Title: Denying Misery, Embracing Peace
Pairing/Characters: Lestrade/Sally. Anderson.
Rating: M/NC-17
Words: 1,738
Disclaimer: I'm not Steven or Mark or Arthur Conan Doyle, just a fangirl with a crazy imagination & internet connection.
Summary: Sally Donovan hates rainy days and DI Lestrade knows why. He wants to help her see that she deserves to allow herself real happiness.
Warning: Sex, talks about a death briefly ( death is not one of the character's but related to a character), bit angsty.
Beta: rainbowwizard1 from Livejournal, who helped me when RL and writer's block occured. Thank you, Whiz.
DI Lestrade is pulling a late night yet again. He doesn't mind it really, since it's not exactly like he has someone waiting for him at home. He looks up to see Sally walk in. She should be home but prefers long hours of desk work on rainy days. It's also the only time she doesn't fight for leg work.
He catches her staring over him at the rain pouring outside the windows. She's lost in thought, to be more specific lost in a memory. She inhales sharply and closes her eyes. When she opens them she sees Lestrade looking at her with sympathy.
" Want to talk about it? " he asks.
" Just remembering a night very similar to this, one bad night," Sally answers. She knows he knows her history.
" Have you talked about it?"
" Long ago with some shrink." Sally sighs and runs her hands through her hair. " I hate talking about emotions. I'm not good with that stuff. I'd rather go a few rounds in a ring than a few therapy sessions."
Lestrade chuckles. "I believe that."
Lighting strikes nearby and Sally jumps. Lestrade walks over to the shaken Sally. " You okay?"
She blushes from embarrassment. " Yeah. It's silly really, I can handle a hostage situation or a shoot out but I can't handle some thunder and lighting."
He feels how tense she is. " Why don't we go down to the gym and you you can hit the punching bag."
She raises an eyebrow.
" You can pretend it's Sherlock."
Her mouth forms a wicked grin as she nods her approval.
They reach the gym and Lestrade takes off his jacket to hold the punching bag.
She punches and punches, and with every punch he sees her cheeks flush and her body start to sweat. He'd find it very sexy if he didn't know how much pain she carried within her.
" How long has it been now?" he asks.
This makes her stop and wince. " Fifteen years."
" Long time to carry that burden around, don't you think?" He can her getting annoyed. " It wasn't your fault."
" You're a great detective but you're wrong. " she paused before she continued. " I was driving the car. She was in that car during a heavy rainstorm because of me. " Her voice is a near whimper. " My mother's dead because of me. It should have been me."
Lestrade lets go of the punching bag and pulls Sally close. She lets him, but doesn't return the comfort. She has trained herself to be numb when it comes to her emotions, unless Sherlock was nearby, then she doesn't mind if she unleashes her anger.
" I don't want comfort or to cry. I'm perfectly with being numb and miserable. Self serving punishment."
The next words slip out of his mouth before he can stop them. " Is that why you're with Anderson?"
She pushes him away. " What?"
He struggles to find the words but picks honesty. " Do you choose unavailable men to punish yourself? "
She looks down. He's right, she knows it. " Maybe I think that's what I deserve. It's easier too. No strings attached."
" Bullshit. You fall for them, hence the punishment when they never leave their spouses for you. You know , you're not just punishing yourself, but any man who truly loves you for who you really are, who has to watch your destructive behavior."
She leans into him. She's now fully aware of why Lestrade cares so much. " Then turn your head, Gregory."
He's breathing heavily as he pulls her into a forceful kiss. They both struggle for control as their kisses become more heated and desperate. She pulls him back with her until they finally reach a wall. Her left leg moves up and down his leg, inviting him to hold her up in his arms. He obliges and grabs her up as her legs wrap around his waist.
This feels different to Sally, even though Lestrade wants her badly, he is showing restraint. He's passionate yet tender as his lips move down her neck. When he takes a break to look at her, it's not the look of a possessive, cold lover, it's warm and darn near sweet.
He rests his head on her shoulder before he kisses her on the mouth softly. She sees him smile and she can't help but smile too. For a brief moment they share a sweet, quiet bliss before the gym door opens and Anderson's voice fills the room.
" The old ball and chain's gone to her mother's. I thought -" Anderson stops in shock as he sees Lestrade and Sally. " WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!"
Lestrade gently puts Sally down and she feels his hand entwine with hers.
" What are you two doing? She's not your woman," Anderson says, sounding oddly like a little boy throwing a hissy fit.
" She's technically not yours either. She's her own person."
Sally is too speechless to talk, too overwhelmed by the night's events.
Anderson face turns a deep shade of pink. " That has nothing to do with it! You know she's mine and you did this."
" I'll apologize if you're in love with her but - " Lestrade stops and gives Anderson a cynical look.
Anderson turns his focus on Sally. " How could you do this to me?" Sally stays silent. " Well?"
Sally lets go of Lestrade's hand. " It just happened. It's complicated."
Lestrade looks at Sally. " You have two men who want you, for very different reasons. You will have to end up choosing. What do you want, Sally?"
Sally gets frustrated. Torn between the comfortable distance that Anderson offers and the comfortable openness of Lestrade. " I don't know, I just don't know!" She storms out. Lestrade tries to follow her but Anderson stops him.
Anderson sighs in annoyance. " Even I see she needs time alone."
" She hates the rain, " Lestrade says, concerned.
The next day Sally doesn't show up for work. Lestrade is at least grateful she called in. He leaves a message on her answering machine during lunch. " Take as much time as you need and I'm not just talking about work. " Lestrade even notes to himself that Anderson looks concerned.
After a long day, Lestrade goes home, again the last to leave. As he pulls up[,] he sees Sally sitting on his porch, her face pale and her cheeks pink from crying. He walks quickly to her and sits by her.
" I went to my mother's grave. I haven't been there in over a decade. I wanted to tell her that I was finally forgiving myself and that I finally have let in this great guy in my life." Her hands cover his. " I don't know if I can love anyone right now, I need to work on myself but for just one day, to remind me of what I'm fighting for, I just want to be - I want to feel - I want you. "
They kiss and she follows him into his house. As she walks up the stairs she sees his walls covered with pictures. Photos of his parents, a sister. Happy and perfect. She hopes that one day she can feel that too.
His bedroom is very plain and simple, mostly filled with stacks of folders. She smiles as she notes he obviously sleeps on the left side of his rather huge and lonely looking bed. She makes a mental note to take the right side once they are done.
She pulls her sweater off revealing black tank top.
He watches her undress at first, too caught up in the moment to undress himself. She catches this. " Like what you see?"
" Very much so." He takes off his jacket and moves towards her. They embrace as they try to work off each others remaining clothes. When they are finally undressed he gives her a tender kiss as his hands gently go down her arms.
" Can I touch you? " he asks.
" You better do more than that. " She guides his hands to her breasts. Her nipples get hard as he fondles them. She can feel herself getting wet. She moans her approval.
Getting courage from her obvious arousal he then moves his hands down her back. Her hand roam down to his butt and she squeezes and chuckles with pleasure as she feel him harden against her leg. He growls as he nips at her shoulder. She pulls away to get on the bed.
She lays on her back and stretches out. She motions for him to join her. He gets on the bed and spreads her legs. He kisses her right kneecap. He then positions himself so he can enter her. As he enters enters she gasps. She holds the sheets as he starts a slow rhythm, gradually quickening as her wetness makes his thrusts easier.
His hands fondle her breasts again. She pulls them to her mouth and sucks on them. She can feel he's close and she tilts up her back and clenches her muscles. He hears him scream as she tightens around him and feels him come inside her. She can tell he's spent but is determined to make this a pleasurable experience for her too, which is a first for her.
" Harder," she guides him. He listens and deepens his thrust as his mouth finds hers. She's determined to keep her eyes open and take in this image, he's sweating and breathing heavily but looks like he's in paradise. With every thrust she comes closer and as she comes she scratches his upper back but he doesn't care, he's too damn happy.
He pulls out exhausted and falls to the left side of the bed. He pulls her close.
"That was different," she says as one of her hands plays with his chest hair.
" Good different, I hope," he chuckles hoarsely.
" Amazingly different, just perfect." Sally pulls herself up and kisses his mouth. " I could get used to this."
" That's the plan," he smiles at her.
As she falls asleep in his arms she finally allows herself the peace and love she has denied herself for so long.