Edge of Twilight
Zarek's eyes snapped open when he heard footsteps. He rolled smoothly out of bed and crept from his bedroom. Astrid slept on, undisturbed. The house was dark, but he did not need light to see. When he entered the living room, he found the source of the noise.
A man sat on the couch, reading a magazine. He was both extraordinary and non-descript. His white hair glittered both gold and silver, while his eyes seemed almost opal-like as they changed color depending on how the light hit them. He was well formed without being well muscled and held an air of complete disregard for the world around him.
He looked up as Zarek drew a knife from the kitchen drawer, wishing he had his claws. "Oh good, you're awake. I really didn't want to have to go into the bedroom after you."
"Who the fuck are you and what are you doing here?" Zarek growled.
The man tossed the magazine aside as he stood up. He took a card from the pocket of his white silk shirt and held it out to the former Dark-hunter. "Deus X. Machina, at your service. Well, not your service, I work for The Author, but you get the point. I'm here to whisk you off so you can conveniently be at a certain place at a certain time for no apparent reason. So if you'll get your claws and put on your scariest, most badass outfit – preferably with lots of black leather – we can go."
Zarek reached for the card, only to grab the man's wrist and pull him forward to be impaled on his clawed finger. His breath caressed the boy's neck as he spoke.
"Little boy, no one orders me around, especially in my own home." He shoved the claws deeper and twisted for emphases. "Got it?"
"We can do this the hard way if you like," Deus said with a sigh, as if he did not have most of Zarek's hand in his chest. "But I'm a rail road plot device, you'll have to do it my way eventually anyway."
Zarek pulled back in surprise, registering for the first time that he had his claws on, and was dressed in black leather pants and coat with black biker boots and t-shirt. His goatee had grown back suddenly as well.
"On the upside," Deus went on. "Where we are going, you get to kill something."
Zarek abruptly found himself in a posh room that was clearly owned by a very rich family. He glanced out a window and growled to see the familiar Alaskan skyline with the sun just peeking over the trees. Every muscle in his body tensed as he realized he was once again trapped in some rich bastard's house not far from his own place of exile. He seethed and a tick began under his eye.
Abruptly the door opened and a boy of about seventeen walked in. He flopped down in a chair with a heavy sigh as if Zarek were not even in the room. Zarek raised an eyebrow to see that the boy actually sparkled in the sunlight.
"What am I going to do?" The sparkling boy asked the ceiling. "She is so beautiful and smells sooooo wonderful, I could just eat her up." He gave a shiver of pleasure before abruptly dropping his head into his hands. "I really am a monster. If she knew how many people I killed, she'd hate me. I want her, but I'm a vampire, and soulless monster and murderer; how could such a beautiful, perfect, creature like her ever love me? I can't stay near her or she might get hurt, but if I'm not there who knows what might befall her. And what about Jacob? Does she really love him? What if she does? I should let them be happy together...but I love her! Can't she see that! I'll eat him alive if I have to!" He took a deep breath. "Listen to me, I'm talking about, no actually considering murder of another intelligent creature for a woman whose own death may be on my own hands one day soon. But her scent, oh god that scent. I want her! I need her! She's mine and I won't let what mongrel have her!"
The tick under Zarek's eye got worse as he listened to the boy's whining rant.
Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped loosely about his neck and a chin came to rest on his shoulder. He was pretty sure he felt a pair of breasts press against his back. "Have fun, big boy." Deus said in his ear. "I've got to go distract an Omnipotent, Omnipresent God so you aren't interrupted in your fun." And then he was gone.
Zarek smiled and flexed his claws.
The boy did not even see him until he wrapped his hand around his throat. He actually squeaked in surprise, but and instant later he was in motion. Flipping clear of Zarek's loose grip, he landed feet first and lunging back at the Dark-hunter. Zarek chuckled, doing a full ninety degree back bend, he grabbed the boy's leg as he passed over him. Wrenching his body, he threw Sparkly back against the wall.
The boy moved to attack again, but Zarek's knee found his gut and the point of a single claw pressed against his throat. The boy growled, showing fangs. "Do you have any idea what you are messing with?"
Zarek hissed back. "A snotty little rich boy who can't get the popular girl to fuck him after the prom."
"I am a 100 year old vampire and I could rip your throat out in an instant."
Zarek smirked and leaned down close so his nose almost touched Sparkly's. "Well I'm a 2000 year old vampire hunter. So let's see you try, little boy." Zarek released him a stepped back. Sparkly glared at him as he gathered his legs under him.
"What would a vampire hunter want with me? I don't eat people."
"Funny," Zarek grinned, showing his own fangs. "I do."
The vampire lunged. Zarek did little more than meet his attack with his claws, letting razor sharp metal do what it had been designed for. Sparkly coughed up venom as he looked down to see most of Zarek's forearm inside his chest. In another smooth motion, Zarek ripped free and watched as the vampire drop to the floor like a rag doll.
Abruptly, the Dark-hunter found himself back in his own bed, staring up at his ceiling. Astrid yawned as she half sat up in bed to look at him. "Zarek, is something wrong?"
He grunted. "Strange dream, should probably hunt more."
"Okay," yawned and went back to sleep.
&&&
"And what are we doing again?" Acheron asked as he leaned back in his chair.
"Fishing for Snark," Deus answered as he passed the Atlantian a large fishing poll. "I even brought the perfect bait." He lifted a large metal pail and set it between them. Ash raised an eyebrow as he looked down.
Inside were what appeared to be a few dozen tiny people. Each was exotic in their perfection, with dazzling hair in every color, flawless bodies, and extra appendages that ranged from wings to cat eats and tails. They were all talking in high tinny voices, explaining to each other their remarkably perfect yet sickeningly tragic lives. He could feel a strange power collecting around them, as if the very air around them would bend the world to their will.
Reaching in Ash pulled out one by the tip of her golden wing. She was beautiful, amazing from the tip of her silver white streaked with blue, black, and pink hair (which she was quick to tell him was completely natural), to tips of her exceptionally well formed legs.
For the first time in his exceptionally long life, Archeron got the creeps.
"What is this thing?"
"A Mary Sue," Deus said patiently as he plucked the tiny angel from his hand and skewered her on his hook. Though the hook went through where her lungs should have been, it did not stop her from going into a speech about how much she loved and would miss the world and her friends and hoped the spilling of her blood would not be in vain and how the world would be such a better place when the war ended. "Good choice, Purity Sues are a Snark favorite," He watched the tiny person as she then launched into a speech about how love will conquer all. "Down side is they never shut up. Quick, cast, before she goes into her life story."
Archeron knew when it was simply unwise to ask questions and cast his line out into The Pit. The Sue landed with a plop, but even as she sank below the surface he could see little bubble rise as she continued to talk about herself.
"What is this place anyway?" Ash asked, watching the pool that shimmered with an oily slick as it bubbled and rolled like swamp water on a slow boil.
"You don't know?" Deus asked with a hint of surprise. "Oh that's right, your series is too hot and heavy for this place." He cleared his throat. "Welcome to The Pit, the premier site for fanfiction. I really recommend not going for a swim. These Mary Sues are bait because they are small fry compared to what makes it's home there. One toe in the water, and no one will ever see you again."
Ash took a cautionary scoot back.