LETTERS FROM MY SOULMATE

Luke entered his apartment and gazed lovingly at his wife, resting on the couch. He has never been happier. She was beautiful, her red-gold hair shining in the afternoon's sun, her hand wrapped protectively around her belly, where a new life grew. Their son. HIS son, his chance for true happiness.

She felt his gaze and turned her head to look at him.

"Hi. You're late. What kept you so long?"

"I had a meeting with Callista. I'm sorry you waited for me. You should rest more."

Mara frowned, a little irritated. She wasn't entirely at peace with the ideea of Callista coming back into Luke's life, into THEIR life. The body-snatcher just appeared at the door a few months ago, told them that she did not want to interfere, but that she was finally at peace and willing to help the Jedi Order with her knowledge. That meant long meetings with Luke and the other Jedi, and Mara was not willing to attend all of them. Of course she had faith in her husband, but she never liked Callista and she surely won't begin to like her now.

Luke sat down next to her and kissed her forehead.

"I love you and I missed you."

She just smiled and said nothing. Now was Luke's turn to feel irritated. Mara felt it instantly.

"Are you mad at me?"

"You never say to me back "I love you". Maybe sometimes I need to hear those words from you."

"You know I love you. And I even admit that. Once in a while. For Force's sake, Skywalker, I am pregnant with your child. Me, the former Emperor's Hand and assassin, I'm pregnant. What other proof of my love do you need?"

"Sometimes I just need to hear nice words from you, that's all, he murmured, with a sad look in his eyes. Is that so hard for you?"

"You know I'm not good with words, and you'll have to live with that. Take it or leave it."

She rose from the couch and headed for the bedroom.

"I'm tired. I'm going to take a little nap."

And the door closed behind her with a thump.

"I'll take it," Luke whispered, but the sad look in his eyes was still there…

A few days later…

It was late at night when Luke returned home. He was feeling guilty because he promised Mara that he won't be late, and he did it again. He tried not to make any noise because he hoped that she would be asleep and that he could avoid another useless fight with her. They fought a lot lately and he didn't like it at all. Maybe she was just grumpy because of her pregnancy, but he was starting to be fed up with her moods. As he closed the door silently, he felt something under his foot. He bent down and saw a blue elegant envelope. He picked it up and opened it. It was a letter.

Luke went into the kitchen, turning the lights on and started to read. By the time he finished it, he was shaking all over, unable to control himself.

"I'm not afraid of your smile. That means I'm not afraid of anything. And that's why I'm writing you this letter.

Did you ever hear the rain? Did you see how it kisses the ground, and the ground responds by sipping it's tiny drops? Did you ever want to cry, but scared, you retreat your tears inside you?

I send you my tears because my soul it's drowning in them. I send you my soul to live through you. Be my ground and let me be your rain.

Think of me like you are thinking of a star fallen from you and taken into the darkness far, far away…

M."

His first impulse was a feel of joy. Mara wrote him a love letter! He wanted to go to her, wake her, kiss her all over, and apologize to her. Then he thought that it couldn't be her, it was not her handwriting.

Who was M? He tried to remember every girl and woman he knew, but he came up with nothing.

Mara entered the kitchen, her face pale and tired. She gave him a soft smile.

"You're finally home. Come to bed, it's late and you must be tired."

'Mara, it's you!" he run to her with the letter in his hand.

Mara smiled again. She took the letter and red it quickly.

"Yes, it's me."

"You!"

Her face was serious now. She felt the disappointment in his voice.

"I'm joking, Luke. I didn't write this letter! I don't do such things! If I have to write something to someone I use the bloody computer! I woudn't ever do such childish thing. See, it's not even my handwriting. You should know that."

Luke was lost.

"I thought it was you, he said quietly. It's a beautiful love letter, and I know only you love me so much to write something like that to me."

"Well, she said with sarcasm, it seems that there is someone else. It looks like you have a secret admirer, Master Skywalker!"

Luke said nothing. He looked at the letter again. It was an elegant handwriting, unknown to him, but somehow strangely familiar. He crumpled the piece of paper into his fist and then threw it away into the garbage bin.

"It's not important at all, he finally said. It's just a letter. Let's forget about it and eat our dinner."

When Mara threw the remains of their dinner into the garbage bin, covering the crumpled piece of paper, he felt a little sad, but he said nothing.

Later that night, when she was asleep, he took the now filthy piece of paper, uncrumpled it and stored it save in his closet. No matter who wrote the misterious letter, he didn't want it to be thrown away like garbage.

The letter was not obsessing him, but every time he thought of it, sometimes even in Mara's presence, he tried to imagine the woman who wrote it. Looking for her was a long journey into his soul. He knew he was doing wrong. Mara was his beloved wife, the soulmate he searched for too long. It was unfair to think of a woman he didn't even know.

One week later he received another letter. Without reading it, he left home, seeking a private place in the jungles of Yavin. When he was sure that nobody was watching him, he opened the letter.

"My mind never has a moment of peace. If I had a calm heart, I could never love a man like you.

I could kiss the ground in the winter and make a flower grow, that's how much I love you.

I love you more now than when you began to read this letter.

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

I kiss you in my dreams. I kiss you in my letters. But I know I'll never kiss you for real, because love is guarding your door.

Marelai"

M was a name now. Marelai. Marelai, a young girl sitting at her desk, writing love letters to him. Red eyes from too much crying. Who was Marelai? Where did she live? Was she near him, or on a planet far away? How did she look? Her name was blonde like the sands of Tatooine.

And suddenly, he thought about Mara. He wanted her with such a panic that he ran home as fast as he could.

She was waiting for him, distress visible on her face.

"Where have you been? You simply disapeared without a word!"

"I have a headache. I took a walk in the jungle. I needed some fresh air."

"You cannot find fresh air on this planet, Skywalker. Common, what's bothering you? Spill it out."

She was looking at him with sharp eyes, and he felt dominated, intimidated. He simply needed to tell her the truth.

"I received another letter…"

"Really? Something interesting?"

He gave her the letter, suddenly feeling sorry. Sorry for Mara and sorry for Marelai.

But Mara did not open it.

"Keep it. It's yours."

"Mara, I have nothing to hide. It's not my fault."

"I know and that's why I don't want to read it. I'm not mad at you."

Luke took her in his arms.

"I love you. Don't you feel it, Mara, how much I love you? How much I need you?"

"Then why are you trying to hide from me? Why are you running?"

"I don't know Mara, I can't explain it."

"I'm not hiding anything from you, Luke. I'm hiding only my love."

"Are you hiding it?" he smiled.

"Sometimes…"

"I don't believe you, Mara. You show me every day how much you love me"

"Luke, I love you with everything I am. No poems, no words, no letters, no gifts, nothing can ever express how much I love you. But you already know that, don't you?"

Luke said nothing, he just took her in her arms, holding her close, like he was afraid to lose her.

"Mara, how do you know when I keep something from you, without reading my mind?"

"I know because I live through you", she whispered, tears streaming down her face.

Luke kissed her tears away.

"Mara, my love, you make me want to be a better man."

TBC