Quack Experimental Star Wars One-Shots
Ch. 1 Yoda's crazy dream.
This is the columniation of months of my brother and me saying, "You know what would make a funny story?" Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own star wars, George Lucas does… I think
It had been over two decades since the tragic fall of the old republic, almost a decade since the last rouge jedi had been tracked down and executed. Well, that is except for the two masters Yoda and Obiwan Kenobi.
Now the latter jedi had done the logical decision and decided to live a solitary life on an outer rim planet. He changed his name and was able to scrape by the years with his sanity in tact be occasionally making a run to the nearest city and enjoying a drink at the cantina.
He, who on any other circumstance would have avoided these places, went to them because after a decade of solitude even a jedi can loose his sanity in complete solitude.
Yoda on the other hand chose a home far more secluded and isolated.
On the planet of Dagobah there are no cantinas to enjoy the occasional drink, in fact there are no drinks at all except for the water you see around you… everywhere. Yes Dagobah was just one big giant swamp and after years fighting for your life against any manner of carnivorous or even worse, Gungan, like natives your sanity might be questionable.
But Yoda was a jedi after all and he wasn't just about to go insane after a little bit of hardship, well not consciously anyways.
His dreams were actually quite a different matter.
~Outside Yoda's hut~
Yoda had just finished teaching young Luke Skywalker how to properly use the force and was almost ready to send him on his way.
"Master Yoda", Luke began, "I can't thank you enough for training me after the only thing you have to go on was a recommendation from Master Ben, I mean Obiwan".
"A friend of Master Kenobi's is a friend of mine", Yoda said as he walked slowly back to his hut, "How my old friend is I wonder? Hmm".
Luke shifted slightly uncomfortably, "Um, Master Yoda, I told you when I first arrived that Master Obiwan was dead. You told me yourself that you sensed his passing from half way across the galaxy".
The old jedi master thought for a moment, "No".
"No what Master?" Luke asked.
"If dead Obiwan was then some powerful enemy would have to exist to kill him. Does not exist such an enemy", the old jedi said thoughtfully.
Luke looked at the hermit with the same look he'd given Ben when he told him about the force.
"Doesn't exist Master? The empire is more than a minor threat and Vader? What about him and his master the emperor?" The young Skywalker asked his apparently senile master.
"Empire? What empire you speak of I wonder. Stopped the would be emperor I did. Saved the younglings I did. Killed Vader years ago master Kenobi did", said the old jedi as he chuckled at his triumph and continued to walk to the hut.
"Master surely you are joking?" Luke asked as he ran after yoda, "You've been here for twenty years waiting for me to come and be trained by you".
"Twenty years Hmmm? One week I have been here and no longer. Came you have not to train, but to bring me home", Yoda laughed once again.
"This isn't true Master!" Luke said in a new worry that his master had just gone off the deep end, "If I'm only here to bring you home then why did you train me?"
"Train you so you could dredge out your fancy new ship I did", Yoda continued as he entered the small damp wood hut that had been his home for twenty years.
Luke ducked and entered after him to see the jedi master packing up his meager belongings into a new suitcase that came out of nowhere.
"Where did that? Oh never mind, Master where are you going?" Luke demanded to know.
"Home we are going, so continue to build the jedi order I may do", the jeid master replied as he walked back out, now with a rolling suitcase behind him.
"You can't be serious!" Luke exclaimed.
"But I am", Yoda said as he jumped into the X-Wing star fighter.
"Well I suppose I should show the truth", Luke thought aloud, "And no better place to prove the jedi have fallen than the ruined temple on Coruscant.
-At the temple site-
The old temple, pride of the old republic, was in a state of complete disrepair. The once proud structure was full of holes and covered in rubble. It made Luke furious while at the same thankful, because who would bother defending a ruined temple haunted by ghosts.
"You see master?" Luke said after he stepped out of his fighter, "The temple is gone, the jedi are gone, and the republic is gone!"
Yoda starred in with open eyes at the destroyed remains of his home for hundreds of years. Then he began to glow.
"Uh master?" Luke said with a degree of concern.
The old jedi glowed brighter and then the glow began to spread past his body in a perfect sphere.
"This can't be" Luke said in disbelief, "Is this… the force?"
The hermit's force sphere grew brighter and brighter and expanded further and further. Then Luke began to notice his master floating off the ground.
"Perhaps it was bad idea to bring you here", the young Skywalker said in a very worried tone, "I'm just going to take you home now".
Yoda began to scream and the sphere expanded beyond the entire temple. After that all inside went bright blue.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING MASTER!" Luke yelled out from the epicenter.
Then it all receded, the light, the force, and the jedi.
The young Skywalker rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what he saw before him.
Every thing was back in pristine condition. The building was back to its former glory and not only that, but every member of the temple was back alive, wondering very much what had just happened.
"Told you I did. Here everyone is", Yoda chuckled as he took his seat in the council chamber.
"Huhh", the old jedi woke up from his dream sitting straight up in his little bed.
He looked around his shack to find it just as he remembered it. His pantry, water supply, hole in the ground for a toilet, and guest bed. Yep that was normal, wait guest bed?
"Here who is?" Yoda asked as the visitor made him known.
"Its me master yoda", said a very un-android like Anakin Skywalker.
"Young Anakin? Can it be? Lord Vader are you not?" Yoda asked confused.
The young man raised an eyebrow and laughed, "Vader? That old thing? You mean when we tricked old Palpatine into making me his next apprentice after we discovered the plot to kill the jedi? I haven't stomached being called Vader in what, five years now?"
"Lying you must be. Dead you are. Alive only as Vader you were", Yoda said.
"Master, I hate to ask you this, but are you going senile? Anakin asked as he looked through Yoda's pantry for food.
The old jedi sighed, pulled out his light saber and stabbed himself in the torso.
Once again Yoda woke in his bed this time he saw a small human boy with pale skin and black hair looking down at him.
"Hi", he said.
The jedi sighed with his latest encounter.
"Who are you", he asked in frustration.
"Philip Crow and might I say how pleased I am for you to welcome me so kindly into your lovely estate, much more cozy than my drab tent", the boy replied.
"Let you stay why did I?" Yoda asked.
The boy laughed then replied, "You didn't hehehe. On a technical note I'm not here at all, neither are you. This is all an illusion, a dream if you will".
"I dream you say Hmmm. What you mean I wonder?" Yoda says.
"Well there isn't much to understand. I am just a figment of your slowly depleting sanity, as I am the perfect example of an insane person who lives knowing that fact. So let your buddy Crow stop you from going off the deep end in your next dream level", the boy said quickly without taking a breath.
"Next level? What do you mean?" the hermit asked.
"Oh you will find out", Crow said as he pulled out a dagger and beheaded the small jedi.
"Master yoda, you wanted to see me?" Mace Windu said as he sat next to his friend in the jedi council room.
"Hmmm? Yes right, it is the time to bring the sith lord to justice", Yoda mused as he grabbed his cane from the side of his chair.
The other master sat up in attention and looked down at the older jedi, "Then this means you know who it is?"
Yoda began to walk across the temple to where a ship had been waiting.
"Master Yoda?" Windu asked as he walked after his ally.
"Come and see, Master Windu", he said as he entered the Gunship
The two jedi walked out of the Gunship at the chancellor's office in haste, once inside Yoda force pushed the pilot clones off the edge making sure Windu didn't see.
They walked up to the office and marched right in.
Chancellor Palpatine spun casually around in his comfortable chair and faced the two.
"What do I have to thank for this pleasant visit?" he said in his best diplomatic tone.
"NOOOO!" Yoda yelled as he sprinted straight at the politician, light saber blazing.
"Yoda stop!" Mace said as he ran to stop the older jedi.
Despite his meager size yoda was a major handful, even for a master as powerful as Windu.
Several clones ran in at a response to the chancellor's panic button. Yoda broke free and slashed each clone in half at different angles each.
"Yoda what are you doing!" Mace exclaimed in shock.
The old master panted from the work and said, "Just saving your life… and countless others… in the future".
"What in the world do you mean?" Master Windu said.
"HE is the sith lord", the green man said as he pointed his saber back at the sith.
Mace Windu was overcome with a desire to say, "The tyranny of the sith will never rule the galaxy!"
Yoda began to charge the villain when he felt a tug on his robe that stopped his advance. He turned to see the same boy from his last dream holding him back.
"I know you want to but you can't" Crow said as he held Yoda back, a feat that Windu had trouble with.
"Die he must!" Yoda screamed.
"It will just send you deeper into the dream, is that what you really want?" the boy asked as he walked away, leaving Yoda alone with his enemy and Windu, who turned to dust.
Yoda turned to the Chancellor to see him grow to a giant size and glow red.
The jedi sighed and once again stabbed himself in the torso.
"Master Yoda, I have come to complete my training", Luke Skywalker's voice could be heard from outside the hut.
Yoda sat up and checked his surroundings, everything seemed normal and that included the coming of Luke.
"Master are you here?" Luke asked.
"Here I am", Yoda said as he walked out.
Yes Yoda was not insane, but he was at the same time. While his consciousness was still sane, but his dreams grew more and more crazy.
Chapter one complete, look forward to the next one.