichi said I had been causing him a great deal of trouble…" I sighed, forcing back the tears. "He said I should just stay away from you. And, I don't want to cause anyone any trouble, but I don't think I can do that."
"Do what?" Usagi-san asked.
"Stay away from you," I replied, looking at him.
His eyes widened as I let his hands fall and wrapped my arms around him.
"It used to be that you wanted nothing to do with me," he breathed.
"That was before…" I responded slowly.
"Before?" Usagi-san urged.
"Before I fell in love with you, obviously," I said truthfully. "Now I can't stand to be away from you for more than a second, mostly because I'm afraid you'll do something that'll get you killed, but also because I feel…incomplete without you there, trying to get me in the bed."
I felt him chuckle a little and I let him go then laid myself back, allowing him to do as he pleased. He simply kissed me, nothing more. Then, he had me roll over on my side so that he could get behind me. He wrapped an arm around me and rested his head on top of mine. I interlocked my fingers with his and stayed there. Of course, someone just had to knock on the door. I went to get up to answer it, but he pulled me back and crawled over me. He was answering the door for once. I sat up a little and saw Aikawa-san standing there.
"Where's your latest manuscript?" she demanded, so I stood and strode into his study before he could say anything and grabbed the manuscript. I glanced through the pages, but there was one passage that really caught my attention.
Their love was true and anyone could tell it from the way the looked at and held each other. Their existence in one another's world, though, was unrealistic. Their fathers had always despised the other. One could say their love was like that of Romeo and Juliet. Akihiko climbed the side of Misaki's house and climbed in the window. Misaki looked at him and smiled. They glided to one another and their lips met each other's as the greeting. Slowly, Akihiko's hand slid up the back of Misaki's shirt and they fell to the bed.
"Another BL novel," I groaned to myself.
I rolled my eyes and turned to walk out with it, but Usagi-san was standing there, leaning against the doorframe. He was smiling.
"Do you like it?" he asked.
"I thought I told you I didn't like it when you used my name with permission," I growled.
He chuckled and strode to me. He took the manuscript, threw it down on the desk, and wrapped his arms around me. I was confused. I had no idea of what he was planning on doing. I wanted him to do something. To say something. Though all he did was let me go, pick up the novel, and take it out to Aikawa-san. I followed him and said hi to his publisher. She left and he closed the door as I walked back to the sofa and laid down on it, closing my eyes. The next thing I knew, he was on top of me like always. Usagi-san tangled his fingers with mine and I opened my eyes.
"I'm sorry that you don't like it when I use your name, but I think I should be able to express my love for you in any form or fashion, whether I'm using your name or not," he said suddenly.
"You shouldn't have to," I smiled. "Just tell me every day and I'll reply the same as I should have a long time ago."
"Misaki…" Usagi-san sighed. "I love you."
"I love you too," I grinned and pulled him down.
My lips touched his gently. Then, he got fierce. His tongue mingled with mine and his free hand wandered about my body. He always was more erotic than me, but I didn't care anymore. I was with the one I loved and that was all that mattered. He was mine and I was his. No one could stop me from loving him, no matter if I was causing trouble. I wriggled my hand free of his and tangled my fingers in his hair. I knew I had flushed red, but he didn't seem to notice. If he did…well…he thought it was adorable how nervous I was when it came to him touching me. To be honest, I wanted it as much as he did. He moved his hand lower and I moaned as he kissed my neck. He began sucking the flesh as the phone started ringing again.
"Shouldn't we answer it?" I asked him.
"Let the machine get it," Usagi-san replied in a muffled voice.
The phone just kept ringing as Usagi-san unbuttoned my shirt. He licked my chest and I grasped his shoulders tightly. Finally it picked up.
"Akihiko?" a way too familiar voice asked. "It's Takahiro Takahashi." Usagi-san shot up and looked back at the receiver. I should have known he was still in love with Nii-chan. "I would really love to talk to you and Misaki when you get the chance." Then he hung up.
I rolled my head over and looked at the sofa on the opposite side of the room. I was trying to hide the fact that tears were filling up my eyes.
"Misaki?" Usagi-san asked. "What's wrong?"
I shook my head and sat up, him sitting back again, just like earlier. He placed my chin between his thumb and forefinger and forced me to look at him. He saw the tears rolling down my face and his eyes widened.
"I'm fine. Just happy that Nii-chan called," I sniffled as Usagi-san crawled off of me. He began walking toward the bathroom, so I had to ask, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to go take a shower and I'm taking you out tonight," he replied.
"Is it a special occasion?" I wondered.
He stopped and turned. "It's the anniversary of when I first met you."
I gasped and my eyes broadened. He smiled, turned back, and strode into the bathroom. I decided to actually join him. If he loved me enough to remember that, I was going to let him have me at least twice tonight(I actually laughed at the strange thought that came to my mind). I opened the door to find that Usagi-san had already started the shower and had on no shirt. I closed the door quietly and wrapped my arms around him, making him shiver from the coolness of my hands on his bare skin.
"Misaki," he gasped. "What are you doing?"
"Proving that I love you," I replied.
"You have no need-" he began.
"I have more need for you than I should have, seeing as we're both guys," I interrupted.
He grabbed the collar of my shirt and spun me around in front of him, forced his mouth to mine, and pushed me into the hot running water. He held me against the wall, his body pressed against mine. I placed my hands against the practical barricade behind me and squeezed my eyes shut. He pulled me from the wall just enough to wrap one of his arms around me while the other stayed planted on the side of my face. I still couldn't hide the fact that something was bothering me. I couldn't bear to come to the realization that he was still in love with Nii-chan. He extracted himself from me to see that, though there was water on my face, I was crying.
"There's something wrong," he stated obviously. "Is what my father said still bothering you?"
"It's not about Usagi-chichi," I sighed shakily. "It's something else."
"What then?" Usagi-san demanded.
"It's nothing, really," I lied.
He turned me around, pinned one of my hands against the shower wall, and the other rested on my stomach.
"Tell me the truth," he growled.
"I can't," I said breathlessly.
His hand ran lower. My eyes widened as it reached its destination. I gasped and my face flushed red as I tilted my head back.
"Tell me," he whispered, sadly now.
"You still love Nii-chan, don't you?" I cried.
"What?" he breathed. "Why would you think that?"
"Your reaction to when the machine picked up…" I sniffled.
He turned me back around, pinned both of my hands against the wall, and forced me to stare into that piercing gaze.
"There's no one else for me, Misaki," he stated forcefully.
My heart sped up and, to both of our surprise, I smiled. He entwined his fingers with mine and softly touched those reassuring lip to mine. There we stood, letting the water hit us.
"What the hell?" a voice demanded from the doorway.
Usagi-san turned and looked to see who it was. I did the same just by looking around him. It was Nii-chan.
"Nii-chan!" I exclaimed happily as Usagi-san let me go, and as I started toward him, I realized he had seen me and Usagi-san.
He waltzed up to Usagi-san and smacked him across the face. I saw my Usagi-san's eyes widen.
"What were you doing to my brother?" Nii-chan demanded as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me over to him.
Usagi-san's mouth dropped open slightly, searching for words. He looked at me sadly and then stumbled back into the shower, falling into a sitting position. I couldn't stand to see him like that.
I jerked my arm from my brother's grip and snapped, "And who said I didn't want it?"
He looked at me in complete horror while Usagi-san seemed rather confused.
"What?" he asked.
I never wanted to say anything to make him upset.
"Who said I didn't want him to do those things to me that he does?" I breathed.
"He's done this to you more than this time?" Nii-chan growled, glaring at Usagi-san.
"Every day," I replied and then looked up into Nii-chan's eyes after a moment and said, "And I love every minute of it!" with a few hand motions to go with it.
Nii-chan and Usagi-san gasped in unison, then tears began forming in my eyes as I walked out of the bathroom. I walked to my and Usagi-san's room, closed the door behind me, and sat at the foot of the bed, resting my elbows on my knees and burying my face in the palms of my hands. I sighed and sat there until I heard the door open, when I jumped to my feet to see Usagi-san standing there.
"I'll go get started on that coffee while you finish your shower," I said quickly as I started out the door, but Usagi-san turned on his heel and wrapped his arms around my shoulders from behind me. "Usagi-san, please. Not now."
"You love every minute of what I, as you say, 'do to you'?" he asked quietly…no…gently. So gently as if he said any different way, I'd break in his arms. "Even though you struggle and say it's wrong and say you don't want to?"
I sighed, closed my eyes, hung my head, and replied, "Yeah….Usagi-san, I told you. I love you. I love more than anything. You're my world right now and if Nii-chan was hurting you, I couldn't bear to see it…"
"You love him?" Nii-chan's voice asked me.
I looked up to see my brother still here. Simply, I nodded.
"I know you think it wrong for two guys to be together, and I used to too, but now…" I sighed and actually smiled with a little chuckle while I hung my head again. "Now, I love him more than the air I breathe. And it's because of the things he would do to me. I used to think I hated it, but whenever I saw him with anyone else, or even someone else flirting with him, it sparked something inside me that just made me angry." I looked up again at him and followed with, "I'm sorry if I'm causing more trouble in your life than I already have by being gay, but this is how I am. You'll have to learn how to deal with it."
"You've never caused me trouble," he grinned. "And I love my little brother, no matter his sexual orientation."
I smiled back at him. He bowed his head, waved goodbye, and left. Usagi-san let me go and I heard the bedroom door close. I glanced over my shoulder at the closed door before sadly making my way into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Had I said something? I thought what I was saying had been what Usagi-san wanted to hear.
As I was pouring the coffee, about halfway through the mug, I set the pot down, placed my hands on the counter and began crying. Then, I crossed my arms over the countertop and buried my face in my wet sleeves. Suddenly, I felt something press against me, so I shot up and looked over my shoulder to see Usagi-san standing there. He wrapped his arms around my stomach and rested his forehead on my back and held me tight.
"Usagi-san, what's wrong?" I asked him seriously as he started crying.
"What you said," he sniffled and raised his head, resting his chin on my shoulder. "It made me realize something." I looked at him questioningly. "It made me see that…I couldn't picture myself without you. I can only see myself with you, at your side, helping you with anything. I feel so selfish for never thinking about what you wanted, only what I wanted."
I turned around in his arms, cupped both hands on each side of his face, and forced him to look at me as I pressed my lips softly to his.
"I want you," I whispered, pulling away only to rest my forehead against his. His eyes widened. "You might have thought you were being selfish, but in all reality, you were only doing what you thought best for me. Really, to tell the truth, that's why I fell in love with you."
He smiled happily as he straightened himself and hugged me. I sighed and he let me go. Then, he downed the half-cup of coffee, grabbed my jacket after swinging his on, and took my hand, leading me to his car. I sat in the passenger seat, buckled myself in, and then Usagi-san drove off, toward my favorite restaurant. It had been a pretty good day…so far…