St. Jude
Disclaimer: Sadly I own neither Saving Hope nor Daniel Gillies.
Pairing: Joel & Alex (or if you prefer Alex & Joel)
Rating: T
Summary: Picks up a few months after my last fic "Blame" left off.
Author's Note: The title of this piece was inspired by the Florence & the Machine song of the same name.
The only thing Joel Goran could think about as he stepped out of the O.R. after a surgery was going home to his wife and children and going to sleep. Alex had worked all day as well but she'd gone to watch Luke's soccer practice.
She's probably just as exhausted as I am.
It had only been a few months since Alex had lost the baby but she'd bounced back surprisingly well. She'd thrown herself into work and the kids and kept up a pace that astounded him.
She's the strongest person I know.
His thoughts were interrupted when his cell phone rang. He glanced at the screen and smiled.
"Hey, I just came out of surgery. I'll be home soon."
Alex's reply was rushed and breathless, "Nodon'tleaveI' 's scaredandcryingandCharlotteisscaredandcrying..."
He could hear his daughter crying and what sounded like a siren in the background.
"Alex, slow down. Take a deep breath and tell me what's going on."
He forced himself to remain calm, hoping that his calm would rub off on Alex.
He heard her inhale and trying in vain to soothe the baby, even as she comforted her son. "I know you're scared, buddy. And I know it hurts. But we're almost to the hospital and I'm talking to Daddy right now. Just hang in there a little longer for me, okay…"
Just as Joel was about to shout over the din to get her attention, he heard Alex's voice again on the other end of the line.
"Luke broke his leg at soccer practice. I think it's a fractured tibia. I was just going to drive him to Hope Zion myself but his coach insisted that it was procedure to call an ambulance, which just scared him even more."
So it was a siren.
"We're less than ten minutes away now. I'll see you soon. We need you, Joel."
"I'll be waiting for you when you get here." He said, still trying to calm her nerves.
He heard her sigh on the other end of the line, and she was about to hang up when he spoke again. "Alex, listen to me. Everything's going to be okay. I love you."
"I love you, too." She replied, just before she hung up the phone.
By the time Joel reached the trauma bay, he heard Alex's voice, "For the last time Zack, nobody but Joel is operating on my son!"
Joel smiled at he noticed his daughter Charlotte fast asleep in the baby seat near Alex's feet.
"Okay. Take it easy, Mama Bear." Zack said, smiling as he saw Joel entering the trauma bay.
"Daddy!" Luke screamed from the gurney where he lay, as he spotted his father. "My leg hurts. You can fix it right?"
Joel smiled, "I sure can, little man," He said, walking towards his son to examine his broken leg.
At the sound of Joel's voice, Alex spun around and ran into his arms, "Thank God you were still here when I called." She kissed the mole behind his ear, and let him hold her for a moment.
He could feel her whole body shaking as he held her, tucked her hair behind her ear and whispered, "It's going to be okay, I promise."
She nodded against his shoulder as he kissed away her tears. "Take care of our son."
It was his turn to nod, "I will. I love you."
She smiled, "I love you more."
He gave her one of his trademark Joel Goran grins and whispered, "No way, Reid. As soon as I'm done we'll all go home" before he gave her a quick kiss and turned his full attention toward Luke.
"How're you feeling buddy?" He asked, looking at his son's injured leg.
Luke shrugged, "My leg hurts. Are we going to go take pictures of it now?"
Joel nodded, "We sure are. That way I'll know exactly how to fix it."
"Am I going to have to wear a cast?" Luke asked.
Joel nodded again," Yeah probably."
To his surprise, Luke smiled, "Cool! Can I have a green cast?"
"You can have any color you want, little man." Joel said, "Hey Luke Zack is going to take you to take pictures of your leg while I get ready for your surgery okay?"
Joel looked across the room at Zack who nodded, and Joel mouthed, "Thanks mate."
Luke liked Zack and felt comfortable with him and just like any other patient Joel wanted to make him feel as comfortable as possible.
But this wasn't any other patient.
It was his son.
Zack was steering the gurney toward x-ray when Luke called out, "Daddy!"
Joel turned towards his son, "What's up, mate?"
"I think Mommy's scared. Will you tell her I'm going to be okay?"
At this, Joel smiled, "I already did, buddy. Mommy's okay. I'll see you in a few minutes all right?"
Luke nodded, "Let's go Zack!" He shouted.
Zack just rolled his eyes and wheeled the gurney towards x-ray.
Joel went to change into scrubs and then went to scrub for surgery.
For his son's surgery.
When Joel entered the O.R. his son was lying on the operating table. And he was smiling.
"X-Ray was pretty cool, Daddy." Luke said.
Joel smiled, "Oh yeah?"
Luke nodded, "Uh huh. Do I have to go to sleep now?"
Joel nodded, "Yeah, you do, buddy. But when you wake your leg won't hurt and you'll have a cool green cast. Sound good?"
Luke nodded and then fell silent for a moment, "I'm scared, Daddy," he whispered, his fingers wrapping around the top of the warm blanket that protected him against the chill of the operating room.
"I know, you are, buddy. But everything's going to be okay, I promise." Joel bent forward and kissed his son's forehead.
"Hey Daddy? Can I wear your necklace during my surgery? For good luck?" Luke asked, looking at his father with a hopeful expression.
"Of course you can." Joel replied, taking the medal of St. Jude that he wore from around his neck and putting it over his son's head.
Ian had given it to him just before he died.
St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes.
It was fitting really because he'd considered himself a lost cause.
Before Alex.
Before Luke.
Before Charlotte.
But now that had all changed.
He was no longer a lost cause.
They were his causes now.
Alex.
Luke.
Charlotte.
Their happiness.
Their well-being.
But Luke didn't care about any of that. If the necklace gave his son some measure of comfort then he wasn't about to deny him that.
Luke smiled, "Thank you, Daddy."
"You're welcome, buddy. I love you. I'll see you when you wake up okay?"
"Okay." Luke said, as Joel nodded to the anesthesiologist, who put the small mask over his mouth and instructed the boy to count backwards from ten.
He was asleep, by the time he got to six.
Two hours later, the surgery was finished and Luke was in recovery with both of his parents by his side. His sister was once again asleep in the baby seat near his mother's feet.
"Joel, why isn't he waking up?" Alex asked nervously taking her son's hand and squeezing it.
Joel reached for his wife's hand and squeezed it mirroring her action, "Alex, he's fine. He'll come around."
He looked at her and couldn't help but notice the purplish shadows beneath her beautiful blue eyes.
She looks exhausted.
I probably don't look much better.
"When's the last time you slept? He asked, glancing from his sleeping children to his wife and back again.
Alex shrugged, "It doesn't matter. I have to stay awake until he wakes up."
As if on cue, the boy stirred, "I'm awake, Mommy. Don't worry. Daddy fixed my leg. And I have an awesome green cast too. You can go to sleep now if you want."
Alex stood up and walked over to her son, "No, buddy, I'm not going to sleep until Daddy and I get you and your sister tucked into bed."
"That sounds good because I'm still pretty tired," Luke mumbled, drowsily as Joel stood up and pulled the blanket away so he could see his son's toes. "Can you wiggle your toes for me, buddy?" He asked.
Luke nodded and squinted his eyes in concentration and slowly moved his toes.
"Nice job, mate. Ready to go home?" Joel asked, smiling.
Luke nodded again, "Hey, Daddy? How many soccer games am I going to have to miss?"
"All of them."
Alex hadn't realized she'd spoken aloud until Joel smiled, and Luke looked at her incredulous, "Really?"
"No, buddy, Mommy's just kidding. You'll probably just have to miss a couple."
"You promise?" Luke asked, looking at his father with the same hopeful expression that he'd worn just before his surgery.
"I promise. Now let's go home. Everyone's tired."
He glanced at Alex, "You take the baby. I'll take The Hulk."
Luke smiled, "That's right my cast is green just like The Hulk. He's really cool."
"I know, buddy. You don't have to use your crutches. I'll carry you, just this once okay?"
"Okay, thanks Daddy," The boy answered drowsily, as Joel lifted his son, green cast and all into his arms.
Luke was asleep before they even got to the car.
Joel opened the back passenger door and laid Luke gently down across the back seat, while Alex strapped the baby seat into the other side.
"I was so scared tonight. When that kid tackled him… and he fell down screaming… I couldn't breathe, Joel…"
Joel reached for her hand, "I know. But he's fine now."
"Can't we just put both of them in a plastic bubble until they're eighteen so I never have to feel that way again?"
Joel laughed, "I don't think so Reid. But you can give me the keys so I can drive us home."
"Are you sure?" She asked. "Aren't you tired?"
"Aren't you?" He asked, turning the question around on her.
She didn't answer.
She simply took the keys from her purse and tossed them into the palm of his hand.
He was smiling as he got into the driver's seat.
When they got home, Alex stayed awake long enough to put the kids to bed.
Luke will be knocked out all night from the anesthesia.
And Charlotte will sleep...well...like a baby.
Alex poured herself a much needed glass of pinot noir, and wearily climbed the stairs.
Joel was already in the shower.
She had every intention of getting in there the moment he was done.
But as she listened to the sound of the water running she felt herself drifting off to sleep.
Joel had just stepped out of the shower, when he heard Alex scream.
"No...No…no! Please don't take him! Joel, baby please don't let them take our son!"
Joel burst into the bedroom to find his wife barefoot but otherwise still fully clothed lying on her side of the bed they shared.
Her eyes were closed, and as he stepped closer he noticed the thin sheen of sweat that covered her skin.
She was clearly in the middle of a nightmare.
This explains the shadows under her eyes.
How had he missed this?
How long had she been having nightmares?
Given everything that had happened today, it made sense that she'd dream about something happening to their son.
He reached out, placing a gentle hand on her arm, "Alex, wake up. Everything's all right. Luke's fine, I promise…hey, wake up…Alex!"
When he called her name more loudly, she blinked into consciousness. "Joel?"
"Hey," He said, softly, "Are you all right?"
She nodded without looking at him.
"Alex, talk to me. Were you dreaming about Luke?" He asked, climbing into bed next to her, and wrapping his arms around her, his fingers slipping against her sweat soaked skin.
She shook her head, "Not about Luke. About Daniel."
Daniel.
That was the name they'd chosen for the baby they'd lost.
If he'd been a boy.
Daniel Gregory Goran Reid.
"Oh Alex, I'm so sorry." Joel whispered, pulling her even closer. "I love you."
She nodded, resting her head on his bare chest, "I know. I love you, too. And I loved him so much, Joel. How is it even possible to love someone who doesn't even exist yet?"
"I don't know. But trust me, Reid I know exactly what you mean." He whispered, kissing her mouth and tasting the salt of her tears.
"I know." She replied. "You're the only one who does. And then when Luke got hurt today…"
Her voice trailed off and he felt her body shudder.
"I thought I was going to lose him too." She whispered, burying her face in the skin of his shoulder as she spoke the words.
"Hey," he said, softly, reaching out to touch her again, "Alex, look at me. Luke's okay. Charlotte's okay. And we have each other. We'll make it through everything else together."
She nodded, "I love you. I'm sorry I'm such a mess."
He looked at her and flashed her one of his trademark Joel Goran grins.
She could almost forget her pain.
Almost.
"You're my mess Alex Reid." He whispered, "And I love you too. Why don't you go take a shower?"
She smiled, "Why? Don't you want to sleep with me when I'm all sweaty and disgusting?"
It was his turn to smile, "You're beautiful. And I always want to sleep with you. I just thought it might help you relax."
Then maybe she'll finally be able to get some rest.
As Alex stepped into the shower, one thought crossed her mind.
Joel was right.
The shower did help her relax.
In less than ten minutes she was back in bed next to him, dressed in one of his T-shirts with her damp hair pillowed on his collarbone.
"Feel better?" He asked, inhaling the familiar scent of her hair.
"Yeah. I just need you to do one more thing for me." She replied.
"Anything." He whispered, "What do you need, Alex?"
"Just hold me, Joel." She said, the words running together, as she drifted off to sleep.
"You got it." He replied, softly as he listened to her breathing evening out as she slept.
He wore the St. Jude medal around his neck as a reminder.
He wasn't a lost cause.
Now he had three of them.