So I wrote this because I thought that the only thing that could possibly be crazier than the 2016 presidential election, would be an election held in Smash. This fic is my interpretation of what it would look like.

Before beginning, here are a few disclaimers:

I don't own any of the characters in this story.

This story does not, in any way, reflect my political views.

I do not mean to offend anyone. And I apologize if I do.

"Good evening, folks, and welcome to the first presidential debate of Smash. I'm tonight's moderator, Ike Greil." The blue-haired mercenary smiled into a camera held by Toad. He had done his best to look professional for this evening, even going so far as to put on the red tie that Samus had insisted he wear, but his muscles and broad shoulders were straining the rented suit coat and ruining the effect. "Please welcome the presidential hopefuls. On the far left we have Kirby, the Hero from Dreamland."

The pink ball stood on tiptoes behind his tiny, custom-made stand and waved his little arms in the air.

"Beside him is Link, the renowned Hero of Hyrule."

Link was typing madly on a phone, and in a moment a message appeared on the screen behind him that had been constructed for this purpose: 'I hope all of u will consider me as ur future hero. Thx! :-D'

"In the center of the stage is Marth Lowell, who currently holds a lead in the polls."

The Hero King raised a regal hand. "Thank you all for taking time to hear us debate. I trust that all of you will find my qualifications satisfactory, and will give me your vote."

"We love you, Marth!" Lucina screamed from the audience where she was sitting with Marth's campaign manager, Robin.

Marth smiled condescendingly.

"Next is Mario, champion of princess rescuers."

"It's-a going to be great!" Mario crowed.

"And finally, a hero new to Smash, Cloud Strife."

A pair of icey blue eyes looked out at the suddenly hushed audience shrinking down in their seats, and the warrior gave a curt nod before looking back down at his stand.

"Alright, let's get on with this then." Ike raised his eyebrows in surprise as he looked at the list of questions on his laptop. "Okay. Let's just say that some voters are really cutting to the chase. I hope none of you have sensitive feelings, because you're not getting any sympathy from me, or anyone else it seems." He raised his head to look at the candidates. "Link, this first one is for you, and it's mild. I quote: 'You never seem to stick around for long- always reincarnating into a new Link, even in Smash. How do we know that you will be a hero we can rely on to be there for us?'"

The crowd erupted into a mess of boos and cheers while Link texted furiously. The message popped up on the screen- 'The spirit of Link is really who u r voting 4. That's the spirit of a hero, & it'll always be around for u. #legacy!'

Link's supporters, including a hoard of fangirls who had just come to watch Link, even though they couldn't vote, cheered wildly and held up signs with "Legacy" written on them in green.

"Anyone want to respond?" Ike looked at the others on the stage.

Marth leaned into his microphone, "I'd like to point out that voting for a spirit that reincarnates only when it feels the need arises, isn't as practical as Link tries to make it sound. It's actually not a workable care plan. I, on the other hand, propose to you a hero who has been there through thick and thin since the beginning of his heroics, namely myself."

The cheers for Marth were even louder, partially due to the large number of Fire Emblem Smashers, partially due to Robin's new "applause" tome.

Link's response came up. 'My plan is better than urs. I won't cost the people money while they don't need me as a hero. U should release ur tax returns so they can all see how much u cost. :p'

"Fine," Marth shot back. "But you have to release all your financial information, so that your supporters can see how bad your credit is, and how many times you've had to pay damages for the things you destroyed while learning to be a hero."

There were low whistles from the crowd.

"Besides, you've looted from random treasure chests while on your quests. I don't think a thief is qualified-"

"Okay," Ike intervened. "Let's keep this civil."

A message popped up from Link. 'Marth just showed that he's not a hero of the people. He doesn't understand how life outside the palace worx.'

"He doesn't know how to spell," Marth commented. "And ask Lucina, Chrom- even Ike knows what I've gone through. Life was not handed to me on a silver platter."

"Marth, you're the greatest!" Lucina screamed, now backed up by Marth's entire kingdom. (They were late because their Pegasi had run into some turbulence.)

Robin used the applause tome again, but it was drowned out by Marth's loyal subjects. "Drat," he hissed. "I can only use this so many times."

"Let's give the other candidates some air time." Ike's voice was firm and the crowd quieted. "Cloud Strife, you seem to have had several life-threatening illnesses in your past. You've been poisoned with Mako (what in the world is that?) and it eventually caused you to lose your true nature. Later you were infected with Geostigma which almost finished you. Lastly, and perhaps of the greatest importance, there are cells in your body that allowed you to be controlled by a villain. There are disturbing reports that under this influence you almost killed one of your close friends and allies. Considering this past, how do you think voters should view your health, and how should that affect their vote?"

"Mako is the liquid form of the Lifestream," Cloud spoke evenly into the microphone. "I think that voters should view my sicknesses as things of the past and should vote for me to be the hero of Smash."

"I-a disagree," Mario pounded his fist on the stand. "Who-a knows when he could get-a sick again? Me, on the other hand, I've-a never gotten sick before."

"But you've died countless times," Marth responded.

"And yet here I am-a today," Mario returned triumphantly. "Fresh as ever." He thumped his chest for emphasis.

As the disturbing meaning of those words sunk in, the crowd began to whisper and murmur. "Boo Mario?" "Spirit of Mario?" "Is spirit of Mario stronger than the spirit of Link?" "Luigi has also died many times. Does he haunt his own mansion?"

"Moving on," Ike chuckled nervously. "Link, and Mario, this one goes out to you two from the Villainous Activists. 'In the past you have killed our minions, destroyed our homes, and refused to let us follow our dreams. How do we know that you will respect our rights as citizens of Smash?"

"I'll-a let Linky answer first," Mario smiled.

'Who'll protect Zelda's rights?!' came Link's response. 'U were obstructing justice, Ganon. I have always upheld the laws of the land, and if u respect them, I will respect ur rights as well. #legacy.'

"Now that you've-a seen Link's answer, I think 'legacy' takes on a new meaning. Link has a legacy of having favorites and upholding justice for only the upper class, and he has no intention of changing. I on the other hand, pledge that I will always treat villains with respect and give them equal treatment."

There were wild cheers from the crowd, and Bowser shot a fireball into the air. Panic reigned for a moment, but he quickly inhaled it again.

'Shameless flounder,' popped up from Link, and everyone stared at the message with quizzical expressions. '*Panderer. Stupid autocorrect.'

"Ahh."

Marth leaned into his microphone, "Mario, there are many recordings of you trampling on Bowser. You can't deny that you have the same destructive legacy as Link."

"Locker room actions. I apologize," Mario responded. "No one has more respect for villains than I do."

Marth's response was lost in the roar of laughter from the audience.

Mario turned a bright red, matching his hat. "Marth-a, you can't say that you-a never harmed a villain. There are hundreds of-"

"I did all in my power to spare Hard-"

"But you killed-"

"Guys," Ike tried to intervene.

"He honestly-"

"You're-a just try-"

"Guys!" Ike tried again but the candidates spoke over him.

"No. You're just trying to diver-"

"I don't-a need to-"

The Hero King and the Plumber were yelling at each other now. Everyone could see their red faces and rapidly moving lips. No one could hear a thing they were saying.

"I have muted the microphones of these two belligerent candidates," Ike calmly commented. "They are disqualified from the debate for not following the rules. Kirby, you haven't spoken much. What is your response to those voters who say that you're a 'low-energy' candidate, and not someone that they can look up to, literally."

"Poyo poyo poyo," Kirby answered. "Popoyo poyoyo poyo. Poyoyoyo-"

"Language, Kirby," Ike cautioned. "There are young ears here."

"Poyo."

"Apology accepted. And those are very good points you made. I'm sure the voters are satisfied.

"Cloud Strife," Ike addressed the edge-lord. "You have a past of being a mercenary, which some voters consider to be a dishono- Wait a minute." Ike squinted at the screen. "Okay, that was an uneducated question and will be ignored. But it begs the question, how are you planning on promoting education among the young Smashers?"

"I don't have a plan for that," Cloud responded.

"I'm sure the voters appreciate your honesty."

Cloud nodded stiffly.

A message from Link came up, 'I'll arrange for tutors to be brought in to make sure the youth of Smash receive the education they deserve.'

Ike nodded. "Any response, Cloud or Kirby."

"Poyo!" Kirby screamed. "Poyoy poyo poypoy."

"I agree with Kirby," Cloud said. "What if they don't feel an education is necessary? I propose that no one be forced to go to school. It never helped me."

"Poyo poyo poyo poyo," Kirby added.

"That's right," Cloud agreed. "How would you determine who is the youth and what kind of education they should receive?"

'Everyone should learn to read, write, and do sums,' was Link's response.

"Do some of what? And another thing Kirby said, what about those who already don't meet your standards? Would you require them to return to school?"

"Cloud brings up a good point," Ike noted. "Your campaign has really catered to the educated, because it requires them to read to know what you want to say. What sort of issues do you think that raises, and how will you deal with them coming in on the final stretch here?"

Link hesitated, and all the fangirls waited with bated breath to see what depth his latest bit of wisdom would reach.

'I think literacy tests should be required for voters.'

There was a scream of rage, and an angel hurtled down towards the green Hero. "How. Dare. You!" Pit yelled. Link pulled out his sword, Pit readied his blades, and the fight was on.

Ike watched for a few minutes, an amused smile on his face, before pressing one of the red buttons of the switchboard in front of him. A net fell on the two fighters, and the more they struggled, the more helplessly stuck they became. Finally they were left just sitting and glaring at each other and wondering what this net that had withstood their swords was made of.

"Link is currently indisposed," Ike noted. "It's down to Kirby and Cloud. Here's a very practical question: 'How do we, the voters, know that you are strong enough to protect us?'" Ike smiled at the two remaining candidates.

"Poyo poyo poyo," Kirby explained. Ike nodded, impressed with the pink ball's wisdom, but in the corner of his eye he saw Cloud...

"Oh no you don't!" Ike exclaimed. In a moment he leaped onto his desk, Ragnell in his right hand.

"Limits are meant to be broken," a fully charged Cloud noted calmly before setting off a Finishing Touch.

The unlucky candidates, who were closest to Cloud, were flung out of the stadium, disappearing on the horizon in flashes of light. The audience screamed. There was no time to run. Cloud's demonstration of his heroic abilities was going to send the population of Smash (and Archanea) into obliteration.

Ike pulled up Ragnell into a Counter move and saved everyone.

There was a hush as the mercenary on the desk ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. "Well, Cloud, it looks like you're the last candidate available. I guess that means-"

"I like Ike!" someone in the crowd shouted.

"I like Ike too!" cried another.

"We like Ike!" screamed the fangirls.

"We like Ike!" the Archaneans agreed.

Robin used his applause tome.

"We like Ike!" the crowd roared.

Ike turned to thank and quiet the audience, and his eyes grew very wide. They were streaming towards him in a flow of strength that could not be countered, even by Ragnell. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cloud walking quietly away; no help there.

"Ike for hero! Ike for hero!" the crowd chanted. "We like Ike. You like Ike. Everybody likes Ike (for hero). Hang out the banners. Beat the drums. We'll take Ike to the Smash Mansion. We'll take Ike to the Smash Mansion!"

And so when the other four candidates and Pit finally made their way back home, they found Smash thriving under the hero-ship of Ike. But his term was drawing to a close, and he didn't want to run for reelection, so they decided to hold a debate to see who would be the next Hero of Smash.

More disclaimers to finish:

No character bashing was representative of how I feel about that character; I was just having fun.

Making a small joke about literacy tests is not me making light of a sad part of American history.

I do not own the chant that the crowd does for Ike at the end. I spoofed it off of a campaign commercial for President Dwight (Ike) Eisenhower.

And...

If you enjoyed, please review! Tell me what you liked, and I'll do my best to keep up good work in future posts.

If you didn't enjoy, please review! Tell me how I could have made it better, and I'll do my best to avoid similar mistakes in the future.

If you review, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. LMK which Smasher you'd like to see in office. ;)

And to anyone who may be reading one of my other fics- yes, I am going to get out chapter seven of "When A Hero" (hopefully before the end of the week), and then I'll work on chapter two of "Meddlesome Hands."

Thanks for reading!