Okay, I put way too much effort into the details here. I actually researched salsa dancing a bit, and all of the Martial Arts Salsa Dancing moves in here are puns. Furthermore, the names of the (original) characters are also puns. Did you enjoy the tiny amount of brain teasing?

Oh, and please don't take this fic seriously. I wrote it while in one of two states of mind – sleep deprived or slightly drunk. It's finals time in college, so those are pretty much the only ways you'll find me at my computer late at night.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ - Takahashi Rumiko-sama does. I am not getting one red cent for my writing either, since no one is dumb enough to encourage this madness in such a way.

Martial Arts Salsa Dancing – Is There Really Such a Thing?! The Tale of a Saucy Summer at the Beach!

Chapter One: Spicy Summers at Atami! Dancing in the Streets

Summer vacation, when you are a teenager, is meant to be savored. You are old enough to know just how valuable and precious such a time is, since you won't get many mush periods of time off in your adult working life. However, you are also young enough to not have such responsibilities upon you, and you can get away with doing all kinds of things.

So, enjoy your summers while they last. That is the idea. Don't, for example, go to places you don't want or with people you don't like. And for heaven's sake, don't give Martial Arts Salsa Dancing a try. That should go without saying, but it has been said just in case. It might sound okay (or perhaps fun if you're of that weird bent in life) but you will only develop a fond memory of that one time… and the recollection invariably ends right there.

Someone really should have said it sooner, I suppose.

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Somehow, Ranma had ended up spending this particular summer break going on a trip to Atami. A great place for the casual vacationer, what with the hot springs and all, but in his case vacation was never so relaxing. And going to a resort is somehow just too tempting for those who own restaurants and are capable of opening up a little roadside yattai to make a few extra dollars during tourist season. And of course that gives certain others a convenient excuse to tag along as well.

So in the end Ranma went on this trip, ostensibly with the Tendos and his father, but the Amazons, Ukyo and even Kuno somehow managed to find their way to Atami as well. Purely coincidence, no doubt. This was to be expected though due to long tradition, and now all that was lacking was for Ryoga to show up in his customary confused and irritated state of mind.

Actually, Ranma was kind of missing his traditional sparring partner right about then. Nothing was more relaxing that getting into a knock-down drag-out fight with ol' Ryoga, and Ranma was in need of such relaxation after four days with the whole Nerima crew in confined spaces and with no distractions to speak of. Yep, it would be convenient if Ryoga were to show up right then. But he was never around when you felt like having him anyway.

Looking for an escape, any escape, Ranma had fled his room at the hotel to roam about the city by himself. Wandering around in a strange city by yourself in the early evening hours might seem like a good idea as well for a vacation. See the sights, eat the slightly questionable food, meet the people…

Such as that person over there. What the heck was he up to? It kind of looked like a street brawl in that some seriously huge guys were ganging up on one smaller one, and there appeared to be a woman in the mix as well. As a matter of fact, the girl actually looked like she could use some saving. Well, there was no reason not to be a gentleman if Akane wasn't around, so this sort of thing piqued Ranma's curiosity. Besides, fights were always an interesting diversion.

It was pretty easy to get a front row seat, especially since no one really wanted to get too close to the whole affair. Three large gentlemen, though the gentleness of their natures might have been in doubt judging from their leather jackets with skulls emblazoned on them, were standing in a half circle around one slight young man in a tidy black suit. The suited man was holding onto the elbow of the young woman, who looked like she'd rather be just about anywhere else. Ranma stepped up just in time to hear the best part of the conversation.

"And so, as you can see, I rather doubt that this young lady would prefer be in your company this evening. After all, what is more alluring than a man who can DANCE?" The capital letters here were strongly implied by the suave one's tone of voice, "Judging from your looks, I rather doubt that any of you possess the amount of grace that such a beauty would require in a partner on the dance floor."

"Wha' tha' 'ell?" The stated lack of smoothness of the large men obviously extended to their vocabulary as well. Not that Ranma could make much commentary, being extremely proficient in Tokyo slang himself, but he made it a point to usually pronounce at least one full word in each sentence. "Dis guy, he jus' insult us, sayin' we not good enuf for tha' lady 'ere."

"Indeed." The man's translational skills were obviously up to par. "I don't believe that any of you are capable of showing her the kind of quality evening out that she deserves."

"Um, you know, I was on my way home anyway…" The dazed looking young woman was trying to make her escape, but it didn't look like the other parties involved were interested. She should have easily realized that whatever her plans for the evening were, they paled in comparison to a clash of machismo… or something like it. All in all, she should have been thrilled to play such a large part in the induction of such a display. She did not seem to appreciate this fact, but this didn't really matter since she was not the main character of interest here.

The guy in the suit seemed to be the most disturbing, or perhaps disturbed, so it seemed fitting to focus on his case a bit more. The other people in this scene were, after all, fairly transparent in their desires and motives. He had however made some rather cryptic commentary about DANCE, and so his deeper meaning should probably be evaluated. This was in consideration of future generations who possibly will have some obscure interest in what the hell he was talking about, exactly.

Ranma, standing at the forefront of such a future generation as he is was indeed made curious, in a morbidly transfixed kind of way, about the answer to just such a question. Not that dancing, in any way, shape or form, really interested him, but this guy was definitely going to be beaten to a pulp unless his DANCE was so jaw dropping that a standing ovation was absolutely required upon its completion. He could then, presumably, escape in the hubbub surrounding such applause.

What in fact happened was that the beefy guys, gentlemen no longer, obviously decided that attempting to talk or grunt in the suit-wearing guy's direction wasn't getting them anywhere, and they should commence with the pulp-beating-into poste haste. Ranma rocked back on his heels slightly while wondering if he should save such a person from his grisly fate, and then recalled that actions like that had a tendency to get people engaged to him. He chose to observe instead. He'd just have to be the first one to call 911 later, to assuage his conscience.

"Come, my lady. We will show these ruffians the power of our DANCE floor spirit." The man grabbed both of the young woman's hands, most effectively keeping her from pulverizing him Ranma noted, as he moved to press her to his side. "Prepare to face the beauty and wrath of Kinryuou School of Martial Arts Salsa Dancing, you scoundrels!"

He then began executing dance steps with startling precision and speed, dragging the young woman along with his movements. Furthermore, Ranma was suddenly much more interested in this fight, having heard those two magical words: Martial Arts. Ah, but what of those other three large people involved? Well, they obviously lacked training. The sight of such a freakish occurrence had rooted them to the ground for a moment in shock, where a wiser and more well-traveled fighter such as Ranma just shook his head and stared.

What followed was worth the wait and lack of witty insults, interestingly enough. Though the young man and his completely confused partner apparently never moved from their position on the sidewalk, all three of their opponents were laid out flat in a matter of seconds. Now, having mastered Tenshin Amaguriken Ranma was normally well capable of tracking the fastest moves just about any opponent could throw. However, here he was completely caught off guard due to a very poorly timed conditioned reflex.

So, he hadn't been struck dumb like the others by the strange opening move of snagging a hapless female and starting to dance in the middle of a fight. Perhaps it was partly the stunning dancing, indeed worthy of that previously mentioned applause, that had distracted him. But it was no doubt mostly due to the fact that the unfortunate young woman had been thrown forward in such a way as that her cleavage was very visible to just about everyone in the southern hemisphere. This 'move' was accompanied by the rather inscrutable battle technique cry of "Basic Step: Verde Neck Drop!" by the young man in the suit.

Female cleavage wasn't an unfamiliar sight to Ranma for various reasons, the majority of which most of Tokyo is aware of, but being witness to such a thing made him flinch automatically in preparation for being clobbered by one or another of his 'fiancées' for laying eyes on another woman's body. In the end, that poorly timed twitch made it so that he missed all of the action, such as it was.

All three big guys were sprawled out on the pavement, out cold. No one, Ranma included, seemed too interested in calling 911 for those scrappers, so the crowd just dispersed with an air of 'oh, that was it? I paid that girl with the short brown hair too much for the tickets.' As for the hero of the scene… he was sprawled out on the pavement as well, with a very clear red handprint on one cheek and a trickle of blood oozing from one corner of his mouth. The young lady was nowhere to be seen, but a very clear new path of destruction led off towards the east. Thunderous crashes and some minor explosions could be heard echoing in the distance. Ranma decided to take to long way back to his hotel.

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Next Time: Making a Scene! Kuno's Fight of Love!