Disclaimer: just so you know I don't own Harry potter or any of the Potter characters
Some of you might know me as the evil lord voldemort but its all not rue let me tell you what really happened I was flying my shooting star to Goddrick's Hollow to collect my money from the cheatin' bitch James Potter. Ya see last week I had my weekly poker game with Remus, Sirus, Snape, and Dumbledore. It was like any other game Dumbledore was drunk as hell, Sirus and Remus were playing footsies but kept on touching me... oh well so on with the story.
I caught James cheating with a card in his sleeve.
So I yelled, "you motherfucker you're cheating."
So he was all, "What the hell I ain't cheating."
"You bastard I bet your son's gonna be a cheater too. "
"OH! SO NOW YOU GONNA KILL MY SON!"
"DUDE, I NEVER SAID THAT! NOW YOU JUST TRIPIN'!"
Soon after that he spread a rumor about me and my homeboys, Da Death Eaters, that we was gonna go kill that bitch ass son of his Harry Potter.
So let's get back to the present. I walk up and I rang doorbell I heard "Lilly take Harry upstairs, it's the damn Voldermort." Now I was pissed so I kicked down that motherfucker's door.
He was so frickin scared he had a heart attack so I went upstairs to go tell Lilly so she started screaming," Not Harry, Not Harry, Please not Harry!"
"What do you think I am an evil villain", I laughed, "stand aside I'm outta here". But that bitch was crazy! And kept on screaming, "Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead."
I don't know why but seeing Lilly like that made me laugh out loud. I mean it was funny! And when something's real funny my laugh gets a lil shrill… but in a manly way. She took it evilly… and screamed. And had a seizure which consequently made her fall out of the two story window. Some of the shattered glass fell and cut Harry's head into a weird sorta lightning bolt way I tried to heal him but he was playin with his late mom's wand and you'll never guess what that little bitch said "ga ga avada kadavra" and it killed me.
So now you see what really happened and that is why I try to kill that son of a bitch Harry potter every year. So you see there was no prophecy just some damn poker game. Oh god my life sucks.