Title: Right Here, With You
Author: Caera1996
Rating: NC-17
W/C: 7,938
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary / Note: This is the third part of the "With You" series that follows Bones from the care he receives immediately after experiencing a sexual assault through a glimpse of the healing process. This part takes place six months later (two months after Part 2, "In This, With You"), when Bones finds out what he has to do to in order to put his attacker on trial. Please note, this story is about the emotional healing process of someone who was raped. There are flashbacks to the attack, and though they are not particularly graphic, please don't read it if you think it'll bother you. If you'd like a version without the flashbacks, please contact me.
Jim smiled as he listened to Sulu tell a story about the first time he took his father's transport…without permission. Chekov and others on the Bridge were chuckling quietly, enjoying the low stress of the current assignment. It was good, Jim thought, to promote this kind of camaraderie among his Bridge crew. And while the Sciences division officers were just completing the survey of the beautiful nebula that filled the viewscreen, there was no harm in these quiet conversations.
He idly scrolled through some of the several reports of note, forwarded to him by Spock, as he listened to the story and resulting conversations with half an ear.
"Captain," Uhura said, moments later. "Incoming subspace communication for you. From Brexar."
The hum of quiet conversation stopped, and a hard silence descended on the Bridge. Everyone knew the significance of Brexar, though no one talked about it. Jim's heart thudded in his chest, and it was a moment before he could request that Uhura transfer the communication to his Ready Room.
"Spock," Jim said, giving him a significant look. He headed off the Bridge, his First Officer following him. "Sulu, you have the conn."
"Aye, sir," Sulu replied. All levity and mirth gone, he focused his eyes on his console, and glanced over at Chekov, who was doing the same. Six months. It'd been six months since they'd left Brexar. Six months since one of their own had been attacked while on the mainland. Six months since they'd all heard the captain promise the Brexan Minister that the perpetrator would pay for what he'd done.
Six months since one random act of violence had changed their life of the CMO forever.
Jim entered his quarters, commanding the lights on. His shift was over, and Bones would be here soon, too. He stood in the middle of the room for a moment, feeling a heaviness and nervousness that was typically uncharacteristic for him, but it was something he was becoming familiar with. He didn't know how he was going to tell Bones what he'd learned during the conference with the Brexan official. He didn't know how Bones was going to take it. A part of him didn't want to tell him. Most of him, actually. But that wasn't a real option, and he knew it.
Sighing hugely, he began pulling off his uniform, letting it lay where it dropped, and pulled out some off-duty items. He stepped into the head intending to take a quick shower, letting the feel of the water blank his mind for a few minutes.
"Jim? You okay?" Leonard asked, sticking his head in the steam-filled room.
"Yup, fine Bones, just finishing up," Jim said, snapping out of it and striving for normalcy. Instead of withdrawing from the space, Leonard stepped all the way in and let the door close behind him. Jim smiled, pushing his hair back as he watched Leonard pull his own uniform off. "But I think I missed a spot. Better wash again," Jim said. "Wanna help?"
Leonard gave him a smoldering look, and then stepped into the shower. Jim's smile grew, but he didn't reach for Bones, knowing he preferred to be the one to initiate any physical touching.
At first, when Leonard was just starting to feel ready to explore their physical relationship again, all he wanted to do was touch and caress and kiss Jim, not really comfortable with Jim reciprocating. That was hard, only because Jim loved him and wanted to be able to make sure Bones enjoyed himself as much as Jim was. But what Leonard enjoyed had changed, and Jim just had to get used to it. So, for a while, Leonard just reacquainted himself with Jim's body and reactions.
Slowly, they'd moved to other things that they could to together. At first it was hard for Bones to relax enough to really enjoy anything, his muscles always tense, his hands always clenched. Seeing that, Jim had backed off and slowed down. He never wanted to be the cause of any anxiety for him. Slowly, together, they worked on reestablishing physical intimacy in their relationship, and that work was ongoing.
Continuing with their shower.
Leonard stood behind Jim, pressed against his body. His hands roved all over the front of him, fingers gently teasing his nipples, sliding down and tickling his firm stomach. Jim chuckled and twisted a little at that, and Bones kissed his neck. He reached down further, closing his hand around Jim's half hard length, making him shiver at the gentle touch. Hands slippery with soap, Leonard gave Jim tantalizing hand over hand strokes, always from the base to tip, no down strokes. Jim gasped and moaned, and struggled with what to do with his hands. He wanted to reach back and hold Bones to him, slide his fingers into his thick hair. He settled for bracing his hands on the shower wall, holding himself up.
Behind him, Leonard watched the muscles in his back bunch and flex as he groaned. He leaned forward, an irresistible urge to lick the water droplets from Jim's skin directing his actions. He kissed up the center of Jim's back, tongue lapping at the wetness. He chuckled when Jim shivered again, breaking out in goosebumps at the gentle, tickling touch.
"Oh…god, Bones," Jim said breathlessly. "You're killing me here."
"Hm. Doubt that, Darlin'," he said. But he tightened his grip on Jim, and started stroking him more firmly and with more directed purpose.
"Aah! Nngghh, p-please, Bones!" Unable to control himself, Jim's hips started thrusting. Leonard responded by wrapping an arm around his waist, holding him firmly while he relentlessly stroked. Jim's breathing got harsher, and he actually raised up on his toes, shouting as his whole body finally spasmed with his release. Leonard went back to a more gentle grip, until Jim's grunts became whines, his body twisting in Leonard's grip, the touch too much for him to stand. Leonard let him go, wrapped his other arm around Jim's chest, and held him firmly against his body as he waited for him to calm. He closed his eyes and just reveled in the feel of Jim's body pressed against his, the feel of Jim's firm, muscular body in his arms. God, I missed this.
Jim let his head fall back and rest on Bones' shoulder, loving the feel of Leonard's arms around him, supporting him. Forgetting himself, he reached one hand up to Bones' head, sliding his fingers into the wet hair, and turned his head to look into Bones' eyes. Leonard smiled, then captured Jim's lips in a kiss that Jim felt from his scalp to his toes. Presently, his strength returned and he stood on his own, turning to look at Bones.
Holding his gaze, his arousal and love so clear in his hazel eyes, Jim hesitantly slid his hands up Leonard's arms. He watched intently, looking for anything that indicated that he what he was doing was unwelcome. He stopped at Bones' shoulders, then leaned in to gently brush their lips together as they breathed into each other. Jim's hands moved around to Bones' strong back slowly, giving him the opportunity to stop him. And then he asked, just in case.
"Can I hold you?" All he wanted to do was hold him. He wanted that so bad he ached with it.
"Yeah, Jim. Want you to," Leonard murmured. He closed his eyes as Jim tightened his arms around him, pulling their bodies flush against each other. There was nothing like this. Nothing like the feel of Jim's body against his, of his hands caressing the curve of his neck, of him holding him tightly, securely. Safely.
There was nothing like it. It made him feel whole. It was the other part of him.
But despite that, in spite of himself, he still felt the urge to get away building in him. Like a band stretched further and further until it was on the verge of snapping. And at first he refused to give in, squeezing his eyes closed, tightening his arms around Jim in defiance. Then holding his breath and feeling his muscles twitch as his body reacted to a memory that he didn't want…a claustrophobic sense of having his movements restricted…until, he felt Jim letting him go, gently pushing him back, saying quietly that it was okay, he was fine, he was okay, until Jim's words were finally louder than the rushing in his ears and the pounding of his heart.
Jim watched as Bones managed to calm himself down…managed to stop the escalation before it developed into a full panic attack. His breathing slowed, his hands uncurled, the rigidity of his posture relaxed a little…and he kept his eyes down. Jim hurt for Bones, so badly, and swallowed hard, happy any tears that may have escaped from his eyes were camouflaged by the spray of water that still wet them both. And this…watching him struggle like this…made it so much harder to convey the news that he'd learned earlier today. He worried about the effect it would have on Bones…the possibility that it would set him back, how he would handle what was now in front of him. What he had to do. If he'd even be able to do it. If he'd be able to live with himself if he couldn't do it.
"Sorry," Bones murmured. He turned around, putting his back to Jim. "Can you give me few minutes? I just want to finish in here."
"Yeah…sure. It…It's okay, Bones. You know that, right?" Jim said, wanting to reassure him. He'd heard Jim say it before…it couldn't hurt to say it again.
Leonard sighed. "It's not okay. But thank you."
Jim pushed the shower door open and hesitated, wanting to say something else, and not having any idea what it should be. And wondering when they got so polite with each other.
"I'll be out in a few minutes, Jim," Leonard said.
"Okay." And he left him to it.
In his – their, now – quarters, Jim dried and dressed, then set about choosing dinner items for both of them from the galley menu. He had no desire to go to the Mess Hall tonight, and he was sure Bones didn't either. And they still had to talk. Jim had to tell him.
A few minutes later, Bones exited the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. Jim looked up from arranging the dishes he'd selected on the table as Bones quickly dressed and then sent their uniforms and used towels to be refreshed.
"So, I chose few things, I figured we could just share," Jim said as Bones joined him at the table. "That okay?"
"Perfect. And Jim…"
Jim looked up, surprised to see that Bones was inches from him. He smiled slightly, cupping Jim's cheek in his hand before leaning in to kiss him.
"Sorry for being such a pain in the ass."
"You're not…"
"Yes I am. Thank you for understanding."
Jim smiled slightly. He didn't. Not fully. He couldn't. But he tried.
"No problem. Like I said Bones, I'm not going anywhere."
They sat down then, and enjoyed their dinner together and the time they had. They talked about ship's business and plans for shoreleave and Leonard spent a few minutes lamenting Jim's food choices and the fact that he was perpetually behind on his check-up schedule. They talked ("gossiped, Bones. Admit it.") about couples that were pairing up or breaking apart. And the whole time they talked, Jim looked for a way to bring up what they really needed to talk about. Until Bones did it for him.
"So…tell me," Bones said.
Jim swallowed a sip of his drink and put the cup down. "Tell you what?"
"Whatever it is you need to tell to me that you've been holding on to."
Jim fiddled with his fork, then set it down, pushing his plate away. He looked up, and found those hazel eyes focused on him again. Unerringly, and calm. Just waiting. Jim waited until he was settled, and then reached to take Bones' hand.
"I got a subspace communication from Brexar today."
Bones hand clenched slightly and his nostrils flared as he inhaled sharply. "And?" he prompted tightly.
"And…they think they found him."
The breath stopped in Leonard's chest as he stared at Jim, trying to process that information. "They found him," he repeated. "They're sure?"
Jim pressed his lips together. This is where it got complicated.
"Well, no. Not legally. Not yet," Jim said.
"What? Jim…"
"Here's the thing, Bones. He's not a Federation citizen. He's from Caius III. He travels to Brexar often, as part of the entourage of some Caius diplomat, and he was picked up by Brexan security for some other issue recently. They had his picture, because of the description you gave them. But some strings were pulled, and he was released from the holding facility, and then got off-planet before anything could be done to officially charge him with…with what he did to you."
Bones cringed at that, and Jim stopped talking, letting him absorb that information. Bones' eyes were focused on the table, and his grip on Jim's hand remained firm even as his palm became damp with nervous sweat.
"So…what?" Leonard asked, looking up at Jim. "He just has to stay off Brexar and he gets off scot free? That's…that's…" he stopped, struggling for a strong enough word and coming up blank. "How can that happen Jim? How…why did they let him out?"
Jim shook his head helplessly, not having any good answer to these same questions that he'd asked hours ago. "I don't know Bones. I don't know. Someone fucked up. Or someone was paid off. But…there is something we…you…can do."
"What? What could possibly matter, Jim? He's going to get away with what he did, and I get to live with it for the rest of my life."
"But Bones….maybe not. He might not get away with it. Caius won't turn him over to Brexar to be prosecuted and incarcerated without their requirements being met first. But…if we…you…can meet their requirements, maybe…" Jim trailed off, eyes traveling over the face of the man he loved. Bones had that defeated look on him again…the slightly hunched shoulders, his eyes averted. This wasn't right. It wasn'tfair. If Jim ever got his hands on the piece of filth who did this…
"Bones, I'm not saying that putting this bastard away will negate anything he did. But maybe…maybe it'll give you some satisfaction. Maybe it'll help you-"
"Help me what, Jim? Just get over it already?" Leonard asked, looking up sharply and withdrawing his hand from Jim's grasp.
"No," Jim said, reaching for him again, and holding on. He wouldn't let Bones pull away from him. They needed to stay together…to work through it together. "Maybe it'll feel like taking some of yourself back."
They sat there, the silence in the room broken only by the sounds of their breath. Slowly, Bones curled his fingers back around Jim, still holding on, while Jim waited for him to get to the next question. Jim wasn't going to force this in any way. It would be hard enough as it was.
But he did get there. Because no matter what, Bones was still the person Jim fell in love with, and everything that had attracted Jim to him in the first place.
"What do I have to do?" he asked quietly. He looked up, quickly wiping the wetness away from his eyes, and the only thing Jim saw there was determination.
"They have a requirement that stipulates the accused have the opportunity to meet the accuser in a formal hearing," Jim took a breath. "And during that hearing, the accuser has to provide detail about the crime to a panel, along with any evidence Brexar has, which will be presented by a Brexan official. And then the panel will decide if he can be extradited to Brexar. When he is, because he's not a Federation citizen, he'll have a Brexan trial, and he's subject to Brexan punishment."
Jim paused, giving Bones a careful look. "If he goes to Brexar, Bones, he will be prosecuted, and he will be found guilty. They have his DNA. He'll go to one of their prison camps for a long, long time."
Leonard nodded, feeling numb. He understood that. Brexan justice was much harsher for non-Federation criminals, and the burden of prosecution much lighter. It was not a world to be caught doing something illegal if you weren't a Federation citizen.
But what he had to do to get to that point…to relive it, in the details he'd have to give in an open forum, to a room full of strangers. To face…him. To have to be in the same room as him. Breathing the same air.
A hand at his throat tightened, making his vision dark at the edges. He struggled for air, gagging on the smell of the other's breath. Letting go of the hand he couldn't pry off, Leonard tried to hit him, then tried to push his face away, the sharp pain of the other's teeth closing on the flesh below his thumb cutting through the haze around his brain. He gasped as the hand finally let go, letting him breathe, his heart slamming in his chest. Fear weakened him as the other bared his blood-stained teeth in a smile that was nothing but malevolence.
To have to talk about what he'd done. They'd both relive the attack…and it made him sick to think he'd have to describe what happened to him to someone who would enjoy hearing it. His stomach rolled just thinking of it, his breath feeling tight in his chest.
Flipped over, a punishing hand on the back of his neck, pinning him down painfully, the rough grit of the road scraping his cheek. He tasted blood in his mouth and his ears rang from the blow to his head. A viciously hard tug at his pants galvanized him into motion, and with a force of strength fueled by fear-induced adrenaline, levered himself up with a wordless scream, desperately trying to kick and pull away.
Swallowing hard, he willed his body to cooperate and breathe and keep everything he'd eaten where it belonged. He wondered if Jim realized the significance of what he was suggesting. He was so, so grateful that he probably didn't. That he didn't know…
His mind blanked with pure, unrelenting panic when he felt the other's naked body against his. All of Leonard's muscles went rigid beneath the bulk of the much larger man, and he tensed uncontrollably, his body's last automatic, pathetic defense against the violation he couldn't stop. The pain was excruciating…a scream built in his chest, clawed its way out of his throat…
Leonard swallowed hard, gripping Jim and the edge of the table, trying to stay here.
"Bones? Bones? You okay? You're white as a sheet," Jim asked, concern heavy in his voice. The sound of it kept him here… gave him something to focus on.
"I have to think about it, Jim," Leonard ground out. He took another measured breath, blew it out. His heart was starting to slow. He shook his head. "I just…I have to think about it."
Jim physically bit his tongue and choked down his automatic response. To him, it was a no-brainer. There was nothing that would stop him from doing whatever necessary to put the bastard away. But it wasn't his decision.
When he was sure he wasn't going to blurt out what was on the tip of his tongue, he nodded. "Okay," he said.
Leonard looked up and gave him a small smile. "I can imagine what it took for you to leave it at that, Darlin', and I appreciate it."
Jim just shook his head. "Bones, you don't have to thank me for anything. It's your choice. You need to do what you feel like you should do. Whatever you decide, I'm completely behind you."
Leonard was about to respond when a communication signal interrupted them.
"Bridge to Captain Kirk."
Jim sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose.
"Yes, Kirk here."
"Sir, Admiral Reichart requests that you and Commander Spock contact him immediately."
Jim rolled his eyes and Leonard smirked slightly in response. Of course he did. "I'm on my way to the Bridge. Please have Commander Spock meet me in the Ready Room."
"Aye, sir."
Dammit, Jim thought. The last thing he wanted to do was drop that news on Bones and then leave him alone with it.
"That about me?" Leonard asked. He looked up from the table, and Jim could see the embarrassment in his eyes.
He shook his head. "No, I don't think so. Starfleet doesn't really need to be involved in this, and I made it clear that if representation were necessary, I'd be the one doing it, as your Captain. Pike didn't have a problem with that. And for those who might….well, let's just say there are benefits to us keeping things officially unofficial." He paused, leaned forward and gently grasped Bones' arm. "I'm sorry I have to leave, but I don't think it'll be long."
"I'm fine, Jim. You go ahead…Spock'll be waiting."
"We'll talk when I get back, okay?"
No, they wouldn't. Leonard didn't want to talk about this anymore tonight. But it was easier to just agree. "Yeah, sure. I'll be here."
They both stood, and Leonard cleared the table while Jim changed back into uniform. He kissed Leonard, again promising to be back soon, and then left him to go deal with whatever it was this time. Leaving him alone with the silence of the room and nothing to stop the memories.
Determined not to let them drag him under, to not dwell on events that had happened, and were over now and couldn't be changed, Leonard finished the quick clean up from dinner and called a yeoman to come retrieve the materials that were to go back to the galley. Then he set about his regular routine that had been thrown out of whack when he found Jim in the shower.
Leonard smiled slightly. That had been wonderful. It'd been wonderful to be with Jim like that, and to be able to make him feel something other than the guilt and helplessness that had become such a part of who he was.
Because of him. Because of what had happened to him.
Jim loved him and had held on to him over these last few months. Even when he was at his lowest and had done everything he could to push Jim away. Blaming him…You should've left with me!. Excusing him from their relationship…I'll never be the same, Jim. You shouldn't stay with me. Being afraid of him…I don't want you to touch me...I can't sleep here. Even then, instead of letting him go back to his own quarters and be alone, Jim kept the hurt that had to have caused him to himself and simply slept on the couch.
And listening to him. Maybe the most significant thing Jim had done for him was simply be there to listen to him tell the story of what had happened, over and over again. Getting the details out. Getting the emotion out. Letting go of the guilt. Learning to let go of the shame.
It had happened to him, but Jim was living through it too, helpless to change anything or make things better.
Leonard sat down at their shared desk to get some work done, closing out files, signing off on reports, looking at the data he'd downloaded from a side project he was working on. Then he moved to his messages. There were a few that required his attention, and he quickly dealt with them. Then he came to the message that was an overview of the situation that Jim had described to him.
Except, here, there were more details. Like his name. In all of this, Leonard never thought about his name. Lhaerrh Dhiemm. He was part Rhaandarite. That was more important to Leonard than his name. That bit of information made him…not feel better…but understand. Understand a bit more about why he'd been overpowered so easily. Why the attacker seemed to just…engulf him….
He was being crushed by the weight above and around him. All around him, no matter how he turned his head or struggled, there was weight pressing him down. He felt dwarfed, helpless, by the size of the attacker. One large hand easily pinned his wrists together, the hot rush of his breath snorting over him, ruffling his hair, making it hard for him to breathe, his chest aching as he struggled, trying to breathe, trying to scream…
Leonard dropped the PADD and shoved away from the desk, physically reacting to the remembered overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia, that same feeling that made it so hard to be held. He gasped, wiped his face and ran his hands through his hair as that truth slammed into him. He couldn't let Jim hold him, couldn't be with his best friend in all the ways he so desperately wanted, because of this Lhaerrh Dhiemm.
And who the fuck was he? No one. No one who mattered. And here Leonard was, letting him have all this power over him, over his relationship with Jim. Over his life.
"Well, fuck that!" he said, almost startling himself with the vehemence and resolve in his voice. But Jim was right. Seeing Dhiemm pay for what he'd done wouldn't make everything magically better. Of course not; he knew that. But it would make him feel like he was taking control over his life back.
And with that decision, the idea of looking Dhiemm in the eye and being the reason he spent years in a Brexar prison camp didn't evoke the feeling of dread as it did earlier. Now, it just felt like the right thing to do.
And it felt possible. And Leonard knew he'd be doing it not just for himself, but also for Jim, and their life together. And that made it worth it.
Now that he'd made that decision, he felt better. Lighter. And for the first time in a long time, like he had a direction. It wasn't perfect. He was still a little anxious about actually getting it done, being in the room with Dhiemm, answering questions from the panel, but it didn't feel impossible, or like it was too much to ask.
Sitting back down at the desk, he picked up the PADD again, and wrote a response to the message about Dhiemm, saying he would provide whatever information the panel needed, and to please work with Captain James Kirk on scheduling a date. He copied Jim and Spock, and hesitating just a moment, sent the message into subspace.
Feeling good, feeling accomplished, Leonard set down the PADD and again left the desk. He was sure Jim would see the message, and when he came back he'd want to talk about it. Earlier, Leonard had felt defeated and tired, and didn't want to talk anymore. Now, he felt energized and like he had a purpose to play here…he had the opportunity to stop Dhiemm from ever hurting anyone else. He was going to take it.
Restless with this new energy, Leonard was stuck between wanting to be in their quarters when Jim got back, and feeling like he needed to burn off some nervous energy. Ultimately, he managed to calm down and settled for wandering over to Jim's bookcase and carefully pulling a selection off a shelf. He dimmed the lights except by the bed and settled in to read.
He didn't get very far into the story, or have to wait long. Jim had seen the message while conferencing with the Admiral, and wrapped things up as quickly as he could. Hurrying back to their quarters, feeling so proud of Bones and so relieved that he was going to take this step – truly believing it was the right thing to do in every way – all he wanted to do was be with him, in any way he wanted.
So that night, laying together in bed under the blankets, they faced each other on their sides, holding hands as they kissed gently. Leonard couldn't tolerate being held, feeling like he was being pinned, but he lay as close to Jim as he could. Their legs touched, their hands entwined, their breathing connected them.
"I'm going to need you, Jim, if I'm going to get through it. I still don't know how I'll get through seeing him there, talking about it in front of him," Leonard said lowly, having to remind himself firmly that he'd made his decision for this very reason, and he was going to go through with it.
"You have me," Jim said immediately, sincerity in his voice and shining in his eyes. "In every way you need, you have me."
Leonard took a deep breath, silently centering himself and preparing the only way he could. He didn't know if it would be enough. He didn't think anything could really be enough. He looked up and met Jim's eyes, and gave a slight nod. Only then, once he'd given his okay, did Jim push the door to the hearing chamber open.
The door opened at the back of the room, and despite his intention to keep his eyes focused on the far wall, straight ahead, Leonard couldn't help but letting his eyes sweep the room. And he saw that he was already there, sitting at his table. And he couldn't help it. His steps…that he wanted to be even and purposeful…faltered, and in the next second he was sure he couldn't do it.
Jim bumped into him when he stopped, and the noise in the otherwise quiet room caught the attention of everyone there, and they all turned to look. Including him.
Jim had a steadying hand on the small of his back, and Leonard turned to tell him to "forget it, let's go, I can't". Until he got a good look at Jim. His eyes were on the face of their reason for being there, his fair complexion reddened and his lips thinned out in suppressed anger. But it was his eyes that caught Leonard's attention the most. Always so blue, they burned with fierce anger and the hardest edge of hate he'd ever seen.
It was unsettling. And it was touching. Because it was for him. Those barely contained emotions were directed at Dhiemm, as he sat so coolly in his chair, smirking as they waited to see what Leonard would do. But it was for Leonard that Jim was feeling that anger so deeply. So personally. And knowing that was enough to make him turn and make his way down the aisle to his own table.
Keeping his eyes ahead, he refused to give Dhiemm the satisfaction of even acknowledging him. Focusing on the feel of Jim's presence so close behind him, he moved to their table and took a seat. As he did, he eyes landed on someone sitting on their side who looked familiar to him, couldn't place right away. Whoever he was, he was sitting on their side of the room, so Leonard guessed he was there to offer evidence against Dhiemm, so he was welcome.
On the other hand, Leonard really hoped it wouldn't be necessary. He didn't want to hear it.
Dhiemm was murmuring to his representative, and other low conversations were taking place in the room. There were more people than Leonard thought there would be…he assumed they were part of Dhiemm's entourage. Though this wasn't a closed hearing, it also wasn't widely publicized, and apparently Dhiemm wasn't all that important. That was good.
On the other hand, neither was he. And the burden was on him right now. If this hearing didn't result in a decision to surrender Dhiemm to Brexar, there would be no recourse, and he would go free and all this would be for nothing.
The anxiety he was already feeling seemed to be increasing, and Leonard folded his hands on the table to stop them from shaking, squeezing until his knuckles were white. He swallowed, and kept his eyes down as he tried to tune the talking out and focus himself.
"Bones," Jim murmured, placing a hand on his thigh under the table and out of sight. "Breathe evenly. Do you want some water?"
Jim waited and watched as Bones took a deep breath and consciously unclenched his hands. Jim could feel the tension rolling off him since they first stepped foot in the government building, and he'd been quiet and withdrawn all morning. Jim knew this was going to be hard for him, and he wished there was something…anything…he could do. But he was powerless in the face of Bones' distress. He hated that.
"No…might spill it," Leonard replied quietly. "I'm a little better now. Thanks."
"Nothing to thank me for," Jim responded. He gave Bones' thigh a gentle squeeze and then let go, just as a door in the back opened and three Caiusians entered. Two men and one woman, they were the panel that had to decide whether or not to hand Dhiemm over to Brexar for prosecution of his crimes against Bones.
Following the lead of the others in the room, Jim and Leonard stood, only taking their seats again after the panel members sat down. They quietly arranged themselves, and then the woman reached for a button on the table and began speaking, her voice amplified so that it could be heard clearly despite her quiet manner of speech.
"And so we open the extradition hearing against Citizen Lhaerrh Dhiemm, brought to us by request of the Brexan authorities of Deylar province, in response to crimes committed against a visitor – a Leonard McCoy," she said, picking up a datapad on the table in front of her and reading his name off of it. " – at the time of Alcius by the Caius calendar." She put the datapad down again and looked out over those who were in attendance.
"I am Magistrate Shillarre and I will be presiding here. Magistrates Feshheit and Doemmir," she continued, and each man inclined his head at his introduction.
"The accused will make himself known," she said. Jim looked over as Dhiemm stood, noisily pushing his chair back with an insolent, annoyed expression on his face. He entertained himself with thoughts of punching that expression right off of him. Leonard kept his eyes on the table, though Jim could feel the tension in him.
The magistrates quietly observed him for a moment, and then turned their attention to Jim and Leonard when Shillarre said, "The accuser will make himself known."
It took him a moment, but Leonard stood, clasping his hands behind his back and falling into the familiar stance of parade rest. He kept his eyes focused somewhere over the magistrates' heads, refusing to look over at Dhiemm, and unable to look anywhere else.
"The participants in this hearing are recognized. Please take your seats." She waited until they both were again sitting before continuing. "Due to the sensitive nature of the topics to be discussed today I am going to take the step of clearing the room of all observers. If you are offering testimony or are a representative, please place your hand on the panel in front of you to register your presence. Everyone else must leave now."
Jim and Leonard glanced at each other as they did as they were told, pressing their palm to the panels embedded in the table in front of each of them. Jim was impressed and gratified that the Magistrate was taking this step. She didn't have to; there was no requirement about closing the gallery. It spoke to her character, and he knew Bones was grateful as well. He didn't want an audience.
Once all the spectators were gone, there was only a handful of people left in the room.
"Leonard McCoy," Magistrate Shillarre said. She glanced up when Leonard started to stand. "You may remain seated. Brexar has requested Citizen Lhaerrh Dhiemm be returned to them for trial, on your behalf. We do not easily surrender our people for prosecution on alien worlds. Please describe for us, in your own words, the crime perpetrated against you."
This was it. This was the part Leonard had been dreading. He didn't think it would come up so fast, and he wasn't ready. He could still barely breathe. He swallowed hard, his mouth dry, and Jim discreetly pushed a glass of water he'd poured for himself across the table within Leonard's reach.
"Breathe," Jim whispered.
Buying time, Leonard reached for the glass and brought it to his lips, happy to notice that it was steady.Sturdy hands, surgeon hands, the useless thought flitted through his mind. Putting the glass down, he moved as if to put his hands in his lap under the table. Instead, out of sight of everyone else in the room, he gripped Jim's knee, needing the support the contact provided. Feeling that, Jim shifted slightly and reached beneath the table as well, and took his sweaty hand, holding him firmly.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the room spoke. "Magistrate, I am Counsel Braarre. If the accuser will not speak…"
"I'll speak," Leonard said, anger in his voice. He glanced over at the other table for the first time since being in the chamber, meeting Dhiemm's eyes just long enough to let him know that he wasn't going to get away with it. His grip on Jim's hand tightened, and he had to focus his eyes on the table, unable to look the three Magistrates in the eye. "It was late, and I was in an area I wasn't completely familiar with…and I was alone…"
Jim's whole being was filled with admiration for his best friend and partner as he began speaking, and his heart broke all over again hearing him tell the story of that night here. He spoke clinically, evenly, doing his best to keep himself detached as he narrated the attack from the first blow that knocked him off his feet, through the struggle that resulted in most of his bodily injuries, to the most personal assault he suffered that night.
Leonard paused in his narration, unable to go in to detail about the things Dhiemm had done to him, the way he'd pinned him so easily, like he was a ragdoll…a plaything. He couldn't. It was too much. Not with Dhiemm sitting right there. He felt Jim squeeze his hand, offering him the silent support he'd leaned so heavily on. He turned his head to look at Jim, to meet those eyes he knew would be shining with love and care, to plead with him to take over somehow, 'cause he couldn't do it…but then he was saved from having to offer any further details, or have Jim speak for him, from a voice behind him.
"Magistrates, if you please. I'm Medic Ashar. I treated Leonard McCoy the night of the attack. Additional details regarding the extent of the injuries he sustained were in the datapack submitted prior to this hearing. If you need any other information, I can provide it to you."
So that's why he looked familiar, Leonard thought, feeling himself redden in embarrassment. He'd been so out of it, so overcome by the horror and disgust and wrongness of that night, that he didn't even remember the man who'd treated his injuries. He wanted to lower his head and cringe in embarrassment. But he didn't. He sat up straight, eyes trained on a point at the end of the table, refusing to give in to the humiliation all over again.
"We have received and read the information you provided. Your offer is acceptable," Magistrate Shillarre replied. "I would like to move to the subject of the identity of Leonard McCoy's attacker. While the attack against Leonard McCoy was grievous, I have not heard any compelling reason to release Citizen Dhiemm to Brexar."
Afraid that she was actually about to officially deny the request for extradition, Jim released Leonard's grip and stood quickly.
"Magistrate, James T. Kirk, acting counsel for Dr. McCoy. According to the Caiusian Law Register, Fifth Section, Eleventh subsection, the Accusors are permitted to enter evidence, certified by the requesting government. We have such evidence regarding the question of identity."
"Thank you, James Kirk. I was just getting to that. We'll hear the evidence."
Satisfied, Jim sat as he nodded to the medic. Under the cover of the table, Jim once again took Leonard's hand, rubbing his thumb soothingly on the back of his hand as they listened to the medic provide his testimony regarding the presence and identification of DNA.
Jim watched Bones out of the corner of his eye, observing the set of his mouth and the brace of his arms. Although he still felt that being here and doing this was the right thing, he couldn't help but wonder what kind of effect this was going to have on him. Would it set them back? Would they be back to nightmares that woke him in a cold sweat every night? Or would it help him move forward a little, knowing that his determination and strength would put away a monster who'd probably hurt others?
Whatever was in front of them after this, Jim knew they'd face it together.
The evidence was pretty straightforward and it was damning. And Jim couldn't imagine what the other side could possibly say to save themselves.
"Council Brarre," the Magistrate said, turning her attention to the other table. "Would Citizen Dhiemm like to present any information for our consideration?"
Dhiemm looked at his council, and stood when he nodded. Leonard looked over at him, catching his eyes for a moment before looking away again, his jaw tensing as he squeezed Jim's hand reflexively.
"Magistrates, there's no reason to deny what happened," Dhiemm said, his sibilant voice crawling through the room. "We had sex that night. It was late, we were both alone…in an area known for hosting people looking for all sorts of…things."
Before Jim could really process what was happening, Leonard was on his feet, shouting, his temper erupting at the insinuation that he'd been a willing participant in what had happened, and Jim grabbed his arm, to keep him from crossing the aisle as Dhiemm and his council shouted back, and the Magistrates were on their feet, Shillarre was banging her gavel, calling for order, for security, for silence…
It was a couple of moments before the chamber was quiet once again, and it ended with Leonard walking out. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to that fuck's lies!" he'd shouted, and Jim inwardly cringed, wondering how the translator had handled that adjective, but so very proud of his partner. He was sorry Bones had to hear that crap, but relieved to see him stand up for himself. "Magistrates, may I be excused? I trust J – my council to conclude the proceedings without me," Leonard said.
"Well, that's highly unusual…but acceptable," Magistrate Shillarre said.
"Thank you," he replied curtly. With just a glance at Jim, and without sparing a second to even acknowledge Dhiemm's side watching him warily, he turned and walked out, his steps sure and firm.
Jim let himself into his quarters, pausing just inside as the door slid shut behind him. The lights were on, but dimmed, and it was quiet. But he knew Bones was there.
He pulled off his dress tunic, dropping it on the couch, and noticed that Bones' uniform was there too. Undressing as he crossed to the partitioned-off sleeping area, he was down to his underwear and t-shirt, just like the form spread out on his bed.
"Hey," Jim said quietly. "You okay?"
"Yeah," Bones replied hoarsely.
"Can I…?" Jim gestured to the bed, and something like regret crossed Leonard's features.
"Of course," he answered. He shouldn't ever have to ask me that.
Jim slid into the bed and settled a little bit apart, wanting so badly to touch and hold and kiss and comfort, but not knowing if any of that would be welcome.
"Did I fuck it up?" Leonard asked after a moment, torn between wanting to know what had happened and afraid of the answer.
"Oh…no! Not at all. I sent a message…" Jim started.
"It's ok…I heard it come in, but I didn't read it," Leonard replied. "I guess I wanted to wait for you."
"Well, it didn't last long after you left. Mostly I was down there just doing paperwork. The Magistrates agreed with you…that what Dhiemm said was complete crap. He's being extradited to Brexar today, and he'll be on trial within a month. They don't need you to be there for that."
Leonard closed his eyes, letting out a breath. He had expected that they would win. It was still a relief to hear it. "What if…what if I want to be?"
Jim shrugged. "We'll make it happen. Your call." Jim's eyes traveled over Bones' face, and then he smiled slightly. "You did so well. I can't…" he stopped, shaking his head. "I can't imagine how much it must've taken for you to…you're the most courageous person I've ever known. You're amazing, Bones."
Leonard snorted, bringing a hand up to his eyes. "I'm not. You have no idea how close I came to walking away before it even started."
"But you didn't," Jim said. "It was that hard for you, and you did it anyway. You can do anything…I've seen it, over and over again."
He could do anything, Leonard thought. Jim believed it. He should believe it too. "Only because of you, Jim. I could do it only because of you. Because I love you, and because how much you love me. I could see it…in your eyes…when we were in the chamber and you looked at him…I could see it. You made the difference to me then. You always do."
Leonard reached out to him, curling an arm around Jim's shoulders and pulling him in. Although surprised, Jim went happily. After hesitating for a moment, feeling a difference in the way Leonard was holding him, Jim did the same. They lay together, like they used to, like they hadn't for so long. Looking into Jim's eyes, Leonard smiled slightly and leaned in, gently cupping Jim's jaw and kissing him…so much of what he was feeling in that kiss, so much of what they'd both missed for so long in that kiss.
Jim's eyes fluttered closed, and his heart soared as they lay there, arms around each other, and Bones was okay…not panicky, even as they held each other…and Jim could hardly believe it. And when he felt Leonard put a leg over his, and pull him even closer it was like coming home.
Hands roamed as they kissed, tender endearments were whispered and felt and they each reveled in the love they had for each other, almost as if they were experiencing it for the first time.
"Thank you for always being there for me, Jim…I love you so much for everything you've given me," Bones whispered against his lips.
"I'll always be here. Right here, with you," Jim replied. "Always."
And maybe things would never be exactly as they were, but they knew that wouldn't stop them from moving forward, together.