A/N: this takes place during Twilight. Jacob is already a werewolf and the Cullens know about it. yes, this is a slash m/m yaoi or in this case Edward/Jacob fanfiction. don't like don't read. its rated 'T' at the moment but i will warn you and will change the rating to 'M' if anything gets more intense than i initially expected it to be. i don't think it will but this warning is just in case. Enjoy! :D

disclaimer: i do not own any characters or places mentioned in this story.

Edward Pov.

No. It can't be true. She can't be dead. This is all just a nightmare. Oh, right I cant sleep. It's all my fault. All my fucking fault. "NO!" I scream, loud

enough for the whole town to hear. Just my luck to have a car accident while driving Bella to her house. All my fault because of my stupid love for

speeding. Now she's dead, dead because of me; dead because I wasn't paying attention and she's the one who had to pay for my carelessness.

My cell phone rings, and I flip it open violently, getting extremely close to breaking it. The caller-id shows Alice's name. Part of me wants to blame

her for not seeing and for not warning me, but I know it's my fault. It would just be so much easier to share the blame instead of keeping all to

myself. I never should have befriended Bella. It was wrong and selfish and unsafe. I should have continued to ignore her. I selfishly put my needs

before her safey and have now cost her her life.

" Hello," I growl into the phone, my voice devoid of any emotion.

"Oh, Edward I'm so sorry. I should have seen it sooner." She whispers, her voice full of pity.

"It's okay, Alice. Its not your fault;it's all my fault," I say quietly, the hurt I am feeling now palpable in my voice.

" Edward, you didn't mean for it to happen. It's not your-,"

I hang-up before she can continue trying to comfort me. I don't deserve her sympathy. I don't deserve anyone's sympathy. I am a monster who

killed the one I love. I suddenly start running. They're probably already trying to find me and I want to be alone. I don't deserve my loving family. I

deserve being alone for all eternity so I can rot in my misery. In minutes I'm nearing the boundary line to La Push, hopefully the werewolfs will kill

me once I cross it. Sure enough moments later the smell of werewolf hits my nostrils.